Second Thoughts

[Shadowsdream]

Does a Dominant ever have second thoughts about their style of Domination? Can They agonize about the worth of all the effort They put into raising another to feel their own value? When They see a chip in the armor of submission begin to become a crack in the foundation of too much confidence will They have the desire to increase Their Domination or sidestep it in boredome? If all of Their energy is spent on creating the perfect life for the one They love when will there be time to enjoy the perfect life They had? When They begin to look back and see what They are losing by allowing too many vanilla distractions into Their lifestyle will They get the Fuck It! attitude and continue to let the situation slide beyond repair?
Boredom and disappointment tinged with a low burning anger will simply set Their eyes searching for what They know They deserve and can attain as simply as They can breath.

Anyone care to start a new conversation?

 

[Ebonyfire]

Does a Dominant ever have second thoughts about their style of Domination?

Good question. I have had good cause to rethink mine in the last 6 months. It seems sometimes we are forced to analyze our methods if we think they do not work. What I found was I was not focusing on the magic.




Can They agonize about the worth of all the effort They put into raising another to feel their own value?

Everyday.

When They see a chip in the armor of submission begin to become a crack in the foundation of too much confidence will They have the desire to increase Their Domination or sidestep it in boredom?

Again after (my) recent events I decided to increase MY domination rather than turn away. My relationship with My proud one is worth every effort.

The realization became clear during proud's absence to spend time with his family.


If all of Their energy is spent on creating the perfect life for the one They love when will there be time to enjoy the perfect life They had?


I do not know if I have the answer to this one. <smiling>

When They begin to look back and see what They are losing by allowing too many vanilla distractions into Their lifestyle will They get the Fuck It! attitude and continue to let the situation slide beyond repair?

This question hits home. I have eliminated most of my vanilla relationships so I can concentrate on what is most important, building O/our magic.

Boredom and disappointment tinged with a low burning anger will simply set Their eyes searching for what They know They deserve and can attain as simply as They can breath.

The avoidance of boredom is utmost on my mind.

BTW, I am so glad to see you posting again, Shadowsdream.


Ebony

 

[Shadowsdream]

Nice to have the interaction with You as well...

Introspection of Domination always seems to hit home when the energy is low from beating Your head against a brick wall so to say. I think it may be a good thing to not let it slide off of Your back like a duck does with water.
Each individual will go forward, retreat or take a break depending on how disallusioned they may have become.
I have had the occassion a time or two Myself to question the point of expelling so much energy.
Becoming cynical can also be the end result...I am pleased that You have moved forward with even more strength and determination Eb.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Nice to have the interaction with You as well...

Introspection of Domination always seems to hit home when the energy is low from beating Your head against a brick wall so to say. I think it may be a good thing to not let it slide off of Your back like a duck does with water.
Each individual will go forward, retreat or take a break depending on how disallusioned they may have become.
I have had the occassion a time or two Myself to question the point of expelling so much energy.
Becoming cynical can also be the end result...I am pleased that You have moved forward with even more strength and determination Eb.

The magic is worth it, isn't it?

Eb

 

[Shadowsdream]

The magic is worth it, isn't it?

Eb

~

Without the magic there is nothing...and yes the magic is worth everything...it does not come easily.

 

[Ricckk]

Very interesting question, Shadowsdream and very insightful response, Ebonyfire.

I think that introspection (call it self-doubt if you want) is a very good thing. Without it, we would become stagnant and inflexible to change and our relationships would suffer. Nobody is right all the time.

I have found myself drawn at times to giving my submissive what she THINKS is the perfect life. Fortunately, despite the disappointment and/or frustration she may have felt at the time, I have maintained the discipline and control that we really both want and need in our respective roles. Without introspection, I would have probably taken the easy route to avoid potential conflict. It would have been the wrong thing to do for both of us.

 

[A Desert Rose]

What a great thread. I will be watching it closely. Understanding Dom/mes is not an easy endeavor and I am sure the insight provided here will be of great help.

