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Heard But Not Seen
A roundup of TV's never-seen characters
By Larry Carroll
Special to MSN TV
When we were children, we were all told that it's best to be seen and not heard. But someone forgot to tell that to some of TV's all-time favorite characters, many of whom were able to create indelible impressions with nothing more than a personality and some well-placed stage props.
With apologies to Peggy's mother on "Married ... With Children," Orson from "Mork & Mindy" and a few other notables who didn't make the cut, here's a list of the best unseen characters in TV history. Because, isn't it about time that somebody took a closer look at these guys?
Vera Peterson, "Cheers"
The hounding wife of permanent barstool-dweller Norm, Vera started out as a receptacle for his jokes and a constant phone call for him to avoid. But as the years went by, the Vera gags became bigger than a meal at The Hungry Heifer, culminating in an episode that had her finally walk into frame, only to be hit in the face with a pie before viewers could make her out. Ironically enough, Vera was played by George Wendt's real-life spouse Bernadette Birkett -- but most of us don't know what she looks like, either.
Barney's mom, "How I Met Your Mother"
Not only have "HIMYM" stars Neil Patrick Harris and Jason Segel gone on the now-defunct "Megan Mullally Show" to serenade each other with "Les Miserables" tunes, but the former "Will & Grace" star has returned the favor by playing Mom to Harris' Barney. Like her son, Mrs. Stinson has been known to sleep around; unlike him (we hope), one sexual adventure involved Bob Barker.
Diane, "Twin Peaks"
Was she his secretary? His lover? Some imaginary friend? Like so much else on "Peaks," the exact nature of the woman addressed by Special Agent Dale Cooper while talking into his tape recorder was shrouded in mystery. In what might be the most one-sided conversation in TV history, Cooper would reveal his loves, his losses, fears and regrets to Diane, while fans would never hear her response. Come to think of it, maybe Diane was the name of the recorder itself? Somewhere, David Lynch is smiling.
Wilson, "Home Improvement"
Unquestionably the most famous "seen but not heard" star in television history, Earl Hindman spent eight seasons hidden behind a fence (or stack of books, or coffee cup), dispensing sage advice to Tim Taylor. As Dr. Wilson W. Wilson enjoyed his own Fonzie-like breakout, the "Improvement" writers came up with increasingly clever ways to get him out of his backyard, obscuring Hindman's face with other actors, camera shots and props as if he were genitalia in an "Austin Powers" movie. Hindman was finally allowed to show his face during the show's final episode, a well-deserved bow for the veteran character actor who passed away in 2003.
Maris, "Frasier"
Inspired by the relationship between Norm and Vera on "Cheers," the show's spin-off gave Frasier Crane's brother Niles an equally overbearing, equally invisible ball and chain. Her husband compared her to a bag of flour, "bleached, 100-percent fat free and best kept in an air-tight container." Maris was a running gag whose interests included sensory deprivation, cosmetic surgery and interpretive dance. By the time the "Frasier" writers became interested in actually putting the character into a scene, they realized no human being could possibly fit all their hilarious descriptions.
Charlie, "Charlie's Angels"
He told you the job, stayed out of your way and never came into the office. If only all our bosses were as cool as Charlie, owner of Townsend Associates and overseer of the world's deadliest babes. For five seasons, all we got was a voice and the occasional over-the-shoulder shot ... at least, we think so. Our eyes were too affixed to Farrah Fawcett to notice if they showed anything else.
The adults, "Peanuts"
Cartoons have a long history of hiding faces, from the somewhat offensive Mammy Two-Shoes on "Tom and Jerry" to Inspector Gadget's nemesis Dr. Claw. But the melancholy tones and whiny nature of adulthood have never been so concisely depicted as they are in the world of Charles M. Schulz. Anytime someone over the age of 10 speaks to Charlie Brown and his friends, all we hear is a trombone going "wah-wah." It's like every Woody Allen movie ever made, summed up in two notes.
George Steinbrenner, Bob Sacamano and other characters, "Seinfeld"
There were so many invisible characters on the greatest sitcom of the 1990s that it seems like a miracle we ever got to see Jerry. From cranky George Steinbrenner (shot from behind, voiced by Larry David) to Kramer's buddy Bob Sacamano to Uncle Leo's beloved nephew Jeffrey, all the way through Lomez and Jay Riemenschneider, it seemed only appropriate that a show about nothing would be populated with so many nobodies.
Carlton the doorman, "Rhoda"
In one classic scene from the '70s staple, Rhoda's mother exclaimed, "There's a drunk in the lobby; you'd better tell the doorman," to which Rhoda replied, "Ma, that is the doorman!" Sarcastic, sinister, usually drunk and never seen, Carlton became a breakout character on the show as viewers eagerly anticipated every time Rhoda would go near her apartment's intercom. He's also the only "seen but not heard" character to ever win an Emmy, thanks to the short-lived but critically acclaimed animated 1980 spin-off "Carlton Your Doorman."
Stanley Walker, "Will & Grace"
After watching unseen wives taking the brunt of so many jokes on shows like "Cheers," it was nice to see Karen turning the tables on her Stanley in this long-running sitcom. He was wealthy, obese, a toupee-wearer since his teens, and sent to prison in Season 4. The next year he passed away, never to be heard from again -- yet oddly enough, receiving the same amount of screen time.
