Sex gone wrong

[Jada59]

Have you ever had a funny thing happen during sex?

Twice, I fell out of bed.

Once, my then BF and I were trying out s book of 365 sexual positions. We intended to try them all. But we got to one that neither of us could do. We could get into the position, but it was impossible to have sex like that.

He said, “Screw this book!” And then he threw it. It came very close to flying out the open window. At the time, I lived above a dance studio on a very busy highway.

We both found it so funny that all we could do was cling to each other and roll around bed, laughing.

We did eventually resume the sex. But it took some time. Every time we looked at each other, we’d start laughing again.

When I was married, I was chatting online with a guy friend. We were both complaing of the lack of sex.

He said, “You’ve got it easy! He’s Italian. Hang a clove of garlic around your neck and stand there naked. He won’t be able to resist you!”

So I tried.

Reported back to my friend. Said I had just finished putting the garlic on, when he came into the kitchen. I got smacked in the face by the fridge door as he was going for the leftover pizza. Then he saw me. Screamed and ran away.

 

[TheF1x3r]

Haha on a similar vain with falling out of the bed…

When visiting Europe me and my partner at the time were still in the early stage.. so we barely left the hotel.

We were a day or so into intense lovemaking, just finished one session and ready for the next.. I picked her up and carried her to the bed and placed her in the middle… she was scooting up the bed when suddenly it swallowed her… I can still remember the sheer panic in her eyes as she grasped the sheets and tried to hook her feet on either side of the sinkhole… but to no avail as she continued to sink into the abyss

It turned out the hotel had hooked two single beds together (a European thing…?) and the previous actions had removed the hook so the bed literally split in two

I’m standing there naked and wide eyed still trying to comprehend what happened when I heard “uhh… help?”

 

[Pabiporffor]

I was entertaining a guy in our barn and he managed to get rusty nail up his backside. Worse thing was I had to get my dad to drive him to hospital.

 

[Sgts19]

The worst was when I was fucking my wife from behind popped out and slammed it back in...the wrong hole not good.

The most exciting was my wife and my friend were laying on one side of the bed while I was fucking his wife. I was standing she was on all four when the bed broke. Down it went tough to explain that one to the front desk.

The funniest was I was standing my wife was on the bed on all fours and I was close to going off. Just as started to cum I feel a cold nose in the crack of my ass. Scarred the shit out of I sure wasn't thinking anything like that would happen. I pulled out when that happened and cum flew everywhere. My wife's back the bed the floor and the dogs head. That was a good one. And No I didn't want the dog to mount me ( A Lit thought for some)

 

[ChuckWolf]

The closest thing that comes to memory, involved a casual GF, who had a very sarcastic personality.

I think I had brought up G-spot orgasms and my experience in making them happen and she was very skeptical and said I was full of crap.

So, challenge accepted; I went down on her and I brought her to a regular orgasm (I think?), which makes it easier to bring about a g-spot orgasm.

As I was fingering her, she acted bored and was constantly saying stuff like, "So when is this magical orgasm you promised me going to happen again?"

Pretty much killing the mood, so I bailed after awhile.

 

[StrongMaster7]

Many years ago in college, I friend told my roommate at me that he could get condoms for cheap at the hospital where he worked. We each bought a box for $5.

I was fucking my girlfriend in the backseat of her car. She had straddled me and was facing me riding my cock while I mauled her big tits. It felt so good. So warm. So wet. It felt too good!!!! I pulled out and saw to my horror that torn condom wrapped around the based of my cock. And I was coming!!!. My girlfriend reached down and jacked me off the rest of the way, bless her. That's the only time that has ever happened to me.

Later, I told this story to my roommate. The same thing had happened to him!

We threw away the rest of those rubbers.

 

[Wonderer67]

This didn’t happen during sex, but it was still a sexual mishap… sort of…

My wife and I are empty nesters, so we don’t really need to hide our sex toys that much.

She usually keeps her Hitachi vibrator just in the drawer of her nightstand. We use it frequently so it just stays plugged in and resting in the bottom drawer of her nightstand.

One night I was jolted out of a dead sleep to a pretty loud noise.

I have ptsd, so I was up and pretty much diving for cover, thinking it was an earthquake or a mortar or a rocket attack or something!

Don’t ever wake someone who’s a combat veteran out of a deep sleep!

She also freaked herself out because she couldn’t figure out what the noise was, and also I had woken out of a deep sleep to a loud vibrating noise and was yelling and hollering.

Took us a minute to figure out what the fuck the noise was.

She had gotten up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. The lo/hi button of the hitachi must’ve been on hi, and she must have kicked the drawer closed accidentally activating the high vibration button!

Once I calmed down, we actually had a hell of a good laugh.

