seduction of a coworker

[metalmike2012]

Next month I have a business trip planned with a coworker who I am rather attracted to. I think she has given a few signals but maybe it is plain friendly flirting. This is a 3 day and 2 night trip where I would like to get into her pants. Any suggestions?

 

[NippleMuncher]

The best advice is not to crap where you eat.

Best case scenario is you get laid and no one is the wiser. Worst case scenario is you find yourself in a harassment lawsuit.

 

[njlauren]

Be very careful about that, especially if there is any kind of power relationship between you and her (i.e you manage her, or otherwise could be reasonably thought to influence her career path). On top of that, it looks great as an idea, away from the office, in a hotel, chance to have fun, but a lot of the times it is no strings attached (and if either of you is married, well, that is another kettle of fish...) . The other thing to consider is if you think of this only as a 1 shot on the road kind of thing, when you get back it can be awkward because she may want to keep going and you don't (or vice versa, I might add)

My only other piece of advice is if you guys hook up, be discrete if other members of your company are there with you, gossips can make life a living hell.

 

[metalmike2012]

I appreciate the advice! She appears to be as discrete as I would be. Its just her and I going on this trip. Ok I will take responsibility for my decisions and face the consequences but any further advice on how to get it started?

 

[njlauren]

Easiest thing I can think of is show interest....have dinner with her, have some drinks someplace (if you can, away from where you are staying), talk to her, see if she flirts with you. You can always do what a friend of mine used to do, he would go to one of these things, buy the gal a drink, and then ask her if she wanted to go back to his/her room for a nitecap......not exactly subtle, but his take was it saved him buying drinks and wasting time on small talk.....he still claimed his success rate was pretty high.

 

[metalmike2012]

Honestly it shouldn't be to hard as she managed to get out of another prepaid commitment when I had asked her to go. Actually I asked her to go for her professional expertise and not for the intensions i am writing about. I will be extremely cautious so that it isn't so obvious what I want to do.

 

[Juliewife]

Business trips

When I have slept with someone on a business trip it is because he appealed to me and was not overbearing. Go easy, let her send the signals. Be friendly and be a gentleman. The little things like offering to buy my dinner and some wine go a long ways.

 

[Carnevil9]

Don't do it!

That said, I know you will, because *I* did, even though I knew better. We were co-workers, on an equal level, reporting to the same boss. We fell madly in bed with each other on a business trip, after months of flirting. A month later, our boss was fired, and I was promoted. Now I was her boss! The promotion was nice, but the relationship became very awkward.

The sex was great, though.

 

[amofiga]

I appreciate the advice! She appears to be as discrete as I would be. Its just her and I going on this trip. Ok I will take responsibility for my decisions and face the consequences but any further advice on how to get it started?

You didn't say if either or both of you are married. Be careful if you are. I saw several marriages end in divorce where I used to work because one of the supposedy discreet participants told a "friend" who mentioned it to another friend and you know where that went.

 

[metalmike2012]

Honestly I am married. However she is not. Like i said before I think she would be discrete. I trost that she would keep it quiet.

 

[Christopher2012]

I predict a man buried in deep regret in the very near future.

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

trust?

You bet your bippy you are trusting her. About all you hold dear you are placing squarely in her hands. In other words, you are betting the farm on her discretion. Are you sure (read DEAD SURE CERTAIN) she won't get pissed about something, anything and blow your world to kingdom come?

 

[Eilan]

The OP should totally go for it. Sounds like he doesn't have much to lose. After all, spouses are easily replaced, mistresses are "discrete," and in this economy, jobs are plentiful, so if he gets busted, he'll end up with another gig in a week or two.

Keep us updated, brah!

 

[culloden]

Step away from the coworker.

 

[njlauren]

If you are married, you are taking a big risk with this. Single coworkers raise issues, but if you are married you could be playing into a lot of hurt, as others have said. Among other things, if you have sex with this coworker, she has you by the short hairs, and it could end up as a total mess if she gets pissed at you (for example, she may want to continue the affair back home, when you may not want/be able to), you just don't know (the movie with Glenn Close as the psycho gal the guy has the affair with comes to mind). And yes, you could end up losing a lot more then you think, your company if the shit hits the fan with your wife if she finds out could end up firing you, depending on how their policies are written, plus bad publicity generated if this happen. I am not speaking hypothetically with this, I have seen cases like this happen and also had specific training in dealing with this kind of thing in HR training in grad school as well as management training on dealing with workplace issues.

