Shameless request for twisted minds

[Darkniciad]

I have a thread going for a new story idea, something that could be an ongoing project for any number of writers with somewhat twisted minds... provided enough people are willing to sacrifice old stories to the dark gods of satire.

If you feel like ripping apart ( or donating ) some really cheezy erotica, drop by and join in the fun. I'd really like to get a few of these out into humor/satire, and the more people working on each episode, the merrier!

I've got one donation, and I've went through and riffed it a bit, feel free to add to it!

LST3K, anyone?

 

[Selena_Kitt]

I have a thread going for a new story idea, something that could be an ongoing project for any number of writers with somewhat twisted minds... provided enough people are willing to sacrifice old stories to the dark gods of satire.

If you feel like ripping apart ( or donating ) some really cheezy erotica, drop by and join in the fun. I'd really like to get a few of these out into humor/satire, and the more people working on each episode, the merrier!

I've got one donation, and I've went through and riffed it a bit, feel free to add to it!

LST3K, anyone?

BUMP because this is TOTALLY fun... It was such a riot to read!!!

 

[Guest]

You guys can have at this one if you want it. It's the worst piece of drivel I've ever wrote which is saying a lot.

Feelin' Lucky

Rip with my blessings.

 

[Darkniciad]

I'll give it a shot if I can get a couple of people interested in giving me a hand shredding. You can only do so much by yourself. I've got a twisted streak, but for something like this to really work, you need at least two people ripping.

 

[AchtungNight]

Y'all can mess with my works if you want to (fanfic on fanfic, satire on satire!) but don't expect me to like it.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

ok there have to be more people around who watched MST, and can play, too!

 

[Darkniciad]

I figured I'd give this one more shot before I give up

I'm working on a couple of new stories, but they just aren't flowing as fast and furious as the first one. Really could use someone to throw in those extra sparks of ideas that can start a firestorm of comedy gold.

One of the two stories is Danielle's mentioned in this thread, and I'm almost positive that there's no way I can tear into it full force without some help. I love Danielle's work too much, and that's making me hesitant. Need somebody to push me past those barriers with a few witty comments to spark me.

The other one is anonymous, by request of the author *laugh*, never before published.

Surely there's somebody out there with a twisted sense of humor, and far too many silly ideas floating around in their head, who can give me a hand spoofing

A lil' bit o' the anonymous one.

I was lying around in bed one day (I work nights) on my day off.

Oh, lord, first person. I know what's coming, Dear Penthouse Letters...

I had just barely begun to regain consciousness and was annoyed because there were at least five other people in the front room with my roommates making a bloody godawful racket.

Please donate to the Comma Conservatory Foundation, they're obviously an endangered species.

I was about half pissed off, but decided to say to hell with it because I really needed to be getting up anyway. I decided to lay there for a while and get completely awake before I got up and started into what I had to do that evening.

Well, at least he's decisive. He's deciding things every three seconds here.

I lit up a cigarrette and listened to the bullshit in the front room.

Geesh, does he kiss his mother with that mouth. Wait, I won't go there, don't want to give him any ideas for a sequel.

It had quieted down a bit, and I was dismissing my plan to go stomping to the bathroom in a few minutes in a silent protest to the noise. Just as I was putting out my smoke, I heard my roommate Dave say something along the order of "let's go!".

The capslock key doesn't seem to work, but those punctuation marks are jumping right out there!

Then the door opened and I heard a car start. I peeked around the edge of the blanket hanging over the window and watched Dave's car pulling off. There were at least 2-3 other people in the car, but I didn't see his old lady Jenny in the car.

I listened for a minute or three and could hear at least 3 female voices, one of whom was Jenny, talking in the front room. They were talking real quiet and occasionally giggling or laughing.

They was talkin' real quiet-like, like they was huntin' wabbits, Ahuhuhuhu!

I just ignored them and decided I really didn't feel like getting up yet anyway.

See, I told you he was decisive!

I set my alarm, which was about to go off, for an hour later. Then I flipped on the fan and lay back down.

My underwear chose to start riding up almost as soon as I lay down.

Geesh, even his Fruit-o-the-looms are decisive...

I had always slept nude before, but the new roomies had this annoying habit of walking in with little more than a quick rap and I had started wearing them to bed. I was not in the mood to deal with it, so I pulled them off.

Here it comes, cue 70's porn music! Bop chikka bow, chikka bow bow!

Not long after that, as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard Jenny talking.

"Oh, come on Lori! We're just going to ride around for a while! The guys are all out screwing around, so we can have a girls night out. They said they'd be gone till midnight, so we can stay out for a couple of hours and they'll never know we were gone! Besides, you need to find yourself a new stud since that jerk off was fucking around on you. How long has it been... 3 weeks? Your vibrator must be getting overworked."