Thank you Shadows for beginning it and thank you to Eb and Ricckk for contributing.

 

[zipman]

~

Without the magic there is nothing...and yes the magic is worth everything...it does not come easily.

The magic is indeed what makes it special.

It is that which turns a spank into a loving kiss from the palm of my hand to my subs tender, yearning ass.

It is that which binds my sub to me tighter than any restraint.

It is that which fills my soul with song and my heart with gladness.

 

[A Desert Rose]

The magic is indeed what makes it special.

It is that which turns a spank into a loving kiss from the palm of my hand to my subs tender, yearning ass.

It is that which binds my sub to me tighter than any restraint.

It is that which fills my soul with song and my heart with gladness.

Oh my God! Will you be my Dom in my next life? Or the one after that if your dance card is already full?

Beautifully written Zip.

 

[zipman]

Oh my God! Will you be my Dom in my next life? Or the one after that if your dance card is already full?

Beautifully written Zip.

Ahhh, thanks Rose. Every now and again I get a little poetic. Usually, when I am replying to Shadowsdream's threads. She does inspire me, she is my muse.

Oh, and SD, good to see you posting here again!

Your thoughts are always stimulating.

 

[TheWanderer]

Introspection of Domination always seems to hit home when the energy is low from beating Your head against a brick wall so to say. I think it may be a good thing to not let it slide off of Your back like a duck does with water.
Each individual will go forward, retreat or take a break depending on how disallusioned they may have become.
I have had the occassion a time or two Myself to question the point of expelling so much energy.
Becoming cynical can also be the end result...I am pleased that You have moved forward with even more strength and determination Eb.

While I am still in the learning phase, I find myself constantly recycling what I've learned so far, mulling it often and again. And yes, sometimes I feel a bit cynical, though for me it's a sense of 'just my luck, I'll completely understand it all, only to never meet a potential submissive for the rest of my natural years...'

It's my personal belief (based on my vision of an ideal D/s relationship in my own life) that on the days when I have these feelings, upon coming home from work debating if it's all worthwhile... my special someone will greet me with a cup of coffee, take my shoes off, kneel at my feet, and describe all the ways she loves me and what we have together...

...and there is no doubt that this moment will serve to solidify my strength, to warm my soul, and inspire me to find new ways to use my Dominance to create new experiences; thus opening new avenues of love, pleasure, and intensity between us.

.

Well, that's my 2¢, anyway...

 

[Shadowsdream]

The magic is indeed what makes it special.

It is that which turns a spank into a loving kiss from the palm of my hand to my subs tender, yearning ass.

It is that which binds my sub to me tighter than any restraint.

It is that which fills my soul with song and my heart with gladness.

Magic can be ellusive if one looks to hard to find it where it is only a pale fabrication of want. It can look like it, smell like it, and taste like it but the heart will recognize its absence right after the mind evaluates reality.
It is undeniable once it sparks so deeply that want becomes need in the most basic form W/we know it.
Thank You Zip for the beauty with which You have painted the canvas in Your most eloquent BDSM way!

 

[Shadowsdream]

While I am still in the learning phase, I find myself constantly recycling what I've learned so far, mulling it often and again. And yes, sometimes I feel a bit cynical, though for me it's a sense of 'just my luck, I'll completely understand it all, only to never meet a potential submissive for the rest of my natural years...'

It's my personal belief (based on my vision of an ideal D/s relationship in my own life) that on the days when I have these feelings, upon coming home from work debating if it's all worthwhile... my special someone will greet me with a cup of coffee, take my shoes off, kneel at my feet, and describe all the ways she loves me and what we have together...

...and there is no doubt that this moment will serve to solidify my strength, to warm my soul, and inspire me to find new ways to use my Dominance to create new experiences; thus opening new avenues of love, pleasure, and intensity between us.

.

Well, that's my 2¢, anyway...