If you are still going to do it, go in eyes open that it may not be as innocent or trivial as you think it is (leaving out totally that you would be going outside your marriage and the guilt that may cause you).

 

[harry johnson]

The OP should totally go for it. Sounds like he doesn't have much to lose. After all, spouses are easily replaced, mistresses are "discrete," and in this economy, jobs are plentiful, so if he gets busted, he'll end up with another gig in a week or two.

Keep us updated, brah!

Brilliant and hysterical!!

 

[amofiga]

Honestly I am married. However she is not. Like i said before I think she would be discrete. I trost that she would keep it quiet.

I trusted several married women in the past who appeared to be discreet and want the same sort of uncomplicated relationship I did. In 98% of the cases that went well and the relationships went well. Till the last one. The infamous 2-percenter who became obsessive and went a little bonkers and spilled to my wife. It nearly ended our marriage and it was only saved after nearly 2 years of counseling and other effort. She was not a co-worker and I always sort of felt safe keeping my life completely compartmentalized from people in our social circle or my work life. Wrong. Things can go belly up more easily than you think. Be careful. I know you feel the risk is worth it and in most cases it can be. Just know that it's like a car accident or having a tree fall on your house. You always think it happens to the other guy.

 

[1dude]

Dont dip your pen in the company inkwell!

 

[satindesire]

Why be so concerned about discretion? You obviously don't care enough about your wife to NOT cheat on her, so do it openly. I'm sure that'll work out great for you.

 

[69thfirmesthand]

I worked for a company where work place dating was condoned both married and unmarried.this started with the district manager and went down from there.

The district manager was married to a store manager but was fucking another assistant manager of cross town branch.The district manager wife was having a affair with another manager from another branch.

It was the worst kept secret.This caused gret tension in the work places.It was ok for upper management to fuck the help.The assistant managers started to fuck around with the hourly employee's etc and were reprimanded.

Out of revenge one of the assistant managers turned the District Manager into HR and he lost his job.The managers lost there job etc.

Your not happy in your marriage.Get out,before you loose everything including your career.You keep playing with fire you will get burned whether it be a social disease,a paternity suit,a lady who wants more than you are willing to give,a lady who get pissed off at you and wants your balls on a platter and wants to ruin your life and career.

Just because she is willing to meet you and attend the same conference as you. How well do you really know this lady?Two can play the same game and dont ever forget it.

 

[married4willing]

It is a nice opportunity to feel the thrill of a new discovery. You should try to laugh with her and make her feel special. Invite her for dinner and compliment her but don't overdo. Try to hold hands in some slow dance while dining. Tell her you would like to share with her a special romantic movie from your laptop in your room. Have wine ready and be slow. Kiss her thoroughly and tell her how good she looks.
After that passion night, be respectful of her.
Enjoy

 

[Bramblethorn]

I worked for a company where work place dating was condoned both married and unmarried.this started with the district manager and went down from there.

Yeah, nepotism creates some bad vibes. I used to work at a place where the boss's son was head of HR. He was a shiny new MBA without much previous experience; rightly or wrongly, everybody assumed he'd only got the job because of the family connection, and he got zero respect. And the boss's wife was also on the payroll somewhere...

It may not seem like a danger now, but people and situations change. Plus, cheating on your partner is a recipe for disaster all on its own.

 

[titsnnipples]

Don't do it....

...but you probably will. I'm single and have had my share of married co-workers express an interest. I have never taken them upon it for a variety of reasons.

I'm am very discreet but you know what, I still told my friends at work. We compare notes and it is all the same men with the same line. My point is, she is going to tell her friends even if she is discreet, then you won't know who her friends tell.

If you are interested others will figure it out. The guys who went after me, everyone always knew. You know who else typically knows, the wives. Yes wives always know one way or another. Some choose to ignore, others may go after the girl. I've seen that as well.

 

[NomadLady]

Unless you are prepared to lose your job and your marriage forget about it.

Never play where you work and if you are married you must always be prepared to pay for your fun to the tune of divorce.