Seductive Cindy

[R M Roxinger]

This is a story I originally wrote back in January. I have recently edited it. At some readers' suggestions, I wrote out "and," deleted unnecessary details about minor characters, & lengthened the seduction & the sex a bit. Here now is the latest edition of Seductive Cindy. Check it out & tell me what you think.

 

[PaulX35]

Hi RM

Im fairly new to story writing myself, but I hope you will allow a beginner a few comments?

Interesting as the theme is, I find the line of the story a bit bumpy, proceeding in an irregular way that leaves you wonder where you are as a reader. From the intor it's e.g. not clear that - alledgedly - people are coming to Cindy to have a meal. Not much later the girls going shopping simply falls out of the air. I know you need those elements to get to where you want, but you're going to have to make the story-line more convincing, I think.

Also consider how likely or sensible things in a story will appear. Would a woman made pregnant by her own son-in-law ever send a letter to the home address of her daughter? I don't think she would, and this makes the story hard to believe.

Keep the writing going

 

[R M Roxinger]

Come to think of it, maybe it would make more sense for Cindy to take a different approach. One alternative I've thought of: she could visit "I" & Gina at their place. When Gina is in a different room & out of earshot, Cindy could tell the news to "I." Or 2: she could tell Gina, Nicole & "I" that she's pregnant but keep mum about the father's identity. "I," though keeping his mouth shut, would know in his mind that he's the father. Then again, this story is meant only as a fantasy anyway, but thank you so much for your feedback.