Saturday morning........... revisited

[matriarch]

I'm beginning to think its only me.
Saturday mornings with.....bizarre beginnings.

It's 9.24 am, I am barely conscious, and was even less so when awoken by the phone at just after 9am, having got to bed at 1am.

(I know, I know, DON'T ANSWER THE DAMN THING, but with two ageing parents, and a severely disabled sister and niece living 150 miles away, I don't turn the phone off, or not answer, just in case.)

I digress.

The phone makes its insistent way through the fog of sleep, and in automaton fashion, with eyes closed, I pick up the receiver, and barely coherently, mumble something that my head tells me was 'hullo', but even to my ears sounded like a groan.

My hairdresser. My friggin' hairdresser !!!!!

(Background, I had an appointment for noon for a shearing, deliberately set late so I didn't have to get up early on a Saturday, and she knows this. She also knows me very well, I have been going to her for 15 years).

I digress. Again.

I will try to recreate the conversation:

HD: Good Morning 'A', its J. (well I knew that, I recognised her voice). I don't know if you picked up the message I left on your ansafone?

Mat: *mumble*, yes, I listened when I got home at 1am.

HD: Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you up? (Duh!!! )

Mat: That's OK. (I can be charming even when asleep)

HD: We need to reschedule your appointment.

(More background - the message informed me she had sliced the top off her knuckle, had been to the hospital, and couldn't make my appointment. Fine.)

Mat: How is the hand (Oh, I KNOW I'm going to regret asking that!!)

HD: It's OK, I just won't be able to work this morning. I've done it before, and I just patched it up and carried on. After 4 hours, it still hadn't stopped bleeding, so I went back to the hospital (are you getting the images in my sleepy head??), to ask them to just superglue the piece eek: ) back on, and put some ???(special skin line dressing) on it.

Mat: Thank you J. I needed that image right now.

HD: *laugh*. Well, they said they couldn't do that, because there was no skin on the knuckle left to glue it back to....(OK. now my stomach is in revolt mode, and no thoughts I can come up with in my semi-conscious state will eject the bizarre and stomach-churning pictures - she's still talking, I'm trying not to listen.) So, I have an ordinary dressing on, but I'll be working again next week. So we need to reschedule (she pronounces it reshedule. I say reskedule. I think I'm one of the few Brits that pronounces that word in continuity with school - another digression, another thread ??).

At this point I will agree to anything to get her off the phone and the image of her hand out of my head.

I reach for my robe, staggering downstairs in a state of shock, reach for the kettle, switch it on.

Nothing.

Check the plug. Switch it on again.

Nothing.

Aaaaaaaaaarggggggghhhhhhh!!

Why me????

Why are my Saturday mornings, which are supposed to be a time of rest, relaxation, gentle easing into the bliss of 2 days of no work, no clockwatching, no stress, always descending into the bizarre and unbelievable.

So having dragged out a saucepan from the cupboard (no mean feat, bending when I'm not awake, my head does not approve), and set it boiling with some water for the tea I now desperately need, I stand in the open doorway, leaning thankfully against the frame, with a cigarette..(cigarette? At 9.15? Where the hell did that come from? I don't smoke before midday??), listening to the hum of the bees, still getting piss-head drunk on the unending nectar of the rampant blooms over my head, pondering on the meaning of life.

Actually is was why the fuck my kettle had to go on strike right now!

So, having made my tea and stagger back up to my study, I just had to share this with you guys.

Is it just me? Or do other people seem to have blighted Saturday morning lie-ins.

*yawnnnnnnnnnnn*

Mat

 

[Guest]

Just gotta say, before I say anything else: you make me laugh.

An early Saturday morning wake up probably also explains why I'm in a shite mood this morning.

I was expecting a nice long, lingering lie in. The kids aren't here as they stayed round my parents last night, so that hubby and me could celebrate our anniversary properly - drinks, resturant, home (ya know, ). It was a great night.

Anyway, I fell asleep happy and calm last night (late, but ya know, ).

I was woken up at 7am by my big lump of a dog jumping on me and licking my face.

He *never* does that! He knows he's not allowed upstairs. Dopey mutt!!

I wonder if it's because the kids weren't around and he was wondering where they were.

Anyway, once awake I couldn't get back to sleep again.

Four cups of tea later, I'm beginning to chill.

Lou

 

[matriarch]

Just gotta say, before I say anything else: you make me laugh.

...........................

Four cups of tea later, I'm beginning to chill.

Lou

Thank you. I try my best to amuse. More often than not, it doesn't work. Glad this time it did.

