Shameless boast, no apologies.

[VelvetDarkness]

So, Master and I have been chatting to a lovely woman online who wants to meet up with us for drinks with a view to seeing if she'd like to play with us. She's not a Litster, so no guessing games. I'm really excited about this for obvious reasons but at the same time, opening up the relationship and including other play partners is a new thing for us.

As I know people here have done similar things and are therefore wiser than I, what are the pitfalls when it comes to threesomes? It's not something that can be taken back or undone and naturally, I want it to be a really positive experience and draw us together rather than create issues.

We have both fantasised about this for a long time and while I think it would be hot to see him dominate and fuck another woman, am I going to be upset at all when it actually happens or afterwards? Hopefully not but one never knows and our prospective play partner is very pretty.

All insights gratefully received.

 

[mickyp123]

So, Master and I have been chatting to a lovely woman online who wants to meet up with us for drinks with a view to seeing if she'd like to play with us. She's not a Litster, so no guessing games. I'm really excited about this for obvious reasons but at the same time, opening up the relationship and including other play partners is a new thing for us.

As I know people here have done similar things and are therefore wiser than I, what are the pitfalls when it comes to threesomes? It's not something that can be taken back or undone and naturally, I want it to be a really positive experience and draw us together rather than create issues.

We have both fantasised about this for a long time and while I think it would be hot to see him dominate and fuck another woman, am I going to be upset at all when it actually happens or afterwards? Hopefully not but one never knows and our prospective play partner is very pretty.

All insights gratefully received.

Its a one way trip Velvet, butterflies in the tummy time for you, i hope it goes well and that you both come out the other side thinking the same.

 

[WriterDom]

We want pictures.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Its a one way trip Velvet, butterflies in the tummy time for you, i hope it goes well and that you both come out the other side thinking the same.

Thankyou honey.

I'm probably just having an over-analytical spasm but I thought it couldn't hurt to get some views and experiences.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

We want pictures.

Even if I wanted to, there is no way I'd be permitted.

Make your own.

 

[mickyp123]

Thankyou honey.

I'm probably just having an over-analytical spasm but I thought it couldn't hurt to get some views and experiences.

Over analytical is far better than the other way Velvet, yes it's a gamble, at the moment you have a known chemistry mix which works and like a couple of engineers you are going to try adding something to make it even better, what effect it will have will only be known afterwards.

I am sure you have weighed things up many times and you still both want to go ahead so what will be will be, hopefully you will get many answers here, but no one will be able to tell you what will happen in your case.

As for experiences, i bloody wish lol.................good luck, don't need pics, just let us know how it went and how you feel

 

[catalina_francisco]

I also hope it goes well for you. I think jealousy and awakening insecurities are probably the two most common negatives, and for all the claims it is inappropriate to feel either or both of these things, I think it is tantamount to asking another to bury their feelings, cultivate denial, encourage a climate of secrecy and guilt. I think it is fine for those who don't feel any twinges, but IME the only people I know who have been so blessed as to not feel jealousy or insecure at some point in such situations, be it lifestyle or mainstream swapping, have admitted they were not that emotionally involved with their partner to begin with, were bored with their partner/relationship, and often moved on from the primary partner and relationship to another met through these activities. LOL, F says he has had threesomes in the past with 2 women and found it to be nothing like the fantasy, and if anything, not worth the effort because it is hard work to keep everyone happy which takes a lot away from the enjoyment factor. In porn it always seems to flow so naturally and fulfilling...reality seems to be less so from what F and others I know have said.

I do not believe it has to be that way for everyone, but the risks are high and higher if there are any areas of the relationship which are requiring work on or causing concern or friction. F has shared me and he has also admitted to more than his share of jealousy resulting from it, even though he wanted to do it and hopes to do it again...he was honest and it helped to stop it from becoming a mountain out of a molehill...honesty is a must, not suppressing feelings in the aim to make sure you do not upset anyone or look foolish.

