She played the tuba in the marching band

In my April Fools entry It Ain't No Joke is the passage:
Little sister Heidi was a high school senior, doing just fine with... the school band, and sweaty soccer jocks. Clarinet practice gave her excellent breath and tongue control, much appreciated by the healthy, horny futbolistas she fellated with relentless energy.
Tuba players? All blow, no suck. You want a gal who can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch? Don't look in the band's brass section. They can yell pretty loud during satisfying orgasms, sure. But tubas and other brasses possess a "slobber valve" for a reason. Cf drooling fools.
 
I wouldn't mind being blown by a tuba player. But then, at this point in my life I wouldn't mind being blown by a toothless monkey with Crohn's disease.


Ben
 
I wouldn't mind being blown by a tuba player. But then, at this point in my life I wouldn't mind being blown by a toothless monkey with Crohn's disease.
That's like the guy telling another fella to grow a beard and have all his teeth pulled out, then he'll date him. I'm sure volunteers could be found on CraigsList. But that monkey would be a shitty proposition. And toothless tuba players might lack the embouchure needed. Hire a blues harmonica player -- they blow and suck, no problem, and with tongue work, too.

Back to topic. If lung power is required, try an opera singer: "...a large Wagnerian... with a voice that shatters glass" will suffice. Given the current concert-hall lockdown, candidates may also be found on CraigsList.
 
I remember once participating in an underwater pussy eating contest. The goal was how long you could stay under and keep licking. Naturally the winner was the seasoned SCUBA diver. Not that he had his gear with him, but he had the best breath control.

Of course there were no losers.....
 
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