Rumple Foreskin
The AH Patriarch
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2002
- Posts
- 11,109
note: This is a joint product of the warped minds of DreamPilot and Rumple Foreskin (that’s me). Any good stuff is his, the rest just my dreck. Considering the sources from whence this sprung, it should come as no surprise that the content is of questionable taste, quality, and humor. Therefore, feel free to slice, dice, Julianne, add to, cut from, insert, reword, spindle, mutilate, erase, or ignore any of this.
Just another fine service of:
No Hope Enterprises
Rumple Foreskin CPO (chief porn observer)
Dream Pilot LLF (land-long flyboy)
==
SCORE CHECKERS ANONYMOUS: affecting the afflicted
A shadow of despair, despondency, depression, and a whole bunch of other “de” things has descended (what else?) over many Literotica Valentine Day Contest entrants. No, it’s not the curse of troll one-bombs, but their growing addiction to checking and rechecking the contest scores.
Score Checkers Anonymous, fine, non-profit, tax-exempt WD-40 foundation is now available to help those who have falling under the spell of this affliction.
Here is a FAQ for those who need to explore the services offered by this charitable organization, either for themselves or some other writer sinking into the pit of (what else?) dependency.
Q: What should you do when writing colleagues confront you with the grim reality that you’ve become a contest score checking addict?
A: Turn to Score Checkers Anonymous
Q: Often, the addict’s initial response is, “Who, me, a score checking addict? just cuz twice a day I check the leaders.... and I can't stop myself... does that make me an addict?”
Then after reflection that can run the gamut from sober to shit faced drunken, most SC addicts face the reality of their sad dependency and want to know: “Ok ok.. where does Score Checker Anonymous meet?”
A: There are nightly meetings of Score Checkers Anonymous in the basement of the First Church of the Burning Bush and Discount House of Worship. These begin at 7:00 pm or whenever two or more members come dragging in the door.
Q: So we all get together and check scores?
A: No, oh, pathetic one. You sit in uncomfortable folding chairs and listen to other people admit what low-life, score checking, losers they are and how many days, hours, minutes its been since they last checked on a contest score. Sooner or later, usually later, it’ll be your turn to stand up and tell everyone else what a low-life, score checking, loser you are.
Q: I have to stands up and admits to being a score checking looser... first step right?
A: Not necessarily. This chapter is very progressive. Getting a new member off their sorry ass and standing is considered step one. Admission to being a compulsive score-checker is the second step. The loser part is sort of a natural progression.
Q. Is anything else expected of me?
A: Only that you turn over 50% of your worldly wealth or $500, whichever is greater, to the Score Checker Anonymous Foundation Discretionary Fund.
Q: And after all that, I’ll be cured of my score checking addiction?
A: Of course. At least until the next contest begins. (note: A permanent cure would put a big hurt on the SCA Foundation Discretionary Fund and those of us on the board of directors who administer the funds.)
Q: So, like, how can someone with no friends, know if they need help?
A: In the interest of helping those who think they might have a problem with addiction to score checking, the great DreamPilot offers the following test to determine if you should become a member of Score Checkers Annonomous (as soon as you pay your dues---- all your worldly wealth or $500 whichever is higher).
This simple two question test should determine if you should join.
1.After posting a story how often do you check your scores?
A. I forget about it and might remember to check once a day.
B. I begin checking as soon as I have submitted and then once a day after the story posts.
C. I check religiously every hour or two.
D. I put the submissions page in a second window and press the refresh button every 5 minutes to check each vote.
2.I check for other stories scores.
A. Never, I'm simply not interested.
B. I keep checking the support thread for any mention of leaders.
C. If I hear of a particularly good story I might try and check the top list.
D. I have to check the top list at least daily to determine where the leaders stand.
For each A answer give yourself 0 points
For each B answer give yourself 5 points
For each C answer give yourself 10 points
For each D answer give yourself 100 points.
If you score
0-5 You have no need to join Score Checkers Anonomous. In fact we wonder if you aren't watching the flowers grow from the root side.
10-99 You should consider membership immediately.