I also have my own issues with these scenarios as much as the fantasy is hot, as my over thinking and increasingly cautious self thinks of STD's, especially the incurable kind. Safer sex is a must, but that is all it is, safer, not 100% safe and guaranteed. Also, for some reason, many people have the view that unprotected oral sex is OK. It isn't. For instance, people can have and spread herpes without any visible signs of infection or even while the disease is in the inactive stage. It is spread by skin to skin contact..IOW, mouth to genitals, genitals to genitals etc. I know of at least 3 people who have been on this forum who have contracted herpes through oral sex, so as much as people will tell you the risk is low or non-existant, it doesn't make any difference if you are the unfortunate one.

That is just one of the health risks...there are many others. Many prefer to let their head go and pretend it isn't possible so they do not need to use condoms and dams and spoil what they see as a fun time...it stops being fun after the damage is done and the clock cannot be turned back. Using and making sure safer methods are utilised throughout does take away from the experience somewhat, not least because you have to remain thinking about where hands, mouths and body parts have been and are going to minimise risk, but at least if you remain infection free, you get to not have to worry about it in everyday life with your partner.

Catalina

 

[kinkyknickers]

Good luck to you Velvet. My partners and I started out as purely play, now it's a poly playground.
I've played with a few couples before and it's been nothing but good.

I dunno if you would ever take it beyond play into a relationship like ours but it's fab, either way.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Good luck to you Velvet. My partners and I started out as purely play, now it's a poly playground.
I've played with a few couples before and it's been nothing but good.

I dunno if you would ever take it beyond play into a relationship like ours but it's fab, either way.

I don't think Master would rule out a poly relationship but obviously it wouldn't be entered into lightly. Baby steps though, we haven't even met her in real life yet.

 

[kinkyknickers]

It's so liberating to be open to all potential though. Yup, baby steps, none of us ever inteneded for anything serious either..... Now, We're all planning things around each other, futures and all that. It's nice and for a comittmentphobe like me, stupid scary. Ack!

(I do love them though, but, shhhhh, don't tell anyone, hehe)

 

[Netzach]

I think it's funny that "master wants me to suck cock in the alleys and byways" brings out a shorter safer sex lecture than "we're meeting a girl for drinks."

If you want to be safe, fuck everyone - EVERYONE as though you know they are HIV+ and you don't want to sero-convert. Not doing that? Then you are taking a risk and managing it. Relying on what one person says about their sex life is a bigger risk than using barriers and fucking five people in rotation. Vows are nice, but latex is better prophylaxis.

It's useful to know what level of risk you are willing to take and shoulder that according to plan. Safe sex, for me, is a lot like self-bondage - you map it out BEFORE you are thinking with your genitals, when people don't and when they change the plan mid-game is where problems happen.

Anyway, don't promise what you can't deliver is my safer sex advice. If it's going to bother you, you know it right now. If you look deep into yourself and you are bothered, there's the answer. If you're more hot than bothered or equally so, there's your other answer - that's pretty normal, but I think it says this may work fine for you. Personally I tend to be bothered first and hot later, it takes a minute to soak, but is very worth it. M is pretty much born without jealousy apparatus - some people just are when it comes to sex. Other people just are when it comes to money. Everyone's jealous of something sometimes, but someone else banging your partner may not BE your issue, and that's OK. Don't go looking for problems because everyone else in the world who doesn't understand and doesn't enjoy 3 way sex thinks that problems HAVE to arise.

I've known a lot of OK 3 part relationships go to crap because girlfriend 1 or 2 listened to girlfriend 3 or 4 saying "well, I would never put up with that, you must not LIKE yourself enough to let him do that to you..." That isn't friendly advice, that's mental cruelty.

It helped that I explained he would always be one of many IF he wanted to date me, first of many IF it worked out perfectly and he was on board. It was pretty simple, as much as informing him I had a cat. He must just not be that emotionally invested in me.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Everyone's jealous of something sometimes, but someone else banging your partner may not BE your issue, and that's OK. Don't go looking for problems because everyone else in the world who doesn't understand and doesn't enjoy 3 way sex thinks that problems HAVE to arise.

