Seeking advice...

[georgiadood]

Ok,

I'm new here so please go easy on me...
I have this one problem.. and it is kind of embarrassing...
I have this problem cumming.. or reaching climax..
I know your thinking, either he's lying or retarded.. but the only person who ever got me off was my exwife...
Since then, I have dated chicks that I have run dry before. I can go about 5 or 6 hours, and usually end up masturbating to get off. Which if I masturbate, I can get off in like 10-15 minutes.
I have had girlfriends break up with me and leave me, I think (from a man's point of view) that they weren't satisfying me or something.

I'm just wondering if there is anyone else out there that had/has this problem and willing to share what they did to overcome it or is there something major wrong with me.

Please, only serious replies.

 

[StevenWill]

Talk to someone

Sometimes I am amazed that we don't all have some kind of sexual dysfunction. I have been teaching Human Sexuality at the college level for 16 years and I have heard of every possible variation. If men cum too fast, we call them premature ejaculators. If they don't cum soon enough, their partners get frustrated and feel inadequate or angry. We used to call women who didn't orgasm "frigid." If they liked sex "too much" and had many orgasms, we called them nymphomaniacs. We like our sex and our partners to be "just right."

You probably can't get the help you need on here although you will get lots of advice and most of the people on here are pretty sexually sophisticated and well meaning and just plain nice folks from what I can tell.

Orgasm is a spinal reflex like a knee jerk. But your brain can squash that reflex just like your brain can stop your knee from jerking. Your brain can also facilitate that reflex with fantasy or talk or looking at pictures and videos or being excited by your partner........ Men with spinal cord damage can have erections and orgasms even when they can't feel their penises. And you can whisper in their ear all you want and it will have no effect. Call them Adonis or call them fat and disgusting but that message can't get down to that spinal reflex point.

It is simple and complex, delightful and discouraging, fabulous and flawed. You are not yet 30 so you would normally be expected to achieve an erection easily and orgasm in less than 15 minutes if you so desired. But I would not want to call you dysfunctional, not online with the little I know.

I suggest you see a professional so all the bases can be covered. Biological things like testosterone levels, medications your are taking (medications for depression for example), drug and alcohol use, diseases (like diabetes) can all affect sexual function.

You also have a long psychological history with this problem and the past always haunts us. When we worry just a little, it can dampen our orgasmic capacity. And it can be tricky. When women who don't have orgasms worry that they wont have an orgasm, that worry makes orgasm less likely. A self fulfilling prophecy. Yet when men who orgasm too quickly worry about that it makes them orgasm too quickly. It is cruel that we often get what we are most worried about. When sex goes on a long time orgasm becomes less likely, especially if there is an impatient partner who is dealing with her own feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Men without erection problems but with orgasm problems can have psychological issues that are interfering. Sometimes when men are in unhealthy relationships that are troubled by infidelity, lack of trust and anger their orgasms can be inhibited. Sometimes you can go all the way back to negative messages from parents or unpleasant experiences in adolescence.

Whether it is rapid orgasm or delayed orgasm, the road to greater control over orgasmic capacity is almost always through learning and there are some great sex therapy techniques that let both men and women achieve their goals. And, yes, their are women who orgasm too quickly and lose desire before they want to, the female equivalent of premature ejaculation. Every possibility is out there. None of us is perfectly perfect all the time with everyone.

The problem I see with my students is that they are unwilling to take the steps necessary to work through their problems. I have talked to many women who have trouble achieving an orgasm. I tell them that learning to have an orgasm is not that difficult if they put in the time. But they just seem to want it to happen magically and not do any homework or exercises or experience any self awareness that might seem to require anything that seems like therapy to them. Sadly, the orgasm issue with hand like a dark cloud over their relationships 29 years down the road when it could have been resolved with as little as 6 weeks of effort and they could have moved on to great relationships and great sexual experiences.

You could start with a urologist to check hormone levels and any effects of medication and move on to a sex therapist or counselor to explore other issues.
You could also read some books on human sexuality to learn the basic information about arousal and orgasm. Just remember that you do have erections and you can have orgasms so you are not far from being exactly where you want to be. But you can't blame it on partners. People HAVE orgasms; other people don't bestow them upon us with their great sexual powers of seduction and arousal.

Sometimes problems go away on their own and sometimes we have to give them a little help. Don't be afraid to take on the challenge of being in control of your own sexual happiness.

Steve

 

[georgiadood]

Thanks Steve

I appreciate your comments steve.

Is there any kind of activity you would suggest that I could do as an excersize?

I'm deployed in Iraq right now, and I hardly think I would be taken seriously if I went to the medics with my problem. Not only that but it's kind of something that they really wouldn't know how to fix. They're good at patching holes.

Also, have you ever heard this as being a family problem? In conversations with my brother, I kind of get the hint that he might be having the same problem. Have you ever heard of this being passed on through generations?

I know I haven't always had this problem. I do have a daughter, and as I said my exwife was exceptionally good at getting me off, so I'm not sure how or when it really developed.

Being a deployed calvaryman, I'm pretty sure I am disease and drug free. I have been poked and proded with just about every medical instrument known to man, I did find out I have kidney stones though. Other than that, they gave me a clean bill of health.