Sexual Pace-Setting

[impressive]

How much do you feel the first sexual encounter with a new partner sets the pace for your future sex life?

I mean, if it's slow and tender, does that make it harder to break bad later on? Conversely, if it's up against the wall fucking ... or in public ... or some other non-mundane thing ... does that make the gentle stuff less likely? (Do you even care?)

In your relationship history, what has been the trend in this regard? With hindsight being 20/20, how would you prefer a NEW sexual relationship to begin?

 

[tolyk]

For me, the first time hasn't seemed to affect the sex that comes after overly much. Long term relationships require spicing it up every now and then and trying new things (well, not for everyone..) and since my only long term relationship was my with the woman I lost my virginity too.. I'd say the first time didn't set anything. I'd not of learned much at all if it had *chuckle*

 

[rgraham666]

If I ever have another time I'll let you know.

 

[sophia jane]

An interesting question. I think it depends on the relationship. For example, if it is someone you have known and wanted, but were unable to be with, for a long time, the first sexual encounter might be crazy sex against the wall. But after the frenzy died down, there would be time to explore and enjoy slower sex.
I don't think the first time sets the tone for the relationship at all. If the first time is absolutely awful for one of the partners the first time, it might end the sexual relationship. But if they both enjoy it, I think they would be able to vary things down the way.
That has been my experience in RL, anyway.

SJ

 

[cantdog]

I'm with Sophia.

 

[impressive]

I'm with Sophia.

A good ass AV'll getcha every time

 

[cantdog]

You found me out!

 

[impressive]

You found me out!

You gave yourself away, lover.

 

[neonlyte]

deleted

 

[impressive]

I'm still in therapy

But not professionally. I was advised by a very dear friend, who is a psychoanalyist, to write it out, it has been posted and, to a degree, it has been successful for me personally.

Submit or delete? Difficult post.

Not sure what you're talking about, but have a and some {{{ HUGS }}}.

 

[Softouch911]

An interesting question. I think it depends on the relationship. For example, if it is someone you have known and wanted, but were unable to be with, for a long time, the first sexual encounter might be crazy sex against the wall.
SJ

I sure agree with that. Moments like that are unforgettable and .....

I think they do influence the rest of the couple's life.

If the first (or even the first few times) sex is incredible, real life won't allow that to keep up and the rest of the relationship easily peters out. But if the first time(s) is/are pretty unspectacular -- due, say, to the inexperience of one or both partners, or to some emotional tension that inhibits the freedom needed for good sex -- the follow ups can tend to get better and better!

Softie -- (wishing for more of a data base, for the sake of scientific comparison of course)

 

[impressive]

I sure agree with that. Moments like that are unforgettable and .....

I think they do influence the rest of the couple's life.

If the first (or even the first few times) sex is incredible, real life won't allow that to keep up and the rest of the relationship easily peters out. But if the first time(s) is/are pretty unspectacular -- due, say, to the inexperience of one or both partners, or to some emotional tension that inhibits the freedom needed for good sex -- the follow ups can tend to get better and better!

Softie -- (wishing for more of a data base, for the sake of scientific comparison of course)

So, in your view, it'd be preferable to start off with less intensity in order to build to more?

 

[Softouch911]

So, in your view, it'd be preferable to start off with less intensity in order to build to more?

Nah. What I'd prefer is to start with "more" and end with incredible!

Sorry if I wasn't clear -- not even sure the point is very worth making, but I was saying that the progress of sex quality works in different directions depending on all sorts of variables -- but whatever happens I think you'll recall the way it began and that will influence the way you judge what follows.

And it's probably easier to move from mediocre, inexperienced sex to good, experienced sex than it is to keep it forever on a high plane. IMO, of course

Gosh, I'm tired after that!
Softie -- heavy breathing from being out of shape

 

[lil_elvis]

Hmmm..

From my current situation (married 20 years). The first encounter was wild. Kinky even and did set the tone for the years that followed. However, that does not perclude slow and tender lovemaking. To use a cliche, in that first encounter we discovered we were "made for each other," which makes the slow and sweet not only much better, but also requisite.

