Ezzy
Insignificantly Important
- Joined
- Apr 16, 2000
- Posts
- 2,252
I found these while looking for jokes on the http://www.
Has anyone got any more? The ideas expressed below are by others, Ezzy only holds liability for posting them.
Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex
~ You can GET chocolate anywhere.
~ "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
~ Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
~ You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
~ You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
~ You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
~ If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
~ Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
~ The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
~ You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.
~ You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
~ You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
~ With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
~ Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
~ You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
~ Good chocolate is easy to find.
~ You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
~ You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
~ When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbours awake.
~ With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good.
~ If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it
too slowly.
~ Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries
all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
~ The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
~ Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge
off your appetite and you'll eat less.
~ A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of
calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
~ If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
~ But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
~ If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate
to protect themselves.
~ If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is
that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
~ Money talks. Chocolate sings.
~ Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look
younger.
~ Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A. Because no one wants to quit.
~ If it were not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top
pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.
~ Put "eating chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today.
That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.
Ok so when viewed as a whole they make a L.O.P. (long assed post), but look at them one at a time and they are only short. LOL.
EZ http://cgi.tripod.com/smilecwm/cgi-bin/s/cwm2/sleep.gif
[Edited by Ezzy on 11-22-2000 at 09:47 PM]
Has anyone got any more? The ideas expressed below are by others, Ezzy only holds liability for posting them.
Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex
~ You can GET chocolate anywhere.
~ "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
~ Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
~ You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
~ You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
~ You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
~ If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
~ Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
~ The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
~ You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.
~ You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
~ You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
~ With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
~ Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
~ You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
~ Good chocolate is easy to find.
~ You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
~ You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
~ When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbours awake.
~ With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good.
~ If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it
too slowly.
~ Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries
all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
~ The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
~ Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge
off your appetite and you'll eat less.
~ A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of
calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
~ If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
~ But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
~ If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate
to protect themselves.
~ If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is
that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
~ Money talks. Chocolate sings.
~ Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look
younger.
~ Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A. Because no one wants to quit.
~ If it were not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top
pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.
~ Put "eating chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today.
That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.
Ok so when viewed as a whole they make a L.O.P. (long assed post), but look at them one at a time and they are only short. LOL.
EZ http://cgi.tripod.com/smilecwm/cgi-bin/s/cwm2/sleep.gif
[Edited by Ezzy on 11-22-2000 at 09:47 PM]
