Sex after childbirth

[Vermilion]

OK. I've had no children (although I want them one day) and I am just really curious about the changes afterwards to your sexual apparatus and sex life.

I asked my mum about it, but for several fairly obvious reasons we didn't go into quite the detail I imagine you ladies could provide.

So-
-can you get your tightness back using pelvic floor (kegel) exercises?
-is it true that it's more sensitive in a good way afterwards?
-does an episiotomy really fuck things up?

and anything else.
<curious>
x
V

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

OK. I've had no children (although I want them one day) and I am just really curious about the changes afterwards to your sexual apparatus and sex life.

I asked my mum about it, but for several fairly obvious reasons we didn't go into quite the detail I imagine you ladies could provide.

So-
-can you get your tightness back using pelvic floor (kegel) exercises?
-is it true that it's more sensitive in a good way afterwards?
-does an episiotomy really fuck things up?

and anything else.
<curious>
x
V

1) supposedly
2) I never was.
3) Not after it's healed.

 

[Guest]

OK. I've had no children (although I want them one day) and I am just really curious about the changes afterwards to your sexual apparatus and sex life.

I asked my mum about it, but for several fairly obvious reasons we didn't go into quite the detail I imagine you ladies could provide.

So-
-can you get your tightness back using pelvic floor (kegel) exercises?
-is it true that it's more sensitive in a good way afterwards?
-does an episiotomy really fuck things up?

and anything else.
<curious>
x
V

Yes, you get your tightness back. Practice your kegels NOW.

I don't really notice a difference in sensitivity.

An episiotomy is not necessary for delivery. Fewer and fewer doctors are doing that procedure. It can cause problems after, especially if doctors tie the knot extra tight for hubby's pleasure.

 

[Vermilion]

An episiotomy is not necessary for delivery. Fewer and fewer doctors are doing that procedure. It can cause problems after, especially if doctors tie the knot extra tight for hubby's pleasure.

That's interesting. I thought with some births an episiotomy was needed to stop the skin rupturing all the way to the rectum.

My mum had a doctor friend who said he used to sew women up to a width of two fingers...

Am looking forward to having children, but shit scared about the giving birth bit, especially bearing in mind my hideously low pain threshold. I'm thinking of hypnotherapy - hell, if they can do open-heart surgery under hypnotherapy it ought to dull childbrith a little, right?
x
V

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

That's interesting. I thought with some births an episiotomy was needed to stop the skin rupturing all the way to the rectum.

My mum had a doctor friend who said he used to sew women up to a width of two fingers...

Am looking forward to having children, but shit scared about the giving birth bit, especially bearing in mind my hideously low pain threshold. I'm thinking of hypnotherapy - hell, if they can do open-heart surgery under hypnotherapy it ought to dull childbrith a little, right?
x
V

Episiotomies can be avoided if the birth is not rushed. If there's proper stretching during delivery, tears will be minimal and an episiotomy isn't needed. I did have one with my first child, supposedly to keep me from tearing worse. However, I didn't need one with second/third (twins) and fourth. I didn't tear any of the later times either.

 

[AppleBiter]

OK. I've had no children (although I want them one day) and I am just really curious about the changes afterwards to your sexual apparatus and sex life.

I asked my mum about it, but for several fairly obvious reasons we didn't go into quite the detail I imagine you ladies could provide.

So-
-can you get your tightness back using pelvic floor (kegel) exercises?
-is it true that it's more sensitive in a good way afterwards?
-does an episiotomy really fuck things up?

and anything else.
<curious>
x
V

I had a c-section. I'm afraid I'm not much help. But, if you've never had children, you never know how you'll deliver. I can answer for the sex life part of your question, though! For the first couple of weeks or so, you really won't be thinking about sex, anyway, because you won't have time to concentrate on anything but the baby.

Personally, for me, after that initial couple of weeks, my libido kicked in to overdrive! Of course, I had to wait for the go-ahead from the doctor (and that sucked), but after that, I was ready to rock 'n roll. Sex is just as great as it was before the baby!

 

[Selena_Kitt]

That's interesting. I thought with some births an episiotomy was needed to stop the skin rupturing all the way to the rectum.

My mum had a doctor friend who said he used to sew women up to a width of two fingers...

