dangling_girl
Virgin
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2025
- Posts
- 4
TW: attempted suicide
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I'm a 20 year old girl who's lived with major, debilitating depression for nearly half of my life now. It's something I've struggled with in one way or another since middle school. Throughout it all, my mom and dad have been my rock...kind, loving, endlessly supportive despite how hopeless and frustrating life with me as a daughter must have felt sometimes.
Late last year, things nosedived for me while I was away at college, and I tried to do something I had promised my mom and dad that I would never, ever do: I tried to take my own life.
There was no one single trigger. My mind just went to a place where I felt completely lost, and I needed to get out, by any means possible. My roommate was gone for the weekend and I put my plan into action...a note for my parents, a meticulously studied noose, and an end to the bottomless depths of my miserable mind.
Except somehow, some way, my mom and dad knew. I don't believe in intuition or anything like that, but when I had been on the phone with them the night before I planned to leave this world, something hit them wrong. And so the next morning, they started the five hour drive to my college. I had turned my phone off at that point and was getting ready to "leave."
I have no memory of any of this of course, but apparently my parents forced their way into my room, found me hanging, unconscious, my face purple, but somehow clinging to life. I ended up in intensive care. There's still a dark, visible ring around my neck, all these months later.
I moved back home. I don't know if I'll ever go back to college. But now, I have a much bigger and much harder choice facing me.
Seeing me dangling there, almost gone, triggered something deep in my mom and dad, or so they tell me. It had been there for a long time, and they'd discussed it openly as a couple, but never with me. They cherished me too much to ever tell me until they were confronted with the prospect of losing me.
My mom and dad want to know me as intimately as they possibly can. They want us to know each other as mom and dad and daughter, completely. And that means...everything you think it means, and probably more.
My mom was the one to tell me, and now there have been follow-up conversations with all three of us, as mom and dad and daughter. They've been...hard. My parents have been brutally honest. Some of what they've told me has broken my heart. But I understand why they need me to know. Now I have to decide what to do.
I love them. They brought me into this world, and they kept me here when I was kicking (literally) and screaming in an effort to leave. They created my life, and then they preserved it for me.
This is the hardest choice I've ever had to make in my entire life and I'm insanely grateful to have found a forum like this one to help me make it. I'm posting here because I know that any other advice forum would tell me to run away. I love my parents too much to do that. I've promised them I'd give real, honest consideration to this, as hard as it is for me. So that's why I'm here. Thank you for caring.
If anyone has questions about my history, my situation, my family etc. that would help clarify things or inform your advice, don't hesitate to ask, I promise to answer.
______
I'm a 20 year old girl who's lived with major, debilitating depression for nearly half of my life now. It's something I've struggled with in one way or another since middle school. Throughout it all, my mom and dad have been my rock...kind, loving, endlessly supportive despite how hopeless and frustrating life with me as a daughter must have felt sometimes.
Late last year, things nosedived for me while I was away at college, and I tried to do something I had promised my mom and dad that I would never, ever do: I tried to take my own life.
There was no one single trigger. My mind just went to a place where I felt completely lost, and I needed to get out, by any means possible. My roommate was gone for the weekend and I put my plan into action...a note for my parents, a meticulously studied noose, and an end to the bottomless depths of my miserable mind.
Except somehow, some way, my mom and dad knew. I don't believe in intuition or anything like that, but when I had been on the phone with them the night before I planned to leave this world, something hit them wrong. And so the next morning, they started the five hour drive to my college. I had turned my phone off at that point and was getting ready to "leave."
I have no memory of any of this of course, but apparently my parents forced their way into my room, found me hanging, unconscious, my face purple, but somehow clinging to life. I ended up in intensive care. There's still a dark, visible ring around my neck, all these months later.
I moved back home. I don't know if I'll ever go back to college. But now, I have a much bigger and much harder choice facing me.
Seeing me dangling there, almost gone, triggered something deep in my mom and dad, or so they tell me. It had been there for a long time, and they'd discussed it openly as a couple, but never with me. They cherished me too much to ever tell me until they were confronted with the prospect of losing me.
My mom and dad want to know me as intimately as they possibly can. They want us to know each other as mom and dad and daughter, completely. And that means...everything you think it means, and probably more.
My mom was the one to tell me, and now there have been follow-up conversations with all three of us, as mom and dad and daughter. They've been...hard. My parents have been brutally honest. Some of what they've told me has broken my heart. But I understand why they need me to know. Now I have to decide what to do.
I love them. They brought me into this world, and they kept me here when I was kicking (literally) and screaming in an effort to leave. They created my life, and then they preserved it for me.
This is the hardest choice I've ever had to make in my entire life and I'm insanely grateful to have found a forum like this one to help me make it. I'm posting here because I know that any other advice forum would tell me to run away. I love my parents too much to do that. I've promised them I'd give real, honest consideration to this, as hard as it is for me. So that's why I'm here. Thank you for caring.
If anyone has questions about my history, my situation, my family etc. that would help clarify things or inform your advice, don't hesitate to ask, I promise to answer.