...and what a valuable 2 cents it was!
Without the occassional questioning and processing where We are it could become very possible to become stagnant or over bearing fools. To NOT see what needs to be seen, or to hide from what needs to be changed devalues the skills of Domination.
Introspection is one of the most valuable tools We have if We use it honestly and not as a woe is Me escape from moving forward in which ever fashion suits Us in the moment.
Stepping back can be a sign of incredible strength in My opinion, when frustration or boredom over takes passion and delight. Rebuilding the energy flow that makes Us who We are.
There are so many ways, none completely right or wrong some days. The beauty is that each and everyone of us only need live up to our own expectations.
Thank You for adding such an honest rendition of Your thoughts to My conversation. I look forward to learning more of You.

 

[WillowPuss]

Does a Dominant ever have second thoughts about their style of Domination? Can They agonize about the worth of all the effort They put into raising another to feel their own value? When They see a chip in the armor of submission begin to become a crack in the foundation of too much confidence will They have the desire to increase Their Domination or sidestep it in boredome? If all of Their energy is spent on creating the perfect life for the one They love when will there be time to enjoy the perfect life They had? When They begin to look back and see what They are losing by allowing too many vanilla distractions into Their lifestyle will They get the Fuck It! attitude and continue to let the situation slide beyond repair?
Boredom and disappointment tinged with a low burning anger will simply set Their eyes searching for what They know They deserve and can attain as simply as They can breath.

Anyone care to start a new conversation?

May I add my little voice here?
(in the hope that I get a 'yes' ...)

I try to help Master as much as possible by taking what He has given me to grow and building on it myself ... so that it doesn't become a burden He has to carry.

I also try to 'mend' any cracks in my submissive armour before they become huge chasms. I feel I have a duty to work just as hard as my Master to make this relationship one of mutual benefit. If the work comes from just one direction, dissatisfaction is sure to follow along fairly soon.

I hope some of this made sense.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Second Thoughts

May I add my little voice here?
(in the hope that I get a 'yes' ...)

I try to help Master as much as possible by taking what He has given me to grow and building on it myself ... so that it doesn't become a burden He has to carry.

I also try to 'mend' any cracks in my submissive armour before they become huge chasms. I feel I have a duty to work just as hard as my Master to make this relationship one of mutual benefit. If the work comes from just one direction, dissatisfaction is sure to follow along fairly soon.

I hope some of this made sense.

I think you make sense.

Eb

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Re: Second Thoughts

May I add my little voice here?
(in the hope that I get a 'yes' ...)

I try to help Master as much as possible by taking what He has given me to grow and building on it myself ... so that it doesn't become a burden He has to carry.

I also try to 'mend' any cracks in my submissive armour before they become huge chasms. I feel I have a duty to work just as hard as my Master to make this relationship one of mutual benefit. If the work comes from just one direction, dissatisfaction is sure to follow along fairly soon.

I hope some of this made sense.

I will second EB in stating that you make perfect sense.
It is the lessons given to strengthen you which give you the tools to be self reliant when needed.
All of humanity has cracks in their armour which is one of the joys of D/s..filling the cracks with love and understanding, joy and compassion.
Deliberately allowing them to widen when the tools have been provided to fill them is simply willful and destructive. No mano r woman is an Island unto themselves.
It is the partnership as you have pointed out that is path to finding the journey to the heaven of O/our lifestyle.

nice to see you willowpussy My friend

 

[Merelan]

WARNING... It is very early and I just poured my coffee.


"Does a Dominant ever have second thoughts about their style of Domination?"

As a sub, I cannot answer this in my own experience. But I have spoken to several Dom/mes. Yes, they doubt it all the time. They wonder if they are being firm enough, too firm. If they should ask for more, or less. Should they try new things tonight, or wait. Should they push more service issues, or less. If the night before, in a moment of weakness, they let the sub take control. Did that alter the dynamics?

Do we not all wonder and second guess? If you sit and ponder every facet of any relationship you will no longer grow, and in not growing, wilt and die from neglect.

"Can They agonize about the worth of all the effort They put into raising another to feel their own value?"