Cue rebounding hottie who hasn't been shagged in a few weeks.

That was news to me. Lori was a very attractive blonde friend of Jenny's. So far as I had known, she and her boyfriend were still together. That's what comes of working nights. The world passes you by. I hadn't been out with a girl in months myself, and it had been longer since I'd had sex. Small towns and night shift do not contribute to one's social life.

What a surprise that he isn't getting any. With such a sunny disposition, you'd think the girls would be crawling all over him.

"Forget it. I'm tired and I just got back from mom's. I was in the car for thirteen hours yesterday and all I want to do is sit here on the couch and relax. Go ahead, I'll cover for you if the guys come home early or something.", I heard Lori say.

"Sure?", Jenny asked.

"Yeah, I'll just watch some t.v. or something. I really don't feel like riding around tonight."

"Okay. We'll be back at... what time is it now... 8:30... We'll be back at about 11:30.

Any more dots in that sentance, and it would have been in Morse Code. Speaking of which, ...---...

That will give us some time and should get us home before the guys get back. If they come home early, tell them we had to run to Amy's house for something if it's still too early, or tell them we went for some cokes if it's close to 11:30.", Jenny said.

"Right. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.", Lori said.

"What exactly is that?", Amy asked with a laugh.

"Don't turn the stereo up to loud. Jason is in the back asleep.", Jenny said as I heard the door open.

"He's home?", Lori asked.

"Yeah, been home all day.", Jenny replied.

Hey, what's with all this asked and replied stuff! Why break up a perfectly monotonous barrage of saids like that, I was so enjoying it!

"Fuck, I'm suprised he hasn't been out her bitching. All that noise earlier should have woke him up.", Lori said.

Yow! Two words, spell check buddy!

Or maybe this story is putting him to sleep, I know it's having that effect on me.

"Usually, he sleeps like the dead. Odds are you could have the t.v. all the way up and he'd sleep through it.", Jenny said.

"I'll keep it down. Have fun.", Lori said.

"Bye Bye!", Amy said as I heard the door shut.

I pulled a pillow up onto my forhead and kicked the sheet off my legs. It was hot as hell and light was shining in my eyes through a crack I hadn't yet found a way to seal off in the window. Then I tried to relax and fall back to sleep.

I heard the t.v. kick on. I was drifting off and heard the channells flipping. Then apparantly she hit the VCR. Dave had apparantly had a porno in the VCR, because I heard moaning coming from the speakers for the few seconds the tape was on.

Apparantly, he's never heard of a thesaurus either.

Then it and the t.v. shut off.

"Just what I wanted to see...", I barely heard Lori say.

A few seconds later I heard her again, "Shit, they took all the damn cigarrettes!"

Surgeon General's Warning: Smoking causes you to be incapable of spelling the word cigarette.

After a few seconds of rummaging around in the front room, I heard footsteps coming down the hall. A quick stop and the bathroom light flipped on. A few seconds later the computer room light flipped on. It was right next to my room at the end of the hall. She looked around for a bit then said, "Shit.", again.

Is he having an out of body experience here? This guy should be in the CIA if his hearing is this good.

"Wonder if he's got any laying around where I can grab one without waking him up?", she said and walked back into the hall.

She's doing an awful lot of talking to herself here, Down Cybil!

I played possum and listened to her standing outside the door, obviously listening. Then the door handle rattled a bit.

I told you his hearing was good, he can hear her standing still!

The way the pillow was sitting on my forehead, I could see a limited frame of the room. Since my eyes were adjusted to the dark and her's weren't, my eyes were hidden and I watched her standing there for a moment.

She walked quietly into the room, I was able to see every move she was making. Her eyes must have gotten slightly adjusted, because she started to stare at something.

I had flipped the sheet off me a bit earlier, and all of one leg and my ass were out from under the covers. There was just the faintest hint of pubes revealed as well.

Huh Huh, He said pubes...

She was staring at this and the bulge nearby where my naked cock lay under the sheet.

She stood there staring for a minute, then whispered, "Shit, Jenny wasn't lying."

Does this girl ever think anything? It's no wonder she got dumped if she can't even shut up when she's alone.

She hesitated for a few minutes, then whispered my name a couple of times.

For a few minutes? That's a bit more than a hesitation, that's a catatonic state!

She got slightly louder each time she said it. On the third one, I got mischevious and rolled a little bit.

My seven inch cock dropped from it's hiding place beneath the sheets into full view.

