Sex Life Circling the Drain?

[CravingBBWs]

Everyone here has been super supportive, so I thought I'd try this out. Just need to get this off my chest. For reference, I'm a 45yo married guy, 5'9" average-to-athletic build. Maybe not hot, but probably good-looking. Several of my wife's friends have joked about "borrowing" me for a night when they were all drunk together. Not sure that's anyone's serious proposition, but I'll take it as a compliment. We've been married 20 years.

I do try to be grateful for what I have (given some of the BS my friends share with me about their wives/GFs,) but I think my sex life is "circling the drain" - has this happened to you? Maybe it's a normal part of aging? Maybe something else entirely? Here are some things that have happened over the last year that make me think my wife would rather just stop altogether. For the record, we have fairly open discussions about most things.

First, you should know a little about the past... I looooove variety and taking time to tease. She's always been game and fairly submissive... just along for the ride, and seemed happily so. My favorite positions and activities start when she has her back to me... backrubs, neck nibbling, brushing my cock against her booty... that sort of thing. One of the most sensual times we've spent together in the past was when a backrub evolved into her grinding her BBW ass on my cock. At some point along the way, I didn't even have to move. She used her ass to edge me slowly for an hour. Even after I came all over her back, she just kept going. Amazing. This is what I picture whenever someone says "wet and wild," because I'm fairly certain that's the most juice I've ever sprayed at one time.

Love hearing her breathing speed up slowly over time. She always smells wonderful. Everything about her is a feast for my senses. I love going down on her. She pulls my head up when she can't bear the tongue-teasing anymore and needs cock. Lately, she'll stop me a minute or two into anything like this and say "If you're in the mood for that, fine, but it's not doing much for me."

Fair enough. On the topic of what SHE wants, lately she'll say "just don't think too much about it." This usually results in missionary quickies (get the job done in 5m or less) since it becomes uncomfortable to talk or ask her anything beyond that. My cock is slightly above-average at 7 inches, and sometimes she'll tell me to drive deep into her, hold there and flex it. That's another thing she says she really likes. Happy to oblige, whatever her pleasure.

Lately, she won't ask what I want. A few years back, she would ask before my birthday would come up. I would always tell her sincerely I'd love a blowjob. She just won't. Last year, instead of the BJ I requested, she planned a weekend getaway. It was nice, but I need sex more than 3x a month, and definitely more than once during a weekend getaway. Also, to try something different than a missionary quickie once in a while.

My wife knows I have needs, and knows I masturbate frequently. It neither thrills her nor bothers her in any way.

She said she's open to seeing a therapist, which seems like a good sign. I saw one for 5 sessions (maybe not enough?) before I considered bringing my wife along, but the therapist seemed to disapprove of me voicing that sex lately was always a missionary quickie. I really don't think I said this in an insulting way... just matter-of-fact. What do I know about therapy other than it's supposed to be a safe place to speak your mind? What should you do when your fantasies and dreams are pushed away? Just smile because "hey, at least you're getting some (such as it is?)"

I stopped seeing the therapist since I don't need someone judging me disapprovingly for wanting something different in the bedroom. I did learn that I was "stonewalling," so I made sure to continue speaking about things openly with my wife - however unconfortable it might get. During the last session, the therapist asked me if I ever consider having an affair. I told her it would probably be more trouble than it was worth. I still consider other women sexually of course, but it never crosses my mind to speak to them about moving anything forward.

However, it did get me thinking about 6 or 7 years ago, we met an ex-GF of mine at my high-school reunion. She was getting a divorce at the time and seemed like she needed friendly support during a time she couldn't rely on her family to help with things. She and my wife seemed to get along. My wife encouraged me to help her move and even take her out for distraction, and I did a few times. A few months later, my wife asked about her, and I said we hadn't spoken in a while, so I figured she'd gotten her life back together. With a knowing smile, she said, "well, if anything happened between you two, just don't tell me about it."

Writing all this out has helped a lot. What has your experience been?

 

[Hal9000_]

Pm Beeez. She's always up for "fun" with other dudes.

