Screaming Soccer Dads

[Dixon Carter Lee]

My son had his first soccer game this season. We get there early to set up our chairs, and watch a bit of the game before ours. Their coach is yelling at the kids. Five dads are also up on their feet, in a line, yelling. "Come on! Kick it!" "What are you waiting for, Jimmy?" "Run, Samantha! Run!" "Defense! Defense!" "Offense! Offense!" "Come on! Wake up!" "What are you thinking?" "Attack the ball!" And on and on, all yelling with great urgency.

Constantly.

These poor kids are six and seven years old. It's their first game of the season. It was about 99 degrees out in the middle of the San Fernando Valley. They looked so miserable and tired. And these fucking parents are screaming at their poor sopping wet kids to "Attack! Attack!" while they drink their gatorade.

I talked to some of the parents later. Apparently most of them had asked for this particular coach, because they liked his "killer" approach to coaching. The coach was actually a very nice guy, but he drove them damn hard, and allowed the Dad's to stand in a friggin line like a firing squad and yell.

I'm standing next to one of the dad's chatting, and he's complaining to me about how the other team is so much bigger, and that's why his team was losing, and I wanted to say "Maybe your kids are losing because they're scared to fucking death." I was going to say something, when I realized I was chatting with Charles Haid, and "Hill Street Blues" is one of my all time favorite TV shows, so I couldn't really bitch to this guy about pushy parenting when all I really wanted to do was ask him geeky trivia questions about Belker.

My son's coach is different. He works on fundamentals, listens to the kids, makes them work hard, but also let's them play the Goddamned game. I tell you, you play a game, go home, show up for practice the next day, and that when all the drilling makes sense. It's after you get a couple of games under your belt when you start to see the value of practice and listening to your coach. There's no sense in trying to get a kid to learn the value of passing in the middle of the game - there's no chance of your making him a better player right then and there, no matter much you fucking yell, and show, loudly, how disappointed Dad is.

My kid's team played, had fun, learned a lot, nobody yelled at them, and I'm saving a fortune in therapy and drug rehab for my kid in 10 years.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[sunstruck]

We call it The Soccer Parent Syndrome because for some reason that sport seems to bring it our more than little league, pee wee football (which I LOVE!) and basketball combined. I have no idea why.

In the 5 years I've been going to kids sporting events I've seen maybe 4 fist fights and dozens of shouting matches, all between parents. And not all dads.

It's pretty sick.

 

[Guest]

My kid's team played, had fun, learned a lot, nobody yelled at them, and I'm saving a fortune in therapy and drug rehab for my kid in 10 years.

Wise words, soccoer mum Dixon.

 

[brokenbrainwave]

Parents and adults pretty much have ruined any form of sports for the kids. My oldest played teeball until the coaches started yelling for the kids to play harder. Fuck that, they are kids. I sooo wanted to punch this son of a bitch out for calling his son useless when he missed a rather easy catch.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

The thing is that this league makes a point of saying, up front, that they're more laid back about competition, and that focus will be on sportsmanship. You even have to sign (and get your kid to sign) a sheet where you agree to be a good sportsman. But, apparently, all the parents on that team want this kind of coaching.

I suppose it's the "Boy Named Sue" philosophy of bullying and humiliating a kid into becoming a man (girls, too). Moronic.

 

[sunstruck]

I suppose it's the "Boy Named Sue" philosophy of bullying and humiliating a kid into becoming a man (girls, too). Moronic.

Excellent Johnny Cash reference.

 

[brokenbrainwave]

dcl, that is pretty much standard practice, signing a promise to be good sheet. Yet never, not once have I seen it enforced. I am continually amazed at how adults can screw up a good thing. Hey, my kid sucks at teeball. Cant run, cant hit, cant catch, cant throw. Who cares, he is out there having a blast slapping at the bugs with his glove.

 

[binkley]

I suppose it's the "Boy Named Sue" philosophy of bullying and humiliating a kid into becoming a man (girls, too). Moronic.

In the leagues here in the uppity sections of Houston, I did notice that the yelled at teams tended to win more (but my sample size was small). But as you say, that isn't the reason I have my children play soccer. Let them win academic decathalons, and play soccer so they can live long and prosper.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

what's really sad is that I saw a very similar thing happen at the 4 & 5 year old indoor soccer lessons to teach the kids basic things about soccer. I couldnt believe some of the parents there when I went to watch my nephew. One mother decided she had to climb down off the bleachers to stand right in front of me. I sat in the front so I could see better. I did that intentionally. She was rather offended when I asked her if she would please step to the side (it wasnt even 2 feet and she wouldnt have been in front of anyone then). She threatened me even when I got up and moved and stood right next to her so I could watch my nephew.

I really dont get it though. Why do parents take the kids sports games so seriously? but then again, why do they find it more important to them than the child does?

 

[brokenbrainwave]

I really dont get it though. Why do parents take the kids sports games so seriously? but then again, why do they find it more important to them than the child does?

their stocks are in the tank and they need a superstar to fund their retirement?

All joking aside, I am not sure why this is. I understand pushing a kid to be all he/she can be, but I would rather push mine to acheive schoolastic success. If one turns out to be the next great Tennesee QB, thats icing on the cake. Grades come first!

 

[Calamity Jane]

My daughter had her first game on Saturday. Maybe it's a good thing I live in redneckville. No one yelled anything but encouragement, and everyone cheered when the girls actually got the ball into the goal, no matter which team it was.

