Shit Bird Writing.

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Bad writing is epidemic.


A California team has discovered the region of the brain that controls how anxious we are - and found it wasn't where they had thought.

The above is awful:

Try this:

A California team discovered the region of the brain responsible for anxiety, but not where they expected to find it.

Better:

A California team discovered the brain area responsible for anxiety control.

And:

California scientists found where brains control anxiety.

Or

The lateral septum controls anxiety.

No more passive bullshit, no more irrelevant blabber. Its about as good a thesis sentence as you want.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES.

BAD.
Mr. Christie’s office responded late in the day with a statement that backed away somewhat from the governor’s previous assertions that he had not known about the closings in September, which appeared to have been carried out as political reliation against the Democratic mayor of Fort Lee, until they were reported in the news media. Instead, it focused on what the letter did not suggest — that Mr. Christie knew of the closings before they occurred.

BETTER

Governor Christie's office softened the governor's denial he knew of the Fort Lee lane closings ahead of time.