 

[dolf]

Why is a reduction in sex drive always seen as an issue? Frustrating though it might be for a partner, it's entirely possible that it isn't a symptom of some deeper psychological or physical problem that needs fixing. And, when sexual drives become mismatched, it's almost always the person who wants less who, in the opinion of society, needs to change. Randy and horny are fun words. Frigid is usually an insult, and implies coldness. It seems like the world really just wants them to pretend to enjoy the sex they really don't want to have. Like rape-lite, but without the guilt.

This isn't helpful to you. I just felt like bitching too.

 

[Hal9000_]

Why is a reduction in sex drive always seen as an issue? Frustrating though it might be for a partner, it's entirely possible that it isn't a symptom of some deeper psychological or physical problem that needs fixing. And, when sexual drives become mismatched, it's almost always the person who wants less who, in the opinion of society, needs to change. Randy and horny are fun words. Frigid is usually an insult, and implies coldness. It seems like the world really just wants them to pretend to enjoy the sex they really don't want to have. Like rape-lite, but without the guilt.

This isn't helpful to you. I just felt like bitching too.

Good points. And it goes both ways. How many women bitch about their hubby always "being tired"?

After the poor bastard worked 60 hours in a week. Oh well...

 

[dolf]

And my sensible advice is this,

If you want a wild bird to eat from your hand, and you chase it around the garden thrusting fistfuls of grain out every time it gets close, eventually it will flee the instant it sees you.

 

[CravingBBWs]

And my sensible advice is this,

If you want a wild bird to eat from your hand, and you chase it around the garden thrusting fistfuls of grain out every time it gets close, eventually it will flee the instant it sees you.

That's great advice - thanks for the reminder.
I guess people don't want to feel like a predator in their own marriage, but sometimes an outside perspective is just what the doctor ordered.

 

[ishtat]

Try loving her rather than trying to make love to her. Let her come to you if and when she's ready.

Tell her you love her perhaps, you didn't mention it in your 11 paragraphs.

 

[Ann_Tagonist]

Luke out hunting for fatties to abuse again?

 

[Dribble]

...

I stopped seeing the therapist since I don't need someone judging me disapprovingly for wanting something different in the bedroom. I did learn that I was "stonewalling," so I made sure to continue speaking about things openly with my wife - however unconfortable it might get. During the last session, the therapist asked me if I ever consider having an affair. I told her it would probably be more trouble than it was worth. I still consider other women sexually of course, but it never crosses my mind to speak to them about moving anything forward.

?

These are your words. If one writes enough, the truth always comes out.

The therapist asked you whether you ever thought of having an affair to determine your honesty level. Are you even capable of being honest? You failed. And you know it...hence the reason you stopped going. Your explaination for why you stopped are empty words...cause if you really did care...you would not just be seeing things from your biased point of view.

If your therapist knows you are incapable of being honest...and you know you are incapable of being honest...then I will fucking guarantee your wife knows it.

My suggestion? It doesnt matter what I believe. What matters is whether you can be honest w yourself. What does stonewalling mean to you?

 

[CandiCame]

I don't know how much traction you're gonna get if you just want people to talk about their sex lives not being up to par. I kinda notice that most of the other replies are giving advice but it sounds like you just want to know that you're not alone.

Any you're probably not. I think a lot of people are in relationships where one person has a higher sex drive than the other. Honestly, I think I'm just getting old? I'm in the same boat as your wife where I just, "Don't think that much about it" anymore.

But also like... apart from when I used to do uppers, which has that side effect of making you really horny, I never really thought that much about sex? It was always just kind of a thing I did, like a fun activity that was an option with a bunch of other fun activities. I really think that at this point I could be celibate and just kinda... not feel like I lost a lot, you know?

That probably comes off as, "Yeah that's easy for you to say," from somebody in my position but I really do think that. I don't think I would care that much.

Honestly, I think that if one of my partners randomly stopped fucking me, it wouldn't be the sex that bothered me, it would be that something in our relationship randomly changed. Like if somebody randomly stops doing something they used to enjoy I'd be like, "shit. That's a red flag. Are you ok? Is something wrong? I'm asking because your behavior drastically changed and that makes me worried that something might be wrong."

