sex and marriage

[cmarlowe01]

This is for a private inqury on my part.

How many times did you have sex for the first year of your marrage?

How many times did you have sex/ make love after?

Please be honest, I am attempting to figure out how much sex a normal couple is supposed to have.

If you are shy please send me a PM.

 

[Laoghaire]

Well, it depends on how sexually active the partners were before they got married. I know my sex life hasn't changed since I got married. For some unfortunately, marriage= less sex and that's a shame really. The love doesn't change just because you slip a ring on and neither does the sex should dwinlde into nothingness.

 

[cmarlowe01]

Well the fequency was good until we moved in together. It went down to about once a week.
After marriage once a month seems to much for her. I'm going crazy!

 

[Laoghaire]

Fuck man, that's horrible.

 

[cmarlowe01]

I know your telling me. I am litterally going stir crazy here. There is only so many times you can take matters into your own hands.

 

[SweetErika]

We did it less with time after living together, but marriage didn't change anything.

I think the only way to solve this is communication and to ask what's going on in your relationship that could be impacting your sex life? Two things we've tried with great success are only doing foreplay, and starting earlier in the evening so we're not tired and there's no time pressure. When you're living together or married, it's easy to get comfortable and let the romantic stuff go by the wayside...mixing it up and getting out of the routine can work wonders. Good luck!

 

[jocular_guy]

For us children is the main factor...

About 6 times a week before marriage, 6 times after marriage, once per month after each child was born, and after they became young teenagers, about 3 times a week. It's the children that changed for us and I have heard it is common with most marriages.

And as they get older it is more frequent. I like getting older....

 

[LorriLove]

Well the fequency was good until we moved in together. It went down to about once a week.
After marriage once a month seems to much for her. I'm going crazy!

i don't want to cause trouble here honey... but you need to have a serious word with her... if that fails you need an outside lover.

it wouldn't be fair to try to relate my sex life with anyone else's... i had 8 secret illicit lovers in the first 10 months of my marriage, and my new husband was shagging me virtually every night as well... umm... i had problems with my sex drive... too damn much of it haven't altered much but hubby's been involved in my wild side for the past 24 yrs.

 

[Scottie62]

Familar story... before marriage (21 years ago so not that bad still being together !) 5 or 6 times a week. After marriage probably 3 or 4 times a week. After kids 2 times a week.

Now that there a little bit older probably back to 3 or 4 on a good week... but I as what's the problem in having it most nights ? I find its just what you need to relax you for a good nights sleep !

Is it true what they say "Familiarity breeds contempt" ?

I'd rather be pushing the envelope and discovering new things about ourselves but my SO seems just to want to accept life as it is

Ah well thank goodness for Lit !

 

[cmarlowe01]

Well then I guess I have a problem. There is defentitly no way I am getting laid as much as you people.

The only rememdy left is to fix this problem. First with words then with actions.
Thank you all for responding.

 

[1SexyBiNympho]

When i met my ex-husband we were haveing sex everyday,on and off all day long... Didn't change when we moved in togeather.When it changed was when we got married,Shit we didn't even have sex on our wedding night. I was lucky if i got sex 2x's a week. But delt with it for almost 7 years.

Good luck hope everything works out for ya

Nympho

 

[slowndeep]

I guess we were bloody crazy before we married - certainly every day and as often as possible ! I remember us bonking and her Mum knocking on the bedroom door asking if we'd like tea!! She'd have died if she'd oened the door , the lass was on all fours on the bed and me pumping her for all my worth from behind !! (aaaaaaaahhhhhhh great memories!!) After we married and lived in our own place the passion definitely dwindled - maybe cos we couldn't get caught!! I'm still with her and we still enjoy a good fuck , but it's not the same , the freshness of a new affair can't be beaten!

What I will say is don't dispair , everyone's sexlife takes a dip as we grow older ('cept Lorri and Nymphs !! ) but when we DO fuck it's still earthshattering!!

