Safe Sex in Erotica- What's too Real?

[Dr. Gurviest Love]

I recently wrote a story in which I had the characters use a condom (he was giving her a jolly rogering in the rear). Not long after I got some feedback that condoms were a big turn off in erotica. The critic stated that too much realism hurts the fantasy of an erotic story.

I'm curious to know other people's opinion on this issue.

First, is safe sex a turn off in erotic writing?

Second, how much realism is acceptable in sexual fantasy/erotic stories?

If you're interested about the story that prompted this question, here's a link:
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=204396
I'm in the process of writing another story and am debating whether to continue with my usual practice of using condoms (my stories are based on a real relationship afterall) or abandon that particular aspect of reality.

 

[McKenna]

Well Doc, (may I call you that?)

I think there are as many preferences in erotica as there are readers. So one person wasn't turned on by the idea of a condom; another might not even be affected by it, and still another might be turned on by it.

I say you do your thing. If you like it, don't change it. You can't please everyone, so you may as well please yourself.

 

[tintarron]

Just read your story - I thought the condom reference was actually a turn *on*, that kind of little detail can be extremely erotic - like the 'clipped moan' she lets out as she comes. It's a key part of their sexplay, and I don't really see how it harms the story in any way.

If we take condoms out of stories, what next - lube? There things are often integral to the sexual experience.

-t

 

[Dar~]

I like the realism, for me it enhances the effect of the writing. That poigniantly tense moment when the condom is being slipped on and then the delicious penetration after the teaseing wait really is a heightening experience. also, if its based on a real relationship, then the condom is part of the story. Don't change your style for some anonymous feedback.

 

[rgraham666]

I haven't used condoms in stories often. Just once in fact.

I didn't receive any complaints. And using it made a lot of sense in context of the story.

Which is all I worry about when I write. If a reader has a problem with something I write, it's their problem.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Realism is what you strive for in a story. Even when I am writing fantasy or sci-fi I strive for realism within the bounds of the work. Technology fails, bows don't always hit the target, armor isn't a sure thing against every aoponent. Within the bunds of erotica, I strive for realism as well. Dildo's bend rather than penetrating, someone in a shower scene gets soap in her mouth, etc.

That said, for many people, putting a condom on is non erotic, in fact, it's the antithesis of erotic. I've yet to see someone find a way to do it that isn't cumberson and dosen't break the mood. In reality or writen fiction. With the caveat there that I don't need them in my real life sex play and only very rarely use them in a story and then only to ease penetration of a toy for Anal sex.

More readers than not appreciate realism in your work. They apppreciate small details that make it more real to them. In the end, I would file the complaint under the heading of you can't please everyone and not give it roo much thought. If safe sex is a regular fixture of your stories, and you get multile complaints, you might need to revisit that theory as well. But one reader who dosen't like condoms because they ruin his fantasy does not a majoirty make.

 

[KR]

Keep the condoms. It enhances the reality/believability of the situation. Also, someone commented about putting on condoms in RL and writing being cumbersome and breaking the mood...I am a condom user. I prefer the female condom, myself, but they are uncommon and more costly. In the event that a male condom is needed, I've always put it on myself, making it a part of the foreplay. I especially like holding the tip in place with my mouth while I roll the condom down the shaft of my lover's cock. Admittedly, this is a much more pleasant taste experience if the condom does not come loaded with spermacide I might just take up that gauntlet and see if I can make putting on a condom as erotic in writing as it can be in reality.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm wondering about that too. I've added safe sex into several stories. In some of them, the characters complain about safe sex restrictions, which can give you insigth into their personalities (if you care)
And sometimes I get a tip about a better way to do it- saran wrap instead of dental dams for instance- and I use the tip in the story. The character can say; "hey, that's a little better"

It's getting harder to write about unprotected sex, actually.

 

[wishfulthinking]

Sometimes there is no pleasing everyone

Um, two words...
06/04/05 By: Anonymous
...safe sex?! Loved the story, but would have loved it more if I didn't have to worry that sweet Adam would give our heroine god-knows-what...

