Sexual Confusion

[Draoi]

Gay? Straight? Bi-sexual? Or tragically confused? Hetrosexual advice isn't quite cutting it, so I'm looking for advice from others who have experienced anything similar.

I am an 18 year old female trying to understand my sexual identity! The sexual experiences I've had with guys have not been especially memorable, although not totally unpleasant. I have always found it hard to think about and discuss my feelings, and although my friends and family often comment that I am "a private person", I have always felt that I am not comfortable discussing these things because I feel guilty about not actually feeling strongly, physically or otherwise, about guys who are clearly fond of me.

My one sexual encounter with a girl was a year ago. We were at a party, and slightly drunk, but i enjoyed the feeling at the time. Since then I have felt even less inclined to be in relationships with guys, and I would go as far as to admit to having a crush on the girl for at least 6 months. During that time I did not look at or think about any other girl in that way, so I assumed that it was just this girl in particuallar, and that it was all a phase.

However, recently I have been noticing other girls. Again, it seems only to be certain individuals, girls whom I know and like as friends, rather than exceedingly pretty supermodels for example, and this is what has stopped me from further experimentation with women. On top of all that, rationally I don't think I want to be gay!

So my question is this... Am I straight going through a phase? Gay and in denial? Or bi-sexual with wierd preferences? Right now all I feel is tragically confused!

 

[lord_bob]

well first darling, I wouldn't think rationally if I were you. so saying you dont think you want to be gay is not a very useful thing to be thinking, besides you cant really choose what you are...however if you are thinking this, then there is always a chance that you're not actually gay, but judging by the things you've said then I think that this may be a though of society rather than what you actually think

if I had to say, I would probably say you're bisexual, verging on actually being gay, since you did say that your experiences with guys were "not toally unpleasant" I think that you might be trying to fool yourself, by trying to force yourself to say that you still find guys attractive, but then you aren't inclined to them, howver this maybe just be cuase you have a stronger attraction to girls instead

so like I siad I think you're probaly bisexual, verging on being gay, my advice, like what I've done with my life is just when it comes to these things go along with them, if it is a phase then enjoy what comes with it, but never try to force things, just go with what feelings you have, so if you get the feeling to go out with a girl then go out with her and see where that goes, nobody has to stick with a decision like this, if you go out with her and then find that you're not attracted to girls anymore then you can accept that you may not be gay, but then if you find that you really enjoy it then you can admit to yourself that you are either gay or bi-sexual

 

[bisexplicit]

Theres no need to lable yourself. If you feel like you want to have a specific sexual identity, thats something you need to decide for yourself, and not have other people tell you. For now, however, I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[LaFemmeNicole]

Try this image

You are on your knees, blindfolded. You feel fingers entangled in your hair, you smell sex and a soft voice neither feminine or masculine say "Suck me" you open your eyes and yor heart jumps with excitement. What do you see?

You are what you eat.

 

[Draoi]

Cheers

Thankyou all for the feedback. It's been suprisingly helpfull. That last one is definitely something to think about! Perhaps labels aren't all that helpfull in sorting myself out. I guess having labels for things makes it easier for society to catagorize people into their neat, ordered little groups - just another way to discourage individuality, and alianate people who dont fit into the promoted version of 'normality'.

 

[Bono13]

You are on your knees, blindfolded. You feel fingers entangled in your hair, you smell sex and a soft voice neither feminine or masculine say "Suck me" you open your eyes and yor heart jumps with excitement. What do you see?

You are what you eat.

I just love this! Totally quotable!

I also think that labels are largely unhelpful. I haven't found one that fits me, anyway...

 

[lord_bob]

I just love this! Totally quotable!

I also think that labels are largely unhelpful. I haven't found one that fits me, anyway...

I personally think that this whole "screw labels" attitude it complete rubbish when it comes to your sexuality....these aren't labels they are actual terms, if you're a man and have sex with men and women then you are bisexual it doesnt matter if you dont really like men or have sex with men a whole lot more than women then you are still bisexual

 

[HotBloodFairy]

Draoi, after reading your question, I'd have to say (now brace yourself)...you are normal. Everyone has these feelings at some point or other whether they want to admit it or not. Some people push them aside and conform to society, and others act on them and decide that they like them and keep them. It's all up to you. You have to decide what you like and what you don't like. Don't let societies norms get you down. You are not alone.
::kisses::
Good luck and have fun deciding.

