Seeing a married/partnered person

[T.H. Oughts]

The last 3 weeks I have gotten to know a lovely lady through an online dating site. We have emailed, talked on the phone, swapped photos and have I met her twice for coffee. One of those times her husband was present also, he seems a lovely guy. But her and I have not done the wild thing yet. I knew she was married from the start and her husband is very ok about her having a female lover and he is not worried if he got to patriciate or not. Myself I am not looking for any long term relationships right now and I enjoy my independence so I thought I was more than happy to see her once a week and then her go back to her husband. I didn't want to own her, just go to the movies or shopping and throw in some great monkey sex also.

BUT I have come to realise there is a whole other part to this equation that I had not thought about before.....

So the other Saturday Maggie (not real name) and I met in person for the first time we had coffee and then did some shopping together. About 4 hours were spent doing this... so the next day I am talking to my dear Mum and she asked what had I been up too the day before as she had called around too my place for coffee and I was not home. An innocent question on it's own. My Mum and I are close and talk freely. But I know she would not approve of Maggie being married and the online dating site. And that is cool, I can respect her thoughts being a 70 year old woman.

So I told her that I had met a new friend Maggie for coffee and shopping. Naturally Mum asked where I had met her. I said she had emailed me through my website about my art work and we had got talking in emails and had decided to met for coffee and talk art. Now because there was a big chance in the future if things went well, I knew my Mum might drop around to my place for coffee some time when Maggie might be there. So I told her Maggie was divorced. So to some people that may seem ok the story I told Mum. Anyway in the general course of the next week I happened to tell another couple of friends about meeting Maggie, but they would not have understood the married thing with her so I told them the same story that we met through my website and she is into art, which she is not really.

Soooo I have had something niggling at the back of my mind I could not put into place.... yesterday I clicked. It is the fact that I had lied to my Mum and friends about Maggie and lying is something I don't like doing cause in the end you get caught out.

I know I could of told Mum and friends nothing of Maggie and said that I had just gone shopping by myself. But in reality I want to share my life happenings with my friends and family I don't want to hide parts of it and then try to remember what I had told who.

So I talked to Maggie yesterday and told her that I could not carry on with what we are building too....

So in the end I have decided not to lie to my family and friends and will only spend sensual time with single men or women. I want to be able to say to family and friends. I met this great lady and we get on really well, she has great legs and is a great kisser....

 

[Raimondin]

But in reality I want to share my life happenings with my friends and family I don't want to hide parts of it and then try to remember what I had told who.

So in the end I have decided not to lie to my family and friends and will only spend sensual time with single men or women. I want to be able to say to family and friends. I met this great lady and we get on really well, she has great legs and is a great kisser....

Good for you T.O.!

Happiness abounds when you can share with family and friends...

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Good for you T.O.!

Happiness abounds when you can share with family and friends...

Thanks, I feel a lot better since sorting it all out.

 

[Equinoxe]

It's wonderful that you sorted that out; I'm glad that things worked out as you desire them to and I think you did the right thing for you and for those around you. You don't wish to have to hide any relationships and because of concerns with how other people will regard them, you felt the need to hide them and you regret doing that. Eventually, even if you felt comfortable in the future telling the truth about that relationship, there was still the lie in the beginning. I think you made definitely made the right choice for you, I'm glad you feel it's worked out for the best.

 

[SweetErika]

It's great you're happy with your decision. Personally, I just tell my mom and friends I was/will be out with a friend. If they ask who the person is and how we met, I say their name, some personality traits and what we have in common, and we met online (if they ask where, I'll say in a forum or women's group).

Their marital status has never come up, but since the woman really is a friend, her marital status really has no impact on our friendship, so I'd happily tell whoever is asking the truth. That is, how would my mom or friends know she was more than a platonic friend?

My sex life is my/our business, so nothing about who I'm sleeping with is ever mentioned...I don't share the details of what my husband and I do in bed either.

Basically, I am honest, don't volunteer a lot of information, and stick to simple, relevant facts.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

I think you made definitely made the right choice for you.

Yes it was right for me. I thought I would tell my story so it would give food for thought for anyone else in the future if they were looking into the same setup.

Some people may not have too hide it at all. If that was the case with me I would have carried on with it. The husband knew and he is a mature adult.

 

[Equinoxe]

Yes it was right for me. I thought I would tell my story so it would give food for thought for anyone else in the future if they were looking into the same setup.

Well, I'm glad it worked out well for you and it does make sense why you would tell the story on here, give people something to consider about that sort of thing.

 

[human_male]

What Sweeterika said. You just have a new friend that you met online and she happens to be married. It's no one else's business if you happen to sleep with her. After all, you can't tell your mum everything about your sex life. If you met a guy to enjoy your pantie fantasy with, and your mum dropped by while he was there, would you say "hi mum, this is Bob and he likes to dress up in lingerie and have me do him like a girl." No you'd just say this is my friend Bob.

But if you're happy that's all that matters. Maybe you just weren't happy with her being married in the first place?

 

[T.H. Oughts]

What Sweeterika said. You just have a new friend that you met online and she happens to be married. It's no one else's business if you happen to sleep with her. After all, you can't tell your mum everything about your sex life. If you met a guy to enjoy your pantie fantasy with, and your mum dropped by while he was there, would you say "hi mum, this is Bob and he likes to dress up in lingerie and have me do him like a girl." No you'd just say this is my friend Bob.

But if you're happy that's all that matters. Maybe you just weren't happy with her being married in the first place?

I hear ya.

Bob can come visit any time he likes... as long as he isn't married.

 

[Lance Hardrock]

It is right

I think you did right as well. Lying only ends up hurting everyone involved.
I think you sorted it out quite well.

(now go find a single gal and tell me all about it.)