Seeking Editor - tangled my tenses!

[diamondsandheels]

Please help! I've got about 5,100 words and I KNOW I've messed up my past/future tense throughout. Every time I edit I seem to fix a portion and mess up another!
Would love any other critique and fixing as editor is able to contribute.

Story is about M/F about to Skype on nude beach when interrupted by another M, so the guy on Skype watches/encourages/helps his girl have sex with the guy.

Other stories I've done: http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=842595&page=submissions

Thanks in advance!

 

[diamondsandheels]

Anyone willing to do a quick read through to tell me which parts sound off?

 

[Tigersman]

Anyone willing to do a quick read through to tell me which parts sound off?

I am willing to give it a try. Send me a message then I will give you my email address.