When the sub repeatedly disobeys, sasses, ignores the Doms needs. And they do have them... yes. I can imagine they do wonder. Or the sub has a serious I am not worthy attitude. When you build them up and up, to be bright and proud in their submission, and someone strays along and "kicks them.

Is it all worth the effort? On those blah days, when nothing seems to fit. When the magic seems stale and flat. Why did you work so hard? But the next time can bethe magic time. The one that leaves the electricity in the air that others even feel. That brings that glow that shines from your eyes and fingers.

"When They see a chip in the armor of submission begin to become a crack in the foundation of too much confidence will They have the desire to increase Their Domination or sidestep it in boredom?"

Maybe, but isn't confidance what you want to build in us. Sweet Hecate has. She has made me proud of myself, in all facets of my life. Made me able to stand on my own and stand up for me. Perhaps there is too much sometimes. And over time, perhaps a sub who becomes more and more confidant and sure, will switch over to being a Dom/me. But why would you wish to deny them their growth? You love them, cherish them, want them to be the real them. If they change and grow, then it is for you that it happened. You should not be clinging and pushing, but happy and proud. Yes, sad that your little pet may no longer be such. But, in their heart, they will be. Even those that spread their wings and move on or up, have a place in their soft heart for the one who lifted them to the sky.

"If all of Their energy is spent on creating the perfect life for the one They love when will there be time to enjoy the perfect life They had?"

Well, again this happens in all reltaionships. If you spend time and effort on creating the perfect life, you may find you had it all along. But, relationships, and life need time, and effort. It can drift by, but oh the pleasures you miss if you let it.

But again, watching relationships here, and in "real" life, it takes effort and time. But if you spend all of it on their happiness, you can miss out on your own. if you are creating a perfect world for them, is it not for you too? And if it is perfect for them, and not you, then it cannot be perfect for them.

"When They begin to look back and see what They are losing by allowing too many vanilla distractions into Their lifestyle will They get the Fuck It! attitude and continue to let the situation slide beyond repair?"

Yes, I see this happen alot. We recently went through a phase where outside distractions, and real life emergencies took over. She did not want to burden me, I did not want to bother her. So we both backed off. instead of clinging to each other in our need. Silly merelan, lovely Hecate. We let the world dictate our feelings. It took long letters and talks and still we work and strive. To make the time for what we both need so badly.
Was easy to get that attitude. I am tired and distracted by work and friends. I don't have time to send a little note to her. It can wait. She didn't respond in 2 seconds, so to hell with it.

Oh the shamefulness of it. To neglect the one who loves me so, for petty things.

"Boredom and disappointment tinged with a low burning anger will simply set Their eyes searching for what They know They deserve and can attain as simply as They can breath."

Here again I say, this happens everywhere, in every relationship. If over and over you are met with rejection and boredom, nothingness. Then why wouldn't you seek elsewhere? In letting your eyes stray there, you heart slips a little. Inch by inch... it goes. till one day you wake up and find you aren't sleeping in the same "room" anymore. What is this strange place?
If the Dom/me or sub is not getting what they desire and crave they will search elsewhere. Isn't that how we all found this love?????

 

[cellis]

Does a Dominant ever have second thoughts about their style of Domination? Can They agonize about the worth of all the effort They put into raising another to feel their own value? When They see a chip in the armor of submission begin to become a crack in the foundation of too much confidence will They have the desire to increase Their Domination or sidestep it in boredome? If all of Their energy is spent on creating the perfect life for the one They love when will there be time to enjoy the perfect life They had? When They begin to look back and see what They are losing by allowing too many vanilla distractions into Their lifestyle will They get the Fuck It! attitude and continue to let the situation slide beyond repair?
Boredom and disappointment tinged with a low burning anger will simply set Their eyes searching for what They know They deserve and can attain as simply as They can breath.

Anyone care to start a new conversation?

While being caught in the land of switches, a thought occured to me that all of that introspection and feelings of inadequacy are about the need for a change...

If a Dom/me is feeling a certain about of ennui, perhaps it stands to reason that their submissive is as well. If there is that little nagging thought that something is amiss, that all is not right then that tends to bleed over into the relationship.