Am looking forward to having children, but shit scared about the giving birth bit, especially bearing in mind my hideously low pain threshold. I'm thinking of hypnotherapy - hell, if they can do open-heart surgery under hypnotherapy it ought to dull childbrith a little, right?
x
V

Hypnotherapy CAN work... you have to practice, as with anything. The more relaxed and open you are, the less pain there is. (Doesn't mean it's painLESS however )

Most women retain most of their vaginal muscle tone, although it decreases a little (along with stomach muscles) after each pregnancy. But exercise helps a lot.

For some women, sensitivity can increase after birth. Depends on the woman.

Episiotomies... wouldn't recommend them. I had one, and the recovery was 6 weeks before I could even *think* about sex, and 6 MONTHS before we could have painless sex again. The next birth, didn't have one, recovery was VERY fast (had a tiny tiny tear) hardly any pain at all within DAYS afterward. Huge difference. Huge. We resumed sex, that time, as soon as the bleeding stopped. No pain at all.

 

[Vermilion]

How does one avoid a 'rushed' birth though?

Can anyone tell that none of my close friends or relatives have been pregnant yet? My future Sis in law has just given brith but we're really not as the stage of intimacy where I can quiz her about her vagina She had a very emergency C section anyway.

Had a preganancy scare recently. S'funny, has been wanting a baby until then, but as soon as I thought I might be pregnant I realised how *not* ready I was yet!!. I'm only 23 - there's years and years yet, even if I do want one before I'm 30.

Am I waffling a bit? I'm feeling chatty tonight. Sorry.
x
V

 

[AppleBiter]

How does one avoid a 'rushed' birth though?

I'm not sure that you can. Everyone and every pregnancy is different. You never know how your body will react to carrying another person inside of it until it's time. For instance, I never had any problems with blood pressure and I thought that, with my small frame, I'd surely have a small baby. Especially since my husband and I were both small babies. But, alas, I ended up with borderline Toxemia and a 9 lb. baby. You never can tell the cards you'll be dealt. My son wasn't an emergency c-section, but my doctor recommended it with only a couple of days to prepare because, while it wasn't an emergency c-section, it had to be done ASAP because he feared we might lose the baby if my blood pressure spiked.

 

[Guest]

How does one avoid a 'rushed' birth though?

Can anyone tell that none of my close friends or relatives have been pregnant yet? My future Sis in law has just given brith but we're really not as the stage of intimacy where I can quiz her about her vagina She had a very emergency C section anyway.

Had a preganancy scare recently. S'funny, has been wanting a baby until then, but as soon as I thought I might be pregnant I realised how *not* ready I was yet!!. I'm only 23 - there's years and years yet, even if I do want one before I'm 30.

Am I waffling a bit? I'm feeling chatty tonight. Sorry.
x
V

Go to a Certified Nurse-Midwife. Make certain you are comfortable with your care-givers.

Become well-informed as you progress through your pregnancy.

These things helped me the most with my pregnancies and deliveries. (Especially when compared to my sister and sister-in-law.)

 

[impressive]

My children hatched.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

How does one avoid a 'rushed' birth though?

You find a caregiver experienced with easing a baby through and not giving routine episiotomies. You also have to be willing to LISTEN to your caregiver while you're pushing the baby out (can be hard to do, esp unmedicated) and not push too hard or too much when they tell you not to. Lots of midwives have experience easing a baby out without tears or even thinking about cutting an episiotomy.

 

[Vermilion]

My children hatched.

<snorts>

<tries to avoid comment about dragons...>

Sorry - do we know each other wll enough for me to tease like that?
x
V

 

[ABSTRUSE]

[slight threadjack]

When I was being induced to have my daughter every teenager who was pregnant was in the room with me...finally they roll in woman closer to my age. I thought oh good....

we talked a little....mostly about finally arriving at the day when the baby is about to be born....

she fingers her neck where she has all these hickeys and said "I know I can't wait, he was all over me last night"

I thought my god woman, you're a walking uterus waiting to be filled over and over like a Pez dispenser.

Thankfully a kind nurse moved me to a private space of my own.

[threadjack over]

 

[impressive]

<snorts>

<tries to avoid comment about dragons...>

Sorry - do we know each other wll enough for me to tease like that?
x
V

Teasing is good.

