S.R.P. Quotes and Insights! A Discussion and Information Thread.

[yeishia]

As we have many people in the SRP researching all sorts of information for their threads I thought it might be useful to have a thread dedicated to providing a collection of useful information, links and insights!

Sometimes it might be researching for a role ie. Ideas on how to portray a submissive, a Dominant, psychopath, physiologist , dumb blond, pirate ect.

You may be looking for information for a single scene; how to give a tantric massage, which whip is best, how to cast a spell? etc.

It may be simply information on a geological location or fantasy realm.

You may be in need of help in locating a specific photograph for your thread or story.

How to do the more technical stuff we sometimes need, would be nice to have it all in one place.

You may be dabbling your toes in the lifestyle and want to ask questions but fearful of stepping in the main areas of Literotica yet.

Well I think you get the picture

Please post anything you deem useful here, links etc.

Ask your questions I am sure someone will be delighted to help you out.

Also, I am hoping that people will share their experience and knowledge here and that the various topics will provoke interesting and helpful dialogue!

This thread is not for grandstanding nor mud slinging, so please be respectful, knowing that people will be drooping by to give and to receive such knowledge! Also, this thread will house information, we can discuss and debate , but it is not about who is right or wrong. All opinions are most welcome here.

Have fun please .

 

[yeishia]

Links for Photographs.

One of the things I find difficult is finding an appropriate photograph; whether it is for a character portrait, clothing to wear or sexy bedroom furniture.

Yes I know you can Google it, but it would really help if you could post some links to help narrow the search for those of us not adept at this please.

I have two;


www.inmagine.com


www.deviantart.com



Thanks in advance for your help fellow Litsters

 

[yeishia]

A Discussion Topic - Acid Test for Doms.

I am off to Pilates and before I leave I thought I would post this.

After M13 and I ended many months ago someone, assuming I am guessing, that I would be in the market for another Master *shudders at the very thought* sent me this. Some people are so very nice *giggles*

As the concept seems to floating be on the board at the moment ........

I ask, what think you?

Acid Test for Doms

I found this on the net and thought I will share it with you - it is specifically directed at female submissives looking for a Dominant, but as the article says, it is generally also full of very valuable dating advice in general.

|"Commonly nicknamed "The Acid Test for Doms", this treatise was written by one DrSpankenstein, and is passed around the S&M community on the Internet, often without attribution to the author.

Often, when a new sub asks online "How do I protect myself when seeking a Dom?", they are referred to The Acid Test. We love it and felt it really needed to be included, and DrSpankenstein was cool enough to allow it. There's so much good advice on dating here, not just BDSM dating, that we have even sent it to vanilla girlfriends.

Copyright DrSpankenstein


Introduction

The term "Acid Test" is an old prospecting term. A powerful acid can dissolve most base metals in a matter of minutes. However, gold will stand up to most acids. So the "Acid Test" was an easy way for people to make sure they had a real nugget of gold and not a lump of the "fool's" variety. In the same way, these tests are meant to be quick ways to identify fake Doms. Passing all these tests is no guarantee either. There is no replacement for getting to know your prospective partner as well as possible before you even meet in person.

Now most of these tests are designed for a submissive female trying to sort through men claiming to be Doms online. They are largely based on the many questions I get asked by my female friends still searching for a Dominant partner. Some of them can probably be used by male subs as well, but for the most part, these tests are best for ferreting out male fakes. Vanilla males are usually after "easy sex" and this motive makes them easier to identify than a lot of the fake Dommes out there.

Step One: Do the Math

Various estimates and surveys have placed the ratio of real (i.e. natural) male sexual Dominants to female sexual submissives at about one to ten. However, a quick count in any given BDSM-oriented chat room would lead you to believe that male Doms outnumber the subs at about two to one. Now if there is actually only one male Dom for every ten female subs, that means that 19 out of the 20 "Doms" you see online have to be fakes. Keep this in mind. There is a 95% chance that any man you talk to online claiming to be a Dom is no such thing. This leads us to our first rule, a rule that all statisticians and scientists already know by heart: "When in doubt, throw it out!"

Your search for a suitable Dominant partner (especially if you are seeking a serious long-term relationship as well) could easily take years. That's hardly surprising, most people spend years looking for that special lover, be they "vanilla" or otherwise. So don't be disheartened by all these drastic ratios. But don't waste your time either. If any of the prospects you are chatting with online makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason, drop him. Don't give him "three strikes" or "extra chances to win." Block out his screen name and move on. There was only a one-in-twenty chance he was legitimate anyway. Trust your instincts!

Step Two: Know Your Enemy

We call them Snerts. We call them HNGs (Horny Net Geeks). We call them Wannabes. We call them Control Freaks. And sometimes, tragically, we even find some that can only be called rapists and predators. They are all your enemy. Don't bother thinking they are anything less. Even a more or less well-meaning Snert can land you in a hospital. Real BDSM is not for dilettantes or amateurs: Not, no, and never! Even if he turns out to be a more or less nice guy, if he's not a Dom, he's not going to give you what you really need. He will likely give you many things you don't need, like medical bills and other assorted headaches.

Snerts are basically looking for easy sex. They are counting on the (highly inaccurate) assumption that sexual submissives are simply sexually promiscuous. Nothing could be further from the truth, but that doesn't deter them at all. They are typically middle-aged to somewhat older men. They are often married. They are usually trying to bolster their flagging vanilla sex lives with some casual screwing around. They target submissives because they think that they won't make demands on their sexual prowess (another bad assumption). They can be easily spotted because they almost always demand, or at least emphasize, sexual intercourse being a part of their "scenes."