I sense, Shadow that there is something much deeper in the meaning of your words... You talk of building that perfect life... I have found that perfection is fleeting... I know the joy of that shining moment of perfection in a relationship where it seems as if nothing could ever touch it or the two of us... but life always does... there is always another issue to work through and it feels as if that perfection is lost...

I think today that the perfection of my relationship with Himself is not lost... it just changes and sometimes those changes are hard and painful lessons to grow from...

 

[Shadowsdream]

WARNING... It is very early and I just poured my coffee.


"Does a Dominant ever have second thoughts about their style of Domination?"

As a sub, I cannot answer this in my own experience. But I have spoken to several Dom/mes. Yes, they doubt it all the time. They wonder if they are being firm enough, too firm. If they should ask for more, or less. Should they try new things tonight, or wait. Should they push more service issues, or less. If the night before, in a moment of weakness, they let the sub take control. Did that alter the dynamics?~

**** without the occassional second thoughts it is unlikely there could be growth.

Do we not all wonder and second guess? If you sit and ponder every facet of any relationship you will no longer grow, and in not growing, wilt and die from neglect.

****Pondering every facet of any relationship for Me would simply show Me that I have lost My confidence in who I am.

"Can They agonize about the worth of all the effort They put into raising another to feel their own value?"

When the sub repeatedly disobeys, sasses, ignores the Doms needs. And they do have them... yes. I can imagine they do wonder. Or the sub has a serious I am not worthy attitude. When you build them up and up, to be bright and proud in their submission, and someone strays along and "kicks them.

****It is a joy to show the submissive how valuable they are..if they cannot believe Me and My brutal honesty it becomes a repeat of old lessons rather a growth in new ones.

Is it all worth the effort? On those blah days, when nothing seems to fit. When the magic seems stale and flat. Why did you work so hard? But the next time can bethe magic time. The one that leaves the electricity in the air that others even feel. That brings that glow that shines from your eyes and fingers.

****it can be worth the effort but there are just as many cases where one day You wake up and realize that even magic can end when it becomes apparent that it has become a one sided relationship.

"When They see a chip in the armor of submission begin to become a crack in the foundation of too much confidence will They have the desire to increase Their Domination or sidestep it in boredom?"

Maybe, but isn't confidance what you want to build in us. Sweet Hecate has. She has made me proud of myself, in all facets of my life. Made me able to stand on my own and stand up for me. Perhaps there is too much sometimes. And over time, perhaps a sub who becomes more and more confidant and sure, will switch over to being a Dom/me. But why would you wish to deny them their growth? You love them, cherish them, want them to be the real them. If they change and grow, then it is for you that it happened. You should not be clinging and pushing, but happy and proud. Yes, sad that your little pet may no longer be such. But, in their heart, they will be. Even those that spread their wings and move on or up, have a place in their soft heart for the one who lifted them to the sky.

****when confidence becomes arrogance and taking for granted there is no longer anything to be proud of in My opinion..as in relation to Myself. I can easily be proud of a sub of Mine that decides to become Dominant in joy and supportive of them in that journey as well. Spreading wings and moving on in joy and happiness would also give Me joy in happiness in their confidence to persue a forward journey.

"If all of Their energy is spent on creating the perfect life for the one They love when will there be time to enjoy the perfect life They had?"

Well, again this happens in all reltaionships. If you spend time and effort on creating the perfect life, you may find you had it all along. But, relationships, and life need time, and effort. It can drift by, but oh the pleasures you miss if you let it.

But again, watching relationships here, and in "real" life, it takes effort and time. But if you spend all of it on their happiness, you can miss out on your own. if you are creating a perfect world for them, is it not for you too? And if it is perfect for them, and not you, then it cannot be perfect for them.

**** if You wake up one day and realize that all or most of Your energy and time is only for Your partners validation, on their schedule day after day after day...with little or no validation of Your own emotional, family, work and health needs it moves beyond a perfect world that Y/you both share.