 

[LoboBoy]

You are on your knees, blindfolded. You feel fingers entangled in your hair, you smell sex and a soft voice neither feminine or masculine say "Suck me" you open your eyes and yor heart jumps with excitement. What do you see?

You are what you eat.

lol I love it!!!

God...I can taste it already
I hate being horny at work.

 

[LoboBoy]

Draoi,

I think you'll know in time. At least you've had this one time thing with a girl to help you make sense of how you feel (or from your post, how you do NOT feel) towards guys.

Go where your heart takes you.

 

[rcuhljr]

Try em all, sort it out later.

 

[Gi_Venus]

Most important is to be true to yourself and forget the labels. Experiment with others and self honesty and you will resolve your question. Being a private person does complicate things, people will always make assumptions on what was not said. Hone your communication skills as they are a vital part of any relationship.
Gi

 

[bi golly]

I have to confess to a certain amount of vacillation with regard to sexual directions. The night before last, I was masturbating, naked on bed. I was on my back, and practiced what it would feel like to try to meet the thrust of a lover's penis in my ass by pushing my bottom at him. The motion of trying to meet those thrusts was exciting.

I started thinking about something I read here about the difference between getting fucked by a woman wearing a strap on and a man with his penis. The poster said that a woman doing a man is doing him because the receiver likes it, while a man fucking a man is doing it because the fucker is getting pleasure from it. A past lover, female, when talking about sex with me and in general said that she wanted to feel appreciated for receiving a man's penis into her body. She got pleasure from it, but on the emotional side, being appreciated was the pay off.

In my fantasy, I asked the man fucking me to show some appreciation, to tell me how it felt to fuck me. I said the words aloud. "Tell me how much you like my ass, baby". My imaginary lover told me then made me tell him what I liked about his cock. That really pushed me over the edge. So last night after I came home from work, I masturbated with a dildo in my ass and replayed it. It was incredibly powerful to feel the pressure on my prostate and imagine pleasuring a man. I really got off.

I was emailing with someone on Craigs List two days ago and they flaked off and stopped writing. I was actually planning to have sex with a man for the first time. But, not yet.

Then I was out with a friend last night and I saw a woman that I could not keep my eyes off. She was really nice looking and I wondered if I should plan to keep trying to hook up. She was with a guy who looked like a jerk and she was not feeling it with him. But I felt sort of like a fraud when thinking about her.

At work today, I saw this woman that I have seen before, but today she wore a skirt and she has the greatest legs. She seems like a nice woman, and I would be willing to revisit my rule about dating at work for her.

I'm so confused. I like the idea of having sex with a man, and want to do it badly, but most women I have met are really adamantly against bisexual men. This is important, because I am emotionally attracted to women. When I see a pretty woman smile, I feel good.

I thought about putting an advert in the personals and saying that I was bicurious and wanted to meet a bicurious woman who wanted to have an open relationship, but the people that I have met in open relationships are usually not my kind of people. When I was married and in the breakup phase, my ex wife and I went to a couple of swing clubs and I found the environment to be very stimulating. It was an extremely sexual environment. You don't have to fuck anyone, but there are all these naked people around and touching is invited. It was intense. I was thinking that people screw around in marriages, and it isn't the screwing around that breaks people up, it is the lying and destruction of trust.

Any way, I don't really know which way to go. I would like to be in a relationship with a woman, one that lasts, and I want to be honest about my desire to get naked with men.

 

[human_male]

I think it's common to feel confusion about your sexuality at your age. I agree with everyone who said you need not label yourself. Just do what you feel like. If you don't want to go with boys, don't. If you like girls, go with them. If you only like one girl, go with her. Sorry to sound obvious and cliche', but just remember however you feel, is alright.

 

[Mmmore]

I know how you feel. I lurk here often, but I never really want to post, I don't know why. Anyway, I'm 19 and I honestly love men, I've been in several relationships and I LOVE heterosexual sex and I am very attracted to men. A few years back I had a female friend and we'd fondle each other, kiss, etc. I've always thought about girls since then and what it would be like and it REALLY turns me on. Two weeks ago I was pretty drunk and I made out with one of my close female friends, I never had any feelings for her like this before, but I really just wanted to have sex with her, we got as far as her touching ontop of my panties until other people came into the room.

I've been really awkward with her since, and she tries to make every effort to touch my leg when we're out with other people it just scares me that I like it. Tonight we were out and she was touching my hair and rubbing my neck and I just wanted her to kiss me. The thing is, I think I would definitely have sex with a woman because it turns me on so much, but I don't think I could ever pursue a relationship outside of that.