It was cold, it was pouring rain, the field was a mud pit, and the kids had a blast. By the end of this season, I'm sure the kids will be more into the competition aspect, but if they're not still having fun, what's the point?

I just can't wait for hockey season.

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

It is a very sad thing when a human being has to vicariously live their life through that of another. This is especially so when their relationship to that person is one in which they should assist them in their growth to maturity.

 

[Saytur]

Dead on DCL. I have been involved in youth sports for years and currently coach a 14U travel basketball team. We discuss appropriate behavior with everyone concerned on the bench, and in the stands. It really is the coaches responsibility, like it or not.

I wonder what these parents would think if they saw themselves on tape, maybe with everything else edited out, screaming like lunatics and berrating kids that make mistakes.

 

[LovetoGiveRoses]

My husband has coached all level of kids' soccer from 5 yrs up to a premier boys division....he has a firm philosophy that he share with all parents at the beginning of the year. He is the coach...the one who has taken every coaching program and now carries a Level III coaching certificate, which means that he is one level away from being able to coach university...and that he is the only one allowed to yell directions. The parents are more than welcome to yell encouragment but they will be asked to leave the sidelines if they yell in an abusive manner. So far...this has worked.

We have the same rules. Encouragement and clapping only. The parents can say "good play" and things like that.

 

[Purple Haze]

My boy is in his first year of soccer, and while his coaches seem to have the whole thing in perspective (God bless 'em) it's the big fat-ass mothers and fathers in the designer joggingwear that can't shut the fuck up and let the rest of us enjoy ourselves.

Nothing like grown-ups to ruin the fun... I wish kids knew how to play sports without a parent and a sponsor organizing all this stuff for them.

Now I sound old...

 

[Freya]

You ain't seen nothing til you've seen minor hockey. Those parents are just insane. Never mind that the kids are 6,7, 8 years old - it's not like they'll be drafted anytime soon for the NHL. But the parents scream at them ,scream at the other teams, scream at each other - it's just horrible to watch at times.

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

You ain't seen nothing til you've seen minor hockey. Those parents are just insane. Never mind that the kids are 6,7, 8 years old - it's not like they'll be drafted anytime soon for the NHL. But the parents scream at them ,scream at the other teams, scream at each other - it's just horrible to watch at times.

See. See. I TOLD you THAT sport should be banned. Canadians acting like Americans.....I'm shocked.....shocked and appalled.

 

[Azwed]

My boy is in his first year of soccer, and while his coaches seem to have the whole thing in perspective (God bless 'em) it's the big fat-ass mothers and fathers in the designer joggingwear that can't shut the fuck up and let the rest of us enjoy ourselves.

Sounds like my sister's old travel league. The coach is a family friend of ours, a former teacher of mine and also a former swim coach of mine. Slightly intense she knows when to push and when not to but still a good coach.

The parents were always the problem on that team. For the first couple of years I was in college and back home during the summer me and another older brother got roped into coming along on one of the longer trips. We were there to help watch the girls as extra chaperones.

By the end of the weekend I was so tired of all the yelling parents, most of which don't have a clue about soccer, that I was telling them to sit down. They of course hated that and just got pissed at me since obviously some 19-20 year old kid has no clue what it feels like to have parents yelling at him when he is trying to play a game.

I was much closer to the age of those girls then they were and could remember what it felt like to be in that kind of situation. These were all girls in the 13-15 range so I can understand a coach being more intense with and since this was considered a more elite travel league i can understand it more so. The parents that dont' have a clue what they are talking about and are just yelling for Jenny to run faster when she is the goalie are worthless though.

 

[Freya]

See. See. I TOLD you THAT sport should be banned. Canadians acting like Americans.....I'm shocked.....shocked and appalled.

You bloody Yanks are just infiltrating us and our sports with everything you have - making us behave as badly as you. This is the first step towards that 51st state idea isn't it?

 

[Nathon_88]

You bloody Yanks are just infiltrating us and our sports with everything you have - making us behave as badly as you. This is the first step towards that 51st state idea isn't it?

grrrrr.....
(From the Arrogant Worms)
Me work hard 5 days a week.......
...
Me like hockey.
Me like hockey.
WE LIKE HOCKEY!!!!!!!

Of couse, when parents are yelling and screaming, I tend to be the kid getting slammed into the boards, so what do I know.

 

[sufisaint]

I wear my walkman to my daughter's games...I just cannot listen to the crap...it upset me too much (just thinking of what they say to their kids in private if thats how they behave in public) and i talked to my daughter about it and she does not listen to what the parents say. i do not want a repeat of an incident i had a few years ago when i was dating a single mom and went to her son's baseball game...there was a woman and her husband being very abusive to everyone just about...well they started yelling at some poor kid who struck out...the child's mother told the two to shut up (politely but firmly)...well they started mouthing off to her- two on one. Finally i could not take anymore and had to threaten both of them to shut up and watch the game...needless to say the guy had to try and be a tough guy and walk over to me..i took him down in about a second...pushed his face in the dirt and made him apologize to everyone...Unfornately that was my last date with this woman......

 

[Sillyman]

You ain't seen nothing til you've seen minor hockey. Those parents are just insane. Never mind that the kids are 6,7, 8 years old - it's not like they'll be drafted anytime soon for the NHL. But the parents scream at them ,scream at the other teams, scream at each other - it's just horrible to watch at times.

Hockey is supposed to be a violent festival of carnage designed to whip up the competitors's killer instinct and desire for blood. It's part of the fun.