Second story is LIVE

[Desiretobedesir]

Her Secret Confessions: Part 2 was published this morning. Have a look, please

https://www.literotica.com/s/her-secret-confessions-pt-02

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I read it, I didn't score it, I left no comments.

It's generic.

If it has an editors fingerprints on it, get a better editor.

I'm reminded of the architectural drafting program I took thru high school. I drew well from the age of 6. And my first graded drawing got a C. I then spent the first year drawing letters and numbers. Just letters and numbers, and forced to listen to classical music. The next year my grades rose to B's but all I drew were lines plus practiced dimensioning. The year after my grades rose to A's and I did bazillions of simple projects.

5 years later I took a 4 year program in developmental geometry. I made 100s of 2 dimensional patterns for 3 demensional stuff...think ship ventilators and car parts. I used the geometry skills to do civil engineering projects. NOTE: DIMENSION and DEMENSION are different things LITs spell check doesn't recognize.

People generally made two observations about my drawings: They were right, and looked really good.

Your raw talent is obvious, its application is generic and tedious for now.

 

[Desiretobedesir]

I always appreciate your honest feedback. Thank you.

 

[NaokoSmith]

Parts 1 and 2 reviewed here.

 

[Desiretobedesir]

Parts 1 and 2 reviewed here.

Thank you so much for a very honest and great review!! And yes, there will be more confessions to come

 

[ElectricBlue]

I read your part two, gave it a score and was going to comment, but didn't - because I realised my comment wasn't a criticism but a contrast, and I didn't know if it would be useful, or just read the wrong way. Here it is now, though, fleshed out some, to give you yet another point of view.

My first reaction was: my God, girl, slow down, take your time. I'm exhausted just trying to keep up with you! It's all over before it's even begun.... for a shy and quiet girl, you sure work fast! It's too short, it's like a teenage boy where a minute is still too much time!

But then, I'm the complete opposite. My writing is langourous and slow, a slow river snaking through deep caverns - I once wrote an orgasm paragraph by paraphrasing a verse from Coleridge's Kublai Khan. No-one spotted it, even though we do have some hi-brow amongst the lo-brows, and the yarn was in a Story Comp... even NS missed it - she did like my girl Ella, though.

Your writing is like a waterfall, fast and furious, tumbling over the rocks, plummeting head long. The down side of that, as Noir points out, is the danger of compiling yet another set of cliches. The up side is the sheer energy, excitement and exuberance of a new writer, which is wonderful to see.

As everyone says, keep writing. Find your own voice, and show us what it is. Your leading lady is full of contradictions, and if at her heart there's some of you in her, that's always a good sign for erotica. A kernel of truth, even a single moment, can resonate through good stories.

 

[Desiretobedesir]

I read your part two, gave it a score and was going to comment, but didn't - because I realised my comment wasn't a criticism but a contrast, and I didn't know if it would be useful, or just read the wrong way. Here it is now, though, fleshed out some, to give you yet another point of view.

My first reaction was: my God, girl, slow down, take your time. I'm exhausted just trying to keep up with you! It's all over before it's even begun.... for a shy and quiet girl, you sure work fast! It's too short, it's like a teenage boy where a minute is still too much time!

But then, I'm the complete opposite. My writing is langourous and slow, a slow river snaking through deep caverns - I once wrote an orgasm paragraph by paraphrasing a verse from Coleridge's Kublai Khan. No-one spotted it, even though we do have some hi-brow amongst the lo-brows, and the yarn was in a Story Comp... even NS missed it - she did like my girl Ella, though.

Your writing is like a waterfall, fast and furious, tumbling over the rocks, plummeting head long. The down side of that, as Noir points out, is the danger of compiling yet another set of cliches. The up side is the sheer energy, excitement and exuberance of a new writer, which is wonderful to see.

As everyone says, keep writing. Find your own voice, and show us what it is. Your leading lady is full of contradictions, and if at her heart there's some of you in her, that's always a good sign for erotica. A kernel of truth, even a single moment, can resonate through good stories.

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. As a new writer I struggled with whether I should drag out the story or just get in to it and chose to get to it. As I've stated, the girl in the story is me. It's a very true story and something that was way out of character for me to do. That's why it's a confession, it's something no one would ever expect of me, hell I still can't believe I did it myself and I lived it. There are a few changes in the story from the actual event, but not many. I'm learning and very willing to accept constructive criticism and feedback so I can do better. I've only been at this for one week, please bare with me

 

[NaokoSmith]

Thank you so much for a very honest and great review!! And yes, there will be more confessions to come

No worries!

I once wrote an orgasm paragraph by paraphrasing a verse from Coleridge's Kublai Khan. No-one spotted it, even though we do have some hi-brow amongst the lo-brows, and the yarn was in a Story Comp... even NS missed it - she did like my girl Ella, though.

Ah, 'even NS' - what a lovely back-handed compliment! I must go back and re-read.

I've only been at this for one week, please bare with me

Given how hot your sex scenes are, you can count on quite a few to do that! You are getting some good insights into your writing here. Like eb says, the action is rushed. But that's hot and sexy too. You get both the sexiness and the 'good girl' across very well. Do look out for a good beta read editor. Copy editing is not an issue, it's great to see a new writer who has so few errors in the script.

 

[cruise14]

Great story. I look forward to reading more from you!