Satisfying a sub

[sexysurprise]

My partner and I recently had an intimate chat and one of the things we talked about was BDSM. She mentioned she was a sub. I don’t think I’m a dom and so I was wondering a couple of things.

1) How does one satisfy a sub? Do I have to treat her roughly and call her names? Can someone give me a scale and steps to start out with?

2) And if I’m not a dom, any suggestions for how the two of us can occasionally pull this out of our kinky toy chest and play? Do you have any suggestions on how to get into the mind set of a dom?

3) If there are already posts about this please share with me. Thanks for helping. Wishes you all naughty fun!

 

[SirQittus]

My partner and I recently had an intimate chat and one of the things we talked about was BDSM. She mentioned she was a sub. I don’t think I’m a dom and so I was wondering a couple of things.

1) How does one satisfy a sub? Do I have to treat her roughly and call her names? Can someone give me a scale and steps to start out with?

Ask her how she prefers to be treated, I'd think.

2) And if I’m not a dom, any suggestions for how the two of us can occasionally pull this out of our kinky toy chest and play? Do you have any suggestions on how to get into the mind set of a dom?

See 1) - talk with her about it. I'm certain she'll be happy to tell you what stokes her fire.

3) If there are already posts about this please share with me. Thanks for helping. Wishes you all naughty fun!

Here's one that might help: http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=584896

 

[SweetErika]

My partner and I recently had an intimate chat and one of the things we talked about was BDSM. She mentioned she was a sub. I don’t think I’m a dom and so I was wondering a couple of things.

1) How does one satisfy a sub? Do I have to treat her roughly and call her names? Can someone give me a scale and steps to start out with?

Have you asked her what being a sub means to her, what she likes, dislikes, needs, her limits are, etc.?

A submissive isn't just one thing, like a certain car model, it means a whole bunch of different things to different people. The only way you can find out what it means to her is by asking questions and talking about it.

You might find it helpful to google 'bdsm checklist' and take a look at some of the checklists available. They won't tell you how she defines herself, or even what she's into, but they might give you an idea of some of the possible kinks, activities and limits that are good to discuss and give you a jumping off point for additional conversation.

Why do you think you're not a Dom? What do you think a Dom is? If you don't think you're a Dom, do you think you might be a sub, or switch (the D/s equivalent of a bisexual), or not have a preference/be into D/s?

2) And if I’m not a dom, any suggestions for how the two of us can occasionally pull this out of our kinky toy chest and play? Do you have any suggestions on how to get into the mind set of a dom?

You're probably going to want to talk about whether she can be happy with someone who's not a Dominant in the long-run. Likewise, you'll probably want to think about whether you'll be happy with a submissive if you're not a Dom. It can be very difficult to suppress needs and wants and play a role/fake it long-term (e.g. What if she wants D/s 24/7, or more than just "occasionally" and you don't? Or if you're not comfortable doing what she wants and needs? Or if you want her to be in charge sometimes and she's uncomfy with that? Or if you two are D/s-compatible, but your likes or styles are incompatible?).

Please understand that I'm not trying to be negative or suggest that you're doomed AT ALL. There's just a lot to think and talk about and learn. Just like anything else, compatibility is important and communication is key.

3) If there are already posts about this please share with me. Thanks for helping. Wishes you all naughty fun!

Have you checked out the BDSM Library sticky? It was being revamped/updated last I saw, but there's still LOTS of great stuff in there.