Sex Education

[TBKahuna123]

I'm reading This Thread and find myself shaoking my head, not at the thread starter's ideas, but because it brings up a moral dilema for me. As a Catholic, I don't believe in birth control, or I guess even premarital sex, though I am not going to stand here and hypocritically say don't do it. I'm sure many here will think I'm full of shit, and that's fine. I'm obviously not some die hard holy roller repressed sex is dirty puritan or I wouldn't be here, right? Shit, I didn't wait til I was married, and while that may not make it right in my eyes, it does put me in a position to not throw stones. I'll save that for my own kids!

Anyway, my point is that the posters not lack of knowledge, but apparent wealth of innacurate information brings up an interesting topic: Sex Education in schools and at home. Now I don't have kids, not for lack of trying, but I have a bunch of neices and nephews. I understand the problems that are facing my firends who have kids, and though all the kids are young, we've already started having discussions about this most terrifying parental responsibility.

That's right, I said parental responsibility. Now let me start by saying I am AGAINST Sex Education in schools. I remember my high school days growing up in a liberal community and having sex ed. It was a worthless affair, permeated by snide comments, rude remarks, and worthless scientific information. The only interesting thing I can remember is this large hot pink phallus being inserted into a clear acrylic vagina. Really wierd. Also, and I know I may get flamed for this, but different cultural and religious views on sex need to be taken into account, and you just can't do that in a secular environment. For example, if I want to teach my kids that as a Catholic, we believe using birth control is a sin, then I don't want the phys ed teacher telling my kids it's ok to have sex, so long as they use a condom.

The fact is, I think parents have a duty to tell their kids about sex. Look at the Indian(east that is) culture, the birthplace of the Kama Sutra. Here, shildren were educated about sex because they recognized it's importance in the happy pursuit of life. Talking about sex with your children shouldn't be a terrifying experience for a parent, it should be a celebration of a child blossoming into adulthood.

Now the BIG flaw in my concept: The deluge of irresponsible parents in our society. I know a lot of people whose idea of talking to their kids about sex involves "don't do it!" and that's it. Sorry, that doesn't fly, nor should anyone expect it to. I mean, yes I'll teach my kids that they should wait until they are married, but I'm also a realist. Yes I'll teach them that they shouldn't use birth control, but if they're gonna do it anyway, at least be safe cause what's one more sin, right? The biggest thing though, is that MOST, and yes I mean MOST parents don't tell their kids ANYTHING anymore. This means kids get their information from the internet, their friends, books, etc. and get a ton of innaccurate information. This is dangerous, and possibly deadly!

It's not like it was when I was in high school. Hell when I was growing up I can remember in college when Montana reported it's FIRST case of AIDS. It just wasn't a worry then. My biggest fear was getting a girl pregnant or winding up with the clap. Now days, you have to worry about death! To not talk to your kids about sex is almost like giving them a gun to play russian roulette. It's your responsibility to give them all the facts, the right facts.

I have NO clue who I'll talk to my kids about sex. I know what I want to say, but not how to say it, so thank god I have time to think about it. I do know that I want to tell them my thoughts, my beliefs, but along with what some might call religious rhetoric, the true facts. If knowing what all this, both facts and beliefs, they choose to have sex, then they have made that choice for themselves. You can't force a kid to NOT have sex unless you lock em up, but you can tell them why you don't think they should, or why they should do so in a specific way: safely. Parents need to accept the responsibility and make sure, more than anything else, that their kids know the CONSEQUENCES. Kids need to be willing to accept the consequences of their actions, be it pregnancy or worse!

There's one other thing that I want to impart on my kids, and that is respect. As we all know, sex is an incredibly powerful thing. Like a weapon of mass destruction, in the wrong hands it can be destructive. in the hands of someone caring it can be beautiful. That doesn't mean it always has to be about love, but it certainly better involve mutual respect, or someone's getting hurt. This is something else that isn't put forth these days.