 

[TheEarl]

Overkill on safe sex

I'm wondering about that too. I've added safe sex into several stories. In some of them, the characters complain about safe sex restrictions, which can give you insigth into their personalities (if you care)
And sometimes I get a tip about a better way to do it- saran wrap instead of dental dams for instance- and I use the tip in the story. The character can say; "hey, that's a little better"

It's getting harder to write about unprotected sex, actually.

I can't imagine the thought of going down on someone with a barrier of cling film between them and me, or using gloves to finger someone. Admittedly my sexual experience isn't wide-ranging and I've only ever had committed relationships, but I have to say that personally, I'm willing to take the risk, rather than to feel the need to cover every piece of exposed skin when I'm with a partner I'm supposed to trust.

The Earl

 

[Sunnie]

I was advised pretty recently to scrap all mention of condoms from my Teacher's Pet series (silly editors ). The editor said something to the effect of, "It's just hotter to imagine him unloading inside her." And in my own experience, yeah, condoms can be a mood killer.

Guess it's just a matter of preference.

 

[oggbashan]

Dandruff

In one of my stories, Candice, the heroine has dandruff.

I think it is artistically necessary.

Then sheep appear in some stories. Of course they are necessary.

No wonder I get few votes.

Og

 

[raphy]

But you're true to yourself Ogg, and that's all that matters.

For my money, keep 'em or lose 'em, it makes no difference.

Do what's right for the story. As my favorite sci-fi writer once said, when asked how fast his starships travelled...

"They travel at the speed of plot"

You can't ask for any more than that. Suspension of disbelief is a wonderful ability when applied to a fictional creative work. More people should exercise it, IMO.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Like McKenna says, there are 3 types out there; those who enjoy the condoms, those who don't, and those who don't care - ie the ones who afterwards will go "huh? They used a condom? I must have missed that part..."

Personally, I like a condom scene. I might not get turned on by it, but if it's well written, it can enhance the story. Like this HP fan fic I read at another site - the author made a big deal about the condom issue, and the way she had written it, it enhanced the romantic value of the story, making it so that the characters were indeed making love rather than having sex.

I really recommend that story, and if anyone's interested in a link, than PM me.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I can't imagine the thought of going down on someone with a barrier of cling film between them and me, or using gloves to finger someone. Admittedly my sexual experience isn't wide-ranging and I've only ever had committed relationships, but I have to say that personally, I'm willing to take the risk, rather than to feel the need to cover every piece of exposed skin when I'm with a partner I'm supposed to trust.

The Earl

heh, the narrator wasn't happy about it either. But her trick made it clear that there would be NO nookie without saran wrap, so what's a bulldagger to do? It's a generational thing, sometimes.
I'm waiting for the story to be approved... it's in the que... anyone have an ETA for approvals?

 

[Sabledrake]

Nostalgia time ... I tracked down the first instance of condom use appearing in a story of mine, several years back. Tried to make it sexy.

**

When she saw him take out the silver cigarette case, she frowned in puzzlement. "I've known men who liked a smoke afterward, but right in the middle?"

"I don't smoke." He opened the case and showed her.

Her frown turned into a giggle. "Can I choose?"

"Be my guest."

"Ooh, I've only heard of these. French, aren't they?"

"Italian."

She tore open the foil package, put the condom in her mouth and bent forward, rolling it onto his erection with her lips and tongue. He groaned in pleasure.

"Now, where were we?" she wondered, a small smile playing about her lips.

**

-- Sabledrake

 

[thebullet]

There is one reader who automatically torpedos any story where a condom is used. He does the same with vasectomies, but I can't say that I blame him there.

Come to think of it, he trashes any story that doesn't have an unplanned illegitimate pregnancy. The guy gives me the creeps.

 

[Stella_Omega]

There is one reader who automatically torpedos any story where a condom is used. He does the same with vasectomies, but I can't say that I blame him there.