100-199 You definitely belong in the club. Do not pass go... just stop to collect all your worldly goods or $500 whichever is more and report directly to the club directors for help
200 or more proceed as directed above turn over the dues and then wait for referral to another facility with better capability of helping. Electric shock and partial lobatomy are recommended.
Just another fine service of:
No Hope Enterprises
Rumple Foreskin CPO (chief porn observer)
Dream Pilot LLF (land-long flyboy)
==
SCORE CHECKERS ANONYMOUS: affecting the afflicted
A shadow of despair, despondency, depression, and a whole bunch of other “de” things has descended (what else?) over many Literotica Valentine Day Contest entrants. No, it’s not the curse of troll one-bombs, but their growing addiction to checking and rechecking the contest scores.
Score Checkers Anonymous, fine, non-profit, tax-exempt WD-40 foundation is now available to help those who have falling under the spell of this affliction.
Here is a FAQ for those who need to explore the services offered by this charitable organization, either for themselves or some other writer sinking into the pit of (what else?) dependency.
Q: What should you do when writing colleagues confront you with the grim reality that you’ve become a contest score checking addict?
A: Turn to Score Checkers Anonymous
Q: Often, the addict’s initial response is, “Who, me, a score checking addict? just cuz twice a day I check the leaders.... and I can't stop myself... does that make me an addict?”
Then after reflection that can run the gamut from sober to shit faced drunken, most SC addicts face the reality of their sad dependency and want to know: “Ok ok.. where does Score Checker Anonymous meet?”
A: There are nightly meetings of Score Checkers Anonymous in the basement of the First Church of the Burning Bush and Discount House of Worship. These begin at 7:00 pm or whenever two or more members come dragging in the door.
Q: So we all get together and check scores?
A: No, oh, pathetic one. You sit in uncomfortable folding chairs and listen to other people admit what low-life, score checking, losers they are and how many days, hours, minutes its been since they last checked on a contest score. Sooner or later, usually later, it’ll be your turn to stand up and tell everyone else what a low-life, score checking, loser you are.
Q: I have to stands up and admits to being a score checking looser... first step right?
A: Not necessarily. This chapter is very progressive. Getting a new member off their sorry ass and standing is considered step one. Admission to being a compulsive score-checker is the second step. The loser part is sort of a natural progression.
Q. Is anything else expected of me?
A: Only that you turn over 50% of your worldly wealth or $500, whichever is greater, to the Score Checker Anonymous Foundation Discretionary Fund.
Q: And after all that, I’ll be cured of my score checking addiction?
A: Of course. At least until the next contest begins. (note: A permanent cure would put a big hurt on the SCA Foundation Discretionary Fund and those of us on the board of directors who administer the funds.)
Q: So, like, how can someone with no friends, know if they need help?
A: In the interest of helping those who think they might have a problem with addiction to score checking, the great DreamPilot offers the following test to determine if you should become a member of Score Checkers Annonomous (as soon as you pay your dues---- all your worldly wealth or $500 whichever is higher).
This simple two question test should determine if you should join.
1.After posting a story how often do you check your scores?
A. I forget about it and might remember to check once a day.
B. I begin checking as soon as I have submitted and then once a day after the story posts.
C. I check religiously every hour or two.
D. I put the submissions page in a second window and press the refresh button every 5 minutes to check each vote.
2.I check for other stories scores.
A. Never, I'm simply not interested.
B. I keep checking the support thread for any mention of leaders.
C. If I hear of a particularly good story I might try and check the top list.
D. I have to check the top list at least daily to determine where the leaders stand.
For each A answer give yourself 0 points
For each B answer give yourself 5 points
For each C answer give yourself 10 points
For each D answer give yourself 100 points.
If you score
0-5 You have no need to join Score Checkers Anonomous. In fact we wonder if you aren't watching the flowers grow from the root side.
10-99 You should consider membership immediately.
100-199 You definitely belong in the club. Do not pass go... just stop to collect all your worldly goods or $500 whichever is more and report directly to the club directors for help
200 or more proceed as directed above turn over the dues and then wait for referral to another facility with better capability of helping. Electric shock and partial lobatomy are recommended.
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