There you go, ruining a perfectly good cliche! NINE inches! It should always be nine inches! Keep the utter unbelievability factor steady.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Anyone who wishes to can rip into one of the following stories of mine: Nicole's Needs, Quiet Desperation, and Paying The Piper. There is some quality to these stories, but I ruined that a bit with some unrealistic aspects that beg for satire.

 

[The_Darkness]

I've got a couple for tearing apart. Read through and find out what'd be fun...I'd recommend starting with A Family Affair....I wrote it fast and was not sober.

Have fun, kids....let me know what you do with it, if anything.

 

[deathlynx]

How can we possibly follow after this?

Does this girl ever think anything? It's no wonder she got dumped if she can't even shut up when she's alone.

On a more serious note feel free to pick at any of my stuff! It's funny and I'd concider it an honor...As so many artists have said about Weird Al "you know you've made it when. . ."

Though I'd reccomend a link in the "Notes" section to the original piece...

 

[FallingToFly]

Oh... oh my... *snickers* Know what? I'm going to have to help out a bit...

I was lying around in bed one day (I work nights) on my day off.

Oh, lord, first person. I know what's coming, Dear Penthouse Letters...

I had just barely begun to regain consciousness and was annoyed because there were at least five other people in the front room with my roommates making a bloody godawful racket.

Please donate to the Comma Conservatory Foundation, they're obviously an endangered species.

I was about half pissed off, but decided to say to hell with it because I really needed to be getting up anyway. I decided to lay there for a while and get completely awake before I got up and started into what I had to do that evening.

Well, at least he's decisive. He's deciding things every three seconds here. Decisively indecisive... only half pissed off? That's called ANNOYED... pissed is sort of like pregnant- you either are, you're in the process of getting there, or you AREN'T!

I lit up a cigarrette and listened to the bullshit in the front room.

Yeah, because it's perfectly feasible that the upcoming sexual escapade is going to be enjoyable for her with both morning breath and cigarette breath, right? Medic! We need a Tic-Tac, STAT!

Geesh, does he kiss his mother with that mouth. Wait, I won't go there, don't want to give him any ideas for a sequel.

It had quieted down a bit, and I was dismissing my plan to go stomping to the bathroom in a few minutes in a silent protest to the noise. Just as I was putting out my smoke, I heard my roommate Dave say something along the order of "let's go!".

The capslock key doesn't seem to work, but those punctuation marks are jumping right out there!

Then the door opened and I heard a car start. I peeked around the edge of the blanket hanging over the window and watched Dave's car pulling off. There were at least 2-3 other people in the car, but I didn't see his old lady Jenny in the car.

I listened for a minute or three and could hear at least 3 female voices, one of whom was Jenny, talking in the front room. They were talking real quiet and occasionally giggling or laughing.

They was talkin' real quiet-like, like they was huntin' wabbits, Ahuhuhuhu!

I just ignored them and decided I really didn't feel like getting up yet anyway.

See, I told you he was decisive!

I set my alarm, which was about to go off, for an hour later. Then I flipped on the fan and lay back down.

My underwear chose to start riding up almost as soon as I lay down.

Geesh, even his Fruit-o-the-looms are decisive...

I had always slept nude before, but the new roomies had this annoying habit of walking in with little more than a quick rap and I had started wearing them to bed. I was not in the mood to deal with it, so I pulled them off.

Here it comes, cue 70's porn music! Bop chikka bow, chikka bow bow!

Not long after that, as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard Jenny talking.

"Oh, come on Lori! We're just going to ride around for a while! The guys are all out screwing around, so we can have a girls night out. They said they'd be gone till midnight, so we can stay out for a couple of hours and they'll never know we were gone! Besides, you need to find yourself a new stud since that jerk off was fucking around on you. How long has it been... 3 weeks? Your vibrator must be getting overworked."

Cue rebounding hottie who hasn't been shagged in a few weeks.

That was news to me. Lori was a very attractive blonde friend of Jenny's.

With D cup jugs and an ass like a bubble, an 18-inch waist, and she weighs about 105. We KNOW... could you be anymore obvious? Let me guess- she loves family gangbangs, double penetration, Elvis, and 18" black cock as well?

So far as I had known, she and her boyfriend were still together. That's what comes of working nights. The world passes you by. I hadn't been out with a girl in months myself, and it had been longer since I'd had sex. Small towns and night shift do not contribute to one's social life.

What a surprise that he isn't getting any. With such a sunny disposition, you'd think the girls would be crawling all over him.

"Forget it. I'm tired and I just got back from mom's. I was in the car for thirteen hours yesterday and all I want to do is sit here on the couch and relax. Go ahead, I'll cover for you if the guys come home early or something.", I heard Lori say.