Come to think of it, he trashes any story that doesn't have an unplanned illegitimate pregnancy. The guy gives me the creeps.

whereas I can't help thinking about the pregnancies, the vaginal infections, the herniated bladders, the torn rectums...
I love rough sex, I really do. But unless you know what you're doing, you get can hurt. And when an author gives the impression that it's risk free, I get pissed off.
just can't help it.

 

[Quiet_Cool]

I recently wrote a story in which I had the characters use a condom (he was giving her a jolly rogering in the rear). Not long after I got some feedback that condoms were a big turn off in erotica. The critic stated that too much realism hurts the fantasy of an erotic story.

I'm curious to know other people's opinion on this issue.

First, is safe sex a turn off in erotic writing?

Second, how much realism is acceptable in sexual fantasy/erotic stories?

If you're interested about the story that prompted this question, here's a link:
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=204396
I'm in the process of writing another story and am debating whether to continue with my usual practice of using condoms (my stories are based on a real relationship afterall) or abandon that particular aspect of reality.

Depends on the story (notably what type it is) and the aforementioned audience.

Some readers will dislike your story simply because they have specific tastes and don't want to read things that don't fit into their little version or erotic fetish. Others are less demanding but don't like stories that involve condoms, or bi-sexuality, etc.

Notably, it depends on the story. If they story is simply a story about two peopl ewho meet and have sex, paying attention to the realist aspects of sexual behavior might not be beneficial to the story. If, however, you're writing a "story" which involves characters you wish to portray as real, and involving some sort of plot (no, busting a nut is not truly a plot, though it can be more than involved in one). If you want to be realistic, and talk about something besides the sex, then condoms almost have to be an issue, or at least pregnancy or Vd, or something of the sort, simply because they're a part of reality. If you're writing a sex story, about busting the aforementioned nut, that is mostly meant to represent fantasy, then it isn't so much a necessity to involve the realities and responsibilities that go with real-life sexual intercourse.

Just my viewpoint.

Q_C

 

[thebullet]

Stella wrote:
when an author gives the impression that it's risk free, I get pissed off.

You feelings are of course justified. There is very little promiscuity in my stories. In my biggest story, although there is some promiscuity, it is almost always firmly estalished as being 'safe sex'.

I was referring to a guy who doesn't care about safe sex, or disease, or AIDS or HIV or anything else. He only wants illegitmate pregnancies. And he marks down any story that doesn't have it. And if protection is used he is very upset.

 

[Alex De Kok]

I was referring to a guy who doesn't care about safe sex, or disease, or AIDS or HIV or anything else. He only wants illegitmate pregnancies. And he marks down any story that doesn't have it. And if protection is used he is very upset.

Could you possibly be referring to don87654? My latest. 'What are friends for?' (Link in sig - fifth comment on story) had the "benefit" of his attention. Seriously weird.

Alex

 

[Quiet_Cool]

Could you possibly be referring to don87654? My latest. 'What are friends for?' (Link in sig - fifth comment on story) had the "benefit" of his attention. Seriously weird.

Alex

See, this is where it sucks to be a lesser-known Lit. author. I've had the pleasure of neither this man nor Juan (are they brother? Alts? ) in any of my stories to date (so far as I know, anyway).



Q_C

 

[Stella_Omega]

You feelings are of course justified. There is very little promiscuity in my stories. In my biggest story, although there is some promiscuity, it is almost always firmly estalished as being 'safe sex'.

I was referring to a guy who doesn't care about safe sex, or disease, or AIDS or HIV or anything else. He only wants illegitmate pregnancies. And he marks down any story that doesn't have it. And if protection is used he is very upset.

wouldn't you flag reviews like that? I noticed you can- I would complain that the review off-topic.

 

[Starlit]

I like fantasy to be fantasy. So I prefer no condoms in a story.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Could you possibly be referring to don87654? My latest. 'What are friends for?' (Link in sig - fifth comment on story) had the "benefit" of his attention. Seriously weird.

Alex

Hmm! i looked at his profile- "has low sperm count and cannot possibly be a natural daddy"
there's an issue there, I'd say... ?
well, it takes all kinds.
I liked the story