Sex and kink safety with back injury?

[notalwaysweak]

I have a lower back injury that's given me persistent pain for well over a month now. I've had CT scans and I have an MRI booked (March 12) and I have a neurologist looking into it, so all that's covered. (Neurologist has recommended swimming as best exercise, and vetoed walking as exercise. So as well as paying for doctor/tests/scans, I now have to pay for exercise. Fuck.)

But as fun as handjobs and oral are in their own right, I kinda feel like I should at least be trying to figure out if my partner and I can go back to having good ol' PIV sex. Now, the way my back's hurt means I have trouble spreading my legs as far as usual (which also poses interesting issues for receiving oral, damn it), because of pain in my right hip. So that reduces the possibilities a lot. I'm having fairly major anxiety issues over not being good enough for him, which also sucks. Penetrative sex is not the most interesting kind of sex for me, but he's rather fond of it, and I don't want to disappoint him. Even though, yes, I am in pain. Welcome to my mind. It has fucked up priorities.

As for the kink side, I know I shouldn't be getting hit across the lower back anyway because kidneys, but should I maybe avoid the crop and such even on my butt? Like, does anyone know if that's going to exacerbate the other back pain, or just be the fun sort of pain?

Should I just be not trying at all til after the MRI gives us more results and I can start on physio?

 

[Vixandra]

I have a slew of different things, including sciatica on both sides and a never-ending pain condition. So I understand wanting sex even though you're in pain. Hell, if I waited to be out of pain, I'd never have any nookie.

For PIV, Stag's got a good point. Some nights, I find its easier to pile up the pillows, lean over them and get things done in a modified doggie style. You on top may be possible, depending on how your back lets you move. Just take things slow and communicate as you figure out what works, what doesn't and what sends you crying in a bad way.

Play wise, again, take things slow and avoid tell-tale marks.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

When my disc was out, I found piv in spoons position about the only way I could manage sex, did try on top and doggy, but they were excruciating.

 

[DVS]

I have a lower back injury that's given me persistent pain for well over a month now. I've had CT scans and I have an MRI booked (March 12) and I have a neurologist looking into it, so all that's covered. (Neurologist has recommended swimming as best exercise, and vetoed walking as exercise. So as well as paying for doctor/tests/scans, I now have to pay for exercise. Fuck.)

But as fun as handjobs and oral are in their own right, I kinda feel like I should at least be trying to figure out if my partner and I can go back to having good ol' PIV sex. Now, the way my back's hurt means I have trouble spreading my legs as far as usual (which also poses interesting issues for receiving oral, damn it), because of pain in my right hip. So that reduces the possibilities a lot. I'm having fairly major anxiety issues over not being good enough for him, which also sucks. Penetrative sex is not the most interesting kind of sex for me, but he's rather fond of it, and I don't want to disappoint him. Even though, yes, I am in pain. Welcome to my mind. It has fucked up priorities.

As for the kink side, I know I shouldn't be getting hit across the lower back anyway because kidneys, but should I maybe avoid the crop and such even on my butt? Like, does anyone know if that's going to exacerbate the other back pain, or just be the fun sort of pain?

Should I just be not trying at all til after the MRI gives us more results and I can start on physio?

I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. But, I've had my share of back problems over many years. I've had sciatica on my left side, and the nerve endings have lost feeling to some of my toes and the side of my calf. I also have a constant tingling in my heal. This is all from the sciatica. But, it didn't last a month. It did last over two weeks, and there were no pain pills that would dull the pain.

I've also had pain on both sides just below my waist. Depending on the day or how physical I've been with my back, it can hurt just to breathe. Pain like this isn't something you can see, so it's difficult to explain how it feels. Those who have such pain understand that.

If your pain is in your hip and runs down your leg and even hurts in your toes, it could be your sciatic nerve. Any irritated nerve will take a while to calm down, but if it's continually being irritated, it won't calm down until that irritation stops.

If you just have pain in your hip area, it might be a disk has shifted or ruptured in your back, just below your waist, or right about where your waist is. That's a critical spot in your back, because it's difficult to move without flexing that area. But, I'm not telling you anything. I'm sure you already know that. I have to watch how I get into the car, so I don't flex my back in the wrong way. When I think about it, I do just fine. There are those times when I get into a hurry and forget about it and I pay for it with pain for a week or so. But to deal with this for a month is a long time.

If you are numb anywhere, it's possible there is something resting on a nerve and I'd advise no strenuous sexual activity until you get it looked at. You can use a heating pad to lessen the pain. It might also help reduce the inflammation and help calm down the nerve. About 20 minutes or so every hour, put moist heat on the area. A wet washcloth in-between you and the heating pad will work.

You can also alternate the heat with cold packs. I've never had much luck with cold packs, and if you've had this for a month already, cold packs might not help. Cold packs are to help keep swelling from entering the injured area. Treat it like a sports injury. After the first 24 hours, heat is to be used to help the swelling go down. It will also help any muscles that are involved to relax.

I also have an inversion table that I use to relax my spine. It allows you to invert your body and let the vertebra and related muscles relax. Mine was pretty cheap, but it's well made. I got it from Walmart for about $115.

If you take medications, Ibuprofen and others in that family are anti-inflammatory meds and will also help with the pain. But, above all, follow what your doctor says. When I had sciatica, I was told the sooner I could get up and walk, the quicker it would get better. Your doctor says not to walk, so I'd listen to him instead of me.

I feel for you and your pain. I've been there and even got a T-shirt that says "survivor" on it. You'll survive, too. A nice hot bath, with water as hot as you can stand it might be nice. That is, if you can get into the tub.

 

[notalwaysweak]

Thanks everyone for the great advice, especially the thoughts on not turning up to any appointments with tell-tale marks (I had a friend the other day tell me she went for a breast exam with bruises all over them and had to convince the doctor nothing was wrong). I'd been thinking doggy and totally hadn't thought of pillows; that could be a double bonus because it makes a workable position and also means I'm not exerting my back trying to hold the position.

Another friend of mine mentioned an inversion table, DVS, and said it's worked well for him so far with (as yet undiagnosed) similar pain. It really might be worth looking into for me, if I can get my hands on one in my area. It was full right leg numbness for two weeks and then receded to just spine, lower right back, and right hip numbness. Sort of like when your leg goes asleep but not all the way but not pins and needles either. Really hard to describe. The empathy is deeply appreciated as well. This on top of my wibbly-wobbly depressiony-anxiety mental health is not something I needed.

In the short term I think I'm going to get on with swimming, since the neurologist said that should help, wait for the MRI results before I work out something with a physiologist, and then see what the physio has to say about sex, since I imagine they've heard it all before.

And Stag, thanks for the reminder -- I'd totally forgotten about my Wartenberg wheel! I think possibly because I've only used it on someone else and not had it used on me yet.