Did we forget anyone? And who is your favorite never-seen character. Write us at heymsn@microsoft.com and let us know
A roundup of TV's never-seen characters
By Larry Carroll
Special to MSN TV
When we were children, we were all told that it's best to be seen and not heard. But someone forgot to tell that to some of TV's all-time favorite characters, many of whom were able to create indelible impressions with nothing more than a personality and some well-placed stage props.
With apologies to Peggy's mother on "Married ... With Children," Orson from "Mork & Mindy" and a few other notables who didn't make the cut, here's a list of the best unseen characters in TV history. Because, isn't it about time that somebody took a closer look at these guys?
Vera Peterson, "Cheers"
The hounding wife of permanent barstool-dweller Norm, Vera started out as a receptacle for his jokes and a constant phone call for him to avoid. But as the years went by, the Vera gags became bigger than a meal at The Hungry Heifer, culminating in an episode that had her finally walk into frame, only to be hit in the face with a pie before viewers could make her out. Ironically enough, Vera was played by George Wendt's real-life spouse Bernadette Birkett -- but most of us don't know what she looks like, either.
Barney's mom, "How I Met Your Mother"
Not only have "HIMYM" stars Neil Patrick Harris and Jason Segel gone on the now-defunct "Megan Mullally Show" to serenade each other with "Les Miserables" tunes, but the former "Will & Grace" star has returned the favor by playing Mom to Harris' Barney. Like her son, Mrs. Stinson has been known to sleep around; unlike him (we hope), one sexual adventure involved Bob Barker.
Diane, "Twin Peaks"
Was she his secretary? His lover? Some imaginary friend? Like so much else on "Peaks," the exact nature of the woman addressed by Special Agent Dale Cooper while talking into his tape recorder was shrouded in mystery. In what might be the most one-sided conversation in TV history, Cooper would reveal his loves, his losses, fears and regrets to Diane, while fans would never hear her response. Come to think of it, maybe Diane was the name of the recorder itself? Somewhere, David Lynch is smiling.
Wilson, "Home Improvement"
Unquestionably the most famous "seen but not heard" star in television history, Earl Hindman spent eight seasons hidden behind a fence (or stack of books, or coffee cup), dispensing sage advice to Tim Taylor. As Dr. Wilson W. Wilson enjoyed his own Fonzie-like breakout, the "Improvement" writers came up with increasingly clever ways to get him out of his backyard, obscuring Hindman's face with other actors, camera shots and props as if he were genitalia in an "Austin Powers" movie. Hindman was finally allowed to show his face during the show's final episode, a well-deserved bow for the veteran character actor who passed away in 2003.
Maris, "Frasier"
Inspired by the relationship between Norm and Vera on "Cheers," the show's spin-off gave Frasier Crane's brother Niles an equally overbearing, equally invisible ball and chain. Her husband compared her to a bag of flour, "bleached, 100-percent fat free and best kept in an air-tight container." Maris was a running gag whose interests included sensory deprivation, cosmetic surgery and interpretive dance. By the time the "Frasier" writers became interested in actually putting the character into a scene, they realized no human being could possibly fit all their hilarious descriptions.
Charlie, "Charlie's Angels"
He told you the job, stayed out of your way and never came into the office. If only all our bosses were as cool as Charlie, owner of Townsend Associates and overseer of the world's deadliest babes. For five seasons, all we got was a voice and the occasional over-the-shoulder shot ... at least, we think so. Our eyes were too affixed to Farrah Fawcett to notice if they showed anything else.
The adults, "Peanuts"
Cartoons have a long history of hiding faces, from the somewhat offensive Mammy Two-Shoes on "Tom and Jerry" to Inspector Gadget's nemesis Dr. Claw. But the melancholy tones and whiny nature of adulthood have never been so concisely depicted as they are in the world of Charles M. Schulz. Anytime someone over the age of 10 speaks to Charlie Brown and his friends, all we hear is a trombone going "wah-wah." It's like every Woody Allen movie ever made, summed up in two notes.
George Steinbrenner, Bob Sacamano and other characters, "Seinfeld"
There were so many invisible characters on the greatest sitcom of the 1990s that it seems like a miracle we ever got to see Jerry. From cranky George Steinbrenner (shot from behind, voiced by Larry David) to Kramer's buddy Bob Sacamano to Uncle Leo's beloved nephew Jeffrey, all the way through Lomez and Jay Riemenschneider, it seemed only appropriate that a show about nothing would be populated with so many nobodies.
Carlton the doorman, "Rhoda"
In one classic scene from the '70s staple, Rhoda's mother exclaimed, "There's a drunk in the lobby; you'd better tell the doorman," to which Rhoda replied, "Ma, that is the doorman!" Sarcastic, sinister, usually drunk and never seen, Carlton became a breakout character on the show as viewers eagerly anticipated every time Rhoda would go near her apartment's intercom. He's also the only "seen but not heard" character to ever win an Emmy, thanks to the short-lived but critically acclaimed animated 1980 spin-off "Carlton Your Doorman."
Stanley Walker, "Will & Grace"
After watching unseen wives taking the brunt of so many jokes on shows like "Cheers," it was nice to see Karen turning the tables on her Stanley in this long-running sitcom. He was wealthy, obese, a toupee-wearer since his teens, and sent to prison in Season 4. The next year he passed away, never to be heard from again -- yet oddly enough, receiving the same amount of screen time.
Did we forget anyone? And who is your favorite never-seen character. Write us at heymsn@microsoft.com and let us know
