sexual addiction

[Hotpants Kitty]

Hi everyone,
I hope you don't mind if I throw out a question to all of you that has been on mind quite a bit lately....
I cannot seem to get completely satisfied sexually. What I mean is I will reach an orgasm and have a wonderful loving time with my husband, and then have to masturbate once again...This is cutting into my sleeping time and consuming time during the day. After I hit 30, I began to experience multiple orgasms, which have become even more intense in the past 5 years. I have fantasies of being with another woman as well as being with another woman along with my husband (threesome). I am not sure what is going on within my body, and I am too shy to talk about this with a gynocologist, but I feel awkward and alone right now. My question is about sexual addiction..Do people need outside help if they are considered to be a sexual addict? Plus, how do you know if you have a problem? I read a question on another thread about how many times do you masturbate a day, and I would be too embarassed to reply to that.
I am totally bearing my heart about this and would really appreciate if anyone could give me some advice.
Sincerely, Hotpants Kitty

 

[emap]

This isn't the easiest of questions to answer, but you don't seem to be addicted to sex, at least not the definition of it, according to that a sex addict can think of nothing but and will have sex with anyone, friends, neighbors, co workers, strangers, at any time and will usually ask them to have sex with them.

I know not helping, but personally I think, you really really want to have sex with another woman and your body is telling you so. The thing to do is tell your husband, just bring it up when's he's not paying attention and is horny, during sex is a wondeful choice, either tell him you want to do a threesome with a sexy girl you know, or tell him you want to find a sexy girl to do a threesome with, or that you want to sleep with a woman, let him watch and join in after. If he's anything like most guys, he'll jump at the chance to watch or do the threesome

I hope that helps

 

[Hotpants Kitty]

emap,
Thank you so much for your encouragement I have shared these feelings and fantasies with my husband, and he is very supportive (naturally) lol! He is a great lover and best friend. I know he wants to please me in any way he can. Please don't get me wrong here, we have a great sex life and we have been monogamous in our marriage. There is a very strong craving for that third party. You are so correct in saying that. Once again, thank you for your words of encouragement, and making me feel "normal". I sometimes feel like I am the only one who feels this way, but I know deep inside I am not the only one.
Hotpants Kitty

 

[SweetErika]

I think of and have heard sexual addiction defined as when sexual activity interferes with your daily activities. Think of alcoholism or drug addiction and replace the drug with sex. Are you hiding this from people you love? Is it interfering with your job, relationships or daily activities? There's a comprehensive list of questions that can help you figure this out at the Sex Addicts Anonymous site. Sexaa.org has a ton of other info as well.

Once you determine that, you may want to check in with your doctor or a psychiatrist because it could be a chemical inbalance that's making you want to masturbate so much. Maybe you're just experiencing a re-awakening of your sexuality.

I hope that helps a tiny bit!

 

[anne27]

I am betting you are on the upswing curve of a hormonal swing. Don't worry so much and just enjoy it!
If you really think it's a problem for you, do talk to your doctor.

 

[LarzMachine]

Unbelievably stupid question...

Is it possible to be a sex addict and not actually have sex? I was looking over he link above, and I noticed that about half that list applies to me if you substitute "desperate attempts to have sex" for actual sexual activity.

 

[jimmylijn]

From a guys point of view:

During the time that I thought I was sexually addicted, I had a very low self esteem and used sex as a moral booster.

To me it doesn’t seem like you’re going in that direction. It may just be a change in hormonal level or a desire to act out some fantasies.

jimmy

 

[SweetErika]

Re: Unbelievably stupid question...

Is it possible to be a sex addict and not actually have sex? I was looking over he link above, and I noticed that about half that list applies to me if you substitute "desperate attempts to have sex" for actual sexual activity.

As that page suggests, if you answered yes to one or more questions, you might want to investigate further. However, answering yes is not a diagnosis...I'd guess that most of us are seeking new activities to improve the excitment in our sex lives, for example, but that doesn't make us sex addicts. So it depends on the questions you answered yes to (if you are thinking about pursuing non-consentual sex or children, you obviously need help) and how your thoughts and activities impact your life. You probably don't have a problem, but it might be worth some research and a visit to a qualified professional.

 

[LarzMachine]

Re: Re: Unbelievably stupid question...

(if you are thinking about pursuing non-consentual sex or children, you obviously need help)

No, I'm not a rapist or child molester.

 

[SweetErika]

Oh no! I didn't mean to imply that you were Larz! I just wanted to give an example of the kind of thing it's absolutely necessary to get help for.

I DO NOT believe LarzMachine is a rapist or child molester, just for clarification.

 

[John Doe]

I'm a rapist, but only if they beg for it.

Oops, wrong section...

 

[FungiUg]

Hey Kitty,

They don't call it the "dirty thirties" for nothing! My personal theory is that many people grow into themselves more and become more aware and relaxed about who they really are, including their sexuality. 30 seems to be the magical age for most people when this happens.

In terms of introducing a third person into your relationship - I can only say tread very carefully. I am in a relationship with a gorgeous bi-sexual woman, and we have had several threesome partners. But it is a LOT of work. It requires open lines of communication and a lot of emphasis on keeping the primary relationship healthy. Do NOT use this as a way of "propping up" a faulty relationship. (Not that I think that's the case for you, just providing the warning.)

If you need someone to talk to who has "been there, done that", feel free to look me up. I'm happy to chat and answer questions.

One thing I can tell you: while it's a lot of work, it's also a lot of fun! I have never seen more intense orgasms from my lover than when she has both myself and a woman playing with her. So there is good to be had from your desires!