In other relationships preceding that, they generally started slow and tender, and usuallyally never progressed beyond that, as trying to explore kinkier stuff scared them away.

However, in the one other relationship that did start torridly and did progress to some great kinky sex, ended in disaster as it became apparent that only the sex kept us together and we parted most acrimoniously.

So from my experience, that first encounter does set a general tenor, but it can't be applied as a hard rule, applicable at all times, especially in successful long term relationships.

 

[Guest]

Hmmm..

From my current situation (married 20 years). The first encounter was wild. Kinky even and did set the tone for the years that followed. However, that does not perclude slow and tender lovemaking. To use a cliche, in that first encounter we discovered we were "made for each other," which makes the slow and sweet not only much better, but also requisite.

In other relationships preceding that, they generally started slow and tender, and usuallyally never progressed beyond that, as trying to explore kinkier stuff scared them away.

However, in the one other relationship that did start torridly and did progress to some great kinky sex, ended in disaster as it became apparent that only the sex kept us together and we parted most acrimoniously.

So from my experience, that first encounter does set a general tenor, but it can't be applied as a hard rule, applicable at all times, especially in successful long term relationships.

thank ya, thank ya verra much...


sorry.. i just had to

 

[lil_elvis]

thank ya, thank ya verra much...


sorry.. i just had to

PFFFFFFFFFFFFT

 

[Poussin]

.....

 

[Guest]

PFFFFFFFFFFFFT

love me tender you hunk o hunk o burnin' luuuuve?
*im having fun...so there*

 

[lil_elvis]

love me tender you hunk o hunk o burnin' luuuuve?
*im having fun...so there*

I can see that darlin'. Wanna a ride in my caddy?

 

[Wildcard Ky]

I'm with Sophia.

I'd like to be with Sophia, but that's a different thread

I've never been too fond of the first time. Yes it's new and exciting, but it's also awkward in a way. I like the comfort level of a familiar partner. I don't think the first time sets the tone at all. The first time is more a time of exploration.

 

[sophia jane]

I'd like to be with Sophia, but that's a different thread

I've never been too fond of the first time. Yes it's new and exciting, but it's also awkward in a way. I like the comfort level of a familiar partner. I don't think the first time sets the tone at all. The first time is more a time of exploration.

Well, Wildcard come on over.

I still think it depends on the relationship. They are some people that you are so hot for that by the time you get into bed together, you are going to rip their clothes off. With those people you would save the explorations for later. It's more probable, though, for the first time to be slow and maybe a bit awkward as you get used to each other.

SJ

 

[dr_mabeuse]

In my experience the first time doesn't portend anything for the rest of the relationship. It's that simple.

I think that in general men are pretty much sexually compatible with just about anything that walks upright, which makes it possible to have all kinds of sex with all kinds of different things. I think it's a lot harder to develop loving intimacy than it is to develop sexual compatability, at least for men. We all know of the male propensity to have sex with people we don't even care about. ("You mean you had sex with her? Ewwww! How could you?" And we guys shrug our shoulders. "Why not?")

I've had blistering first-nighters that never even lasted to the next noon, and slow and awkward start-ups that turned very hot over months. I just don;t see any connection at all.

--Zoor

 

[cloudy]

With the right person, sex just keeps getting better. That first time usually IS sorta awkward...you're not used to the way they move, so to speak. But, that said, it's still damn fun!

 

[lucky-E-leven]

I think the only way a first time can dictate the tone for the entire relationship is if one party has no desire for any other kind of sex. I know a woman that refused to have sex in any way that wasn't missionary. Can you imagine? At any rate, I think first times are more of a gauge for me about how comfortable a person is with me as well as how much they want out of the experience in the long haul. Of course, my favorite first time included slow & easy, frantic & fumbly, raw & untamed, and fast & furious. That's the way to go, if you ask me.



~lucky

 

[cloudy]

[threadjack] Lucky! Gawd, I've missed you, woman! [/threadjack]