Seeking constructive criticism

[inka]

Yes, I'm throwing myself to the wolves here.

Looking for additional feedback and constructive criticism that I can apply to my writing in the future: general story progression, flow, arc, dialog, foreshadowing, etc...

The story I would like the feedback on is an erotic horror/non human, vampire tale that follows the journey of a broken blood slave. In total it's 68k words long. It hits a lot of other genres including BDSM, Gay Male, Lesbian Sex, and Reluctance/NonCon.

I know that the sex to story ratio is unbalanced across the story as a whole, and currently there is a technical issue in the second chapter.

If you are interested, we can deconstruct the story here, or in PMs. I don't have a preference.

Thank you in advance.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

Well A+ for imagery, based on the first chapter. You have a solid grasp of the technical details of spelling, punctuation, and grammar. The contrast between the narrator's and her neighbor's experiences was clever. Unfortunately I'm not particularly into graphically brutal maledom/femsub so I'll call it quits here. Hope you find your fans.

 

[inka]

Well A+ for imagery, based on the first chapter. You have a solid grasp of the technical details of spelling, punctuation, and grammar. The contrast between the narrator's and her neighbor's experiences was clever. Unfortunately I'm not particularly into graphically brutal maledom/femsub so I'll call it quits here. Hope you find your fans.

Thank you for the bite! And I appreciate the compliments on the technical aspects of writing!

For any other possible readers, I should add that the first chapter is the hook, but not the haul. There are other chapters that revisit the graphically brutal maledom/femsub vibe, but it is not the bulk of the tale.

 

[MythicMind]

I agree that your first chapter is strong. Imagery, setting, exposition, conflict, stakes, backstory, state of mind...all flow together very smoothly. Good sentence and paragraph structure.

If there is a specific chapter or area you would like feedback on, please let us know.

 

[inka]

If there is a specific chapter or area you would like feedback on, please let us know.

Thank you as well! <3

A chapters that avoid the brutality or excess vampireness of the story overall that showcase areas I would like feedback on (dialog, character development, overall flow, sex scene progression and timing) would be the following:

Chapter 7: - no sex, no vampires (mentioned in conversation only). There are psychological aspects in this chapter.
Or Chapter 8: Kinky scene, M/F, Male dom, BDSM aspects (primarily safe words) with aftercare, there is a little blood from biting, vampires are present in the chapter but not active in the scene, and some additional psychological aspects.

 

[inka]

Gentle bump.

 

[Anarko99]

Hi Inka, I will certainly have a look at your story. May take a while to give you feedback given the length! In the meantime please check out my own forum thread for feedback on my story: https://www.literotica.com/s/the-hucow-sissy-gurl

Any thoughts please post them on my forum chat: Looking for Feed Back For My Story Hucow Sissy Gurl.

Many thanks

Anarko99

 

[inka]

Hello Anarko99,

Thank you for being willing to give my work a read and provide feedback.
I'll return the favor, and post feedback on your thread, patience is requested as well as your story is also on the longer side.
Cheers, and thanks again!