"Sure?", Jenny asked.

"Yeah, I'll just watch some t.v. or something. I really don't feel like riding around tonight."

"Okay. We'll be back at... what time is it now... 8:30... We'll be back at about 11:30.

Any more dots in that sentance, and it would have been in Morse Code. Speaking of which, ...---...

That will give us some time and should get us home before the guys get back. If they come home early, tell them we had to run to Amy's house for something if it's still too early, or tell them we went for some cokes if it's close to 11:30.", Jenny said.

"Right. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.", Lori said.

"What exactly is that?", Amy asked with a laugh.

"Don't turn the stereo up to loud. Jason is in the back asleep.", Jenny said as I heard the door open.

"He's home?", Lori asked.

"Yeah, been home all day.", Jenny replied.

Hey, what's with all this asked and replied stuff! Why break up a perfectly monotonous barrage of saids like that, I was so enjoying it!

"Fuck, I'm suprised he hasn't been out her bitching. All that noise earlier should have woke him up.", Lori said.

Yow! Two words, spell check buddy!

Or maybe this story is putting him to sleep, I know it's having that effect on me.

"Usually, he sleeps like the dead. Odds are you could have the t.v. all the way up and he'd sleep through it.", Jenny said.

"I'll keep it down. Have fun.", Lori said.

"Bye Bye!", Amy said as I heard the door shut.

What are these girls, fifteen year old cheerleaders? Not even my three year old chirps out "Bye-Bye" anymore! And come on, riding around? I did that is high school- I grew out of it by the time I could get into clubs.

I pulled a pillow up onto my forhead and kicked the sheet off my legs. It was hot as hell and light was shining in my eyes through a crack I hadn't yet found a way to seal off in the window. Then I tried to relax and fall back to sleep.

I heard the t.v. kick on. I was drifting off and heard the channells flipping. Then apparantly she hit the VCR. Dave had apparantly had a porno in the VCR, because I heard moaning coming from the speakers for the few seconds the tape was on.

Apparantly, he's never heard of a thesaurus either. Oh no... it's... uit's.. SPREADING! Now Darkniciad is mispelling simple words as well!

Then it and the t.v. shut off.

"Just what I wanted to see...", I barely heard Lori say.

For the love of God... go back to seventh grade and learn proper punctuation!

A few seconds later I heard her again, "Shit, they took all the damn cigarrettes!"

Surgeon General's Warning: Smoking causes you to be incapable of spelling the word cigarette.

After a few seconds of rummaging around in the front room, I heard footsteps coming down the hall. A quick stop and the bathroom light flipped on. A few seconds later the computer room light flipped on. It was right next to my room at the end of the hall. She looked around for a bit then said, "Shit.", again.

Is he having an out of body experience here? This guy should be in the CIA if his hearing is this good.

"Wonder if he's got any laying around where I can grab one without waking him up?", she said and walked back into the hall.

Hens do the laying... LYING is the word you were looking for, sweetness.
She's doing an awful lot of talking to herself here, Down Cybil!

I played possum and listened to her standing outside the door, obviously listening. Then the door handle rattled a bit.

I told you his hearing was good, he can hear her standing still!

The way the pillow was sitting on my forehead, I could see a limited frame of the room. Since my eyes were adjusted to the dark and her's weren't, my eyes were hidden and I watched her standing there for a moment.

She walked quietly into the room, I was able to see every move she was making. Her eyes must have gotten slightly adjusted, because she started to stare at something.

I had flipped the sheet off me a bit earlier, and all of one leg and my ass were out from under the covers. There was just the faintest hint of pubes revealed as well.

Huh Huh, He said pubes... Oh yeah, now we really know it's going to be hot sex... the pubes have been revealed! Haven't you ever heard of less being more? Trim, for the love of cheesy porn!

She was staring at this and the bulge nearby where my naked cock lay under the sheet.

She stood there staring for a minute, then whispered, "Shit, Jenny wasn't lying."

Does this girl ever think anything? It's no wonder she got dumped if she can't even shut up when she's alone.

She hesitated for a few minutes, then whispered my name a couple of times.

For a few minutes? That's a bit more than a hesitation, that's a catatonic state!

She got slightly louder each time she said it. On the third one, I got mischevious and rolled a little bit.

My seven inch cock dropped from it's hiding place beneath the sheets into full view.

There you go, ruining a perfectly good cliche! NINE inches! It should always be nine inches! Keep the utter unbelievability factor steady

.

 

[Darkniciad]

Oh... oh my... *snickers* Know what? I'm going to have to help out a bit...

.

Ohmilord, PERFECT! Exactly what I'm lookin' for!

