seeking advice for youth resources

[Starfyre]

Hello... I'm usually a Playground poster, though I sometimes browse this forum. I'm writing to ask for advice on resources for a student of mine who is bisexual. I've done a couple of searches tonight but thought I'd ask here in this forum as well.

Here's my situation...
I'm a music teacher, and new this year at my school.

Yesterday I noticed one of my students was just not herself... she's introverted anyway, but this was different. She's a good student, has good grades, is athletic, an excellent musician, and well-liked though she doesn't have a lot of close friends. She's not one for personal dramas.

Anyway, tonight at the performance, on the break, I asked her whether things were any better. And eventually in our conversation she told me she was bi, and the problem was with her ex girlfriend who's moving away. I told her sometimes ex's aren't as "ex" as we think they are, and that I understood the level of complication now.

I'm new at this school. I'm really surprised she would confide in me this way, and honestly I'm honored. She took a real risk in telling me that detail; she could have said "ex" without the girlfriend part and I would never have known. Now I see it's no wonder she can't go to a friend for support, and she doesn't feel like she can talk with her parents about it either.

I feel really good about talking with her; at the end of the night she said she felt better and thanked me for listening.

So I'm looking for resources for her, in case she should ask me. I'm not sure what kind of support system she has but it sounded like she doesn't have anyone to go to. I asked her whether her parents knew, and she said no but thought her mom suspected. I asked because I don't want to say the wrong thing in front of her parents... I should not be the one who tells them their daughter is bi.

Thanks all, for 'listening'
In reading threads here I've seen a very supportive group. I appreciate your comments and ideas.

~Star

 

[Cigan]

Hmmm. Well gay and bi resources are hard to come by for teenagers. I get the feeling from your post you work at a high school. Though that is just a guess. In a perfect world I would say you should tell her to find a local out group, but because of legal issues, and parents over-reacting most out groups require you to be 18 to attend for their own protection. The only other resource I could suggest for someone in high school is a gay bi alliance in their school. If your school doesn't have one (which I'm guessing it doesn't) then there isn't going to be a lot of support structure available to her. It's an unfortunate truth of being in high school and not being straight. I would suggest you put together a gay bi straight alliance, but if you're new to the school, it could be difficult. A lot of times it takes a faculty member with some political clout to bull through the conservative assholes who try to get those groups stomped out of high schools. I don't know if any of this has been helpful. I hope so.

 

[sachiaiko]

It might be more helpful to look online for support. There are many support groups online that are not sexually based, See, i sorta consider this place a support group, with extras hehe.

But, i do think that there are some yahoo.com support groups where young people can talk about these issues. I think it might be helpful to look into that sort of stuff. Its not the same as physical support group, but it really could be helpful.

Thats my two cents.

Nikki

 

[sdedalus]

Be very careful about what you do suggest. Being in the position of a teacher, a lot of parents or other school officials don't take kindly to teacher involvement in a student's poersonal life. Although I personally learned a lot about life from some of my teachers, especially when my parents were getting divorced in jr. high. Anyway, you need to make sure whatever info you give her that is appropriate and won't land you in hot water with the administration. I think being there to listen to her is important, if that works for her, but beyond that remember you are a teacher first.

I just say this because I know of bad situations that have happened in the something that was misinterpreted by a parent or others in the administration.

SD

 

[Starfyre]

Thank you all for posting. I really appreciate the replies!

I do work at a high school. For a city school, it's quite conservative... there is no GLBT group here. You're right, Cigan, I'm probably too new to start such a group though I wouldn't mind if students met in my room, etc.

I'm sure my student is feeling very much on her own, or she wouldn't have shared with me.

I saw one teen resource in my web search that seemed good... it offered peer support as well as information. Yahoo groups are a great idea, sachiaiko. =)

sdedalus, you're absolutely right... teachers are not supposed to become deeply involved in the personal lives of students. I originally approached this girl to invite her to talk because I thought I was looking at a suicide risk; her personality was so changed. I'm actually going to a class this week especially for teachers that work one-on-one or beyond the school day with students, and they should have some advice there too. I don't want anyone to assume something inappropriate is going on; I like my students... but not like that! I didn't ask her for any relationship details or anything like that. I was making sure she was ok (or at least that she would be, eventually).

Thank you all again for your help.
~Star

 

[sdedalus]

Good luck, I hope everything works out good for her.