SF: men forget how to speak.

[peterpan]

I just read a message that made me aware that I had posted in the wrong area. so anyone reading this please reply in the Authors forum (even if you are not an author)

I had this idea that I am stuck on. The idea seemed fine as a daydream but on paper it is full of holes. It is meant to be silly, but the storyline is just too contrived at the moment.

The concept is a near future after men have (for no important reason) lost the power of language. Probably a virus. The effect on society is what matters.

The hero can speak (one in a million), but he has been brought up to believe by his abusive (and mad) aunt that speaking men are evil and are executed when discovered.

There may have been some historical incidents to support her claim but that is all old history now.

This is not explicitly told to the reader. They would probably guess such a twist but that is ok.

The aunt dies and he is inherited by a young woman of around the same age as him.

The body of the story is about their relationship.
He loves her, but thinks she will scream and call the cops to have him put down if he speaks.
She loves him and opens her heart to him all the time thinking he cannot understand.
She may grow suspicious of his intelligence and try to trick him into speaking, not realising the panic this causes him.

I would like a few jokes, like him listening to her laughing about how some guy was ripped to peices on an Oprah rerun yesterday.

I imagine the ending as super melodramatic, but what I have is a LOT contrived, and probably the main section I would like help with. What I have:
He watches an old movie with an evil manipulative speaking man who gets a woman into trouble. She is put on trial. During the trial for some reason the villain jumps up and confesses the whole thing. (these villainous speaking men are vain beyond any self preservation. Perhaps he just can't handle her getting all the credit for his brilliance)
Anyway, this situation repeats itself in real life. His lover is put on trial (for something she probably did commit, but is relatively minor) But to save her (and thinking her life is in danger) he leaps up and 'confesses' the whole thing, practically reproducing the movie verbatim.
At this point I guess there is an extended silence, then the jury fall about laughing. EVERYONE has seen that movie.

Afterwards, the woman, let of with a small fine or similar, explains how happy she is that he can speak, and how much money she can make by taking him to a talk show.

---
Anyway, my request is HELP! HELP! Can anybody save that poor story!

 

[Impetus]

I like the concept. Here's what I'd do with it:

Romantic treatment:

Since men cannot speak, they are, every one of them, put in positions of subservience to women. They'd have to be. They can't convey information nearly as easily as women can. Men are given jobs as laborers almost exclusively, as it is the only thing that most of them can do. The entire sex starts to feel fairly down.

Enter hero. He can speak, but we dont' know that yet. He works at a button-stamping plant (or something similar). But he loves music. When he is not working he is at home (with evil aunt), listening to music. One day, Aunt walks in on him listening and hears an extra sound. Him. He is humming along. Shock! Aunt becomes cruel, takes away music. Tragedy!

Hero meets Girl. Falls for her but cannot express himself. They spend time together, relationship develops. One day, however, she has to leave (some reason or another.) Tension! The aunt finds out about her and refuses to let him see her anymore. He escapes the clutches of the aunt and runs to see the girl. She is almost on board her plane (spaceship, whatever) and to get her attention, he starts singing to her. She sees him, is schocked, and runs into his arms. Romance!

Fantasy Treatment:

Same setup, only this time we see things from the perspective of the women. A woman who runs a button-making plant notices that a certain group of younger men are acting strangly. She does nothing, though, because they are only men. The head man, the hero, is always looking at her, and she begins to become slightly taken with him. He is taken with her too.

Time passes, and she decides to take him as a personal servant, we'll call that as close as anyone really gets to getting married. Once he is hers, sex ensues. Once it is over, she 'hears' him say that he loves her. But his mouth does not move. The group of younger men have developed telepathy. Reveal! In shock, woman reports this to authorities, but they can find nothing. Woman eventually learns that they are part of a slow but growing resistance movement. She can join, or not join, their ranks and help, or not help, their pursuit of justice.

Give those a shot

-I

 

[Monazwx]

I like the premise of this story. Men that cannot talk, lol. If only sometimes!

Being a hopeless romantic, I am leaning toward the musical story that Impetus is sugesting. But I'm not understading the issue of inheritance. Are men slave labour is this new world? I do like the submissive male theory in this story, but maybe as they learn to trust each other, his taking control can be a turn on and not a threat to her.

And how are you going to link the talking male to getting into trouble?

But Dump the damn talk show idea! The story can have tons of jokes but for God's sake, End Romantic!

(Just a thought)

 

[peterpan]

Both those story suggestions could work but really I want help nudging what I have. At the moment the biggest problem is the brutal way I would have to drag the user through the plot points for that old movie + courtroom idea to work. Apart from that, it is exactly what I want: the melodramatic self-sacrifice in which the curse is revealed as a virtue etc.

More stuff:________

I am aiming for a satire of sterotypes. For example, although men are bad at comunicating, it will be a common belief that women are bad with maps. Men do all the driving and don't need road signs. It would be slightly indecent for women to read a map. Nevertheless the hero will be lousy at navigation and driving. They (the hero and his wife) will arrive everywhere late. Yes this is silly too, but not that much sillier than society in the 1950s is to us now.

I won't be doing it as a dom/sub tale in this case. The woman will probably be a misfit as well. There are insecurities on both sides.
Perhaps she loves to drive. That might be what she is in court for: "driving while a woman"

Women would have to run the government etc. Women that do sport might be looked down on though. Men chop the wood and tinker with the garbage disposal units and women brag about how good their man is in the home. I guess men's condition is sort of like autisim.

 

[peterpan]

Oops, wrong area. Moved to Authors area.

I just read a message that made me aware that I had posted in the wrong area. so anyone reading this please reply in the Authors forum (even if you are not an author)