self reflection

[babygurll1968]

This isnt a thread per say...it is something I was thinking about today...not sure where to put it then decided on putting it here since some of my dearest friends re here in the SRPs...

Today I had a co-worker ask me if I could change my life,taking away all the pain I have felt the last few months,the heartache the last year or so would I? I looked at her and kinda gave her a blank expression,not sure how to answer at that moment...

Well I thought back on everything...Would I change beginng with my son's dad..knwoing how he was then. My son is my world,the apple of my eye. He looks after me and is half of my whole. He is the typical son,trying at times but then he can be the most thoughtful and caring person that it brings tears to my eyes at times. He can be aggressive when he has to and then the softness in his heart comes out at the most unexpected times. he will stop for a hurt animal beside the road in a blink of an eye. He will stand up for his family and kick the snot out of anyone who talks bad about them.

Would I change my dad passing away from colon cancer..taking precious time away from myself and my family. Cheating us out of more years. Knowing that he is a pillar..one step closer to the awareness and cure of something bigger than we could have ever thought. The time I had with him meaning more to me than I can not even begin to describe.Would I change the years I saw him give my mom...the many times he would scold my brothers and I.

Would I change having three of the best brothers in the world even if they still think of me as their baby sister. Growing up with the gauntlet of questions past boyfriends had to endure? Would I change getting to know an amazing man,one who I know gets aggravated at my very bad time judgements..punctuality is not my thing.Someone who makes me smile and laugh,things only a few have managed to do before him.

Would I change the friends I have here and in RL,even though at times they dont get along?They make me who I am,accept me for who I am.The encourage me to expand myself,have confidence and faith in myself. Make me a better person. Would I change any of these things,just to have a pain free life. But what is pain..it isnt only physical it is also mental as well. So you cant really change one and not the other. It is just who we are,what we are.

So I guess the answer to the co-workers question is ...No..I wouldnt change the past.Even if it meant knowing the pain of a hard hand,a slap,the cold harsh words of an old lover.The loss of a child..the loss of a parent, The torment one can inflict on another. No..I still wouldn't change it because if I did I wuldnt have the joys and tears from these experiences to make me who I am today.

I just needed somewhere to post this..see it in writing..so if ya want to leave a comment please do..if not it was just a random thought. One I needed to express for myself. Thanks for listening..

 

[dragonrazor]

This isnt a thread per say...it is something I was thinking about today...not sure where to put it then decided on putting it here since some of my dearest friends re here in the SRPs...

Today I had a co-worker ask me if I could change my life,taking away all the pain I have felt the last few months,the heartache the last year or so would I? I looked at her and kinda gave her a blank expression,not sure how to answer at that moment...

Well I thought back on everything...Would I change beginng with my son's dad..knwoing how he was then. My son is my world,the apple of my eye. He looks after me and is half of my whole. He is the typical son,trying at times but then he can be the most thoughtful and caring person that it brings tears to my eyes at times. He can be aggressive when he has to and then the softness in his heart comes out at the most unexpected times. he will stop for a hurt animal beside the road in a blink of an eye. He will stand up for his family and kick the snot out of anyone who talks bad about them.

Would I change my dad passing away from colon cancer..taking precious time away from myself and my family. Cheating us out of more years. Knowing that he is a pillar..one step closer to the awareness and cure of something bigger than we could have ever thought. The time I had with him meaning more to me than I can not even begin to describe.Would I change the years I saw him give my mom...the many times he would scold my brothers and I.

Would I change having three of the best brothers in the world even if they still think of me as their baby sister. Growing up with the gauntlet of questions past boyfriends had to endure? Would I change getting to know an amazing man,one who I know gets aggravated at my very bad time judgements..punctuality is not my thing.Someone who makes me smile and laugh,things only a few have managed to do before him.

Would I change the friends I have here and in RL,even though at times they dont get along?They make me who I am,accept me for who I am.The encourage me to expand myself,have confidence and faith in myself. Make me a better person. Would I change any of these things,just to have a pain free life. But what is pain..it isnt only physical it is also mental as well. So you cant really change one and not the other. It is just who we are,what we are.