 

[suurfer]

I'm a woman in my mid-forties, probably a few years older than your wife's age range. I just don't feel it anymore. (Good riddance, actually.)
So through My schema:

Is it because she's grappling with deeper existential issues and she's sublimating? Or she no longer finds you interesting and exciting? Or cause peri-menopause and her tissues are drying out?
I think the answer lies in choosing one of these .

 

[Gypsytag]

I'm a Pakistani man in my mid-forties, probably a few years older than your wife's age range. I just don't feel it anymore. (Good riddance, actually.)
So through My schema:

Is it because she's grappling with deeper existential issues and she's sublimating? Or she no longer finds you interesting and exciting? Or cause peri-menopause and her tissues are drying out?
I think the answer lies in choosing one of these .

Pipe down, Gavrag.

You make EVERY thread about YOU.

 

[suurfer]

Pipe down, Gavrag.

You make EVERY thread about YOU.

Nope. I might have used "I's", but that's the experience of many wo,en over 45.

Your body is changing (thinning tissues and loss of facial structure bones), your periods are getting scarcer, your facial rashes angrier, you're getting more angular and fat.
How is a woman supposed to still feel sexy and service with that crap?

On the other hand, your spiritual life is getting better, you're looking at the stars.

 

[suurfer]

I just think that direct communication is the best.

"You no longer find me attractive, or men in general?" No offense taken, in fact I'm greatful you told me so I can readjust.
"Is it about Your decreased sexual drive, as opposed to me?" Thank you, it makes me feel less guilty and improves my self-esteem.
"About aging?" It makes me feel useful, I'll try to support you with that.

If partners are unable to communicate straightforward and soothe themselves through that, it's about personalities.

 

[lovetoread]

Try loving her rather than trying to make love to her. Let her come to you if and when she's ready.

Tell her you love her perhaps, you didn't mention it in your 11 paragraphs.

i wish we could like posts.

this is great

 

[suurfer]

Some wives are pretty bitchy and controlling or abusive themselves.
So...

 

[Debbie]

Everyone here has been super supportive, so I thought I'd try this out. Just need to get this off my chest. For reference, I'm a 45yo married guy, 5'9" average-to-athletic build. Maybe not hot, but probably good-looking. Several of my wife's friends have joked about "borrowing" me for a night when they were all drunk together. Not sure that's anyone's serious proposition, but I'll take it as a compliment. We've been married 20 years.

I do try to be grateful for what I have (given some of the BS my friends share with me about their wives/GFs,) but I think my sex life is "circling the drain" - has this happened to you? Maybe it's a normal part of aging? Maybe something else entirely? Here are some things that have happened over the last year that make me think my wife would rather just stop altogether. For the record, we have fairly open discussions about most things.

First, you should know a little about the past... I looooove variety and taking time to tease. She's always been game and fairly submissive... just along for the ride, and seemed happily so. My favorite positions and activities start when she has her back to me... backrubs, neck nibbling, brushing my cock against her booty... that sort of thing. One of the most sensual times we've spent together in the past was when a backrub evolved into her grinding her BBW ass on my cock. At some point along the way, I didn't even have to move. She used her ass to edge me slowly for an hour. Even after I came all over her back, she just kept going. Amazing. This is what I picture whenever someone says "wet and wild," because I'm fairly certain that's the most juice I've ever sprayed at one time.

Love hearing her breathing speed up slowly over time. She always smells wonderful. Everything about her is a feast for my senses. I love going down on her. She pulls my head up when she can't bear the tongue-teasing anymore and needs cock. Lately, she'll stop me a minute or two into anything like this and say "If you're in the mood for that, fine, but it's not doing much for me."

Fair enough. On the topic of what SHE wants, lately she'll say "just don't think too much about it." This usually results in missionary quickies (get the job done in 5m or less) since it becomes uncomfortable to talk or ask her anything beyond that. My cock is slightly above-average at 7 inches, and sometimes she'll tell me to drive deep into her, hold there and flex it. That's another thing she says she really likes. Happy to oblige, whatever her pleasure.