 

[dreams4sale]

Pffffffffftttttttt married for 20 years here, in the last ten years she has gone from once a month to now once every six months if i'm lucky

 

[cmarlowe01]

1SexyBiNympho Is that what you live with I'm not sure I want to live with sex at so little frequency?
It can be that couples have difffent sex drives no? I would figure i'd want it at least 2 ot 3 times a week. Also it does not help that I am multi orgasmic and I want to continue doing it, this she does not like.
I'm just tring to establish normal and kick the demons out of my head. The demons say I can't stay like this I can't settle for this little.

 

[cmarlowe01]

Pffffffffftttttttt married for 20 years here, in the last ten years she has gone from once a month to now once every six months if i'm lucky

So what do you do? How do you keep yourself from not going into the abiss? I think at that time I would just walk out and leave, i think of having an affair now. What do you do? What do you focus on then?

 

[fille]

Re: For us children is the main factor...

About 6 times a week before marriage, 6 times after marriage, once per month after each child was born, and after they became young teenagers, about 3 times a week. It's the children that changed for us and I have heard it is common with most marriages.

And as they get older it is more frequent. I like getting older....

Yep, that's it - they wear you out! You still want to have sex, you just . . . . can't.

Whenever we get a kid-free day or evening, we still have sex almost non-stop.

 

[SweetErika]

So what do you do? How do you keep yourself from not going into the abiss? I think at that time I would just walk out and leave, i think of having an affair now. What do you do? What do you focus on then?

Things to think about before you resort to an affair.....
Do you know why she doesn't want sex? Is she stressed? Is it hormonal? Does she have a history of sexual trauma? Do you have kids? Have you changed at all? How is her self-esteem?

How's your relationship? Have you been arguing lately? Is it possible she's withholding sex because she resents something? How much non-sexual time do you spend together?

There are a lot of factors that make or break a sex life. It really only takes one stressor to make women (and some men) not want sex. If you're considering cheating, something's wrong in your relationship. IMHO, before you take that irreversible step, you owe it to yourself and her to really try and work this out through counseling.

 

[Tyreesis]

Before we married, we had sex as often as we could, considering we lived 50 miles apart. Friday and Saturday nights were our times to really get togther; we usually went and got a bite to eat, maybe saw a movie or went out to a bar, but we'd end back at her apartment before too long. Now, there were times we would say that we would try to not have sex when we got together, it seemed to be the only thing we would do. We wanted to make sure that there was more between us than just the sex.

Everytime we tried to abstain, we just wanted each other more. But it turned out that there was more than just being sex partners, we were soulmates.

We had a kid within a year of being married. She had to have a c-section so it was even longer before we could play. Every time we knew he was good and asleep, we would have our fun. But as time has passed, our sexlife has slowed down. With both of us working, unfortunately sometimes either one of us or sometimes both just weren't in the mood. As our son has gotten older, we've had to be even more careful, especially since he's 14 now. But every time he goes to spend the night at a friends house,,,,,

Lately he's been avaeraging every other week. Now having sex only once every 2 weeks doesn't sound too good, but sometimes you have to take what you can get.

 

[discreetplay]

cmarlowe01,

It might help to read the "itch we knwo we're gonna scratch" thread. There's a wealth of advice there. If nothing else, you may be comforted by how many are in a similiar situation.

Best of luck.

 

[cmarlowe01]

I have read what you have said and I am thinking things over. I will post my thoughts in a bit.

Again thank you all for posting I will get back to everyone soon.

Things to think about before you resort to an affair.....
Do you know why she doesn't want sex? Is she stressed? Is it hormonal? Does she have a history of sexual trauma? Do you have kids? Have you changed at all? How is her self-esteem?

How's your relationship? Have you been arguing lately? Is it possible she's withholding sex because she resents something? How much non-sexual time do you spend together?

There are a lot of factors that make or break a sex life. It really only takes one stressor to make women (and some men) not want sex. If you're considering cheating, something's wrong in your relationship. IMHO, before you take that irreversible step, you owe it to yourself and her to really try and work this out through counseling.

 

[Gregoire]

When I got married 17 years ago, we made love several times a week which was much more than when we were dating....

It's eventually tapered off for a number of reasons...

Now we make love every month or two. Definitely not normal, but given all the physical issues my wife has, plus our mostly cooled off relationship, etc., that's what I have!

 

[Bahaya Bob]

I can honestly say that it is a roller coaster ride.
The first time I met my wife I was soooo nice to her, calculations aside, that she went down on me and sucked my cum in to her mouth.