Yeah, I really can't imagine having a problem with it but you never know until you're there. There is also the knowledge that this lady is largely an unknown quantity with her own needs, motivations and psychological baggage. Also, I have this sense of, 'it can't possibly be this easy' or 'there must be a catch.' I'm just wired that way; if it looks to good to be true, it is.

 

[Netzach]

Yeah, I really can't imagine having a problem with it but you never know until you're there. There is also the knowledge that this lady is largely an unknown quantity with her own needs, motivations and psychological baggage. Also, I have this sense of, 'it can't possibly be this easy' or 'there must be a catch.' I'm just wired that way; if it looks to good to be true, it is.

Decide ahead of time, for now, at least, for this one time, how much you and he are willing to be influenced by all of her feelings/baggage/etc.

If this is NSA, make it NSA - she can take it or leave it. If it's NSA and you want to be friendly or friends, and you're ok with that happening, make it that. If there's no reason to expect a rematch until both of you have conferred and agreed to a rematch - just make it all clear and put on a united front about it.

The only problem I've run into in my own life with M and his new BF is this: when they scehdule time together, and I'm told he'll be home at X time, I do NOT do well with changes in that generality. "Oh I'll be home at 5 instead"

That one thing drives me really nuts. You'll identify your dealbreakers and things that irk you as you go - I also know that, while it drives me nuts, I personally don't feel good about using the "get your ass home now NOW" card. M and B should not be subject to my petty tyrranies of insecurity - they're my bag o' crap and I need to grow up and get over something that minor. I'll be home at 4 instead of 2 is not worth fucking with this nascent enjoyable relationship over.

My point in all this: if your new friend has "an issue" sometimes that's her own damn "issue" and too bad. When 2 people bend over backwards for 1 bad things happen.

 

[ataxia.girl]

i've had fantasies of watching my PYL fuck someone else for a long time. For me it absolutely is about playing with the jealousy. i want to know how will i feel? Will he enjoy it more than he likes fucking me? Will he still prefer me after? etc etc etc. i probably would just go ahead and feel the jealousy without fighting it, in my fantasies they always want me to feel it. i would perform as instructed and enjoy it but i know i would feel jealous and competitive.

i would want to do it though because in a sick way for me it would be one of the only ways to be sure he really preferred me. i would be more than willing to take the risk to find that out. i'm always about having more experiences and finding out more stuff even if the knowledge is very painful and i have to spend some time in anguish to deal with it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think it's funny that "master wants me to suck cock in the alleys and byways" brings out a shorter safer sex lecture than "we're meeting a girl for drinks."

Invariably it does, but not from me as you know...I include it in those discussions as much as these. I also get called on it at times as it is seen as spoiling the fun for some, but doesn't stop me mentioning it and even including it in the Our Bodies, Our Brains thread simply because I am aware
a lot of people do not either have the information, don't think of it, or try to put it out of their minds for their partner...my thinking is it is thinking of your partner to at least discuss and decide if you are both/all willing to go ahead and take the risks. If so, all and good, but I would not like to think someone came to harm because they were uninformed as some others I know have and lived to regret it. Must be the social worker coming through in me again.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

i've had fantasies of watching my PYL fuck someone else for a long time. For me it absolutely is about playing with the jealousy. i want to know how will i feel? Will he enjoy it more than he likes fucking me? Will he still prefer me after? etc etc etc. i probably would just go ahead and feel the jealousy without fighting it, in my fantasies they always want me to feel it. i would perform as instructed and enjoy it but i know i would feel jealous and competitive.

i would want to do it though because in a sick way for me it would be one of the only ways to be sure he really preferred me. i would be more than willing to take the risk to find that out. i'm always about having more experiences and finding out more stuff even if the knowledge is very painful and i have to spend some time in anguish to deal with it.

It can become a moth to a flame type thing indeed.

Catalina

 

[mickyp123]

It can become a moth to a flame type thing indeed.