To why is this is in the How-To section? Because I want to hear how you would or have handled this part of your parental duties. I have grown pretty attached to this little(smirk) community and I can honestly say that the regulars here all show a caring and an understanding of sexuality. I can't think of a better place to ask this question than here.

 

[Pyro Paul]

well, i would have to agree on the fact that high school education about sex ed is a joke, but i belive that personaly School educated Sex-ed is a great idea. unfortuantly you have to go through all the crap of communities. I just finished a course in college about sex ed (human sexuality, repoductivity and phsyology) and though yes i know its a college course, i belive that it was one of the best educated classes ive been to.

The teacher(s) (diffrent one's taught diffrent sides, one taught biology side, other taught psychological) Often didnt just say 'Dont Do it!' 'Danger danger! aids!' or even turn a blind eye to questions people really needed answer. the answered all of it profissonaly and logicly from a scientific and educated point of view.

I think if you could get teachers like that inside highschools then teach them that, it would be So much more better. im not saying that the schools should Teach sex ed, i know a person which explained sex to her children when they came of the age of acceptance (relize your sexual identity) and told them all about sex, the rights, wrongs, feelings, and risks and they are all just fine, But she is/was a Nurse, so she knew about all of it, but its proven that some adults dont exactly Know much about sex in the first place, people who found their significant other and just had sex with them and only them wouldnt entierly know as much as a professor who has studied in the feild of it.

 

[psycho44]

I have children in middle school and elementary. What I did was after they had
a watered down sex ed class in 5th grade I sat down with them and talked
about what was covered and also stuff that wasn't. I made it clear to them
that they could always talk to me and their dad about anything. I am pretty
sure that they are fairly comfortable talking to us, because a few weeks ago
my son aproached me and asked me what sodomy was. We are Christians
so they read about stuff like that in the Bible. I think I was more
uncomfortable than he was, but I muddled through somehow. Also any
discussions we have my husband and I are both present. We want them
to be able to talk to either of us. Another thing that I am strongly considering
is teaching them that although they should wait to have sex a safer
alternative if they absolutely can't wait is mutual masterbation. I am not sure
of the best way to aproach the subject though. I don't talk to a lot of people about this, because the couple of times that I did I was made
to feel like a bad parent for even considering this.

 

[AppleBiter]

I don't have any children yet, but I have been married for 6 years and we've discussed this topic between us quite a bit. I believe in being as open and honest with my children, when it comes to sexuality, as possible so as not to cause them a complex, so that they don't grow up inhibited, so that they will know that no question is out of bounds (because I would rather know that they were receiving the correct info than the street info) and so that they will have instilled in them a deep sense of responsibility and personal accountability when it comes to sex.

I believe that the age to tell them about sex is the age at which they ask. I also think we will tell them only as much as they want to know and in a way that is appropriate to their understanding (as far as word choice, etc.). The key thing is, I want to educate them, but I don't want them to ever be embarrassed to talk about sex and ask questions about sex openly with me or with their father. He is of the same mindset. We want to present sex as a natural, biological function and sexual urges as nothing to be ashamed of, but as something to be kept in check. That having been said, we will advocate masturbation as a natural and healthy alternative to sex (no risk of disease, pregnancy, etc.).

I don't mind sex education in schools at all, so I plan to let our children participate in these classes (as far as I know, you can opt out; that's the way it was in my school, when I was a kid). I don't expect the school to teach them everything and hopefully, by the time they go to the classes, they'll know more than the other kids. But, just as with any other class they take, I'll keep an open dialogue with them, wanting to know what they're learning and how they're doing and if they have any questions I can answer.

That's my plan, anyway. Sorry so long-winded.

AppleBiter

 

[Lynxie]

I'm just curious - if you ever have children (or the opportunity to educate your neices and nephews), do you plan on teaching them how to properly use a condom or take birth control pills? I can respect your personal views regarding birth control, but I'm wondering where you'll draw the line with your kids. A lot of strict Catholic parents I know won't explain anything about birth control beyond the idea that it's a sin to use.

