Save me from my metaphores!

[Liar]

Latley, I have begun to anthromorphonize. Write about stuff as if it's people. All the fucking time.

Especially then i really shouldn't. In my job I write a lot of piss boring text, legal documents, political news, financial reports. But it's supposed to be just that, so I really shouldn't try to spice it up. But I can't help it, I read things after I've sent them away and go "Aw hell, did I really write that?"

My favorite so far is in a PM to the sales people for a large corporation:

"...last Friday, the IT industry stocks faked a collective orgasm..."

and I was seconds away from sending this one to the printing for a very rigid and conservative morning paper.

"...we'll see a lot of dry-humping the legs of venture capitalists next year, but very few money shots."

This can't go on, or I'll have to find an editor who actually likes non sequitir porn innuendos. I think I might need to wash my brain. Where are my extra long q-tips?

Or do y'all have any suggestions on how to break an annoying writing habit?

Anyone?

 

[Lee Chambers]

"...we'll see a lot of dry-humping the legs of venture capitalists next year, but very few money shots."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!1!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!11!!!!!!two!!

 

[Anna_Malia75]

Latley, I have begun to anthromorphonize. Write about stuff as if it's people. All the fucking time.

Especially then i really shouldn't. In my job I write a lot of piss boring text, legal documents, political news, financial reports. But it's supposed to be just that, so I really shouldn't try to spice it up. But I can't help it, I read things after I've sent them away and go "Aw hell, did I really write that?"

My favorite so far is in a PM to the sales people for a large corporation:

"...last Friday, the IT industry stocks faked a collective orgasm..."

and I was seconds away from sending this one to the printing for a very rigid and conservative morning paper.

"...we'll see a lot of dry-humping the legs of venture capitalists next year, but very few money shots."

This can't go on, or I'll have to find an editor who actually likes non sequitir porn innuendos. I think I might need to wash my brain. Where are my extra long q-tips?

Or do y'all have any suggestions on how to break an annoying writing habit?

Anyone?

Your problems, like many others in this world's, are caused by the ease with which we can hit the send key. I suggest that you invest in a quill pen and an inkwell, and that you don't keep any stamps on your desk. This will allow you to write whatever you like (the collective orgasm was really good!) and keep it in your desk overnight while you purchase a stamp. In the cold light of morning, you will have a much better idea whether it is worth sending.

 

[LoquaciousLady]

You could always just post them here instead. I, for one, would find tremendous entertainment in reading the entire text of the venture capitalist article complete with porny non sequiturs.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I had to pound this into The Old man's head-- never, ever, put your email's intended recipient in the address bar while you're writing. Wait for your wife to proofread to make sure you didn't say something incredibly damaging-- then put in the addy, and hit 'send'.

 

[Liar]

I had to pound this into The Old man's head-- never, ever, put your email's intended recipient in the address bar while you're writing. Wait for your wife to proofread to make sure you didn't say something incredibly damaging-- then put in the addy, and hit 'send'.

Every email program should come with a Doofus Mode, in which you write the content first, hit OK to get a preview, then add recipients and subject line to that, and send. And no automatic Reply-to-all without at least three "Are you really really sure?" popups. Ever.

 

[jomar]

...This can't go on, or I'll have to find an editor who actually likes non sequitir porn innuendos. I think I might need to wash my brain. Where are my extra long q-tips?

Or do y'all have any suggestions on how to break an annoying writing habit?

Anyone?

Yes. Go get laid.

 

[Liar]

Yes. Go get laid.

Spledid. Any volunteers?

 

[mellowgyrl]

Every email program should come with a Doofus Mode, in which you write the content first, hit OK to get a preview, then add recipients and subject line to that, and send. And no automatic Reply-to-all without at least three "Are you really really sure?" popups. Ever.

I haven't read more true words! LOL

 

[CharleyH]

Latley, I have begun to anthromorphonize. Write about stuff as if it's people. All the fucking time.

Especially then i really shouldn't. In my job I write a lot of piss boring text, legal documents, political news, financial reports. But it's supposed to be just that, so I really shouldn't try to spice it up. But I can't help it, I read things after I've sent them away and go "Aw hell, did I really write that?"

My favorite so far is in a PM to the sales people for a large corporation:

"...last Friday, the IT industry stocks faked a collective orgasm..."

and I was seconds away from sending this one to the printing for a very rigid and conservative morning paper.

"...we'll see a lot of dry-humping the legs of venture capitalists next year, but very few money shots."

This can't go on, or I'll have to find an editor who actually likes non sequitir porn innuendos. I think I might need to wash my brain. Where are my extra long q-tips?

Or do y'all have any suggestions on how to break an annoying writing habit?

Anyone?

I can and can't help you in the corporate duldrum. Yet, let me make a creative suggestion. If you have read? Re-read Samual Becket's play, 'Happy Days'.

 

[tickledkitty]

Every email program should come with a Doofus Mode, in which you write the content first, hit OK to get a preview, then add recipients and subject line to that, and send. And no automatic Reply-to-all without at least three "Are you really really sure?" popups. Ever.

I think in addition it should have a "Wait 10 minutes" feature. Then ask you again.

 

[Anna_Malia75]

Every email program should come with a Doofus Mode, in which you write the content first, hit OK to get a preview, then add recipients and subject line to that, and send. And no automatic Reply-to-all without at least three "Are you really really sure?" popups. Ever.

Or we could just exercise self-restraint on our own...

I know, I'm such a Luddite.

 

[jomar]

I still submit the answer is laidness.

 

[tickledkitty]

Or we could just exercise self-restraint on our own...

I know, I'm such a Luddite.

Well, that's ok for you, but some of us are sorely lacking in that area.