Silky_Thighs
Experienced
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2005
- Posts
- 40
I'm a 24 year old woman who recently realised she was Bi (or at least I'm pretty sure I am, though I think I still prefer men). I used to be the lead singer for a local band, and went to a show of theirs to see their new set. There I saw the lead singer for the band that opened for them. She's maybe 19-20 I'd guess, and quite pretty, talented, and seems really nice offstage. I'm sure the guys really go for her. Well, their band's great, so I go to their shows once in a while, and we've had a few forgetable (from her view-point) chats. At first I didn't feel anything, besides the desire to maybe have a new friend. But after watching her perform a few times, I got it bad. There's something so sensual, passionate and sexual that she emmanates when she's really into singing. I've seen plenty of people perform, it's not a groupie thing, it's like I pick up on that passion in her and recognise it in myself at a deep level, and now I find her so attractive because of it.
I've tried sussing out some info on her, but I still don't know her orientation or if she's dating anyone. I want to ask her out, but don't know if I should, or how I should do it. I've not really had much experience with other girls, nor in asking out people in general. I find being the agressor makes me feel unfeminine, and I have a terror that she'll perceive me as a desperate unattractive older butch, and will get creeped out especially if she's not bi or at least openminded. Now I know this is rediculous, I'm a little out of shape but certainly not unattractive or masculine looking. And if I don't ask, I'll never know. But I have so many worries!
First of all, what if she's seeing someone? Well, I guess she'll say no...or maybe their relationship is open enough for her to say yes. But if it were me, I'd want to get to know someone first before trying that out.
What if she doesn't swing that way? I suspect she may not, officially, but I felt such a strange sense of recognition. Could this be the bidar going Ping!? And I can't imagine anyone with that kind of full sexual energy not being pansexual. But again I only have myself to compare. And I encouragingly hear discussion of all straight women having a bi streak, but don't they have to be close to you or kinda drunk to express it? *half joking*
She sings in a band. It's not super popular but it's done the rounds, sure to have some fans. And she's awfully pretty. So I'm thinking she's used to attention and in a pretty inaccessable league, and I'm bound to have some competition. Though admittedly most likely of the male variety. This doesn't help my self-confidence at all.
I have never been able to date anyone without being friends first. It seems so bizarre to me to do this, I have no idea how to approach it! Also, I think I'd be more sucessful at becoming friends with her, for the reasons described above. But I wouldn't have enough contact with her to really motivate her following up on offers of friendship (I don't even think this could come about in a natural way, I would basically have to be like, so you should call me sometime, I need more friends! akwardness because I don't know her and would have maybe a minute to talk to her or something - probably seeming a little odd shall we say), so it doesn't stand a great chance either. The advantage to this approach would be theoretically I could get to know her better and see if I actually get along with her first, plus she might be more receptive to me putting the lesbo moves on her. And lord knows I could use some female friends, sexual thoughts aside, all my friends in the city seem to be guys at the moment and it would be so nice to have another girl to discuss strategy for feminist world takeover, or how to get that smokey-eyed look. Still, I do think I really like her in that special kind of way but if I ask her out it basically blows any chance for friendship. So is friendship or hot action with the stranger worth more to me? What do you think I should do?
And I really DO like their band. I would like to be able to see them again without mortification. Which is what I potentially will face if my romantic advances are rejected. I'm bound, given being in the scene, to meet her again at any rate.
I should make it clear that I'm not really looking for something that's just sexual, despite my casual wording. I think I would need for there to be an emotional connection to go ahead.
Now I hope the following doesn't invite angry attacks. An added complication: I'm in a comitted, long-term relationship with a fella, which has been monogomous up to now. Because I only realised I was Bi well into it, and yet still want to explore that facet of myself, and because it kind of turns him on (actually it was initially all his idea), he's totally cool with me pursuing stuff with other girls, and I also have asked for his advice/blessing with this endeavour in particular. I don't know how to smoothly convey this information to my potential. I'm thinking maybe, on the wild chance she says yes to a date, to let her know the situation then, as she gets to know me. Is that ethical? Because I don't know how to bring it up when I first ask her, or if I need to right then.