Lately, she won't ask what I want. A few years back, she would ask before my birthday would come up. I would always tell her sincerely I'd love a blowjob. She just won't. Last year, instead of the BJ I requested, she planned a weekend getaway. It was nice, but I need sex more than 3x a month, and definitely more than once during a weekend getaway. Also, to try something different than a missionary quickie once in a while.

My wife knows I have needs, and knows I masturbate frequently. It neither thrills her nor bothers her in any way.

She said she's open to seeing a therapist, which seems like a good sign. I saw one for 5 sessions (maybe not enough?) before I considered bringing my wife along, but the therapist seemed to disapprove of me voicing that sex lately was always a missionary quickie. I really don't think I said this in an insulting way... just matter-of-fact. What do I know about therapy other than it's supposed to be a safe place to speak your mind? What should you do when your fantasies and dreams are pushed away? Just smile because "hey, at least you're getting some (such as it is?)"

I stopped seeing the therapist since I don't need someone judging me disapprovingly for wanting something different in the bedroom. I did learn that I was "stonewalling," so I made sure to continue speaking about things openly with my wife - however unconfortable it might get. During the last session, the therapist asked me if I ever consider having an affair. I told her it would probably be more trouble than it was worth. I still consider other women sexually of course, but it never crosses my mind to speak to them about moving anything forward.

However, it did get me thinking about 6 or 7 years ago, we met an ex-GF of mine at my high-school reunion. She was getting a divorce at the time and seemed like she needed friendly support during a time she couldn't rely on her family to help with things. She and my wife seemed to get along. My wife encouraged me to help her move and even take her out for distraction, and I did a few times. A few months later, my wife asked about her, and I said we hadn't spoken in a while, so I figured she'd gotten her life back together. With a knowing smile, she said, "well, if anything happened between you two, just don't tell me about it."

Writing all this out has helped a lot. What has your experience been?

Write her a letter. Tell her how you feel and how sexy she is to you, how much you love her and want to make love to her.

Or let her read this and ask her what she wants too.

Life can be complex. But most of us are not mind readers so communicating, sharing, talking to your partner and vice versa can be very enlightening

 

[dolf]

Write her a letter. Tell her how you feel and how sexy she is to you, how much you love her and want to make love to her.

Or let her read this and ask her what she wants too.

Life can be complex. But most of us are not mind readers so communicating, sharing, talking to your partner and vice versa can be very enlightening

Terrible idea. Just more pressure.

Leave out the bit about really wanting to bone her, and change the sexy to beautiful, but keep the bit about love.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

'Deeper existential issues...'

DEEPER EXISTENTIAL ISSUES??!!

People go there these days? Any people? Remarkable.

(suurfer - it was you it was you).

 

[Kantarii]

Seems kinda selfish if you’re only thinking about your needs instead of hers as well - just saying.

 

[Debbie]

Lets get a little real.

It's not often discussed openly as a woman gets older and our hormones change. We can sometimes have vaginal dryness and other exciting things as our bodies age. Menopause, physiological changes possibly low libido, extremely tired, hot flushes etc and so forth.

Don't get me started on needing steel reinforced bras to hold up my now sagging giant boobs.


I am not making excuses if someone is in a relationship and there is now less frequent sexxxy, urgent hot sex but it could be down to more than just a case of getting too comfortable, can't be fucked changing out of my not so sexy trackpants and baggy, slightly raggy jumper into a g string and stilettos or losing interest etc.

And that goes for the men as well as the ladies.

High blood pressure, low testosterone. A floppy cocky when you really want him to stand to attention and report for duty

So agony aunt debbie has a little advice.

Talk to each other when it comes to your sex lives or lack of if that's the case. You never know things might be as simple as getting some lube or a trip to the dr to make sure everything is a ok for you and your beloved healthwise.

 

[Saint Peter]

I like 'em saggy and wire supported.

 

[colddiesel]

Sex life going down the drain!! It seems to me that you are the drain.

It might help if you stopped regarding your wife as a piece of adjacent, available meat your cock has some sort of proprietorial rights to.

 

[CandiCame]

I like 'em saggy and wire supported.