You're clearly not the typical naive, conservative type - you're aware that kids won't necessarily wait til marriage, and you're aware of the risks of STDs and pregnancy. If your children were to engage in sexual activities prior to marriage, do you think that discouraging the use of birth control would lead them to make unsafe choices? It seems a bit self-destructive to assume that it's up to God to determine whether or not your kids will contract HIV or any number of other STDs.

I don't mean this to be an attack of your beliefs in any way. I was raised Roman Catholic and have long since converted to my own version of paganism. Differences of religion aside, I'm just trying to understand your viewpoint a little bit better.

I completely agree that too many parents avoid talking about sex with their kids. They all seem to think, "Oh, my kids aren't doing anything like that." I can't believe how irresponsible this mode of thinking is. They believe they're protecting their kids' innocence, when in fact they're just allowing their kids to gather all sorts of misinformation that could put them in grave danger. Sex today is no laughing matter. Pregnancy is really the least of your worries if you're not educated in safe sex practices. The fastest growing segment of the population of people with HIV is youths between the ages of 14 and 21. Why? Because they're not taught enough from their mentors.

I say mentors because I do believe that sex education in schools is important. While parents should be fully responsible for their children's sexual education, let's face it. There are a ton of parents out there that are just as clueless as their kids. We see it nearly every day here on Lit - people ask questions that I was taught about in 6th grade. Some parents just aren't fit to teach their own kids about sex, safe or otherwise.

I do agree that it's a difficult topic to cover in school systems because of the diversity of children. I'm not really sure how this should be handled. The only solution that comes to mind would be to teach sex ed in small focus groups, instead of large classroom settings. It might make kids feel more comfortable about asking questions, and the teacher would be able to taylor the discussion based on the backgrounds, beliefs, or sexual orientations of the children in each group. I don't know... it's just a thought. Ideally parents could teach this information to their children at home, but I honestly think there are far too many ignorant parents (or parents that would just avoid the topic altogether) out there for this to be successful at all. Children need to have another source available from which to learn this knowledge - information they pick up from magazines or their other teenage friends isn't exactly suitable.

 

[SlyKitten]

I am for sex education in schools, regardless of religious beliefs. Children/teens should know what there is "out there" so they can make a clear choice in everything, even sex. When you think excision is still performed in some parts of the world, biology and sex ed are, I think, a must in our more advanced culture.

I don't plan on having children, but if i ever change my mind, sex will be just another subject opened to discussion.

 

[Weird Harold]

That's right, I said parental responsibility. Now let me start by saying I am AGAINST Sex Education in schools. ... Also, and I know I may get flamed for this, but different cultural and religious views on sex need to be taken into account, and you just can't do that in a secular environment. For example, if I want to teach my kids that as a Catholic, we believe using birth control is a sin, then I don't want the phys ed teacher telling my kids it's ok to have sex, so long as they use a condom.
...
To why is this is in the How-To section? Because I want to hear how you would or have handled this part of your parental duties. I have grown pretty attached to this little(smirk) community and I can honestly say that the regulars here all show a caring and an understanding of sexuality. I can't think of a better place to ask this question than here.

For a variety of reasons, I think sex education in schools, no matter how incomplete or how much sniggering goes on, is an absolute necessity. Parents canput whatever religious spin on the basic facts they want, but Religion should NOT be alowed as an excuse to suppress basic biological facts.

One of the big reasons that sex education in the schools is necessary is because at the age children most need sex education is also the age they're least likely to accept a parent's unsupported version of the "facts of life." Also, as you pointed out, far too many children go through puberty with no information from their parents at all.

As for how I handled my daughters' "sex education," I didn't -- at least not as a separate subject. I let the schools and my ex-wife handle the basic biological aspects and concentrated my attention on dealing with interpersonal relationships. Sex is after all just one of many aspects of inter-personal relationships and the subject of how to deal with a boyfriend's demands in a relationship is less embarassing when confronted in the context of his non-sexual behavior.

