secret life?

[lastingpassion]

Like many other married bisexuals, my wife has no knowledge of my true nature and desires. For several years I have kept this completely secret. We all have our "reasons" for this particular lifestyle and passion. My question is how many male OR female readers on Lit, are in the same situation?
(pm me for my reasons if you'd like)

 

[playwithlezli]

Like many other married bisexuals, my wife has no knowledge of my true nature and desires. For several years I have kept this completely secret. We all have our "reasons" for this particular lifestyle and passion. My question is how many male OR female readers on Lit, are in the same situation?
(pm me for my reasons if you'd like)

Sorry mate, when I was dating men, I always told them by the time we were getting serious that I was bi-sexual. Now that I am love with a woman, we both have lost our desire for male partners but have agreed that if that changes, we will discuss it then decide what to do about it.

Afraid that probably isn't much help to you right now though.....best of luck....

 

[lastingpassion]

thanks for your comments

You are clearly in a different relationship Playwith... my bisexual interest emerged some years after I became married. Greatly appreciate your view and kind words that you offered though.

 

[playwithlezli]

You are clearly in a different relationship Playwith... my bisexual interest emerged some years after I became married. Greatly appreciate your view and kind words that you offered though.

oh wow-tough one-no chance at all you can gently discuss it with your wife? maybe watch some soft porn with guy on guy, see how she reacts?

 

[lastingpassion]

no chance

My wife has lost her sensual side over the years Playwith. In fact, she becomes frozen when I've asked her to masturbate for me! Unfortunately, she has become "old" before her time and my libido has become stronger and lost many inhibitions along the way.

 

[playwithlezli]

My wife has lost her sensual side over the years Playwith. In fact, she becomes frozen when I've asked her to masturbate for me! Unfortunately, she has become "old" before her time and my libido has become stronger and lost many inhibitions along the way.

Oh dear, here's a hug for you in the meantime.

Maybe there is something deep down bothering her, and if you could find it, you could revitalize the marriage. Have you tried counselling?

 

[BedtimeStories77]

I've known from a young age that I was "different" (in more than one sense, as well). I was attracted to females before males. Adult women, to be exact. I "forced myself" on males around my age to "prove to myself that I was not gay". (Kind of a long(er) story...)

That said, I came out to my close circle of friends during high school. (Including guys I was "serious" about.) As new friends and lovers came into my life, I was up front and honest with them from day one. Not "day 20" or whenever I felt things were getting more serious.

It really does cut back on awkwardness if you can be blunt with people "new" in your life.

I do sympathize with those who need to hide such an important part of themselves from others close to them.

 

[icansatisfy]

Absolutely emphathize with you!

I grew up in a time when it was not OK to be gay - lots of homophobia. So, I denied my feelings & desires ... even when I was having sex with guys! After, I'd deny the possibility I could be gay and find a girl to have sex with to prove I wasn't. Did this for years.

Then met the love of my life (whom I'm still married to) and have never had sex with anyone - male or female - since.

However, I identify as "gay" (or "bi" I suppose) and have, in the last year, come out to my wife (who I never told any of this to). We're committed to staying together and she's been very supportive, loving and accepting.

Hope that helps ...

Icansatify

 

[lastingpassion]

Honest gentleman

Absolutely emphathize with you!

I grew up in a time when it was not OK to be gay - lots of homophobia. So, I denied my feelings & desires ... even when I was having sex with guys! After, I'd deny the possibility I could be gay and find a girl to have sex with to prove I wasn't. Did this for years.

Then met the love of my life (whom I'm still married to) and have never had sex with anyone - male or female - since.

However, I identify as "gay" (or "bi" I suppose) and have, in the last year, come out to my wife (who I never told any of this to). We're committed to staying together and she's been very supportive, loving and accepting.

Hope that helps ...

You my friend are truly in line for a medal.... I envy your honesty*I envy your loving marriage*I envy the beautiful future that I'm sure you and her will have.Thank you for your comments from my heart....
Regardless of any relationship, I have always believed that Love EQUALS Acceptance. What you have is priceless and wished for by many.
Please give your wife a gentle hug with thanks....

 

[peytonpaw]

i am sort of in the same boat....I am 41 and married for 20 years...I always considered myself straight, but now I would like to hold a cock besides my own...storke it lick it and watch it grow in my wet warm mouth....I guess i am becomming more open about sex...pm me if you want to chat

 

[quickcarl31b40]

I'm also a married Bi-sexual. No, my wife doesn't know. I've tried to bring up "alternate" sexual experiances, but she want's nothing to do with them. The few times we do have sex, it's purely vanilla. It's very frustrating.

I've known I've been interested in Men since before I was married (over 20 years now). Due to my previous job (I'm retired military) it wasn't possible to act on my desires. Now, because of family and other responsiblities I'm still not able to openly act on my desires.

I've had on-line friends ask why I don't leave my wife so I could become truly happy. Well, it's not that easy. What it ultimatley boils down to is I do love her. I don't want to leave her. I don't want to break up my family because of this. In other words...I want my cake and eat it too. It's my situation and that's how I've decided to live with it. Is it a secret life? Yes, obviously.

Ok, let me step off my soap box. I'm just glad that Lit exists so that folks like us have a place to express their true feelings.

 

[lastingpassion]

not alone..

I knew others existed with a hidden sex life! For awhile there I was feeling like the Lone Ranger without a saddle.......thank you all for your stories and comments.

 

[rjp44]

hiding bisexuality

I've been married twice and was always faithful to both wives. After the 2nd divorce, I decided to explore my fantasies. I found I really got into m2m sex. I still like women very much and can't imagine living with another guy. If I were to get married again, I don't know how I would handle the situation.

