sadness....

[Kasha]

Well, I don't usually put up threads on this main board but I really must vent and I feel like this may be the most productive way.

I am 25 and married, have been for 3 years. I have a wonderful marriage. I was raised since I was a child, a baby really by my paternal grandparents. I love them as any one would love their own biological parent. My mother and father have never had a whole lot to do with me.. more so now as an adult than as a child. I also have a relationship somewhat with my mother.. not my father.

I grew up as I said with my grandparents, my father, literally living right around the corner. Anyhow, what is going on now... I have move 2000 miles from home.. I have moved this far because of my husband wanting to be near his family. We are both going to school and of courserent our own place.. My grandfather whom I am extremely close to has prostate cancer.

He has been doing well up until now. He has been having a lot of tests done and has now been placed in the hospital. he has been in there since Thursday. Well, Saturday my father called to tell me that I may need to come home soon, because my grandpa is in the hospital and they would need my help. My grandpa has been taking care of my grandma for the last few years as she has heart problems. So, my dad tells me Saturday that I may have to come home. I of course say that is fine, I know that takng care of them is my responsibility and I wouldn't have it any other way.

But later in the day he calls my mother in law, telling her that he needs me home this week. This means I will have to drop out of school 6 weeks before my first semester is over. School taht I have to pay to go to regardless if I finish or not. This also means I would have to leave my husband for an unspecified amount of time. I am so upset and now all I do is cry. I feel so lost. The thought of my grandparents being ill and possibly dying has me as broke down as I have ever been.

My husband wants to finish going to school but I don't think I can handle things back home emotionally without him there. I am just overwhelmed with emotion now and I can't seem to make any clear concise decisions. I want my dad to find someone to help out for six weeks so I can finish school..my grandpa has stated to me many times that me getting my education is very important to him.

I am afraid this is going to destroy my marriage. I just feel so desperate... If any of you have read this whole thing..I would really appreciate some advice. I tried to talk to my instructor at school on th phone this evening bu he was completely heartless..in my opinion..he said I was my duty to stay with my husband and if I don't I would lose him. He said that I am not qualified to take care of sick people and wouldn't I feel terrible if I did something o injure or hurt them... anyway.. I have so many conflicting views but none from people that can be completely objective... Anywhow.. thanks for any feedback.


Kasha.

[Edited by Kasha on 06-04-2001 at 01:45 AM]

 

[Simply Me]

Hi Kasha. I guess I am a little confused, maybe it's because it's late, but I don't understand why your father or mother can't take care of him until you finish school.
Is your grandfather terminal? Or is he being treated? I guess I need a little more information. My first instinct is to advise you to speak with your father and see if alternative arrangements could be made, there are lots of people that he could find to help out until you are done. Maybe have him check into some of the local colleges where there is a nursing program. When I was going to college I sat on weekends with an elderly sick couple for extra money. Wish I could help you, but I can offer you a hug.
(((Kasha)))

 

[Weird Harold]

I want my dad to find someone to help out for six weeks so I can finish school..my grandpa has stated to me many times that me getting my education is very important to him.

I am afraid this is going to destroy my marriage. I just feel so desperate... If any of you have read this whole thing..I would really appreciate some advice.

First, you have my sympathy. This is NOT situation with any easy solutions.

The only thing I can suggest, is to talk to your Grandfather and ask his advice. It should be possible to call him in his hospital room. Do what your Grandfather wants, not what your father wants. It sounds like you may be "needed" because your father is inconvenienced by the situation more than for any real need.

If your grandfather is too ill to advise you, you'll have to decide for yourself the relative importance of husband and school vs "being there" for your family.

Other possible resources for advice and/or assistance, is the Red Cross or Salvation Army, or a Church. (You may not even need to be member of a church to get help from a minister -- it all depends on the minister.)

 

[Ksss]

I agree with Harold, call your grandfather, talk with him. It sounds as if your father is trying to push his responsibilities off on you. Also, talk to the college dean and see if perhaps there is a way to take your finals early or take them at a later date.