Sex Once A Month??

[Guest]

Sometimes I don't want sex anymore than once a month. I'm not getting it anywhere else and its not that my husband doesn't turn me on or I don't love him, I just don't seem to want it more often. He however thinks it his god goven right to demand it whenever he wants and it now threatening to cheat if i don't do it more often. I don't feel I should lay there and let him get on with it just to keep him form cheating when I don't want it so often.

Is this normal that I don't need sex very often?

 

[The Gimp]

The real problem here is having a husband who 1) demands sex when he knows you don't want it and 2) straight up tells you that he will cheat if he doesn't get what he wants. I'd be willing to bet that you would be in the mood for sex more often if you wern't married to an asshole.

 

[Tallfella]

It isn't his god given right to demand sex on tap. If he threatens to play away threaten to find the nastiest divorce lawyer in town. Or better still demand sex form him at a time when you know he isn't going to be too keen and then change your mind. It might just get the message across.

 

[Bandit58]

*sigh* I laid there and let my husband get on with it for years.....and hated myself and him. I thought there was something wrong with me......until I met a wonderful man who has taught me that sex is beautiful and wonderful with someone you really do love and who loves you back.

I'm sorry - but if he truly loved you he wouldn't make you do anything you didn't want to......and maybe it would be better if he did cheat, then you'd have an excuse to be rid of him.....

 

[lost]

<Snip>
I'm sorry - but if he truly loved you he wouldn't make you do anything you didn't want to......and maybe it would be better if he did cheat, then you'd have an excuse to be rid of him.....

What she said

 

[busybody..]

But if you really LOVED him

you would seek professional help, yourself. You may have a hormonal imbalance.

I think he is MORE right then you.

 

[ub6ibfine]

i can speak from experince some women do lose the desire an some just dont need it like others. it could be something wrong
but it depends if you call change wrong. as for your more deeper
problem with him. you two should split up, if hes telling you if you dont give it up he will cheat that shows he has it in him to cheat on you an he doesnt love you like he says he does. (belive it or not) all though in contrary to popular belife you shouldnt go out an find tha best lawyer. i mean relationships have taught me a good lesson an what ive found out your better off with out one.
because of situations like this. you can go out find a good lawyer thrash him in court probably get money out of him he shouldnt be paying. ask yourself did you two need a lawyer to get hooked up?
then why do you have to find a good one to break up? hanlde the situation like adults an thats how it will end...

 

[complicity]

Re: But if you really LOVED him

you would seek professional help, yourself. You may have a hormonal imbalance.

I think he is MORE right then you.

There isn't anyone on this planet who is "right" to demand sex, no matter what the circumsatnces!

 

[dreamer]

Re: Re: But if you really LOVED him

There isn't anyone on this planet who is "right" to demand sex, no matter what the circumsatnces!

I TOTALLY agree. I think this could be an example where one person's problem is feeding the other in a circular way. You don't want sex, he acts like a childish asshole, that makes you want sex less, he starts with the threats...

Where you are now, it's NO surprise you don't want to have sex with this guy. Hell, I'd think there was something wrong with you if you DID want to have sex with someone that says those things.

However, if this is a relationship you both want to preserve you need to get into counseling...asap.

Best of luck to you.

 

[fulci2]

if this is someone who you really do love and want to stay with, you should either; a) consider seeking help in regards to your sex drive, or b) consider opening the relationship. there is no question that he has no right to demand sex. but do understand that an unsatisfying sex life is a reasonable cause to be unhappy. so if this truly is someone you are in love with, you should resolve the problem in one way or another. and if he truly loves you, your trying should be enough to make him patient enough to not cheat or demand sex.

 

[DasChudz]

I totally agree that nobody has the right to demand sex, or threaten to cheat if they don't get any....that's fucking WRONG...You don't use someone like that.....

The weird thing is in my past relationships, I've been cheated on a few times (usually with people that I call friends)...and dumped a few times...why?

I didn't "give it up enough"

And I'm a guy

And for some reason, the times I was told this, people around me accepted that as a good enough reason

Why is this?

 

[Lust Engine]

Don't even fall into that ugly trap of "If you really loved him you'd (insert undesirable situation here)".

Being in love is a two way street. Sure he considers your sex drive down but in your eyes, his is too high. A committed relationship is always has been & always will be about compromise.

