I am looking for for comments on the story and how to improve my skills as a writer. If you have an idea of what you like to see written, please tell me. If it sounds good I hope you will let me run with it.
Thank you
teezer
How to make this story stand out from the countless others about a slut wife seducing another man while husband watches?
The cliches you used:
-Using a porno video to heat up the participants.
-Husband peeking in the window.
Non-cliche:
-the young man doesn't fuck her.
Critiques are hard to take, but you asked and I hope you take them in the spirit of making erotica excellent.
You spent too much time on the set up, IMHO.
That is, I as reader want to get to the sex and find the paragraphs leading up to it largely distracting.
Condense the setup details to a minimum.
Really spend a lot of time and effort describing the sex. That is, give me details about your wife here. Telling me her measurements does nothing for me. Telling me her breasts have swollen to twice their normal size in her excitement does. Fondle her body with your words. Make me want to be there.
Again, hope you're really open to criticism.
The story is OK, not great, but that's because the plot's a bit overdone.
