Self spankings and other self tourtures

[the captians wench]

Okay, Jade's thread got me to thinking this evening.

I think this has been discussed here before, but I've been thinking about it so I figured I'd blurt out my thoughts in a fresh light.

My Master and I are seperated by a great distance, and so anything he wishes to do to me I have to carry out myself. That's how I've always looked at my self spankings. It's not really a self spanking, he is the one doing the spanking, he's just using my hands to do so as he is unable to at this moment. This is a thought that seems to be not so common when it comes to this subject. I have inflicted bruses on myself by his command that were much worse and lasted much longer than anyone has put on me.

I think it takes more will for me to do these things to myself than when I let a friend do it to me. I mean before meeting my love I would have never considered doing something to hurt myself and the first time he asked me to was very hard. But you know the thought never came across my mind "why am I doing this to myself". Insted I do remember once thinking "why are you doing this to me", but only once and never again.

Is this really a rare frame of mind? do you think it's easier to serve when the person is there inflicting the pain on you than when they are not, or the other way around? Are you too tempted to slack off when you're doing it yourself? Would it be different if the person was in the same room watching from a chair in the cornor rather than from a cam?

just my thoughts tonight... feel free to comment, bash, trash hijack, what ever.

 

[Xelebes]

I find using a foot-long ruler is fun to use when self-hitting. A yard-stick is a bit long.

 

[serijules]

I too am well versed in this way of holding a relationship as my Owner and I are a few states away. I will be moving to be with her, but not for quite some time yet. We only see each other every few months, so inbetween, we do self-inflicted pain and pleasure.

I find it very powerful. It takes a lot of focus to be able to hurt and tease myself like she demands...especially in times when I really do not want to be doing it, and I'm not going to live a fantasy and pretend I always WANT to be doing what she requires of me. Those times are even harder, but in a way make me feel that much more submissive.

I have cried, hard, at my "own hand". I've been bruised. I've bled. I've felt humiliated. It IS harder to do those things when she is watching or listening, but I do them no differently when she is not (as sometimes she is not able to, when she is at work and giving me orders through text messaging). I am so well trained in this method that I don't consider slacking or whatnot. I used to, in the beginning, and I think it is very normal to think of doing so, but it just isn't something I can live with actually doing, thus, I don't.

It doesn't really hurt more or less when someone else is doing certain things (nipple clamps hurt regardness if I put them on myself or she puts them on me), but I take the pain in different ways depending on the situation. When SHE is inflicting it, my focus is much less split and I seem to react more, feel it a little deeper. When I am self inflicting, I am focusing on doing a good job for her and doing as she expects, so in a way I build up a bit of a wall in order to cope with it...something I don't do or need to do when she is around.

I get a lot out of self infliction. It's not ideal by any means...NOTHING will ever even close to match the sensations and emotions you feel when the same things are being physically done to you by your partner in person. However, it is much better than nothing at all and serves its purpose well. I'm glad we have the option.

 

[the captians wench]

That's exactly it. I would never trade him doing things to me to do them myself. I would much rather it was by his hand that each slap came from.

Which reminds me of something I asked him last night. Before my first "tacking" he would tease me and say he used to make his ex sub sit on tacks. And he would make mention of this from time to time. But she ofcourse lived in the same city as he, where as we don't even live on the same side of the ocean. He's also made mention of a couple of friends he had that he played with online and they did self spankings. So I asked him last night had he ever gotten anyone else to tack themselves. He laughed and said no. I don't know why that makes me feel so proud, but it does.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

If you don't have anyone to play with or are not allowed to play with others then self play fills the gap at least some what. I agree its much better to have someone doing it to you. If the choice is not doing anything or going solo then it has to be solo.

 

[FurryFury]

I know what it's like to want to have someone who can do the things you most desire for you, to you, for his or her pleasure and not have that.

I hate it when people won't take what they can have and do the best they can.

You clearly are not like that.

I'm glad to see that there are some of us that will grab what they want, or the closest thing they can get to it and be happy for what they do have.

Bravo!

Fury

 

[serijules]

I hate it when people won't take what they can have and do the best they can.

I'm glad to see that there are some of us that will grab what they want, or the closest thing they can get to it and be happy for what they do have.

I love this comment...it is so true. I have so many people ask me why I don't try to find someone closer, or why don't I just drop everything and move to be with D now since it is what would make us both happiEST...

Right now, doing that would make certain people unhappier...and that just isn't the kind of trade we are willing to make right now.

So we make the best of what we have, and if anyone ever reads my posts or website or journal, you'll know that is still pretty damn happy.

 

[FurryFury]

I love this comment...it is so true. I have so many people ask me why I don't try to find someone closer, or why don't I just drop everything and move to be with D now since it is what would make us both happiEST...

Right now, doing that would make certain people unhappier...and that just isn't the kind of trade we are willing to make right now.

So we make the best of what we have, and if anyone ever reads my posts or website or journal, you'll know that is still pretty damn happy.

I know you are! I LOVE that you are!

Fury

 

[the captians wench]

I know what it's like to want to have someone who can do the things you most desire for you, to you, for his or her pleasure and not have that.

I hate it when people won't take what they can have and do the best they can.

You clearly are not like that.

I'm glad to see that there are some of us that will grab what they want, or the closest thing they can get to it and be happy for what they do have.

Bravo!

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

 

[the captians wench]

I love this comment...it is so true. I have so many people ask me why I don't try to find someone closer, or why don't I just drop everything and move to be with D now since it is what would make us both happiEST...

Right now, doing that would make certain people unhappier...and that just isn't the kind of trade we are willing to make right now.

So we make the best of what we have, and if anyone ever reads my posts or website or journal, you'll know that is still pretty damn happy.

I know exactly what you mean.

When talking about my relationship to one co worker she asked me "how do you get sex? Don't you want some one who could really do you?". I was shocked by the comment. I had never even concidered that. And you know it's not even the sex that I'm looking forward to when I do get over there. I'm most looking forward to just finally feeling him. His hand on mine, his lips pressed against my lips, a gentle brush on my cheek, and most of all being held in his arms. That's what I'm looking forward to. Looking in his eyes (tho that will cause a bit of a neck strain as he's a foot taller than I am *giggles*) and you know, some times, when I'm lieing in my bed at night, I can almost feel those things. but it will be a thousand times better when it happens.

He often tells me "good things come to those who wait" *giggles* (sometimes those little frazes are preceeded by "Old Irish saying" which cracks me up every time but I love it so much). When we rush things we tend to not get the out come we desire. I know our day will come. Maybe not today, this week, this month, or possibly even this year. But it will come I have no doubt.