Yes, acknowledge that your drive is low and do something about it. Perhaps seek medical consultation to make sure that it isn't a chemical or hormonal imbalance. And then the BOTH of you should seek some form of therapy to resolve his demand issue.

Sorry busybody, I couldn't DISAGREE with you more but it's BOTH of their issues, not just the woman's fault here. There isn't any blame to be dealt here. The situation being what it is needs to be rectified for BOTH parties.

His attitude towards his "right" to have sex are callous & uncaring. While he might want to have sex, I can understand but to demand it in such a rude way is beyond belief. His solution to cheat is even more infantile.

The solution to this is up to the BOTH of you to seek counselling and not up for one to dictate what the other should do.

Good luck.

 

[DevilBoy79]

*edited first post , was placed in wrong thread on with topic* no one has the right to demand sex in general, well unless your roleplaying thats a different story

 

[Lust Engine]

*edited first post , was placed in wrong thread on with topic* no one has the right to demand sex in general, well unless your roleplaying thats a different story

I agree! Demands aren't from loving & caring people. Requests, which can be followed by a NO answer, are made in strong relationships.

 

[Booty Bandit]

Me thinks there is more to this

There isnt anything wrong with one partner not wanting sex at times.......we all have differant sex drives...........but once a month????.........for more than a few months........there has to be a problem in the relationship somewhere if it goes on for very long

Just my humble opinion........: )

 

[Tallfella]

Again it's neither partners right to demand sex . If people think they can demand it then go to a hooker. If you force someone into sex then its rape married or not and besides how the hell can you enjoy it if you've forced someone into it. Under normal circumstances that s Roleplay don't count LOL

 

[SexyChele]

I find it interesting that Unreg hasn't returned to comment on this situation - but, oh well....it gives us all something to talk about, yes?

I will say this: how many ads do we find right here at Lit where men are stating they no longer get enough sex from their wives and are looking for a little on the side? How many men post questions here asking how to increase their wives sex drive, because they only get it once or twice a month? Most times, it seems as though posters sympathize with the men in these cases. I wonder why that is, when here we call this woman's husband a brute?

Unreg - if you return - a decrease in a woman's sex drive might be caused by several different factors. Type of birth control, age, medical condition, stress, children, etc. If you only feel like sex once a month, and your husband would like it more often, then I would think you both need to find out what's up. Has your sex drive recently declined? Or have you always been this way? Is there added stress in your life? Or more responsibilities?

I would start off by going to my doctor and having a little chat. See if there might be something physical that could be decreasing your sex drive. If you check out okay physically, then look around at your life - is there anything that could be tiring you out? Stressing you out? Overwhelming you?

Talk to your husband, let him know this concerns you as much as it does him. (I'm assuming you are concerned) There have been many, many men who have posted on Lit that if their wives didn't give them more sex they would cheat. I think that is a fairly common threat - and one that most men do not follow up on. However, work together to try to find a solution. It's not your fault, it's not his fault, but together you should be able to find a solution.

 

[Chuckwrox]

Okay, so we've covered the "No one has the right to demand sex" subject pretty well, by now. But a partner definitely has the right to ask for sex if that's part of the relationship, doesn't s/he? Unregistered certainly sounds pissed off about being pressured to make love with her husband, but if making love is part of your relationship, I think that you've definitely got the right to ask and got the right to say 'no', at the other end.

I'm sure there are people out there who have a naturally low sex drive. And, YES, once a month is low. Once a month is a symptom of a larger problem. Maybe he turns you off, maybe there's an imbalance, somewhere. From the tone of Unreg's posting, I'm putting my money on an emotional issue, like resenting being pressured into having sex more than she wants. But this sounds like an issue that's not going to go away with a simple, "Everyone says you're pressuring me too much, so back off."

See a counselor or doctor. You've both got needs that aren't getting met.

 

[SXCRgirl]

I think that there is a bigger issue here than just "you're not in the mood to have sex." Sex mirrors the quality of your relationship and I can't state this enough. There are deeper issues there that both of you need to deal with. Talk to him, talk to a counselor, talk to SOMEONE. If you truly want to work this out, it will take effort on BOTH your parts to make it work.

He doesn't have the right to demand sex. We've already established that. His *demands* for sex just shows his frustration with the whole situation as well. Talk to each other in a neutral setting. Be honest even if it is painful. If you cannot be honest with him and vice versa, then you don't have any business being together. Exhaust every avenue and if it still cannot be resolved, then take it to the next level. I would advise against cheating. You will feel good only in the moment, but only then.