It can also be confronted long before "sex" is a consideration; pre-pubescent grade-school relationships can have all of the jealousy, possessiveness, and double standards of a more mature sexual relationship and the way they are dealt with then is easily translated into more serious post-pubescent and/or sexual relationships.

IMHO, "sex education" is something that should be taught from birth as an integral part of preparing a child to deal with all of life's complexity -- scaled to match each child's intellectual development. The innocent questions about "why's the neighbor lady getting fat" should never be avoided or passed off as something they're too young to understand -- it should be welcomed as an opportunity to explain pregnancy and where babies come from.

Putting a parental or religious spin on what is being learned in school should be applied to every subject and not reserved for just the week or two that is designated "sex education." Controversial TV programs shouldn't be automatically avoided, but welcomed as an opportunity for discussion about life and the difference between real life and "hollywood."

Since I dealt with daughters, the one explicit "Talk" revolved around the point that as a woman, being irresponsible about sex has a much higher penalty for them than it does for men -- about 20 years worth of additional penalty. It might take "two to tango" but it's much harder for a woman to run away from the consequences. It was simply reinforcing a point bluntly to make absolutely sure they understood what they had already been taught less bluntly.

 

[INeedLove]

(hopefully not ranting-and not meant to be offensive to differing views)

Oh where do I start???

In 1992 I became an HIV educator through the Red Cross. At that time, lots of misinformation was going around not only amongst schools but also adults. I took my presentation to the college age group-where I work. I had lots of condoms to give away (once the administration found this tidbit, I was told to give them out only if asked-and for pete's sake don't flash them around). I went into classrooms to talk about preventing risky behaviors-which I named specifically and anatomically correct. I always left time for questions. You would NOT believe the questions I got--not only about sex but about the human body. 18 to 25 year old students who did not understand how their bodies function!! If nothing else, we need to be teaching our children HOW their bodies work. What the parts of their bodies are for and how to protect them. How in the world can we expect them to learn if not from us!

I have done lots of unofficial polls of parents asking them who do you want teaching your kids about sex. Most said themselves. When asked how many have actually done so, hardly anyone raised their hands. So parents or parents to be-if you want to educate your child then please step up to the plate! They will seek information if you don't give it to them! In this day and time, you could be saving their life!

As for sex ed in high school, maybe the solution is to bring in an outside expert for a couple of weeks. Maybe they will respect them more than the teachers they see every day?

I am interested to see where this thread goes! Thank you for starting it!!

Best wishes!!

 

[Lynxie]

IMHO, "sex education" is something that should be taught from birth as an integral part of preparing a child to deal with all of life's complexity -- scaled to match each child's intellectual development. The innocent questions about "why's the neighbor lady getting fat" should never be avoided or passed off as something they're too young to understand -- it should be welcomed as an opportunity to explain pregnancy and where babies come from.

Putting a parental or religious spin on what is being learned in school should be applied to every subject and not reserved for just the week or two that is designated "sex education." Controversial TV programs shouldn't be automatically avoided, but welcomed as an opportunity for discussion about life and the difference between real life and "hollywood."

Very well said, Harold. Children should be taught about the reality of the world around them so they can learn how they fit into it. If parents shelter them, they'll have a harder time processing such material when they do stumble across it on their own. In my opinion, a parent can do a lot more good by starting up an educational discussion about the controversial subject (be it sex, violence, or anything else) than by just cutting the child off from the show or book. It's a great opportunity to teach your kids about your values as a family and how they fit into the world around you.

Sex education should be an ongoing process. Our sexuality develops over time, not just within two weeks of our high school careers. Why should sexual education be any different? While I still believe the class still needs to be taught in school (though much more thoroughly than most schools currently do), it's the parents' responsibility to help the child learn about and understand the facts of life.

As for sex ed in high school, maybe the solution is to bring in an outside expert for a couple of weeks. Maybe they will respect them more than the teachers they see every day?