Seriously, though. Listen to Selena. She's a smart doula-type person. I, too, am trained in the field (as a CCE for Birth Works), although I have been inactive for over 5 years.

My children were delivered via c-section, although not by preference. I wanted to go the natural route. First one was an emergency section. The second refused to come out (and when I learned he was over 10 pounds, I experienced a bit of relief). I labored for three days with him. I might've succeeded with the third had I not freaked out. I became 100% convinced there was something "wrong" -- so after about 12 hours of mild-ish labor, I went to surgery yet again. They said I was on the verge of uterine rupture, so perhaps there was. *shrug*

Thus, I never experienced a vaginal birth & all it entails. I regret that, but ... such is life.

 

[Vermilion]

Doulas sound like a fabulous idea, but they're only just catching on over here as far as I can tell. Another reason I'm glad I'm not pregnant just yet - it'd be nice to wait until such time as we can afford to supplement the state health-care with extras like hypnotherapy or a private midwife or whatever.
Both fiance and I are still students (even if he's a phd) so not much cash atm! Roll on next year and paying jobs

x
V

 

[SlickTony]

With my second kid, labor was very fast--I had my first pain at 1:10 a.m. and the kid was born at, I think, 4:15 a.m. He weighed 9 lbs 4 oz. I lost 6 pints of blood and had to be transfused.

I envy whoever was more sensitive afterwards. I honestly think that sometimes nerves get stretched and snapped, just like the little rubber cords in a worn piece of elastic.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Thus, I never experienced a vaginal birth & all it entails. I regret that, but ... such is life.

But I bet you don't pee when you sneeze!

I didn't know you did Birth Works! I teach Birthing From Within... which, as a book to read about birth, I highly recommend, Ms V!

 

[Vermilion]

But I bet you don't pee when you sneeze!

I didn't know you did Birth Works! I teach Birthing From Within... which, as a book to read about birth, I highly recommend, Ms V!

Thankee, I will. Fiance might get worried if he sees it though!
x
V

(they *are* sexy red shoes, aren't they?)

 

[starrkers]

Episiotomies are rare here. I had three kids. Tore with each one. Things weren't "fucked up" afterwards, but the second stitching job wasn't as neat as it could be. This was fixed with the third (and I remember the smartarse doctor hauling husband over to check his handiwork and make sure it looked "right" )

 

[cloudy]

My first baby, a daughter, was small - 6 lbs, 11 oz - I had her with no medication at all, and no episiotomy. I never want to do that again.

Second, a son was HUGE - 9 lbs, 15 oz. I went almost two weeks past my due date with him, so my dr scheduled me to come in the next day, and he was going to induce my labor. I got to the hospital around 6 am, walked up to my room, felt great. When the nurse hooked the labor monitor up to me, she told me I was already in labor....contractions at about a minute apart.



I couldn't feel a damn thing, and argued with her. It was my second child, after all. I know what labor feels like.

She was right. 2 hours later, I delivered him, with the help of an epidural and the doctor had to do an episiotomy or else I would've torn. Sometimes there's nothing you can do to slow things down. They come when they want to.

Third baby - another son - doctor told me to come to the hospital the minute I felt the first contraction. Apparently I have a very high pain tolerance.

He was no problem. I had an epidural that, unfortunately, didn't "take," and he came too quickly to fix the problem, but no tears....he was a little smaller, at 7 lbs. 10 oz (and three weeks early).

I haven't noticed any difference in sensation, really. I had a tubal after my third, and there's something extremely liberating about knowing that I won't get pregnant again.

As far as muscle tone goes, I did kegals, and have had absolutely no complaints.

 

[cloudy]

double post

 

[Vermilion]

My hubby-to-be was 10lb 1oz when he was born.

Please - tell me weight is not genetic?

x
V

 

[cloudy]

My hubby-to-be was 10lb 1oz when he was born.

Please - tell me weight is not genetic?

x
V

It isn't. Apple's post above shows that, as does the wide range in the birthweights of my three kids.

 

[sweetnpetite]

just remember, not only your body that changes...

your life, your priority, your hormones, your energy, your available time, the things that you focus on (strained peas, barney and baby spit up can be less than sexy suprisingly)