Good luck.

 

[bunny bondage]

alright, at the risk of being totally redundant, i'll state my little opinion. is it perhaps the fact that he's made sex something you feel obligated to do that causes you to not want it? when sex becomes a chore, it looses a lot of its spark and fun. nobody wants to feel like they HAVE to put out, espically for the sake of keeping the relationship together. this sounds like a bad situation all together. had he come to you with an open mind, asking you if there was something wrong, or if you were experienceing some sort of life-issue that was preventing you from wanting sex, offered you understanding instead of pressure, then i'd say he was worth keeping. but as it is, he sounds like a possessive, demanding, selfish prick. but hey, i don't know the guy. don't feel like you have to hang onto him, there's thousands of fish in the sea. perhaps the problem is with the relationship, not with you. have you fantasasized about other men? or perhaps women? explore the problem, and really consider that this man might just not be right for you. or anyone, for that matter.

 

[gaigirl]

Originally posted by bunny bondage alright, at the risk of being totally redundant, i'll state my little opinion.

Me too. My little opinion, I mean.

I'm reading this thinking, 'What's wrong with him going out for some on the side?' Is it that much a threat to someone who has a low sex drive (regardless of the reason) to know that the partner is getting physical needs met elsewhere?

What's so great about monogamy? Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I don't think monogamy is the end all or the be all of a marriage. A marriage partnership extends far beyond sex. Sometimes, a marriage can still be good, even if the sex is not so great-- i.e. the good parts can outweigh the bad.

I can have anything I want, but I can't have everything. My definition of compromise-- it starts with me.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Hmmm, I was wondering when someone would think of this..........

Unreg - if you return - a decrease in a woman's sex drive might be caused by several different factors. Type of birth control, age, medical condition, stress, children, etc. If you only feel like sex once a month, and your husband would like it more often, then I would think you both need to find out what's up. Has your sex drive recently declined? Or have you always been this way? Is there added stress in your life? Or more responsibilities?

I would start off by going to my doctor and having a little chat. See if there might be something physical that could be decreasing your sex drive. If you check out okay physically, then look around at your life - is there anything that could be tiring you out? Stressing you out? Overwhelming you?

SexyChele I was thinking the same thing. In today's society there is too much responsibility placed on women to be "super moms" and take on too much. Unregistered didn't say if there are childern involved, but even if there aren't any it could be that she is so overwhelmed with daily tasks that she has no energy left over for sex. If I was her, after checking with my doctor, I'd look at my life to see if this might be a cause of a lack of sexual drive.


-kym- gearing up for MY-Sir's attentions next week

 

[Tallfella]

Me too. My little opinion, I mean.

I'm reading this thinking, 'What's wrong with him going out for some on the side?' Is it that much a threat to someone who has a low sex drive (regardless of the reason) to know that the partner is getting physical needs met elsewhere?

What's so great about monogamy? Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I don't think monogamy is the end all or the be all of a marriage. A marriage partnership extends far beyond sex. Sometimes, a marriage can still be good, even if the sex is not so great-- i.e. the good parts can outweigh the bad.

I can have anything I want, but I can't have everything. My definition of compromise-- it starts with me.

Iwas married to someone with a very low sex drive. She used sex as a weapon and made me feel dirty everytime I wanted to make love to her, she also told me she thought masturbation was a sin she wasn't even religoius.
I do wonder if unregistered has an upbringing that makes sexs something that is dirty.
My new wife btw is totally different and well sometimes it's a wonder i have the energy to type lol.

 

[gimmeadaiquiri]

Daaaamn

Sex once a month?? Damn... I could never do that.

Gotta admire that.

But yeah, maybe if you don't want it-- you need a man who's going to make you want it, you know?

 

[dpod]

I was in a relationship where she wanted it more than me by alot. After a while my sex drive went down, but that was based on her treatment of me. Unreg I would say that it would be good to see a doctor just to make sure there nothing hormonially (sp?) or physically wrong and maybe see a counseller, man I can't spell, for him.
Good luck and if he complains well the hand is quicker than the eye. People can go without sex a long time. Since I started to take care of my mother who passed last year I didn't have the energy or time to get someone to have sex with me. Sometime I feel like a monk.