Sex, Scheduling and Spontaneity; or, If It's Monday, This Must Be Doggie Style

[CreamyLady]

A simple question.

In a long term relationship, how does one keep the spark, the sexual heat, alive?

I know that in the beginning, no one keeps his or her hands off each other; every encounter is new. There is a lot of discovery, and experimentation, and spontaneity.

After a time, though, one knows just what buttons to push, and one gets lazy, and it gets harder and harder to keep the wonder.

Any ideas on keeping the spontaneity and wonder, without resorting to a task scheduler?

 

[Alyrahh]

Surprise him/her by slipping into the shower unannounced while they're there. Buy a new toy and introduce it into your next encounter. Ask them to try something you've never done, 'course this would depend on what you've done already. For some it might be anal, or a different position, or maybe even just a different attitude during the act. If you're normally the submissive one, try on the dominant role for an evening, or vice versa. Try a new sex game... I'm particularly fond of the mutual, solo sex thing, you know, sitting across the room from one another, no touching allowed except of yourself. To masturbate for one another never, ever gets boring and old hat, in my opinion. And if all else fails, don't automatically rule out the scheduler thing... you'd be surprised by how exciting a mid-afternoon appointment can be!

Happy loving!

 

[puttout]

I think being involved in discussions like this can help keep the spark lit. Just by reading other peoples passions and fantasies may spark something inside you that didn't realize was there. I've found that while my ex life isn't what one wuold call boring it's just getting to the normal point it's still fun but it's not as EXCITING as it used to be. Since I have joined literotica I have found many ideas that I can try and of course found some that I can't even imagine partaking in. Keep asking questions like this hopefully more people will respond. Anyone tried tying their partner up standing up? Wonder if it is too hard on the woman? Great topic Creamy

 

[CW]

Surprise is good,,, experimentation is good,,, but consideration is best

The best way that I have found to keep the "wonder" alive for the long term is by varying the time and place as much as possible so that Monday night is not just doggie night,,, and vary the foreplay a lot, so that the sexual content is sometimes minimized,,, (if you read my response on the last foreplay thread then you may remember that I have found that foreplay can take on all sorts of aspects,,,)

Jump in the shower with him/her by all means,,, just spend a night or two cuddling with a book or video and being close without sex involved, after all sex doesn't have to be an every night/day thing,,, take an unplanned day trip to one of his/her favorite places, or better yet to some place new and then decide that you'll JUST have to spend the night out cause, jeeze, look at how late it is,,, I love to surprise my other half with these day trips, sometimes we stay out and sometimes not,,, vary the location of your sexual couplings,,, one of our favorites is the living room,,, surprise your other half by initiating sexual foreplay in odd places and at unexpected times,,,

So I guess that what I am really getting at is something called consideration,,, in that YOU TWO are willing to set aside more than a few minutes for a fast fuck ( although quickies are nice too ),,, Talking and listening will go a long way to helping as well,,, But, if the both of you aren't all that interested in keepping the wonder of sex alive ^^shrugs^^,,, then I really do not see anything that one person can do alone that will maintain the wonder of it all.

 

[teresafannin]

I like to surprise my sweetie. We are finding our way back to a good sex life after the trauma of the last year. I always wake up first in the morning,so I will let him sleep for awhile, then slip back in & snuggle up to him to wake him up. The other thing that works for us is sexy undies. I usually wear plain undies, but every once in a while, I buy something really racy & wear it under a short dress when we go out to dinner. An accidental happening was a few weeks ago, coming home from a Ren Faire. It has been so hot here, I wore my skirt & bodice without a blouse. The bodice laces up the front & sides. Unbeknownst to me, the front lacings had loosened & all of a sudden,there were my nipples peaking out. Needless to say, it was a fun ride home & even better when we got into the house. There are so many things to do, we have been together 4 years & we both like to surprise each other.