We went through periods low sex and no blowjobs.

Then episodes of swinging (which, as kinky as I am -- is not my favorite; I like three, not four).

And now, fairly monogamous, big tittied fucks we share aside -- our sex life is soooo kinky. Sex is very much fun, full of nasty fantasies, raunchy talking, exploring avenues -- you name it -- we can say and do anything we want. It's nice.

How long married? 22 years.
She's hot. Nice augmentation, lifts weights and watches her weight. Me, I get up at 4:15 every day (sucks), to work out from 5 - 6:40. But I am lean, and buff. Honest. But I would rather she be horny then to get more sleep.

We are not as vain as that sounds -- but try to be practical.

My point is, it's a ride. If you like the person in the seat next to you, continue the ride. If you want a better companion, be sure you are worthy of it, and not delusional.

Hope you don't mind honesty, and I don't suspect this but want to bring it out in the off case it is true, but are you as attractive now as you were before? I think we all have responsibilities to our lover to keep them interested. For some that may mean more kink, for others slimming, and for others getting bigger.

You know what I mean?

But if your lover may no longer consider you something worth conquering -- then don't be surprised if they lose interest.

Sad, but honest and true.

Good luck. And hope it works out.

/s/
G

 

[dreams4sale]

Things to think about before you resort to an affair.....
Do you know why she doesn't want sex? Is she stressed? Is it hormonal? Does she have a history of sexual trauma? Do you have kids? Have you changed at all? How is her self-esteem?

How's your relationship? Have you been arguing lately? Is it possible she's withholding sex because she resents something? How much non-sexual time do you spend together?

There are a lot of factors that make or break a sex life. It really only takes one stressor to make women (and some men) not want sex. If you're considering cheating, something's wrong in your relationship. IMHO, before you take that irreversible step, you owe it to yourself and her to really try and work this out through counseling.

It first started tapering off after our second child was born (15 yrs ago). It declined from there. We are at the point now that I really can't remember when the last time was, I'm guessing at least 6 months ago. For a time she gave the excuse of..I didn't go to bed when she did. I didn't get home from work at that time till 8pm and she was in bed by 9pm. My shift changed and I even went to bed waiting on her to come in, but alas she would fall asleep on the sofa every night watching tv and never come to bed. We have talked alot about this. Her doctor says there is nothing wrong with her phyiscally. She says she just doesn't have any intrest in sex anymore and I should just deal with it. She is 45 and I'm 44. My sex drive is stronger now than it was when I was 18. I did have an affair for about two weeks once, and eventually told her about it. That was several years ago. I just don't know what else to do. I don't want to leave her, but dang when your harmones are going crazy there has to be some relief somewhere somehow.

 

[Kadiddlehopper]

Gregoire

Where in MI are ya from?Seems alot of men are going through this,probably some women as well though they eren't posting here.Sometimes I can deal with the once a month or once every-other month;then there are times I could just go at it every day multiple times.But it still usually ends up once a month or so.Also,the variety of things we do during a session certainly has narrowed-almost scripted now,same ole same ole.I would love to bring her to orgasm by licking her silly,but she won't allow it,only with me on top inside her.Now granted,we climax together every time(one thing I can be appreciative of) but sometimes I just have the desire to give her pleasure so she can concentrate on her senses,and also the reciprical is also true,but not as big a deal.So I guess I'm saying there are many issues here besides frequency...

 

[benyb55]

the same boat

cmarlowe01,

It might help to read the "itch we knwo we're gonna scratch" thread. There's a wealth of advice there. If nothing else, you may be comforted by how many are in a similiar situation.

Best of luck.

Hi all, I cannot understand why women(and men) fail to do what surely they must know. I am in very much the same boat as cmarlowe1.

Altho i am not technically married, we have been together for the last 4 yrs and living together for the last 1. Sex was brilliant before we moved in together - was in heaven. Things slowly changed after she moved in and its now once a week at max. I fancy her like crazy and desire for her as much as before. I dont believe she is playing around but think that now she thinks she has got her man, she can stop playing the temptress. Driving me completely mad.

Wish Lorri or any of her like minded friends were living in London !!!