 

[lastingpassion]

passing thought...

If you did marry again rjp, might I suggest that you be open with her from the start? It may keep your happiness all-together and you would know that she accepts you completely.This could also bring a new dimension to her sex life if the opportunity developed.

 

[hotwetcouple24]

HA!

we were in this situation at one point. If she seems "frigid", then it may stem from insecurity issues. If she's not specifically averse to just you, then it's up to you to warm her up, breed her confidence, or get her drunk (j/k).

Funny thing is, that before chris started talking to me about these things, I wasn't as open with him. The open he became about sex and his feelings, the more open I became about doing things for him and with him, like masterbating in front of him, for example.

 

[lastingpassion]

My point being made was that my wife is plain vanilla when it comes to sex. She is not comfortable touching herself for me, or, doing anything "outside" the norm. So, how would she understand or accept my bisexuality? Not going to happen.....

 

[peytonpaw]

mmm getting ready to stroke looking at some bi male pics

 

[bluebell]

Me and my big freaking mouth; you and your big problem...

LP, in an effort not to sound like an uppity sex therapist, I just want to say (gently) that maybe you're too focused on the ideal end result.
Obviously it would be splendiferously fantastically wonderful if you could just pour your entire heart out to your wife, embrace her, tell her she's beautiful and then have her feeling okay enough to give you her blessing, or participation.
But it seems that isn't happening, and so maybe your bar is set a little too high right now. Maybe you two need to do some re-connecting; emotional connecting seems to be the surest way to erotic connecting with a woman, at least in this kind of situation.
If she can know that you honestly do love her and this feeling of yours doesn't mean that she'll be tossed out of your house or your heart, then you might start heading somewhere.
I know it's probably doubly frustrating for you because you seem to have had this feeling building up over time, and it's understandable to want a more immediate resolution.

Small, subtle changes. Do you feel that if you were in her place you would be ready right off the bat to experiment, after what seems to have been several years of not doing just that?
Masturbation (to many) is a very private act. Asking her to masturbate for you, getting turned down and then asking her to understand your bi-leanings is like, to borrow a quote, asking to borrow five bucks, getting turned down and then asking for fifty instead (High Fidelity).

Hope I don't sound too know-it-all (and if I do, my profuse apologies!). I just feel like so many people (myself included) get discouraged because they may not know how to set achievable goals for themselves, which can eventually lead to the big, important goal.

Best of luck, sweets

 

[lastingpassion]

A simple question...

Thanks for your insight Bluebell. My attempt is not to persuade you away from your reasoning and opinion; but, to have you read my initial post at the start of this thread. My question was if any Lit readers, male OR female were in a similar situation. I'm not trying to solve my present marrital status...I have many years ago when I began to enjoy my true sexuality with both women and men. I have received a number of pm's from men in the same lifestyle as myself. And, only a few from women thus far.
At the end of my initial post, I asked anyone to pm me for my "reasons" if they wanted to know. Your reasoning and opinion may have been different had you done so. Given a broader understanding of how my marriage has changed over the years, you certainly would have had more knowledge to make your assumptions. Sorry you didn't pm me beforehand.
Anyway, at this point you could not possibly see life through my eyes the past 16 years, so, please consider these "reality facts", as they may be described.
My wife and I have very little that we share. There is no emotional or physical connection to speak of. Her sexual desire has diminished and mine has evolved. (I learned a long time ago to accept my bisexual nature) I cherish variety when it comes to sexual pleasure and she is plain vanilla. We have both realized there is no love in this marriage and have basically become room-mates.Please don't try to simplify by telling me to get a divorce. She does not want that....I do not want that. As I've stated in my initial post, we all have our reasons for any chosen lifestyle. She has become a different person and so have I. We have grown apart in every way thats important and meaningful.My sexual needs and desires are satisfied with those who embrace passion as I do. No judgement, no guilt, and certainly...no regrets.
In a perfect society maybe couples would stay together. But, we all know how so many relationships fail each day. And, we all know how so many relationships are simply dishonest with each other. Attitudes towards sex and differences about acceptance?? Certainly most would agree. After all, we live in a society that will never be perfect for everyone.

 

[tanyachrs]

My wife and I have very little that we share. There is no emotional or physical connection to speak of. (stuff snipped) We have both realized there is no love in this marriage and have basically become room-mates.Please don't try to simplify by telling me to get a divorce. She does not want that....I do not want that.

Why not? A loveless, sexless marriage in which you share very little. Yum.

 

[lemmesee]

Like many other married bisexuals, my wife has no knowledge of my true nature and desires. For several years I have kept this completely secret. We all have our "reasons" for this particular lifestyle and passion. My question is how many male OR female readers on Lit, are in the same situation?
(pm me for my reasons if you'd like)

I'm a masturbator....and I do it a lot....in various settings....including in seedy porno theatres....

 

[bluebell]

Nevermind

Ouch. Sorry for speaking out of turn.

 

[lastingpassion]

its ok....

No need to apologize Bluebell.... I appreciate your time and thoughts that you offered me. Things (as you know), have ended a long time ago. I'm just doing what any healthy sexual male would do to feel wanted.

 

[bluebell]

Renevermind

Okay. Thank you
I still wish you luck!

 

[chromefreak]

For years I was TERRIFIED of telling womenn I dated that I had this secret desire to suck cock and get fucked. The second I mentioned it and she said "I know" it was such a fucking RELIEF!

Now I tell ALL of them about it the second they flirt back. I sure was surprised to learn how many of them were cool with the alternatives as long as HONESTY was maintained!

Then again, I HAVE crashed and burned a few being "Too honest"

So be it!