Sharing My Man - To Swing or Not To Swing

[Gin West]

Just discovered this wonderful site a week ago and already know I'll be a fan forever!

Because the people who post to this bb seem so be so openminded and also possibly more experienced than me in a lot of areas, I thought I'd ask you for advice.

I am married (last August) to a 31 yo man. I am 36. Our relationship is healthy and fulfilling in all respects but one. I am interested in swinging. Not as a permanent lifestyle, just as an experiment/for kicks.

Have any of you done this? Once or on an on-going basis? Anyone's feelings get hurt? Pros? Cons? Is it true that only ugly people swing? This last bit is said with some humor and some seriousness - all sites/pix I've checked out on the web seem to feature mostly unattractive people! Is that because beautiful people can get laid without posting pix to the web?!?

Be blunt. I want some honest advice.

Thanks!

 

[Magic Merlin]

You did not mention your husband's views on swinging. I think more than anything that is the most important thing to know. Some people have no interest in swinging and pushing them into it when they have no interest or are unsure can have disastrous consequences to the relationship. Jealousy, feelings get hurt, feelings of inadequacy, all of these plus more! Plus, how stable is your relationship really? These are just things to think about.

On the other hand, there can be an excitement added to the relationship as some people just do not seem to be monogamous. If you and your husband fall into the latter group, then swinging may be exciting and very fulfilling. And it may be a lifestyle you find you guys enjoy very much.

Or you may try it a few times, found it fun, but decide it is just not for you. I found that I did not like the lack of intimacy you find with one person, but that is just me.

For me the experience was interesting and definately fun,and I am glad I tried it, but one time was enough and I made the decision not to go that route again. I would just offer that you know the depth of your relationship with your husband and discuss it in detail.

Thats my two cents worth!!!

 

[Thumper]

Ahhh swinging! Not just for the playground set anymore. I too am interested in swinging....while my wife and I have never availed ourselves of this forbidden fruit we have nevertheless had quite an unconventional marriage. Mostly due to my incorrigible woman chasing. I have observed her having sex with my former best friend(former because of his rampant alcoholism, not the tryst with my wife) as she thought I was asleep. When she came up stairs I surprised her by having sex with her also. I couldn't help it, it turned me on. I am definitely not the jealous type..I don't know if she would be willing to try it...she is not comfortable with her self image. Guess it all boils down to what merlin said...how does the hubby feel about it?
I don't think it is just ugly people swinging...maybe it is just that those who feel less attractive have to try harder to find willing participants.
And that is my two cents worth....It seems that between merlin and I our advice isn't worth a nickel!

 

[Eyesdowncast]

My husband also shows an interest in swinging. Our relationship is solid and fulfilling in every way. I guess it's my personality, my gotta-break-the-rules attitude, that makes me want to push every limit, toy with every taboo. My husband seems to like this aspect of my personality. So, I think our relationship is strong enough to support experimenting, I too am interested in knowing if there are hidden aspects I should be aware of. I HATE the idea of him with another woman, and I WANT to see him with one. Twisted little sister, aren't I?

[This message has been edited by eyesdowncast (edited 05-09-2000).]

[This message has been edited by eyesdowncast (edited 05-09-2000).]

 

[Greg Lee Hunt]

It depends on the kind of swinging you mean. Is it 'party sex' that you're interested in? That's where you arrive at a party house where as few as three or as many as (well I've seen forty couples -- not a good number) .. couples are present with your partner not knowing exactly who will be there, then pair off with some one or participate in some kind of group sex and then leave at the end of the evening with your partner. Or are you talking about 'couple to couple' (or couple to single) swinging? This is where you've made arrangements in advance to meet the other individual or couple, then pair off or do group sex and then leave. There are risks in both. I speak from experience though its been more than fifteen years since I've participated in any kind of swinging myself.