"When They begin to look back and see what They are losing by allowing too many vanilla distractions into Their lifestyle will They get the Fuck It! attitude and continue to let the situation slide beyond repair?"

Yes, I see this happen alot. We recently went through a phase where outside distractions, and real life emergencies took over. She did not want to burden me, I did not want to bother her. So we both backed off. instead of clinging to each other in our need. Silly merelan, lovely Hecate. We let the world dictate our feelings. It took long letters and talks and still we work and strive. To make the time for what we both need so badly.
Was easy to get that attitude. I am tired and distracted by work and friends. I don't have time to send a little note to her. It can wait. She didn't respond in 2 seconds, so to hell with it.

Oh the shamefulness of it. To neglect the one who loves me so, for petty things.

****The relationship you have with Hecate has so much beauty, respect and honesty as the foundation. Even W/we that have long time committments can falter and doubt, pull back to guard O/our emotions. It is always a beautiful glimpse into the world you share with your Mistress. I feel a genuine love and strength that compliments each others needs. I hope all will soon settle down in both of Y/your worlds in joy and harmony.

"Boredom and disappointment tinged with a low burning anger will simply set Their eyes searching for what They know They deserve and can attain as simply as They can breath."

Here again I say, this happens everywhere, in every relationship. If over and over you are met with rejection and boredom, nothingness. Then why wouldn't you seek elsewhere? In letting your eyes stray there, you heart slips a little. Inch by inch... it goes. till one day you wake up and find you aren't sleeping in the same "room" anymore. What is this strange place?
If the Dom/me or sub is not getting what they desire and crave they will search elsewhere. Isn't that how we all found this love?????

BINGO...eventually the erosion cannot be denied. Working it out is the first option. With all of the heart and the soul...BUT that work must be genuine and on both sides of the whip in My opinion.

It has been a wonderful dialogue with you Merelan as always and I certainly look forward to your taxing My mind in the conversations!
Thank you for joining Me.

 

[Grvdigger]

Does a Dominant ever have second thoughts about their style of Domination? Can They agonize about the worth of all the effort They put into raising another to feel their own value ?

Greetings ShadowsDream, a very interesting topic. Personally I do not question My "style" of Domination it just is. I have seen so many misinformed ppl that say if you do not do this particular activity or that one then you are not truly in a D/s relationship. Does it hinge on that, I do not think so. Is not D/s about the power exchange. That My sub trust with depths unkown in vanilla relationships, that she is willing to accept My judgements on her life. This is something not to be taken lightly. Whether it is r/, o/l, or whatever this is a real breathing person and not a game to be played. That is My "style", right or wrong. I have not only earned gems trust but others as well. Why? cause I carry a bigger whip that others, or My clamps are sharper than others, no. It is cause I have proven that I listen to others, subs and Dom/mes alike (some forget that We have to do that) and that their welfare is important to Me. As for the effort of raising their own value, that goes hand in hand for Me. Since gem has turned herself over to Me, it is My responseabilty to care for her and that includes helping her overcome anything. No effort is to great or time to much to put in.

I am not sure these are the points You were going after, it is very early saturday morning and the coffee has not kicked in yet.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Re: Second Thoughts

Greetings ShadowsDream, a very interesting topic. Personally I do not question My "style" of Domination it just is. I have seen so many misinformed ppl that say if you do not do this particular activity or that one then you are not truly in a D/s relationship. Does it hinge on that, I do not think so. Is not D/s about the power exchange. That My sub trust with depths unkown in vanilla relationships, that she is willing to accept My judgements on her life. This is something not to be taken lightly. Whether it is r/, o/l, or whatever this is a real breathing person and not a game to be played. That is My "style", right or wrong. I have not only earned gems trust but others as well. Why? cause I carry a bigger whip that others, or My clamps are sharper than others, no. It is cause I have proven that I listen to others, subs and Dom/mes alike (some forget that We have to do that) and that their welfare is important to Me. As for the effort of raising their own value, that goes hand in hand for Me. Since gem has turned herself over to Me, it is My responseabilty to care for her and that includes helping her overcome anything. No effort is to great or time to much to put in.