( Gimme a break on my own misspellin's I didn't run any of that through a spell-checker )
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i296/Darkniciad/lmao.gif

Want me to email you the rest of this cheeze ball storry Falling? Love to see what you do with the rest of it I could send you what I've done with Danielle's as well, see what you can pull out of that one. You're hitting an absolutely perfect angle to work with my own stuff here.

Love it, love it, Love it!

================

How can we possibly follow after this?


On a more serious note feel free to pick at any of my stuff! It's funny and I'd concider it an honor...As so many artists have said about Weird Al "you know you've made it when. . ."

Though I'd reccomend a link in the "Notes" section to the original piece...

I'll look through your stories too and see if I find any fine fodder. I want to link to the original story in the notes, but you can't do that can you? Once there are a couple out, I'm going to put up a website just for my LST3Ks, and the original authors/stories will certainly be linked from there, if it is up on Lit. Anyone who is a good enough sport to let me rip a tale and get a kick out of it deserves a link back so that people can find their newer work ( much improved, we can hope )

Should I make a request of Laurel to allow a link back to the original story in the Intro to the story? I guess it couldn't hurt to try.

Incidently, I have a goofy sex stories kicking around, in very primordial stages, inspired by Weird Al's Albuquerque ( I love that song to death! ) There are a couple of other Al-based ideas as well. I have too many things floating around in my head.

 

[oggbashan]

You could try using these two of mine:

A low rated stinker - Trapped

The deliberately bad - A Worst Chain Story Ever Chap 01

Enjoy yourselves.

Og

 

[Darkniciad]

You could try using these two of mine:

A low rated stinker - Trapped

The deliberately bad - A Worst Chain Story Ever Chap 01

Enjoy yourselves.

Og

Oh lordie Og, I've read a little of that Worst Chain Story Ever, and it certainly does have potential. The run-ons are hillarious!

We will now pause for a moment so that I can finish that one and RVC it

 

[cloudy]

I want to link to the original story in the notes, but you can't do that can you?

Indeed, you can.

If you'll check out my story "The Fury," you'll see that in the author's notes at the beginning, there's a link to the thread that started the Rainy Day Challenge. The rule about links is that it can't be a link to a page outside of Lit.

 

[Darkniciad]

Indeed, you can.

If you'll check out my story "The Fury," you'll see that in the author's notes at the beginning, there's a link to the thread that started the Rainy Day Challenge. The rule about links is that it can't be a link to a page outside of Lit.

Ah, thank you! I'll go back and edit the intro to the first one posted, linking it back to Sean's submission list.

 

[oggbashan]

Oh lordie Og, I've read a little of that Worst Chain Story Ever, and it certainly does have potential. The run-ons are hillarious!

We will now pause for a moment so that I can finish that one and RVC it

Thank you for your PC on The Worst Chain Story Ever Ch.01.

I think that one demonstrated my twisted mind quite effectively. If not? Try some of my others... The Giant Squid perhaps.

Og

 

[deathlynx]

Indeed, you can.

I figured you could ever since Falling helped me by pointing out the method of italicising while cut and paste was simple HTML code...At the very least you could add the title and author to the main body and do it there...
(Incidentally the title and Author are part of the body of all of mine simply because I wrote them into the original file )

Oh, and FtF must hate my posting style, for all its punctuation issues

 

[FallingToFly]

I figured you could ever since Falling helped me by pointing out the method of italicising while cut and paste was simple HTML code...At the very least you could add the title and author to the main body and do it there...
(Incidentally the title and Author are part of the body of all of mine simply because I wrote them into the original file )

Oh, and FtF must hate my posting style, for all its punctuation issues

I turn a blind eye most of the time. You'd be surprised how often I bite my tongue... but in a story, there is no excuse. You should hear me rant over my own missed mistakes when a story goes up.

 

[Darkniciad]

Rise from your grave!

Pardon my necromancy, but figured I wouldn't start a new thread for this.

I have one of the most improbable "erotic" tales ever to (dis)grace Literotica approved for riffing, and this is an open call for anyone who wants to unleash their evil upon it.

Credited or uncredited. One line or dozens. Doesn't matter. Everything may not make it in, but everything will be considered.

I'm having to wear a crimson letter to get this one, so make it worth my while! *laugh* Tear this thing a new one!

My first quick draft of commentary added to this:

Wooden Dicks and Cardboard Characters

Feel free to ask for a copy in virtually any document format to edit at leisure. Copy/paste from the web page. You can paste lines and add your riffs here, send them in PMs, ask for my email and send me a full copy. Whatever floats your boat.

I also have a google docs version up for anyone that I can trust with the link to edit on a united copy.