Writers_block
Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2015
- Posts
- 56
Hello there,
It's me. I recognize you might find it a little presumptuous for me to use the "it's me" line. Like you are expected to know who I am and there are no other mes out there but me. I apologize for the conceit. But seriously...it's me.
I would shake your hand but I have a bad case of cheetoh fingers right now. That dust is impossible to get off, unless you lick it. And you wouldn't want to lick cheetoh dust off my fingers, would you? Maybe that's your thing, and that's ok. There I go being presumptuous again. Look, all I am trying to say is that your cheetoh fetishes are safe here. You are in the nest. Hey, it's me.
But let's quit talking about cheese and start talking about the real elephant in the room...your pubic hair. I am not trying to say you have an elephant's pubes. Quite the contrary. Yours are rather silky and, between you and I, dare I say luxurious...whereas I imagine elephant pube is quite coarse and abrasive...probably suitable for industrial applications of some sort.
I am getting off on a tangent again where I don't mean to. All I want to say is if you are doing that whole Brazilian thing on my account, then don't. Seriously. I worry that you have some sort of perverse adolescent fantasy, or worse, that you think that I do. Now I am not saying you should take it full on Congolese jungle down there. Find the happy medium. Think windswept North Dakota grasslands...like that postcard I once almost sent you of the Teddy Roosevelt National Monument. Just kidding, I promise I never almost sent you anything. I do not have your address, I swear.
Speaking of tourist sites in the upper Midwest, I hope you are down for road trips....that's a huge turn on. In fact, call it a fetish.I hope you are the kind of girl who might flash some stranger on a deserted North Dakota highway, just to say you had. Or at least lie and say you had done that, because you know how much it turns me on. And I don't mind if your rack is slightly asymmetrical. You shouldn't let that dissuade you from trying to earn some plastic beads on the prairie highway between Bismarck and Minot. And I speak from a position of authority on this. My right testicle hangs a good half centimeter lower than my left, and it hasn't affected my self confidence in the slightest. Except when it is cold out...I mean I still have self confidence when it is cold but it makes my scrotum tighten up so you can't even notice the whole uneven testicle thing.
Speaking of nipples, I am curious about yours. Nipples are the most mysterious part of a woman's anatomy. I might name your nipples Agatha and Christie, just because of the whole mystery thing. Well Christie might work, but Agatha probably wouldn't. I imagine if there were a nipple named Agatha, it would be gray, cracked, and wilted. And I only want you to write to me if your nipples are pink, uncracked, and cheery.
I don't want to end this message on the subject of nipples, because I feel like that makes me look sex crazed,which I might be but I don't want that to be your first impression of me.
So...what's your favorite punctuation mark? Mine is the colon. Because if you turn your head to the side, they kind of look like a pair of nipples.
Now that I have changed the subject to punctuation, send me a hello!
Sincerely,
It S. Me
It's me. I recognize you might find it a little presumptuous for me to use the "it's me" line. Like you are expected to know who I am and there are no other mes out there but me. I apologize for the conceit. But seriously...it's me.
I would shake your hand but I have a bad case of cheetoh fingers right now. That dust is impossible to get off, unless you lick it. And you wouldn't want to lick cheetoh dust off my fingers, would you? Maybe that's your thing, and that's ok. There I go being presumptuous again. Look, all I am trying to say is that your cheetoh fetishes are safe here. You are in the nest. Hey, it's me.
But let's quit talking about cheese and start talking about the real elephant in the room...your pubic hair. I am not trying to say you have an elephant's pubes. Quite the contrary. Yours are rather silky and, between you and I, dare I say luxurious...whereas I imagine elephant pube is quite coarse and abrasive...probably suitable for industrial applications of some sort.
I am getting off on a tangent again where I don't mean to. All I want to say is if you are doing that whole Brazilian thing on my account, then don't. Seriously. I worry that you have some sort of perverse adolescent fantasy, or worse, that you think that I do. Now I am not saying you should take it full on Congolese jungle down there. Find the happy medium. Think windswept North Dakota grasslands...like that postcard I once almost sent you of the Teddy Roosevelt National Monument. Just kidding, I promise I never almost sent you anything. I do not have your address, I swear.
Speaking of tourist sites in the upper Midwest, I hope you are down for road trips....that's a huge turn on. In fact, call it a fetish.I hope you are the kind of girl who might flash some stranger on a deserted North Dakota highway, just to say you had. Or at least lie and say you had done that, because you know how much it turns me on. And I don't mind if your rack is slightly asymmetrical. You shouldn't let that dissuade you from trying to earn some plastic beads on the prairie highway between Bismarck and Minot. And I speak from a position of authority on this. My right testicle hangs a good half centimeter lower than my left, and it hasn't affected my self confidence in the slightest. Except when it is cold out...I mean I still have self confidence when it is cold but it makes my scrotum tighten up so you can't even notice the whole uneven testicle thing.
Speaking of nipples, I am curious about yours. Nipples are the most mysterious part of a woman's anatomy. I might name your nipples Agatha and Christie, just because of the whole mystery thing. Well Christie might work, but Agatha probably wouldn't. I imagine if there were a nipple named Agatha, it would be gray, cracked, and wilted. And I only want you to write to me if your nipples are pink, uncracked, and cheery.
I don't want to end this message on the subject of nipples, because I feel like that makes me look sex crazed,which I might be but I don't want that to be your first impression of me.
So...what's your favorite punctuation mark? Mine is the colon. Because if you turn your head to the side, they kind of look like a pair of nipples.
Now that I have changed the subject to punctuation, send me a hello!
Sincerely,
It S. Me
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