Sounds like you had a great 'you know' time

Just wait until it's you who have to stay with the parents, so the KIDS can have a great time !!!!

And I'm now 3 cups of tea behind you. Got some catching up to do.

Glad you're feeling better. Think nice things. I know! How about all the great people in this hang out ? They certainly make me feel good.

I'm going to go and watch the bees a bit more. They have a very calming effect. And I can lean on the doorframe a bit more, and pretend I'm asleep.

 

[neonlyte]

I was woken at 6.00am by a re-enactment of the 'barrow boy wars' in the market square. There are a couple of down-on-their-luck guys who scratch a living hauling farmers produce off the vans to the market stalls. A couple of weekends ago a turf war broke out, one encroaching upon the others area.

Fists flew, iron bars were brandished accompanied by a great deal of shouting.

This morning they both arrived early to stake out their territories and a fight started - under my window

I've put the time to good use, spent the best part of four hours on a major overhaul of something I wrote last year, and finished some comments on someone elses work. Gonna take a break now. Head into the city, buy a paper, have a decent lunch. Think about the restructuring and write some more.

Have a nice day all of you.

 

[neonlyte]

Just to make my morning complete, my wife just called to say she is going 'skinny-dipping' at a remote island she is staying on near Cork (Ireland) - she's supposed to be working! Not sending my imagination into overdrive.

Damn woman, she's got no sensitivity.

 

[doormouse]

You just fucking crack me up mat

LOL ;-)

(Now I have to go to bed with the thought of a bloody knuckle on my mind... I'll imagine it as LDW's)

.....

Still ewwwwww LOL

 

[matriarch]

You just fucking crack me up mat

LOL ;-)

(Now I have to go to bed with the thought of a bloody knuckle on my mind... I'll imagine it as LDW's)

.....

Still ewwwwww LOL

I'm glad I entertain. My middle name is 'clown'.

Don't go to bed with the thought of the knuckle.......
go to bed with the thought of this......

Mat

 

[doormouse]

I'm glad I entertain. My middle name is 'clown'.

Don't go to bed with the thought of the knuckle.......
go to bed with the thought of this......

Mat

Too late me matey-riarch

New batteries, what more can I say? ;-)

 

[matriarch]

Too late me matey-riarch

New batteries, what more can I say? ;-)

Enjoy.
Sleep well.

 

[cantdog]

The light of my life
the lodestone of my heart
the pole star of my being
the mother of my child
the blessed fulfilment of my happiness for thirty-four years came through the room after her shower

so I'm up. It's Saturday, it's only 8:20, what am I up for? I was up to 3:55 hoping the German woman would read my attempt to write about her dream ( in this thread). Time zones.

"What are you getting up for?" she says.

I go downstairs, searching for coffee-- coffee coffee coffee! Bless her, she's made some! Shit it's half a pot and she's done most of it.

"There's half a pot; you weren't supposed to be up," she says.

I do it anyway. Groggy, sipping. Something occurs to me. I ask, "Do you have, somewhere, Justin's address in Mass.?"

"Look, you have a lot of time to yourself! I don't get any! You should be asleep! Can't you leave me alone for once!"

Right. "Excuse me. I will withdraw."

Actually she hates it when I go all stiff and formal, implying rudeness. and I know it, but there's no more coffee and if I hang around to make it she'll have to wonder if I'll say anything, and feel it implies criticism if I don't say anything, and all that involved shit... her remark has painted us both into a corner, really, and I don't feel like just walking off, stepping in the paint.

Saturdays are supposed to be better than this.

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

I have small children. I don't get to sleep late. We've even gotten into a ritual lately. They generally wake up before I do, but they stay in their room until I am up.

I get out of bed, get dressed and go to the bathroom. Obviously, they can hear it flushing and they take that as their signal to come running into the living room shouting. "Mommy, I'm up!"

I figured it'll be at least another 4 years or so before I get to start sleeping in on Saturday's again...

Mat, I'm sorry you got awakened by such a gruesome conversation. I probably would have hung up at the first mention of blood, lol.

 

[Guest]

I see some wonderful stories to be written here. This is the best thread I've read in ages.

Mat., you have a real gift. You need to write your memoirs, they'd be entertaining, profound, witty, literary and most of all "you".

I'm on holiday, as you know, but usually I love waking on Saturday morns and realizing I have 48 hours to do as I please, even if it seems like doing nothing. I'm a bit sad lately cos it used to mean I had a special date later (my midnight), but life goes on, eh?