Saggy and Sophisticated, just like the bumper sticker.

 

[FGB]

Everyone here has been super supportive, so I thought I'd try this out. Just need to get this off my chest. For reference, I'm a 45yo married guy, 5'9" average-to-athletic build. Maybe not hot, but probably good-looking. Several of my wife's friends have joked about "borrowing" me for a night when they were all drunk together. Not sure that's anyone's serious proposition, but I'll take it as a compliment. We've been married 20 years.

I do try to be grateful for what I have (given some of the BS my friends share with me about their wives/GFs,) but I think my sex life is "circling the drain" - has this happened to you? Maybe it's a normal part of aging? Maybe something else entirely? Here are some things that have happened over the last year that make me think my wife would rather just stop altogether. For the record, we have fairly open discussions about most things.

First, you should know a little about the past... I looooove variety and taking time to tease. She's always been game and fairly submissive... just along for the ride, and seemed happily so. My favorite positions and activities start when she has her back to me... backrubs, neck nibbling, brushing my cock against her booty... that sort of thing. One of the most sensual times we've spent together in the past was when a backrub evolved into her grinding her BBW ass on my cock. At some point along the way, I didn't even have to move. She used her ass to edge me slowly for an hour. Even after I came all over her back, she just kept going. Amazing. This is what I picture whenever someone says "wet and wild," because I'm fairly certain that's the most juice I've ever sprayed at one time.

Love hearing her breathing speed up slowly over time. She always smells wonderful. Everything about her is a feast for my senses. I love going down on her. She pulls my head up when she can't bear the tongue-teasing anymore and needs cock. Lately, she'll stop me a minute or two into anything like this and say "If you're in the mood for that, fine, but it's not doing much for me."

Fair enough. On the topic of what SHE wants, lately she'll say "just don't think too much about it." This usually results in missionary quickies (get the job done in 5m or less) since it becomes uncomfortable to talk or ask her anything beyond that. My cock is slightly above-average at 7 inches, and sometimes she'll tell me to drive deep into her, hold there and flex it. That's another thing she says she really likes. Happy to oblige, whatever her pleasure.

Lately, she won't ask what I want. A few years back, she would ask before my birthday would come up. I would always tell her sincerely I'd love a blowjob. She just won't. Last year, instead of the BJ I requested, she planned a weekend getaway. It was nice, but I need sex more than 3x a month, and definitely more than once during a weekend getaway. Also, to try something different than a missionary quickie once in a while.

My wife knows I have needs, and knows I masturbate frequently. It neither thrills her nor bothers her in any way.

She said she's open to seeing a therapist, which seems like a good sign. I saw one for 5 sessions (maybe not enough?) before I considered bringing my wife along, but the therapist seemed to disapprove of me voicing that sex lately was always a missionary quickie. I really don't think I said this in an insulting way... just matter-of-fact. What do I know about therapy other than it's supposed to be a safe place to speak your mind? What should you do when your fantasies and dreams are pushed away? Just smile because "hey, at least you're getting some (such as it is?)"

I stopped seeing the therapist since I don't need someone judging me disapprovingly for wanting something different in the bedroom. I did learn that I was "stonewalling," so I made sure to continue speaking about things openly with my wife - however unconfortable it might get. During the last session, the therapist asked me if I ever consider having an affair. I told her it would probably be more trouble than it was worth. I still consider other women sexually of course, but it never crosses my mind to speak to them about moving anything forward.

However, it did get me thinking about 6 or 7 years ago, we met an ex-GF of mine at my high-school reunion. She was getting a divorce at the time and seemed like she needed friendly support during a time she couldn't rely on her family to help with things. She and my wife seemed to get along. My wife encouraged me to help her move and even take her out for distraction, and I did a few times. A few months later, my wife asked about her, and I said we hadn't spoken in a while, so I figured she'd gotten her life back together. With a knowing smile, she said, "well, if anything happened between you two, just don't tell me about it."

Writing all this out has helped a lot. What has your experience been?

Not ALL but it does seem to help some people.

https://video.search.yahoo.com/sear...=38b4296d91e06cd964a595847c0b744e&action=view