This is an excellent idea, in my opinion. Bringing in trained educators for the sole purpose of sex education might be a good solution, as kids tend to not take their everyday physical education or health teachers seriously. The more I think about it, the more I'm liking my previous idea of having small discussion groups either as a sole method of teaching, or used in conjunction with a normal classroom setting. I really think kids would benefit by having an interactive discussion in a smaller, more comfortable group setting. Kids are generally embarassed to ask serious questions in front of a large class or, if they do ask questions, it's only as a means of showing off or poking fun.

Finally, I'd like to add on a point I didn't make before (I'm feeling long-winded today). I know a lot of schools today have Abstinence-Only sex ed programs. While it is important to preach that abstinence is best in terms of avoiding pregnancy and limiting the risk of STDs, it's naive to think that all kids are going to practice abstinence. Many kids will engage in sexual activities before marriage, and many of those will do so at very young ages. Pretending that this isn't true is silly. Kids need to be taught the reality of sex - what the risks are and how to minimize them if they do choose to have sex. I also believe it's important to explain safe sex for all sexual orientations. It's not the place of public schools to discriminate. If parents don't like it, there are plenty of private schools where their children will be "protected" from such diversity.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Good post, Harold.

I strongly support sex ed. And that doesn't neccessarily mean "how to have sex," but at minimum the basics about the male and female body and how they work. My repressed Catholic mother told me nothing. Not even about getting my period - I learned that in school. (I am 35, married, and still haven't had The Talk from my mother!) Birth control whould be discussed - even if you are opposed to it, birth control exists so it is silly to pretend otherwise. That's like teaching that the earth is flat in geography, simply because you don't want to offend.

 

[Weird Harold]

I strongly support sex ed. And that doesn't neccessarily mean "how to have sex," but at minimum the basics about the male and female body and how they work. ... Birth control should be discussed - even if you are opposed to it, birth control exists so it is silly to pretend otherwise. That's like teaching that the earth is flat in geography, simply because you don't want to offend.

I agree completely, "how to have sex" is not really an appropriate part of sex education, but It's abit difficult to void giving at least a clue about how it's done if you cover the biology of sex properly.

Birth control exists and STDs do too and covering all of the various options for preventing pregancy and disease can be accomplished without "recommending" any of them.

The simple fact is that there are only three things that are guaranteed to prevent pregnancy or disease -- total abstinance, masturbation, and phone/cyber sex -- and even masturbation has the potential for causing infections if you don't wash your hands and/or toys. Everything else sexual carries some risk and without knowing what the risks are, its impossible to choose a level of risk that is acceptable.

However, I always considered the primary risk of being sexually active too soon to be the risk to the heart -- promiscuity results in far more broken hearts than pregnacies or diseases; although the latter are NOT insignificant risks.

 

[glynndah]

A good sex ed teacher is essential. My teacher held up a sheet of note book paper, shoved a pencil through it and said, "That's how its done and that's all you need to know!". The rest of the time we watched movies about the horrors of syphillis. The girls had sex ed during their sophomore year and the boys had it senior year. The auditorium was locked and the whole thing was treated like a nasty bit of business.

 

[bholderman]

I'm on the fence about sex ed in schools. On paper and ideology I think its the right thing to do. But, as with a lot of things today, there are so many philosphical, religious, and scoiological debates and tugs-of-war on how it should be done has done nothing but led to the result of it being a huge mess.

Perhaps instead of sex ed, there should be responsibility and outcome classes.

Cheers,
Brad

 

[Weird Harold]

Perhaps instead of sex ed, there should be responsibility and outcome classes.

Maybe just renaming the class to remove the word "SEX" would eliminate the hysteria about the schools are teaching something "horrible and nasty" would help. "Responsibility and Outcome" sounds like as good an euphemism as any, I guess.

 

[Lynxie]

Maybe just renaming the class to remove the word "SEX" would eliminate the hysteria about the schools are teaching something "horrible and nasty" would help. "Responsibility and Outcome" sounds like as good an euphemism as any, I guess.

