separate beds

[sunandshadow]

I love sex, I love cuddling... but I'm a pretty light sleeper and I hate being woken by someone else's movement or alarm clock if they have to get up earlier than I do. I can tolerate sleeping on a queen-sized be with someone else if we're not touching and I have my own sheet and/or blanket, but I really prefer to sleep in my own room.

So the question - do you think most people would be hurt if their lover preferred not to sleep next to them? What if anything should I do about this?

 

[M's girl]

Uhm.... it was the reason for devorce for a friend of mine. His ex wife claimed she could not sleep with someone else in the room either. They had, for this reason, seperate bedrooms for years. They still had their share of intimacy and sex in the beginning, but it started fading when the whole situation just did not feel good and natural to him anymore. Being in a loving and intimate relationship to me involves for your partner to be the last one you see (and kiss goodnight) when you go to sleep and being the first one you see (and kiss goodmorning) when you wake up. It's the one you can cuddle up with when you wake up in the middle of the night when you feel sad, scared or alone, or just because you are cold.

Of course my friend and his ex had other issues too. I can imagine how it could work if everything else is just splendid in your relationship. But how many couples do you know where that is the case.......?

I can understand how this is a huge dilemma. Heck, even my friend sort of understood that his ex needed her sleep and everything. I am a light sleeper myself and I occasionally wake up because of M moving around in the bed and such. I bless myself that he does not snore because otherwise I would never sleep I suppose. But sleeping in seperate bedrooms? I'm not even a supporter of that in times when your relationship is in a bad shape - it always feels like running away from your problems to me.

Also, sleeping together will sometimes resolve issues the two of you have. It has happened a few times that we went to bad, angry with each other. Sometimes, whether on purpose or by accident, we would 'meet' each other physically during the night and both decide that the whole thing was rediculous anyway and that we craved touching and holding each other more than staying angry at each other. If you don't sleep together you miss out on opportunities like this because you much less likely are to step out of your (warm) bed in the middle of the night to walk over to the other person for some intimacy and TLC (with the chance of being rejected) when the last thing you did before going to sleep was fight...

Of course it's easy to speak when over all you're not the one who doesn't get any sleep and maybe I would say different things if I did. Maybe someone else comes in (here) to tell you how it can work. It's just that I don't see it.

 

[juicy_kitten]

Just as an aside really, i too am a light sleeper but have found that if you persevere with sharing a bed you will become used to your partner moving around etc and will not wake the majority of the time, this may not jibe with others experiences but just thought i'd let you know anyway that perseverence is definately worth a go!

 

[elfin_odalisque]

When you get to the stage that the bed seems empty when he's away and you miss the familiar undulations, you know you've found the life guy for you.

 

[Bert Notorius]

It worked for Rob and Laura Petrie.

But I think most people would be hurt.

 

[Chicklet]

So the question - do you think most people would be hurt if their lover preferred not to sleep next to them? What if anything should I do about this?

I think most people would be hurt. But, the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with is going to put up with your quirks, whatever they are. And, on the flipside of that coin, you'll want to please whoever you end up choosing to be with.

In my opinion, you should give sleeping with them a try. I used to be very, very easily woken in the night, and very easily annoyed by the movements of another person in bed. I also didn't like someone touching me while I was sleeping, and I couldnt' stand the noises people make when they snore. But now I've grown to absolutely love another person in my bed... whether he's quiet, loud, irritatingly fidgity, or completely still.

But, I also think that if you find someone that loves you, he'll be able to handle sleeping in seperate beds if it's truly, truly what you need. You could very easily go 50's TV style and have small beds that pushed together for intimacy.

 

[slhb]

I am also a light sleeper married to a wonderful man who happens to be a major snorer and roller. We have slept apart for roughly 10 out of 15 years (actually, I was on the couch in the middle of the night many times before actually switching rooms) and we still have a great sex life. Life is much sweeter when you wake up rested as opposed to being sleep deprived and wanting to kill your siginificant other in the morning. Good luck and keep the communication open.

 

[SweetErika]

I don't think I'd be able to handle sleeping separately well, but some won't have a problem with it. I wouldn't have an issue with someone needing a bigger bed and their own sheet/blanket though.

If you're with someone who prefers to sleep together, I'd advise trying the big bed/own blanket deal first, and trying to adjust to it. Sleeping with someone was problematic for both Hubby and I, but over time, we adapted to each other and became comfortable with it. At least a queen bed and king blankets certainly helped with that. We keep to ourselves for the most part when we sleep, but it's nice to be in the same space and be able to connect through touch when the mood strikes.

 

[The Gimp]

It just depends on the person. I think that having separate beds would be great but there is no way that my girlfriend would agree to such an arrangement. She's a touchy feely type person that feels rejected if I don't kiss her goodbye before I leave the house and she gets depressed if we have to spend more than twelve hours apart. I'm just the opposite in that we could go a month without any sort of physical contact and I wouldn't even notice

 

[bighornedsatyr]

My ex's father's snoring was so bad, he and her mom slept in different beds, in different rooms, on different floors. One time I mentioned this to my mom and she said if she did that, my dad would divorce her. So there's all different types.

 

[TBKahuna123]

For as long as I could remember my grandparents slept in seperate bedrooms, and I could never figure it out. Lately though, my wife has been having some snoring issues and I've been fighting insomnia. It's gotten so bad we've driven each other to the futon a couple of times, so I can see how this might be a problem for a really light sleeper.

These times are few and far between though and usually I have a really hard time sleeping alone. I've gotten so used to my wife being there that I'm just not comfortable without her there.

Another idea might be to try one of those tempurpedic memory foam matresses. they are supposed to kill off your bedmate's motion so it doesn't disturb you. Never tried one myself, but it sounds good.

 

[Bert Notorius]

...Lately though, my wife has been having some snoring issues and I've been fighting insomnia. It's gotten so bad we've driven each other to the futon a couple of times, so I can see how this might be a problem for a really light sleeper

How can so much snore come out of tiny woman? Before we finally got rid of our marital water bed for a grown-up bed, when my wife would go into snore mode, I would send her a waterbed sunami and roll her over.

 

[Not Normal]

How can so much snore come out of tiny woman? Before we finally got rid of our marital water bed for a grown-up bed, when my wife would go into snore mode, I would send her a waterbed sunami and roll her over.

HAHAHAHA!

I would have done a spit take on my monitor if I had been drinking.

 

[A_Kefka]

can't say how someone might react to the suggestion. I did know a couple that had seperate bedrooms because they worked differetn schedules (one was on day shift and the other on swing). did it just so they wouldn't disturb the others sleep. They did say one thing they really came to like was how romantic it could be to sneak into the others room at a time when it wouldn't be a bother, or be waiting in the others bed for them when they got home.

I would think whether people can live with it would depend on whether they can still find time to be close or if not sleeping together causes them to not.