It's been my experience that usually one member of the couple enjoys the situation more than the other. This can obviously lead to resentment, arguments or whatever. There is also a risk (albeit a small one) of one of the pair becoming emotionally attached to one member of the other couple either heterosexually or bisexually -- especially in couple to couple swinging. I've seen that happen with swinging friends on a couple of occasions, with disasterous consequences. And, there are occasionally 'bad scenes' where for whatever reason the person that you're pairing off with wants to take the sex beyond your own limitations.

For what its worth, my advice would be that before you leap first get a clear understanding of what each of you is looking for from swinging; second, have an exit strategy (for safety or whatever reason) -- a way to leave that you both agree upon in advance and that you both implement, no matter what; third, make certain that you are totally open with each other afterward about your own experience.

[This message has been edited by Greg Lee Hunt (edited 05-09-2000).]

 

[Tawny T]

Some good advise above. Make sure your husband wants the same thing you do in this type of adventure.

I have a good friend who's into the swinging scene and they both seem to really enjoy it. She just had her first real sexual encounter with another women during swinging, and found it exceptinally hot, as did the men and the other woman.

He doesn't want her to have contact with other women unless he is present, but she did have one before the one above, with a lady she met in the mall. Is he cheating on her?? Who knows?

One of the drawbacks I must point out as a Nurse is the AIDS danger. VD can be mostly contained with antibiotics these days, but AIDS is a killer.

My friends swinging group uses condoms on the men when having regular of anal intercourse. BUT after that, they will give the man a BJ, I would imagine without washing the penis! The men go down on the women, and women with women. The sectetions from a woman's vaginal track can carry the virus. Personally it scares the hell out of me!

I have a threesome with my husband and my best friend, a widow my own age. I know her sexual history - one pardner, who had only her before. No promiscuity. It only takes one to break the safe chain.

If it's your piece of cake - go for it - but be aware of the inherent dangers. Sounds wonderful, but I'll pass!

 

[Guest]

Back when I used to have sex (earlier on in my marriage, and when I was single), I got involved in the swinging life-style. I had actually been with more couples back when I was single and introduced my husband to it back when we were dating. I told him it was no big deal if he didn't want to get involved in it. All of my past relationships (even the high school dating scene) had been monogamous and I have never cheated on anyone. I told my husband I was willing to live a monogamous life with him... But, he seemed interested in it, so we tried it. The few couples we were with weren't into full swinging, so he still hasn't had the full experience. I think it's a lot of fun (and I think he did too).

Gin, you and your husband need to sit down and talk about all the pros and cons together about it first though. Are either of you two bi, or would it be straight couple swapping? In most swining couples the woman is bi and the man is not, and many of the couples aren't looking for two straight people to play with... Also, if you two get involved in 3somes, there could be the potential for jealousy. Many people say that would never happen to them, they wouldn't get jealous in a 3some...but once you're put in that position, you may feel differently. Just something to think about.

~Linds

 

[Guest]

Originally posted by Gin West:hi, my wife and I just had our first threesome. I have to say it was great. I was very anxious at first, but she has a way of relaxing me and the encounter was great. I would only reccommend it to people who have a really strong relationship, you can't feel a little anxious seeing your wife for the first time blowing some guy. I will do it again and my wife is already shopping lol


Just discovered this wonderful site a week ago and already know I'll be a fan forever!

Because the people who post to this bb seem so be so openminded and also possibly more experienced than me in a lot of areas, I thought I'd ask you for advice.

I am married (last August) to a 31 yo man. I am 36. Our relationship is healthy and fulfilling in all respects but one. I am interested in swinging. Not as a permanent lifestyle, just as an experiment/for kicks.

Have any of you done this? Once or on an on-going basis? Anyone's feelings get hurt? Pros? Cons? Is it true that only ugly people swing? This last bit is said with some humor and some seriousness - all sites/pix I've checked out on the web seem to feature mostly unattractive people! Is that because beautiful people can get laid without posting pix to the web?!?

Be blunt. I want some honest advice.

Thanks!