Safe word question from a rookie

[xxkimberlyv]

Long time lurker, first time poster (not really) and I have a safe word question. I'm exploring this side of me and have a safe word(s) established with my partner. My question is if they use a ball gag or some other device where I can't speak, how do you use your safe word?

 

[TalkToMeInSB]

Long time lurker, first time poster (not really) and I have a safe word question. I'm exploring this side of me and have a safe word(s) established with my partner. My question is if they use a dall gag or some other device where I can't speak, how do you use your safe word?

Tap 3 times? 2?

 

[Britva415]

Talk to them about it.

Before they gag you.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Long time lurker, first time poster (not really) and I have a safe word question. I'm exploring this side of me and have a safe word(s) established with my partner. My question is if they use a ball gag or some other device where I can't speak, how do you use your safe word?

Some kind of sign that you agree on in advance is one way.
You can also hold an object in your hand that you can drop if you want out.

 

[AnnyMouse28]

Some kind of sign that you agree on in advance is one way.
You can also hold an object in your hand that you can drop if you want out.

This would work especially if your tied up as well

 

[xxkimberlyv]

Yes, I didn't make it really clear but I would be bound as well

 

[SirAeghann]

A three grunt/tap/noise signal is what I've used. And if you're bound to the point you can't tap, wiggle, or breathe enough to make three noises in a row, your partner should be checking in for any signs of distress that would signal a stop.

 

[xxkimberlyv]

A three grunt/tap/noise signal is what I've used. And if you're bound to the point you can't tap, wiggle, or breathe enough to make three noises in a row, your partner should be checking in for any signs of distress that would signal a stop.

Thank you @SirAeghann

 

[Amandyla]

Long time lurker, first time poster (not really) and I have a safe word question. I'm exploring this side of me and have a safe word(s) established with my partner. My question is if they use a ball gag or some other device where I can't speak, how do you use your safe word?

Great question, some tactics I've used before is tapping, or having the person who is gagged, to hold onto an item (like let's say you have the arms tied up too), if the item drops them that is the signal to stop.

There are times you may want to play with additional bondage, so keeping in mind to drop an item, is important as you can still call for safety, even when gagged and chained.

Welcome to your whole new world to explore

 

[xxkimberlyv]

Thank you very much @Amandyla !!!

It really is a big exciting one!

 

[Amandyla]

Thank you very much @Amandyla !!!

It really is a big exciting one!

You're welcome. I have decades of experience in all sorts, so if you ever feel stuck or have a noob question, please reach out. I love helping educate on safety and Kink

 

[Kumquatqueen]

In addition, it's worth having a sign that you are OK, too, and the top should check regularly for both. The absence of the OK signal is then also a safeword.

So you might be restrained and gagged, but the top says 'how are you, my pretty?' and puts their hand against your fingers. Two taps - good to continue. One tap - safeword. No response - time to check you're not unconscious, traumatised, or whatever. It's a good way to ensure ongoing consent.

 

[Strixaluco]

No response - time to check you're not unconscious, traumatised, or whatever.

... "whatever" also including so deep subspace that you're not in fact in the condition to give reliable consent anymore. Might even feel like "everything goes" at that point, but might regret it afterwards.

 

[base10]

If not able to speak or move too much when needed to use your safe word, really "break character" as well. Use your body language as best you can to make it clear that you are stepping out of playtime and need to stop

 

[ouchfeelsgood]

I don't use a gag when a partner is bound, since I want her to let me know immediately if things need to slow down or stop. But if you do use one, I'd advise agreeing on a hand signal like rapidly making a fist and undoing it, several times in a row. I do like blindfolds though, for the sensory deprivation effect, and it tends to heighten her other senses, such as tactile.
Have fun!

 

[xxkimberlyv]

In addition, it's worth having a sign that you are OK, too, and the top should check regularly for both. The absence of the OK signal is then also a safeword.

So you might be restrained and gagged, but the top says 'how are you, my pretty?' and puts their hand against your fingers. Two taps - good to continue. One tap - safeword. No response - time to check you're not unconscious, traumatised, or whatever. It's a good way to ensure ongoing consent.

Excellent thought... thank you!

 

[xxkimberlyv]

I don't use a gag when a partner is bound, since I want her to let me know immediately if things need to slow down or stop. But if you do use one, I'd advise agreeing on a hand signal like rapidly making a fist and undoing it, several times in a row. I do like blindfolds though, for the sensory deprivation effect, and it tends to heighten her other senses, such as tactile.
Have fun!

We haven't tried one yet but have discussed it. Everyone has some great input

 

[Dearelliot]

I haven't used one, I depend on the mistress ...maybe not the best idea. I like the feeling that she is in charge and she decides...especially with needles, I do get hurt more than I want, usually they have noticed how my tone of voice sounds when I'm begging her to stop. I find I like her to stretch the envelope.

 

[xxkimberlyv]

I haven't used one, I depend on the mistress ...maybe not the best idea. I like the feeling that she is in charge and she decides...especially with needles, I do get hurt more than I want, usually they have noticed how my tone of voice sounds when I'm begging her to stop. I find I like her to stretch the envelope.

Interesting but more than I am wanting to give up. Thank you for sharing though

 

[emme8]

I have never said my safe word with my husband. Only once did I want to used it and we hadn't established it yet. I have a baby to show for it.

I know that the hubby will care for me and my kids forever no matter what happens.
I don't trust anyone else that much so no one else gets me without one.

 

[lanceGibs]

I have never said my safe word with my husband. Only once did I want to used it and we hadn't established it yet. I have a baby to show for it.

I know that the hubby will care for me and my kids forever no matter what happens.
I don't trust anyone else that much so no one else gets me without one.

A big hug

 

[Kumquatqueen]

If gagged, something that makes a noise when dropped (small bells, or simply keys) works well.

But thinking of a 'special' safeword is only necessary if you've already agreed that the top can ignore normal communication like 'no' and 'stop' - or just take it as a sign to ease up rather than stop. And just using 'safeword' or 'red' and 'yellow' should be understood - only an abuser would claim 'that wasn't your safeword'.

Some people get all smug about never safewording - they're not playing near limits, which is fine. Or they think their top will be disappointed if they safeword, which is not fine. As soon as you're playing at the edges of what you can deal with, confirming ongoing consent is crucial.

E.g. "Can you take two more strokes? For me? You're so good." (restrained bottom squeezes top's fingers twice, saying nothing). "I know, it'll be hard for you but remember how happy you're making me..."

Whenever I'd have someone new at me, I'd often safeword just to check they would stop immediately. Better to find out your new top is an arsehole when in a crowded fetish club and you can yell for help, than after you've gone back to their place...

Happened a couple times, including one where I found three friends had magically appeared by my side to watch and enforce a chap stopping at the right point. Sadly he went on to rape a couple other friends.

 

[tristantrotsky]

Long time lurker, first time poster (not really) and I have a safe word question. I'm exploring this side of me and have a safe word(s) established with my partner. My question is if they use a ball gag or some other device where I can't speak, how do you use your safe word?

Also, it's difficult to voice your 'safe word' if your throat is full of cock.
Ideally, you have the fallback security of the 'safe word'... but pleasure overwhelms the need to ever actually use it.

 

[magic_rat]

A three grunt/tap/noise signal is what I've used. And if you're bound to the point you can't tap, wiggle, or breathe enough to make three noises in a row, your partner should be checking in for any signs of distress that would signal a stop.

We use the traffic light system - green go, amber ease off for a bit, red stop.

when gagged, 2 or 3 grunts works for amber and red.

 

[xxkimberlyv]

Those are the words I use as well