short (hopefully) humorous tale for your enjoyment and comments

[smoochypig]

Hi all,

New to the forums and my first posting here. I thought I'd start with something very short and obviously intended as humor. Do read, hopefully enjoy and feel free to make comment as you please.

Regards
SP.

--



"Alright, come on! Bring it on honey"
"Be right there love! Be right there!"
"You can do it sweetie"
"Coming! coming!"
"Come on already hon, I'm waiting for you! I've got these two nubs just waiting for you to tease them"
"Ooohhhohhh!"
"Yeah my gorgeous hunk, waiting for you. Yeh. Waiting ..Come on now! "
"I'm coming sweetie, fast as I can honey!"
"Ahhh at last! There's my big boy, now you bring that slick body of yours right next to mine. I want to feel your breath on me. Ooooh that's good sweetie. Ooh you've given me goosebumps!"
"Oh honey, just seeing you there all naked like that, all your delicious curves. Makes me crazy for you."
"Just for you honey!"
"How the light shines off your body - you look like an angel"
"Awww honey, you're so sweet! You're look mighty fine too - good enough to eat too! Mmmm. Let me get a nibble on you"
"Mmmmm oh yes, I can't stop shaking I'm so nervous -- Ooh do that some more ! Ahhh.. Yes that oh goodness. Oh! What ... Oh that's nice!"
"Do you like that? Yeah? Want some more? yeah? no?... oh.. what you do? MMMMM Sooo... delicious"
"Oh let me touch you sweet honey, I just have to feel your body next to mine. It's so slender - I want to touch you all over your body. Kiss every part of it and taste you !"
"Mmmh... Sounds lovely honey... Mmm. Careful now I'm only a small little thing - let yourself glide over me, don't you use no rough hands on me you hear! "
"Sure thing sweet"
"Oh my honey, just to feel you next to me makes my head giddy with excitement. Can there be anything finer than to be wrapped around you?"
"I sure hope not honey, now you just gonna sit there or you gonna treat me right?"
"Yeah? You want me to treat you right?"
"Yeah! Today!"
"And how is that ?"
"You know, touch me, kiss me. excite me, do that thing you do!"
"What this!?"
"OH baby - you got it! Oh yeah, wriggle like that some more "
"You like that do you?"
"Oh sweetie, see my nubs standing up in the air- there's a clue"
"Mmmmffle mfffle"
"Oh yeah baby, yeah, you suck those nubs good"
"Mmmffle"
"Mmm.. Oh sweetie, you having fun? How about I give you a little rub down here huh?"
"Mmmfflle.. OOOOOHhh... Yeah hon, Oh yeah.. Mmmffll"
"Oh yeah, I can tell you like that, making you nice and stiff - just how I crave you"
"Honey, I love you"
"Yeah of course you do, I love you too honey, and I LOOOVE this. Oh you make me so wet"
"Mmm, oh my! You are so wet too! Let me taste that wetness - I want to breathe in your scent and lick your juices from your body"
"Oh my god, you have such a delightful little mouth, Lick me good honey, lap up my juices and kiss me. I want to share them with you"
"Mmmmwah! do you like that honey? Do you like your own juices? "
"Oh yes, honey"
"Do you want some more?"
"Yes honey, more please hon!"
"How about some spice, huh? Huh? "
"Oh yeah, is this right honey, will this make those juices come alive?"
"Mmm you got it lover, you just keep on rubbing that like that and.. "
"Yes?"
"... And..."
" ... Come on baby.. And?"
"Hang on honey, nearly ... "
"Oh yeh"
"Yeh honey, look at me! Yeah look at me. Look at the big boy now oh Yeah.."
"... Anything honey?"
"Oh definitely, yeah.. bit more"
"Oh, today honey?"
"Yeah, don't rush me honey, lets make it last forever"
"Err, sure honey, we will... anything yet ?"
"Oh almost"
"OOh... is that..."
"YessS!!!!!"

"OH MY GOD!"
"You like that honey. ?"
"You came on my face honey! I ..."
"YES .. UUUHHh.."
"AHGHHH... HONEY... YOU'RE SALTY!!! AHGHGHGHG"


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And that's why snails and slugs don't write much erotic fiction!

 

[BlackShanglan]

*laugh*

Oh, sweet. You know, there is not enough erotic humor in this world. God knows that I am grimly serious about my own little rags of verbiage.

I loved the "play for voices" feel of it that let me get interested in the reactions of the characters without the author having to dodge tricky issues of who looks like what. It's a good way to pique interest while keeping this short, fun, and lively.

yeah look at me - look at the big boy now oh Yeah.."

For some reason this line struck me as hysterical Even more so now that I imagine the speaker

Well done -

Shanglan

 

[GingerV]

Gonna be giggling all the way to work, now.

In the interests of honest feedback: even knowing I was reading a joke, I was still a little put off by the "here again gone again" capitalization. But if you can make me laugh, I can forgive much greater sins .

G

 

[smoochypig]

Oops. Very good point on the capitalization.

Thanks for the comments; I'm glad to have induced a chuckle or two

 

[BlackShanglan]

Well, they are only snails, after all ... I'm just amazed that they can spell and post It's hard enough with hooves -

Shanglan

 

[GingerV]

Hon, if I can spell and post....I expect snails to manage it!

G (who had a very public dyslexic moment at work the other day, and is feeling pretty hard on herself.....don't mind her)

 

[GratefulFred]

Keep it coming...

Loved your story and I'm a big fan of screenplay dialogue.

You should know that here are very few erotic humor writers out here compared to other genres and that when one shows up I beg them to stick around. I too write alot of spontaneous dialogue of the same vien but have kept out much of my work due to the 750 word minimum.

Take a peak at my "Unwashed Shorts" Collection
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=156407

If you do have a number of shorter pieces more dialogue driven then maybe you'd like to try a similar strategy to mine of grouping them together based on a certain theme. Of course if your typical pieces exceed the 750 word minimum you're fine.

If you do submit them and you do incorporate slang, make a note of it during submittal.

I look foward to all your witty pieces.

GFred

 

[smoochypig]

Hey GratefulFred;

Thanks for the kind words and advice. Right now, that's about the only piece I've even sat down to write but I have this hunch I may be adding more as time goes by

I'll be glad to take a look at your shorts too, so to speak

Regards
SP

 

[smoochypig]

GratefulFred,

Just wanted to let you know I just read a whole number of your short stories. Thanks for a great laugh. For some reason the "one night stand" really made me laugh. It took me a couple of re-reads to even twig the ending which I think made it all the funnier! I like your sense of humor - pretty close to my own.

I'll never use a q-tip the same way again.

Regards
SP

 

[GratefulFred]

Thanks...

Hey smoochypig,

We got to lighten up some of these BDSM/incest people giving them a reason to laugh once in a while.

Keep on writing. I do have a bunch more tales that hopefully can inspire you to write more. Check me out.