I am not sure these are the points You were going after, it is very early saturday morning and the coffee has not kicked in yet.

You have read My mind and mirrored My thoughts as I often notice You do. A Dom/me just is..who they are...at least that is the way it is for Me as well.
My style is My way. Not created to please or impress but simply drawn from the recesses of My being.
Listening carefully and genuinely holding out a helping hand when there is an authentic need to learn. Listening carefully and respectfully to the every day needs and troubles of My subs.
I will walk away before I will alter My way in the D/s lifestyle and I am brutally honest about that long before I accept a sub to be Mine. The effort becomes to great for Me when it is obvious that the sub has to be told the same things over and over and over again.
My toy is My joy..I am incredibly proud to call him Mine.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Does a Dominant ever have second thoughts about their style of Domination? Can They agonize about the worth of all the effort They put into raising another to feel their own value? When They see a chip in the armor of submission begin to become a crack in the foundation of too much confidence will They have the desire to increase Their Domination or sidestep it in boredome? If all of Their energy is spent on creating the perfect life for the one They love when will there be time to enjoy the perfect life They had? When They begin to look back and see what They are losing by allowing too many vanilla distractions into Their lifestyle will They get the Fuck It! attitude and continue to let the situation slide beyond repair?
Boredom and disappointment tinged with a low burning anger will simply set Their eyes searching for what They know They deserve and can attain as simply as They can breath.

Anyone care to start a new conversation?

Geeeeeeze Shadows........ so many hard things to answer and again I can only do so in the context of my current situation. ~smile~

I think variety is important in a relationship. This is all in the context of my life, my visions and my relationship right now.... No one should assume that my opinions here reflect on them in any way...

That being said, I don't think that there is anything wrong with an occassional change in how things are done sexually between two consenting adults. Especially two adults who have partnered themselves to each other.

A Dom does not always have to choreograph and plan out a "scene" for me. Spontanaity is wonderful and always a welcome surprise. And because we may occassional slip into a traditional sexual encounter, does not mean that we have slipped away from BDSM. Kink comes in all flavors......

Does anyone understand what I just wrote? I am not sure I do. LOL

 

[lark sparrow]

Does a Dominant ever have second thoughts about their style of Domination?

Would it be safe to say that "style" as a Dominant's personality traits and their basic nature are probably not questioned, but that "style" of domination, may be influenced by personal growth, and/or shifted in relation to the submissive they are controlling?

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Re: Second Thoughts

Geeeeeeze Shadows........ so many hard things to answer and again I can only do so in the context of my current situation. ~smile~

I think variety is important in a relationship. This is all in the context of my life, my visions and my relationship right now.... No one should assume that my opinions here reflect on them in any way...

That being said, I don't think that there is anything wrong with an occassional change in how things are done sexually between two consenting adults. Especially two adults who have partnered themselves to each other.

A Dom does not always have to choreograph and plan out a "scene" for me. Spontanaity is wonderful and always a welcome surprise. And because we may occassional slip into a traditional sexual encounter, does not mean that we have slipped away from BDSM. Kink comes in all flavors......

Does anyone understand what I just wrote? I am not sure I do. LOL

I *HOPE* what you have said is that adding some vanilla sex to the BDSM equasion is not a bad thing and that for some people it can be a good thing. If you said that then I can agree for *some* people ~~~grin~~
I also agree that spontaneous moments are desireable and to Me even very necessary. I do not see D/s as a choreographed stage show except in an occassional long scene that I lust to create like a great director.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Would it be safe to say that "style" as a Dominant's personality traits and their basic nature are probably not questioned, but that "style" of domination, may be influenced by personal growth, and/or shifted in relation to the submissive they are controlling?

*Style* for this Domme is *who* I am. The core of Me.
The question that I would be asking Myself is if the *who* I am is in question because I found Myself adapting, rather than controlling.
Personal growth is a good thing. On both sides of the whip.