There's a thought. Why not just make it part of normal biology class? But then, I suppose, you run into the dilemma of what to do in schools that teach creationism, instead of evolution.

 

[Weird Harold]

There's a thought. Why not just make it part of normal biology class? But then, I suppose, you run into the dilemma of what to do in schools that teach creationism, instead of evolution.

Because not every student takes Biology. They are required to take Phys Ed and Health (often as the same class) and the public health aspect (STDs) makes "Health" the logical placement.

I did take biology in high-school and that class did cover human physiology a lot better than the "sex ed" segment of "PE/health" in the early 60's did.

Another problem is that "sex ed" is really needed much earlier than Biology is usually offered; both because the average age of puberty is falling and because too many are already having sex by the time sex ed has normally been offered, i.e. in middle school.

FWIW, my eldest granddaughter got a preliminary version of Sex Ed last year in the fifth grade. It mostly dealt with the effects and symptoms of puberty and didn't cover sexual activity as far as I know. It was mostly redundant because my daughter has been providing her with a series of books written to help parents educate their children about the changes their bodies go through.

I dont recall the name of the series off-hand, but I can get it if anyone is interested -- it's actually two series, one for boys and one for girls that are broken down into manageable stages of development so the kids aren't overwhelmed with more information than they need at any one point.

 

[boston_bbw]

Just to play devil's advocate here.. what would recommend as far as sex education for children who have no parents? For children who are living in residential facilities and are in States custody who's legal gaurdian is a DSS worker they see for a few hours a month if they are lucky? I agree parental figures should be teaching it however isn't in the school better then nothing? Heck the few kids at my job who have parents had no business having them to begin with (real sickos) If the parents themselves had had sex education we would all be a lot better off and I would be out of a job.. not that that would be bad. Or parents who are drug addicts, or mentally ill and unable to teach their kids the kind of stuff they need to get thru life never mind sex ed. It would be nice to think all parents are capable of teaching their kids basic values and morals along with sex ed but sadly it's just not the case.

 

[millieteases]

This is the spouse, for anyone who cares.

It sounds like it's all getting down to quality education. Ideally, parents and the schools should provide quality education - about sex, about mathematics, about race relations, about everything.

The challenge for schools is diversity - cultural, religious and just local social beliefs. Many believe ignorance is bliss - and they truly and honestly and without being ignorant believe that the less you tell childen about sex the better off you are.

Others believe the opposite.

I got lucky. I got some good, basic information from my father. Then, being Roman Catholic, I went to an all boys, Jesuit high school. (For those who don't know, the Jesuits are an order of Catholic priests that frequently run schools). We had a Ph.D. Psychologist teach sex ed our Freshman year. He taught us everything - the mechanics, the biology, the name of all the parts. He even taught a room full of 14 and 15 year old boys all the names and functions of women's sanitary devices. At 14 I knew what a tampon was, how it was used, how often it was usually changed and why they came in different absorbencies. And what a sanitary napkin was. We also learned about the various birth control devices, how they were used, and their relative rates of efficacy. And we were taught that the Roman Catholic church believed that the use of birth control for the sole purpose of preventing conception was against the church's beliefs about nature and God's intentions and therefore was sinful.

Our Senior year a different priest, also a Ph.D. Psychologist and marriage counselor, taught a semester of "marriage." More philosophical, more about the emotions and realities of relationships, lots more information, lots of science, lots of perspective. From that class I first heard and made a personal belief that marriage is a 100-100 effort - not 50-50.

The goal of both classes - and my high school education as a whole - was to give you the information and tools so you could make your own, reasoned, moral decisions. Like many, I chose not to follow the church's teachings. But I had the information to make an intelligent choice.

The only thing that was missing was technique. There was no Kama Sutra, nothing about different ways of masturbating or how to help a partner achieve orgasm. I don't know that our society is ready to teach that sort of thing in high school or even to college undergraduates. I think we should, but I'm willing to bet that's a minority opinion.