 

[taolanes]

Interesting, I always worried about the 30s

 

[LarzMachine]

Oh no! I didn't mean to imply that you were Larz! I just wanted to give an example of the kind of thing it's absolutely necessary to get help for.

I DO NOT believe LarzMachine is a rapist or child molester, just for clarification.

I know. Bad phrasing on my part. I never figured you thought that.

 

[Etoile]

I'm a rapist, but only if they beg for it.

Oops, wrong section...

C'mon over, we got plenty of room for you in "that section" too! http://www.amanita.net/images/smilies/devil.gif

 

[John Doe]

C'mon over, we got plenty of room for you in "that section" too! http://www.amanita.net/images/smilies/devil.gif

No thanks. I already made a visit. It's boring.

 

[Etoile]

No thanks. I already made a visit. It's boring.

Sorry you feel that way. Maybe that kind of thing isn't enough of your identity for you to find much to participate in over there.

 

[ullr]

IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS!

EXACTLY! You win the kupey doll...

I am betting you are on the upswing curve of a hormonal swing. Don't worry so much and just enjoy it!
If you really think it's a problem for you, do talk to your doctor.

I have an ongoing correspondence with a so-called victims rights advocate (actually, a feminazi sociology prof at the University of Colorado). As you may have read, alleged rape by CU football team members have been in the news.

The problem is that PC "feminism" has "educated" otherwise smart people to deny the facts of reality and expect the sexes to be equal! We aren't. Men's sexual interest and performance peaks at around 18; women at (or soon after) 30. Both are the result of the maxing out of testosterone levels.

Today "T" is demonized by feminists as a sexist drug that ought to a "controlled" substance. In the more enlightened 70s, for instance, the book "An Introduction To The Study of Man" by D. Z. Young (Oxford UP) had charts of testosterone level and age, broken down by sex.

As I've grown older, experience that women in their 30s make the best lovers simply confirms long-held French stereotypes about May (male) - December (female) affairs. Gangbang women and "Hot Wives" (aka "Slut Wives")- for example, typically in their 30s and 40s - often prefer prefer males in the 20s because of their rapid-readiness for repeated humping (although the invention of Viagra is changing this).

When I studied "Human Sexuality" at the University - through the Women's Studies Department by the way - in the late 80s, the textbook totally lacked the info of Young's book.

Thus, today, nineteen year-old college women will get drunk on a Saturday afternoon, invite football recuits and players to their own apartments waving condoms, indulge in group sex in their own bed-room - and then cry "rape!' days later - and academics will blame the men!

I say they've simply mal-educated the young by not teaching them about sex-differences - such as the one Hotpants Kitty appears to not have been taught.

Evolutionary psychologists have not been so mis-educating. see Stephen Roads, "Taking Sex Differences Seriously" - http://www.encounterbooks.com/books/tase/tase.html

--Orson

 

[Lisa Denton]

Sex and mastubation are good for you. But anytime you feel there is a serious problem then you need to ask a professional.
Its the same as eating or drinking alcohol, its TOO MUCH when it becomes a problem for you.

 

[Etoile]

That's an excellent point. In general, clinical sexual addiction must interfere with the person's daily life. For example, you can't go to work because you're staying at home to masturbate.

 

[LarzMachine]

For example, you can't go to work because you're staying at home to masturbate.

Um, does calling in sick because you're having weird side-effects from meds so you can't cum without a MAJOR expenditure of effort (I'm talking two hours+ of solid cranking), and spent so long masturbating before work you wore yourself out and missed your bus count?

Yes, that actually happened a couple of times.

 

[Tat2mom]

Hotpants, I wouldn't really worry too much about it. My sex drive kicked into high gear after 30 also. I almost always have multiple orgasms now, have been with a girl,and crave sex like never before. Our only problem is we have 2 little kids that keep it from happeneing as often as we would like. lol

 

[FungiUg]

Geez, that sounds SO familiar! That's pretty much what happened with my lover, although she had experimented with women before she hit 30.

 

[Etoile]

I experimented on women before I turned 30, too.

Oh wait, you said with women! (And I'm 23.) http://www.amanita.net/images/smilies/devil.gif

Hi FungiUg dear!

 

[BoredinCA]

No, your not a sex addict, I use to attend sex anonony... meetings with my ex-wife because she thought that I was too much into sex and as it works out wanting sex all the time has nothing really to do with sex addiction, Sex addiction has more to do with why and who you have sex with. Basicly what is probably going on is that you are just hitting 30. When I was a teen I use to go out with a lot of woman in their 30's partially for that reason. All I can suggest for you is first you might want to talk to your doctor and have him run some tests because it could be a sign of posible hormonal problems the chances are slim but its posible. The next thing I would recomend is going on an adventure... YUP now that you are 30 and are biologically a sexually mature woman it is now your time to rediscover your sexuality only this time you get to be free and redefine it too your likeing... it really is a wonderful thing because a year from now you will be the same person... but very different. I warn you though that you do have to keep things on an even keel because it is posible to do things that you would regret deeply later... believe it or not things will probably beging to sort of go back to the way they were in a few years so dont do anythign to compromise your values ( I know that sounds weird but you would be surprised how often it happens people end up hating themselves for years) As far as being horny all the time... it is most likely a problem with asociation and you have to change your mental outlook more than anything else... its kind of like being a teen and learning how to orgasm all over again. Read, learn, explore and enjoy (But do talk to your doctor because although its unlikely there is some seriouse shit that you could have that can cause future health problems for you.)