Sage Wisdom, Counsel and Advice Sought

[Rumple Foreskin]

Greetings,

I've posted an umpublished, group sex story (mm/f) IT'S ABILITY THAT COUNTS on the Story Discussion Circle Forun. The plot twist is the extra male has lost a leg. The other two participants are a young married couple. The wife, who has issues with her self-image, admires him but has always been uncomfortable around amputees.

The tough part in writing this was making the story hot and light enough for the average Lit reader (I'll probably enter it in the Nude Day Contest) while conveying the message that beauty is more than physical perfection. That's why I want the story to be about her, not the amputation.

Any sage wisdom, counsel and advice on how well it meets that challenge and how it might better do so, would be greatly appreciated.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[angelicminx]

I'm working on it Rumple. I thought I'd have some time to concentrate today, but...

What I've read of the story so far I like. This time I'm planning to just read it through one time and then do the "pick apart". I've had a few things jump out at me, but I can't think off hand what they were. I've made notes on the other computer though.

I'm hoping I can be of some service in the next day or two, hon.

 

[lil_elvis]

I haven't had a chance to read it yet rumply, but my gut feeling is that she would have to undergo some sort of epiphany/revelation about herself, not just on a physical level, but emotional as well. Like bringing joy to others reveals her own beauty and self esteem.

Okay, I'll shut my yap and go read it to see how wrong I could be.

 

[neonlyte]

Sage is a nice colour - I'll take a look and offer the usual fence sitting advice tomorrow or Wednesday.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Minx, Elvis, Neon, (and Mal by PM) thanks for the help.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Huckleman2000]

Hi Rumple,
Here are my thoughts - feel free to dismiss them out of hand or use them as you see fit.

The image of Clay replacing the light fixture is really good - since he's in a vulnerable position ('being held up'), use the image to introduce his one eye there. Perhaps he's having difficulties with aligning the fixture or something. You have a wonderful image of a strapping man in a moment of vulnerability that his wife finds sexy, and this can be levereged later in the story. This also brings a bit more believability to Donna's impetuous blowjob.

There is an inner conflict in Donna about physical imperfections that you want to bring out early in the story. Rather than having the impetus come overtly from the group facilitator, maybe have Donna come to the realization through more subtle cues. Maybe in the heat of passion, Clay's lack of peripheral vision leads to an oversight of the aching nipple on the blind-side breast, which makes her think of her grandfather, which leads to an inadvertent disruption of the lovemaking which only the introduction of this third party with the amputated leg can resolve. Donna isn't immediately aware of this - it's just a vague feeling from her seminar that she isn't consciously aware of until the blind-eye mishap. Perhaps the initial conflict between Clay and Donna, caused by Donna's unresolved issues about her history with paternal figures who have physical shortcomings, is enough impetus to invite Reggie to their home.

Something happens to make Donna accomodate Reggie's one leg, and Clay's one eye - maybe there's a seating arrangement that has to be re-arranged awkwardly, or something, and in the fix, Donna brushes Reggie's cock, Clay is able to glimpse it from his one eye, everyone sort of laughs and then the sex happens. Donna's feelings about disabled men are resolved, everyone orgasms, and it's a wrap!

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

H-man,

Those are some great suggestions. The only problem for me is using all of them would require an almost total re-write. Soooo....

why don't you use them in a story of your own?

I'd love to see more stories touching on the issues of self-image and physical imperfection, and the story-line you laid out could be very appealing. Just do me a favor and have the husband fooling with something besides the kitchen overhead lights in the opening scene, okay?

Rumple Foreskin

 

[kendo1]

Email sent.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Email sent.

Received, used, and a "much obliged" note sent. (Man, let me tell you, I've got manners I ain't never used.)

Rumple Foreskin