My point is that knowledge is power. It is when we are ignorant that we are more likely to make decisions that have bad outcomes. I don't mean the knowledgeable always make good decisions - I sure don't. But I do mean that I believe - and teach my nieces and nephews at appropriate times - that knowing how our bodies work, how our emotions work, and about the tools and practices of safe sex, birth control and sex in general, is far preferable to ignorance. If you have strong religious beliefs, or even weak ones you want to follow, be sure to teach those as well. But don't deny your children the knowledge. If you do, you are far more likely to end up a grandparent far earlier in life than you may wish.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Maybe it should be renamed Reproductive Health & Education, in order to make certain segments of society feel more comfortable.

Even devout Catholics need to understand this in order to put the rhythm method to use.

STDs fall under the health category as well. For instance, HPV may lead to cervical cancer, which threatens the reproductive health. No scare tactics neccessary: it is a fact of life that there are diseases out there, and the following are the .ways to prevent them

Anything to drop the "They are going to teach our kids how to screw each other!" hysteria.

 

[Weird Harold]

Maybe it should be renamed Reproductive Health & Education, in order to make certain segments of society feel more comfortable.

...

Anything to drop the "They are going to teach our kids how to screw each other!" hysteria.

What?! you want to not only teach them how to screw but to reproduce too?!

seriously, though...

The hysterics who would prefer that their children be unable to distinguish girls from boys by anything more than pink and blue clothing are going to be hysterical no matter what the class segement is called and some are going to be even more hyserical if they think "sex ed" is being "hidden" behind an innocuous name.

My inclination is to say screw the hysterics and just teach human physiology and hygiene as part of the Health curiculim. I don't see the public health aspects of sex ed as being any less important than requiring immunizations as a pre-condition for public schooling.

Child Endangerment laws have conflicted with Religious Freedoms over health issues fairly often and are usually resolved in favor of the child's welfare and personally, I think enforced sexual ignorance is just as detrimental to a child's welfare as refusing to permit immunization or withholding medical treatment -- and NOT just detrimental to the child kept purposely ignorant.

 

[cloudy]

I think the most important thing to remember is to be open and honest with your kids from the very beginning, and I'm not talking just about sex. I mean from the time they're very small, you have to have been very open with them, and they have to be able to know that what you tell them is 1) always the truth, and 2) that you're comfortable talking to them about these things. That last is more important than most realize. They'll know if you're uncomfortable talking about sex, and it won't give them any confidence in what you're telling them. Even more important, they'll be less likely to come to you with any questions, etc.

I have a 24-year-old daughter, a 16-year-old son, and a 5-year-old son. I haven't really talked about it with the youngest (of course), but my two oldest kids and I have a very open relationship, and they know that they can come to me to talk about anything, and they do.

My daughter talked to me about losing her virginity the day it happened, and my son comes to me more often that I would have thought he would with this or that quesstion. I don't judge, I just give them facts, and tell them what I would be happiest with (as far as their behavior goes), but I remember what it was like to be a seething mass of hormones in overdrive, and I think that the old virtue of "saving yourself until marriage" is a little unrealistic in this day and age.

Be open, be honest, and answer their questions - and don't, whatever you do, put them on the spot and try to make them answer things they don't want to answer right then. If you've been like that with them from day one, you won't have to wait long until they take the initiative to tell you theirselves.

My $ .02

 

[Weird Harold]

I think the most important thing to remember is to be open and honest with your kids from the very beginning, and I'm not talking just about sex. I mean from the time they're very small, you have to have been very open with them, and they have to be able to know that what you tell them is 1) always the truth, and 2) that you're comfortable talking to them about these things. That last is more important than most realize. They'll know if you're uncomfortable talking about sex, and it won't give them any confidence in what you're telling them. Even more important, they'll be less likely to come to you with any questions, etc.
...
My $ .02

I think that's worth more than a mere $0.02.

You'd think this point would be obvious to anyone, but it clearly isn't. To people like you and me, who have seen this principle at work and seen the disastera that ignoring it can cause, it seems just common sense.