There's a show I'm going to this Sat. She'll be there, playing. Any advice about what to do will be to me much like Evian to a traveller in the Gobi. Please, I need a drink!
I've tried sussing out some info on her, but I still don't know her orientation or if she's dating anyone. I want to ask her out, but don't know if I should, or how I should do it. I've not really had much experience with other girls, nor in asking out people in general. I find being the agressor makes me feel unfeminine, and I have a terror that she'll perceive me as a desperate unattractive older butch, and will get creeped out especially if she's not bi or at least openminded. Now I know this is rediculous, I'm a little out of shape but certainly not unattractive or masculine looking. And if I don't ask, I'll never know. But I have so many worries!
First of all, what if she's seeing someone? Well, I guess she'll say no...or maybe their relationship is open enough for her to say yes. But if it were me, I'd want to get to know someone first before trying that out.
What if she doesn't swing that way? I suspect she may not, officially, but I felt such a strange sense of recognition. Could this be the bidar going Ping!? And I can't imagine anyone with that kind of full sexual energy not being pansexual. But again I only have myself to compare. And I encouragingly hear discussion of all straight women having a bi streak, but don't they have to be close to you or kinda drunk to express it? *half joking*
She sings in a band. It's not super popular but it's done the rounds, sure to have some fans. And she's awfully pretty. So I'm thinking she's used to attention and in a pretty inaccessable league, and I'm bound to have some competition. Though admittedly most likely of the male variety. This doesn't help my self-confidence at all.
I have never been able to date anyone without being friends first. It seems so bizarre to me to do this, I have no idea how to approach it! Also, I think I'd be more sucessful at becoming friends with her, for the reasons described above. But I wouldn't have enough contact with her to really motivate her following up on offers of friendship (I don't even think this could come about in a natural way, I would basically have to be like, so you should call me sometime, I need more friends! akwardness because I don't know her and would have maybe a minute to talk to her or something - probably seeming a little odd shall we say), so it doesn't stand a great chance either. The advantage to this approach would be theoretically I could get to know her better and see if I actually get along with her first, plus she might be more receptive to me putting the lesbo moves on her. And lord knows I could use some female friends, sexual thoughts aside, all my friends in the city seem to be guys at the moment and it would be so nice to have another girl to discuss strategy for feminist world takeover, or how to get that smokey-eyed look. Still, I do think I really like her in that special kind of way but if I ask her out it basically blows any chance for friendship. So is friendship or hot action with the stranger worth more to me? What do you think I should do?
And I really DO like their band. I would like to be able to see them again without mortification. Which is what I potentially will face if my romantic advances are rejected. I'm bound, given being in the scene, to meet her again at any rate.
I should make it clear that I'm not really looking for something that's just sexual, despite my casual wording. I think I would need for there to be an emotional connection to go ahead.
Now I hope the following doesn't invite angry attacks. An added complication: I'm in a comitted, long-term relationship with a fella, which has been monogomous up to now. Because I only realised I was Bi well into it, and yet still want to explore that facet of myself, and because it kind of turns him on (actually it was initially all his idea), he's totally cool with me pursuing stuff with other girls, and I also have asked for his advice/blessing with this endeavour in particular. I don't know how to smoothly convey this information to my potential. I'm thinking maybe, on the wild chance she says yes to a date, to let her know the situation then, as she gets to know me. Is that ethical? Because I don't know how to bring it up when I first ask her, or if I need to right then.
There's a show I'm going to this Sat. She'll be there, playing. Any advice about what to do will be to me much like Evian to a traveller in the Gobi. Please, I need a drink!
)then there's a very good chance the answer will be "why not?" I mean, why not? 
