Shameless - BadBadShark

[badbadshark]

Hello Wise and Beautiful/Handsome Forum Readers,

I recently submitted my first story to Literotica which can be found here:

UPDATE: I originally forgot to mention this story is in the NonConsent/Reluctance category.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=509698

I have thus far received over 13000 views, 82 votes and 2 comments. Which I am very happy about. I send one thank you to every reader, a hundred thank yous to every voter, a thousand thank yous to my anonymous commentor and ten thousand thank yous to Mauigirl for her comment. Not forgetting, of course, more thank yous than you can shake a stick at to andrea4328 who edited my story for me after it was initially rejected.

Now I have a confession. I have been turned into a wanton, shameless, give it to me now, feedback slut. I want MORE. Give it to me! HARDER. I am dribbling with lust for your feedback, positive or negative (I can take it, I don't think I am God's gift to writing and I do want to improve - although I do reserve the right to disagree with you).

So if you have time and you feel like feeding my thirst for hot, juicy/throbbing feedback then please do so via any of the media available to you for that purpose. If your feedback does not throb or emit any kind of juice, I'll take it anyway.

Many thank yous in advance.

Regards,

BadBadShark

 

[polynices]

Hello BadBadShark,

I had several different reactions to your story.

To start with, I was impressed. I found the style fresh and economical - you got into the action quickly and didn't get bogged down in "all that David Copperfield crap" as Salinger said. There was also good narrative tension. I thought something surprising was going to happen by the end - an unexpected reversal of roles, perhaps. Some kind of revelation, anyway.

That feeling stayed with me until about half way through.

Unfortunately, I then started to doubt the story. Repetition seemed to be creeping in. As I remember it, you kept on telling me how excited the girl was about being photographed. I accept that as the story goes on the situation is developing - that the photographer is bringing her more and more under his control and the girl is becoming increasingly daring - but the same point seemed to be made ad nauseam: she wants to be daring, she wants to please him, but she needs to be pushed ... and pushed ... and pushed.

And, finally, I was disappointed by the ending. As I said, I'd expected a narrative twist - a plot surprise. What I got, however, was just the same old fuck and suck, with - perhaps - the ghost of a resolution in the statement that she is now "a good little slut" and "She feels completely in his hands. He can do whatever he wants and she relaxes into his control. She feels seduced. Obedient. Blameless. Shameless.".

To sum up, I felt the piece was genuinely well-written - as I said, I liked your style - but I don't really think this was a story. If anything, it was a porno movie in words. I shouldn't be too censorious about that: I've committed a few of those myself, after all, and they're certainly very common on Literotica. (They probably make up about ninety percent of all the 'stories' posted here, in fact.) Nevertheless, I felt disappointed. I wanted more.

I also have another reservation, though this one may be entirely personal. By the end of the piece, I didn't like the way you revelled in the thought that the girl had been manipulated, cajoled and finally more-or-less coerced into having sex with the photographer. That is, I didn't personally like the power relations in the story - the photographer's eventual dominance and the assumption that the girl needed and welcomed it. I realise I may not represent a majority of readers in this - and I recognise that this kind of relationship, in fact, may be an accurate reflection of the connection between some photographers and some models. But, for me at least, a story is sexy when the participants are willing and self-responsible. I don't really like coercion.

So I'm afraid this piece, despite its strengths, gave me a slightly creepy feeling by the end.

- polynices

 

[badbadshark]

polynices,

Thank you for your really usefull critique especially considering that I creeped you out. I am sure it will help me improve my writing.

I apologise for not mentioning that this story was posted in the NonConsent/Reluctance category in my original post. I have now fixed that.

I can't promise that future stories will be to your taste but I will try to write them better. Although I don't believe in coercion in real life I do believe it can have a place in role play within a completely consensual relationship and in fantasy.

You are completely correct about sounding like a porno movie script. It was exactly that in it's original incarnation. I rewrote it to post here but clearly didn't do enough work on it. I will try harder.

Thanks again for your considered comments.

Regards,

BadBadShark