(Illustrative example… the on off button must’ve been facing directly up when she kicked the drawer closed…)

https://imgur.com/a/u0NaHeB

 

[ReallyRandyReader]

it was impossible to have sex like that.

He said, “Screw this book!”

That was not the ending to the story I expected. Must have been the HARD back edition

 

[Athrun_Zala]

Few years ago, went to Thailand with a bunch of friends. We were visiting the bars and clubs hoping to get lucky. None of us could speak Thai or any other language other then English, but we did get lucky and went back to our hotels with a few girls.

We didn't want to use our names so we made up names for ourselves (in our heads we thought that would be safer). For some reason McDonalds pop into my head and I told the girls my name was Ronald McDonald. A couple of the girls spoke broken English (know a few words), but they knew McDonald. I said yes like the restaurant, just call me Ronald. They try to said that name, but it didn't sound like it, but I didn't care at that point. We were there to get lucky.

I was in my hotel room with one of the girls and we went at it at least a hour. I was spooning her and when I got hard again I went for it again. My cock was cover with her cum and I slide right in. She start calling out "Ron nald, Ron nald"

I know I had told her my name was Ronald so I went along and told her to say my name.

She was screaming and I was holding her tight and pumping her hard, I cum and pull out and look down. That's when I realize she wasn't calling my name. She was telling me, I was in the wrong hold not Ron nald.

 

[Jada59]

This didn’t happen during sex, but it was still a sexual mishap… sort of…

My wife and I are empty nesters, so we don’t really need to hide our sex toys that much.

She usually keeps her Hitachi vibrator just in the drawer of her nightstand. We use it frequently so it just stays plugged in and resting in the bottom drawer of her nightstand.

One night I was jolted out of a dead sleep to a pretty loud noise.

I have ptsd, so I was up and pretty much diving for cover, thinking it was an earthquake or a mortar or a rocket attack or something!

Don’t ever wake someone who’s a combat veteran out of a deep sleep!

She also freaked herself out because she couldn’t figure out what the noise was, and also I had woken out of a deep sleep to a loud vibrating noise and was yelling and hollering.

Took us a minute to figure out what the fuck the noise was.

She had gotten up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. The lo/hi button of the hitachi must’ve been on hi, and she must have kicked the drawer closed accidentally activating the high vibration button!

Once I calmed down, we actually had a hell of a good laugh.

(Illustrative example… the on off button must’ve been facing directly up when she kicked the drawer closed…)

https://imgur.com/a/u0NaHeB

Oh yeah. Mine is always plugged in. One night, my then BF began looking around. “Sweetie! What is that noise?” I couldn’t hear it. He began frantically looking. Finally found it under the bed. Best we could figure was the cat set it off.

 

[OralAllOver]

A buddy has a hilarious story about eating out his wife, she slams her legs shut and tosses him -- he sets cracked vertebrae in neck

He's funnier

 

[TeddyW8]

My wife rode me one time so hard that I pulled the muscle that lifts the balls. It was EXTREMELY painful, but I was still super horny so we finished. When I came, it was extremely painful and I thought I'd broken my testicles. That ball still sits higher like 10 years after.

Another time we were having sex on our anniversary pretty early on in our marriage, and we decided to try anal, and no matter what, we just couldn't get it in. It was too tight, and we tried and tried, and eventually gave up and went to get Cici's pizza for our anniversary dinner.

 

[Scotchlander]

I arranged with a couple to meet up in a hotel for a threesome.

We both taken turns with the wife and did various fun things. Her specific request at the end was for her to lie on the bed while myself and her husband stood on the bed and shot our cum over her, so we followed her instructions. Next minute there was this almighty crack and the mattress with us on it started to sink into a hole I fell backwards off the bed almost breaking a coffee table, the husband fell onto his wife in the hole and we all just erupted in laughter. What a sight

It was obviously a cheap bed as we had broke three support slats.

But we did not finish there. Her seated in a chair and myself and her husband standing, gave her the cum shower she requested.

A day or so later I passed the hotel maintenance workshop and saw a bundle of spare slats. So I borrowed three and did not have to explain anything to the reception.

 

[OralAllOver]

I have a new hero. It's TeddyW8

 

[Rastus_m]

I was balls deep in a new chick and got electrocuted by a faulty power point next to the bed.

 

[Michael_Keaton]

I have a few favorite expressions I use when the time is right and often when I get distracted by something when I'm in the middle of something else I'll say, "OK, where were we when the bed broke?"