Thanks, Liar and Cant, you've got stories too.

best to all, Perdita

 

[Teenage Venus]

I like saturdays Mat. It means I made another week without too many scars. This one was good, 'cos soon as I switched on I found I had four PMs from here. Having received more than the odd shitty one, I thought 'here we go'. Actually, they were all from friendly strangers - if you know what I mean.

I read them, had a good cry over coffee, and it started what has been the best day of this week for me.

Something I wrote:

Friendship 1

Leaving footprints
in your heart -
Passing friends.
-------------
Friendship 2

Good friends,
like stars unseen -
Always there.

And as an afterthought:

Wasted Time

Each angry minute,
Sixty seconds -
of lost happiness.
.................................

Hey! I'm happy - I'm nearly a poet Hope you are happy. And those friends too.

 

[cloudy]

Ahhh, Saturday mornings....not much different for me than any other, except for the fact that my husband's home.

This morning, my youngest, who sleeps with me, wakes me...."Mama...."

"What?" I'm still fighting to stay asleep at this point.

"I had a bad dream." This means any dream at all, he calls them all bad.

"Uhnh" (The closest approximation I can get to the noise I made)

"I dreamed you were the pink ranger, and you and spiderman came to my house."

Knowing that he won't let me sleep, I get up and make my way to the coffeepot. It seems my husband has been up earlier at some point and made coffee.....this day may not be so bad at all.

As I sit, blearily drinking coffee, I realize it's kinda warm in the house (the great southeast, hot at all times of day)....go to turn the air-conditioning down, and.......nothing. It's broke, kaput.

So......here I sit, sweating in a house with no air, 4 hours later, waiting for my husband to get home from the hardware store, and hoping like hell he'll be able to fix it. I was very wrong about the day being alright.....it sucks.

 

[cantdog]

I really dug the Albuquerque- to- Taos area when I was there. Heat is never my friend, and the sunlight these days is not trivial, but I want to go back.

Looked like every bit as hard a place to make a living as Maine is, though.

There's a place on the main drag in those parts called the Range Café-- cool place, good cooking.

But I understand you are in Arizona, which my daughter has seen though I have not. Different sort of landscape from the sagebrush desert in NM.

Soory about the air dying. Up Maine, we worry like that when the heat goes.

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Cloudy, that absolutely sucks that you are without A/C. I hope your husband can fix it.

 

[cloudy]

Cloudy, that absolutely sucks that you are without A/C. I hope your husband can fix it.

Actually, Cantdog, I'm in Alabama....maybe not near as hot as Arizona, but three times as humid.

And, nope, no relief in sight. Compressor is locked up, so seems it would be just as cheap to get a new unit as to have this one fixed....so....no air til Monday, at the earliest. I'm dying......

 

[cantdog]

This shit always happens on the weekend. Plumbing, whatever.

Sympathy, kid.

 

[matriarch]

I'm beginning to think its only me.
Saturday mornings with.....bizarre beginnings.

It's 9.24 am, I am barely conscious, and was even less so when awoken by the phone at just after 9am, having got to bed at 1am.

(I know, I know, DON'T ANSWER THE DAMN THING, but with two ageing parents, and a severely disabled sister and niece living 150 miles away, I don't turn the phone off, or not answer, just in case.)

I digress.

The phone makes its insistent way through the fog of sleep, and in automaton fashion, with eyes closed, I pick up the receiver, and barely coherently, mumble something that my head tells me was 'hullo', but even to my ears sounded like a groan.

My hairdresser. My friggin' hairdresser !!!!!

(Background, I had an appointment for noon for a shearing, deliberately set late so I didn't have to get up early on a Saturday, and she knows this. She also knows me very well, I have been going to her for 15 years).

I digress. Again.

I will try to recreate the conversation:

HD: Good Morning 'A', its J. (well I knew that, I recognised her voice). I don't know if you picked up the message I left on your ansafone?

Mat: *mumble*, yes, I listened when I got home at 1am.

HD: Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you up? (Duh!!! )

Mat: That's OK. (I can be charming even when asleep)

HD: We need to reschedule your appointment.

(More background - the message informed me she had sliced the top off her knuckle, had been to the hospital, and couldn't make my appointment. Fine.)

Mat: How is the hand (Oh, I KNOW I'm going to regret asking that!!)

HD: It's OK, I just won't be able to work this morning. I've done it before, and I just patched it up and carried on. After 4 hours, it still hadn't stopped bleeding, so I went back to the hospital (are you getting the images in my sleepy head??), to ask them to just superglue the piece eek: ) back on, and put some ???(special skin line dressing) on it.