Catalina

and you don't do that without getting burnt

 

[ataxia.girl]

and you don't do that without getting burnt

It does suck while you're burning and healing but after its behind me i always seem to want to do it again. Maybe i just want to see how many times i can bounce back before i'm permanently damaged. I've met people who after getting hurt very deeply have a lot of trouble opening up and being vulnerable again. i've never been like that. i open up and let myself be vulnerable almost compulsively.

 

[LadyC]

So, Master and I have been chatting to a lovely woman online who wants to meet up with us for drinks with a view to seeing if she'd like to play with us. She's not a Litster, so no guessing games. I'm really excited about this for obvious reasons but at the same time, opening up the relationship and including other play partners is a new thing for us.

As I know people here have done similar things and are therefore wiser than I, what are the pitfalls when it comes to threesomes? It's not something that can be taken back or undone and naturally, I want it to be a really positive experience and draw us together rather than create issues.

We have both fantasised about this for a long time and while I think it would be hot to see him dominate and fuck another woman, am I going to be upset at all when it actually happens or afterwards? Hopefully not but one never knows and our prospective play partner is very pretty.

All insights gratefully received.

Love to hear all about it....LadyC

 

[nh23]

So, Master and I have been chatting to a lovely woman online who wants to meet up with us for drinks with a view to seeing if she'd like to play with us. She's not a Litster, so no guessing games. I'm really excited about this for obvious reasons but at the same time, opening up the relationship and including other play partners is a new thing for us.

As I know people here have done similar things and are therefore wiser than I, what are the pitfalls when it comes to threesomes? It's not something that can be taken back or undone and naturally, I want it to be a really positive experience and draw us together rather than create issues.

We have both fantasised about this for a long time and while I think it would be hot to see him dominate and fuck another woman, am I going to be upset at all when it actually happens or afterwards? Hopefully not but one never knows and our prospective play partner is very pretty.

All insights gratefully received.

Back in the day my ex and I used to have ffm and mmf threesomes frequently. Of course others have already talked about jealousy and insecurity. It's not bad to have feelings like that. It's just important that you talk to him about them, and not try to hold it all in. One thing that I noticed that you have to pay attention to..and this may sound crazy, but sometimes during a threesome it can feel like one person is always getting left out. I always tried to make sure I was giving everyone equal attention so it didn't just feel to one of them they were just watching.

 

[intothewoods]

I have such a block with this and I don't know why. I think it would be fun as a one time thing, but I just don't feel comfortable trying to set it up. I feel like a pimp or something! I kind of feel like this should be Mister Man and my woo woo fun single time, but none of it seems to ever come to fruition.

Hope it goes well for y'all though!

 

[BiBunny]

I don't think one can safely assume that jealousy is always a factor. I'm just not wired that way, personally. Sex is sex is sex. As long as I'm not being treated like the monkey in some het Dom's bisexual freak show jerk off fantasy, then I'm cool.

I can't really give any more advice than has already been given. Safe sex, clear boundaries, and honesty about what you expect--can't really ask for much more than that.

Oh, wait, one more thing. Go ahead and expect the first time with all three of you together to be awkward. It almost always is until everybody gets the hang of things, but don't let it discourage you.

 

[girlofurdreams]

I don't think one can safely assume that jealousy is always a factor. I'm just not wired that way, personally. Sex is sex is sex. As long as I'm not being treated like the monkey in some het Dom's bisexual freak show jerk off fantasy, then I'm cool.

i just love your analogies bunny... your posts are great and often make me smile

 

[SexyCaylie]

I have such a block with this and I don't know why. I think it would be fun as a one time thing, but I just don't feel comfortable trying to set it up. I feel like a pimp or something! I kind of feel like this should be Mister Man and my woo woo fun single time, but none of it seems to ever come to fruition.

Hope it goes well for y'all though!

I think I would feel a bit like this as well - Good Luck!

 

[BiBunny]

i just love your analogies bunny... your posts are great and often make me smile

Thank you.