I was divorced and living in a furnished apartment "entertaining" a young lady whom I'd been seeing for several months. We'd had sex, were kissing and cuddling, and just getting ready for round #2 and as I put my leg over hers suddenly the slats in the bed broke and we were lying on the mattress on the floor. We looked at one another and I said, "You know what I'm going to say, don't you?" We both started to laugh uncontrollably and then decided that ... as long as we were there.... LOL

 

[Trimjob69]

Twice i had babies show up 9 months later

 

[Scotchlander]

A mate visited a g/f with a bottle of wine. They were both thrashing about on the sofa naked and they rolled off onto the floor. He cut his bare ass on one of the wine glasses that was on the floor. He had to go to hospital to get stitched up. It was very awkward trying to explain to the hospital staff how it happened

 

[Phxjwb]

This didn’t happen during sex, but it was still a sexual mishap… sort of…

My wife and I are empty nesters, so we don’t really need to hide our sex toys that much.

She usually keeps her Hitachi vibrator just in the drawer of her nightstand. We use it frequently so it just stays plugged in and resting in the bottom drawer of her nightstand.

One night I was jolted out of a dead sleep to a pretty loud noise.

I have ptsd, so I was up and pretty much diving for cover, thinking it was an earthquake or a mortar or a rocket attack or something!

Don’t ever wake someone who’s a combat veteran out of a deep sleep!

She also freaked herself out because she couldn’t figure out what the noise was, and also I had woken out of a deep sleep to a loud vibrating noise and was yelling and hollering.

Took us a minute to figure out what the fuck the noise was.

She had gotten up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. The lo/hi button of the hitachi must’ve been on hi, and she must have kicked the drawer closed accidentally activating the high vibration button!

Once I calmed down, we actually had a hell of a good laugh.

(Illustrative example… the on off button must’ve been facing directly up when she kicked the drawer closed…)

https://imgur.com/a/u0NaHeB

I understand your PTSD, I worked with a Sargent who just got back from Iraq, we worked in construction. We warned the framers before using the powdered acuated gun that shoots concrete nail for stud setup for a wall, to yell loudly, FIRE IN THE HOLE! It was fun to watch the Sargent go nuts a throw material at that crew. I can see how this would get ya. Best part is you had a good laugh afterward. Hang in there.

 

[Scotchlander]

I was balls deep in a new chick and got electrocuted by a faulty power point next to the bed.

But I bet the sex was electrifying and put the spark into your new relationship

 

[Pad_Foot]

Once, in college, in a seated position, my girlfriend rubbed a hole in my cock with the edge of her diaphragm in her excitement as she grind down on me in my lap

I didn’t complain!

 

[newhere2learn]

A few over the years. Once an ex GF who was curvy thicc thighed, was on top. She bounced up a bit high, and came down a funny angle. As she'd gone upwards my hard on was granite. She came down, a loud audible snap noise occured. Like a heavy pop. My dick bent halfway down. Within 0.005seconds I was soft as hell, shrivelled and in agony.

Same GF, I was on a makeshift/free bed. During doggy, the mattress support at the head end fell through, so was at 45° we fell into the base of the bed. Shuffled it back together, continued.

Ex-FWB, was going at it, middle of her kitchen floor. Amazon delivery knocked at the door. As we separated, she stood to rush and sort it, banged her head on the oven door handle. Half sticking clothes on.

Current GF, first time we slept together, she joked I couldn't Addy her to bed. She's 5ft, UK size 8, I'm 6ft6 and stocky. She was straddling me anyway, so I simply stood up, carried her to bed. She nearly hit her head on the door frame top, panicked. Got a head rush. When I went to lay her on the bed, she got head rush, dizzy and collapsed back giggling. Like the hero she is, powered through.

Same GF, holiday weekend away. Cocktails, dinner. Back to nice hotel suite. Most adventurous sexually shed been. Just as I'm about to fuck her on a window box seat overlooking the town, sash window open, she makes a gulp noise runs off. Commences throwing up violently, naked. Turns out one of the cocktails had Nutella in, she's allergic to nuts. Next 45mins she proceeds to violently throw up all over the bathroom. Then cleans the full thing down and showers. By now, I've given up the hot sex quest, boxers on, and laid on the bed scrolling. As she wouldn't let me check on her.

She came back out, looked magnificent and says; "why are boxers on? Come on"
Picked up exactly where we left off.

Same GF, her place. Christmas eve, her son's home from uni..we're in her bedroom. Sex was enthusiastic, he's in his room, it's getting towards midnight. She's finished after a vigorous sex session and commences giving me a hand job. Turns out, I was packing a good amount of cum, as when I finally came it shot everywhere, over her shoulder, the pillows, night stand and wall. Problem was two fold, one her eye got in the way, and two she loudly shouted: "FUCKING HELL! YOU JUST GOT CUM IN MY EYE AND ALL OVER MY NIGHTSTAND".

of which her son, and probably two neighbours heard.

 

[Not Normal]

My former FWB had her bed frame on elevated stands so she could store things under it. We fucked it right off the stand once. She bought a taller frame shortly after that.