Mat: Thank you J. I needed that image right now.

HD: *laugh*. Well, they said they couldn't do that, because there was no skin on the knuckle left to glue it back to....(OK. now my stomach is in revolt mode, and no thoughts I can come up with in my semi-conscious state will eject the bizarre and stomach-churning pictures - she's still talking, I'm trying not to listen.) So, I have an ordinary dressing on, but I'll be working again next week. So we need to reschedule (she pronounces it reshedule. I say reskedule. I think I'm one of the few Brits that pronounces that word in continuity with school - another digression, another thread ??).

At this point I will agree to anything to get her off the phone and the image of her hand out of my head.

I reach for my robe, staggering downstairs in a state of shock, reach for the kettle, switch it on.

Nothing.

Check the plug. Switch it on again.

Nothing.

Aaaaaaaaaarggggggghhhhhhh!!

Why me????

Why are my Saturday mornings, which are supposed to be a time of rest, relaxation, gentle easing into the bliss of 2 days of no work, no clockwatching, no stress, always descending into the bizarre and unbelievable.

So having dragged out a saucepan from the cupboard (no mean feat, bending when I'm not awake, my head does not approve), and set it boiling with some water for the tea I now desperately need, I stand in the open doorway, leaning thankfully against the frame, with a cigarette..(cigarette? At 9.15? Where the hell did that come from? I don't smoke before midday??), listening to the hum of the bees, still getting piss-head drunk on the unending nectar of the rampant blooms over my head, pondering on the meaning of life.

Actually is was why the fuck my kettle had to go on strike right now!

So, having made my tea and stagger back up to my study, I just had to share this with you guys.

Is it just me? Or do other people seem to have blighted Saturday morning lie-ins.

*yawnnnnnnnnnnn*

Mat

Saturday revisted - epilogue

I know this is old hat now, a week old, but there is a footnote to this story.

Are you sitting comfortably? No? tough.

Having given up on sleep, I finally got up, showered, etc., and decided to have some breakfast before dawdling out to the electrics store to buy a new kettle.

Cut some bread, dropped it in the toaster, unplugged the defunct kettle, plugged in the toaster and pushed down the lever.
It wouldn't stay put. Which means, no power.

What the fuck!? What's going on this morning? Have I been blackballed by the electric company? I reached over, took out the plug, looked at it (as if that would help, but I just couldn't be bothered to get out the screwdriver and take the damn thing apart), then plugged it back in. Nothing.

By now I was in the throws of a major strop (look up British slang). Muttering, swearing and calling down curses on the machinations of the abomination of modernisation.

As I reached across to pull the plug out of the wall, my elbow brushed against the switch on the kettle, and to my amazement, the light came on, and the damn thing sprung into activity.

*Looking round at the assembled listeners, seeing the light come on in their heads at the same time as the kettle, and the grins forming on their faces.*

Yep. You getting the picture.
Neither piece of equipment was defunct.
I was.
I had tried to switch on the kettle with the toaster plugged in, and vice versa.

I had forgotten, last thing before going to bed I had made some toast, and had not plugged the kettle back in.

After a few moments, the absurdity of the whole thing overwhelmed me, and I leaned against the doorframe, laughing my ass off. Quite what the half-drunk bees thought of it, I have no idea, but I think they laughed as well, because a few of them fell off the flowers on to the patio and died of their paroxysms.

So there you have it.
Post-feminist luddite - 0
Kitchen equipment - 2

*bashful grin*.

Silly Mat.

But my Saturdays continue to start in a surreal fashion.
This morning, I was expecting the ex at 10.30 (don't ask, too complicated), had intended to set my alarm to be up in time to let him in.

Was awoken by the phone - again.
More explicit curses hurled down on modernisation and its hell-bound equipment.

Staggered to the phone, grabbed it.

"Yes!" I all but growled.

"I'm at the door. Its raining. Please let me in."

I had forgotten to set my alarm, and overslept.

I need a health warning.

Or a live-in carer.

And this is the woman who is about to embark on a life of living on her own.

Do you think I should pre-warn the emergency services and leave them a key??

Mat

 

[rgraham666]

Re: Re: Saturday morning........... revisited

Do you think I should pre-warn the emergency services and leave them a key??

Mat

Nah. You're a smart tough lady. You'll get used to it, living on your own that is. After a husband and several semi-domesticated house apes, looking after yourself should be no problem at all.