So I guess the answer to the co-workers question is ...No..I wouldnt change the past.Even if it meant knowing the pain of a hard hand,a slap,the cold harsh words of an old lover.The loss of a child..the loss of a parent, The torment one can inflict on another. No..I still wouldn't change it because if I did I wuldnt have the joys and tears from these experiences to make me who I am today.

I just needed somewhere to post this..see it in writing..so if ya want to leave a comment please do..if not it was just a random thought. One I needed to express for myself. Thanks for listening..

*hugs the BG and gives her cakes and ice creams*

 

[monique_minx]

Bright child where doth the dawn come?
In the light of your eyes I see the sun.
So I heed no shadow and no reprieve,
For all I want is the purity you breathe.

~ Monique_Minx - inspired by Babygurl as of two minutes ago.



I wouldn't change my years either, not a strip of pain taken from my life, it has made me who I am and what I have today...

 

[Rayne_Clowd]

I am not a deeply religious person, I do believe in a higher power and the after life and the power of positive thinking or spiritual belief.

This thread reminded me of something I was once told and it was simply during a conversation about why good people have bad things happen and it was along the lines of...

"perhaps god gives the trying things to those people because he knows they have the strength to handle it, and from those things they will grow or realize there own strength and worth and take less in their lives for granted.

They are life lessons and while some of them hard to learn and while they seem unfair perhaps at times, it is because they are special and good people that they have been given these lessons, not to hurt them but to show them strength and to allow them to over come and to take something from each experience"

at the time I confess I was still struggling with this concept, I was watching people I loved go through horrible things and it just didn't seem fair. But now just like you I know they have taken something away from that time they have a new appreciation for life and take joy in those they know are precious to them.

*hugs and kisses to babygurll* while I wish no one to suffer pain or to struggle with any heartache, perhaps it is what we take from those situations that is important and what our focus should be. Just like you have said you would not change those times because they link to other realizations or good things in your life.

 

[yeishia]

My real world life is private, suffice it to say sometimes I would love to start over but with the knowledge that I now know, retained in my active memory.

Then I remember ..... my son.

Smiling softy, I am certain that I wouldn't change a single thing except perhaps the future,
my greatest wish in this my world, is the desire to see him grow to manhood..

My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue
An everlasting vision of the ever-changing view
A wondrous woven magic in bits of blue and gold
A tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold........(Carole King)


Having walked the darker side of your path, I still am, my thoughts and prayers are with you for a speedy recovery. .​

 

[Cinner]

I am in no way as eloquent a writer as any of the other posters here but I agree with the sentiments that they have expressed. I lost my father three weeks ago and my mother two and a half years before that. I was the main caregiver for both of them. For me these have been the biggest disappointments in my life because I still do not believe that I learned all that they had to teach me and I haven't done all the things to maximize my potential and make them proud. My mother's sister-in-law reminded me of something when we realised that even all the money and the best doctors in the world couldn't save Mummy - I still have a family. This lesson is even more important now that Daddy has also left me to travel my days independently of him. I must reach for the inner strength that they cultivated in me and remember that I am still connected to the world, I did learn some lessons that I have a duty to pass on in this relay of life, my pain has made me wiser and so I have grown up a bit - which was their intention for me anyway. We have many images of this in our literature, pop culture, religion and in science: the grain of wheat must die in order to grow and multiply, we cannot make beautiful music on a violin with slack strings, we must die to self to gain everlasting life. Whatever you believe about your life I think that you must reflect on the fact that the FACT that you would choose the path that you have, to move on with knowledge rather than in pure bliss, augers well for the future for you and for everyone whom you choose to know.

 

[babygurll1968]

Thank you all for the comments and knowing everyone has faced that challenge in their life...it was a simple question that my co-worker asked but yet one of the hardest ones Ive had to search for an answer..but truly there is no real answer..*smiles* Thanks for the comments

BG