HNGs are usually the most harmless (and yet often the most annoying) of the enemy types. Most are teenagers and young men looking for some quick cyber-sex or even phone-sex. They are usually pretty sophisticated about their BDSM jargon and the "scenes" they describe to you can be pretty elaborate. Geeks do their homework. They scour the porno sites for ideas, and hang out in BDSM chats for hours on end learning the lingo. They are most easily spotted because they want to move on to cyber-sex and phone sex very quickly. They like to offer "online collars", and spend hours on end in chat rooms "playing" with their "subbies." Don't waste your time with them.

The second most dangerous type of enemy is the Control Freak. Control freaks are what most psychologists and therapists call "controlling personalities." They are basically obsessed with control of everything around them, especially the people in their lives. They want all their family, friends, and even coworkers to behave exactly as they say. They are extremely manipulative people. These men can be dangerous because many really have convinced themselves that they are Dominants as a way to justify their dysfunctional lives. Many inexperienced submissives find themselves "naturally" attracted to these men because outwardly they seem so "in command" of things all the time. The truly ironic (and sad) thing is a controlling personality is actually the closest thing to the opposite of a sexual Dominant.

Controls Freaks can be spotted because they often talk about "taking care of you" and also "knowing what's best for you." They almost always try to play on your emotions; especially guilt. They also usually criticize and even resent the advice you get from other people. They often talk about 24/7 BDSM relationships without going into any details about what kind of actual scenes they play. They are fond of telling you that they prefer the "mental aspect" of Domination and submission. They tend to be both demanding and argumentative. Nothing you do will ever be quite right. While all this may seem very repulsive and easy to avoid, be on your guard, the average control freak often seems very charming initially. Once they have their hooks into you, it's very hard to get untangled.

The last and most dangerous type of enemy is the rapist or predator. These are the men most likely to damage or even end your life. The truly frightening thing about these evil men it that there is NO easy way to spot them. Rapists can be anything from bums to bank mangers, and anyone from family members to total strangers. One in four women has suffered an attack from this vile creature, and one in seven men as well! Their motive is violence. The best defense is never make yourself too vulnerable.

To defend yourself from predators, learn all the ins and outs of setting up a good safety net. Follow these procedures religiously. Most important of all, take your time getting to know your prospective play partners. This is good advice in any case. If you know your partner well, you're more likely to have a good time with him, because you will feel more comfortable during that first scene. Predators are more likely to move on in search of easy prey, they do tend to be impulsive. If a "Dom" you have been talking too suddenly seems to lose interest in you after a period of time, you may have just saved your own life. Don't go chasing after anybody. A true Dom doesn't need to play "hard to get."

Step 3: Know Your Goal!

Take the time to figure out what you want. It's often hard for newbie subs to do this because sometimes they lack knowledge of what choices are available to them. So arm yourself with knowledge! There are many fine publications, books, and Internet Websites that cater to sexual submissives. So start reading! Learn about the different types of play and how they should be conducted. Learn everything you can about how to set up a safety net. Learn all the dos and don'ts of meeting others and playing safely. Decide what your limits are and set them down on paper. This may seem like a lot of homework to do in the name of fun, but also keep in mind that it's your ass (literally) that's on the line here.

Know what a real Dom acts like. Remember, you are probably a sexual submissive because you are in control the rest of the time. You are strong! It's likely you're even ambitious as well. You have a career, or goals, or a lifestyle that demands this high level of energy and control. So giving away your control is a beautiful respite from everyday life. Your power and energy are things you only want to give to someone you trust, and in intimate situations at that. It's a very personal thing to you!

Well, guess what? Sexual Dominants are usually the compliment of this. We are often strong people too, and we do tend to be intelligent. We are often highly trained professionals or skilled craftsmen. However, we tend to avoid lifestyles and careers that demand we be in control all the time. We tend to be easygoing. I have never in my life met, or even heard of, an uptight true sexual Dominant. We like being in control in intimate situations. It's a respite from the way we live our everyday lives. We are not really the opposite of you, but we are the "puzzle piece" that fits next to you snugly. In other words, don't look for a Dom that's exactly like you. You won't find him. Don't look for a Dom that wants to run your whole life; He doesn't exist.

Above all, if your prospective Dom seems like a generally nice guy, you're likely on the right track! Take the time to get to know him. Don't let the five control freaks on the other side of the chat room demand your attention. A real Dominant isn't likely to make "demands" until its time to play.

Step 4: Memorize the Acid Tests!

Test #1: When in doubt, throw it out! Don't waste your time with people that make you feel uncomfortable. Even if the guy was a real Dom, if his personality makes you feel uncomfortable, he's not going to be fun to play with.

Test #2: "You'd better call me Sir!" is the mating call of a HNG or control freak. Real Doms don't have to ask for titles, we earn them. Most real Doms will say things like "Please, call me Mike..."

Test #3: "I want you to take my collar before you play with me." This is another common demand of fakes, most often made by control freaks. They have to isolate you from other people and their advice, and sometimes a little ole "cyber-collar" is just the thing! Cyber-collars are worth less than the leather required to make one.

Test #4: If you get an Instant Message that says something like "On your knees you [slave, slut, bitch, whore, etc.]" This person is an HNG. Use some common sense here. Why waste time with somebody that's not even polite? There's a time and a place for these endearing terms, and it isn't online!

Test #5: "I don't have to answer that question!" or "It's not proper etiquette for you to ask a Master that." These are examples of some the dangerous lies that control freaks and snerts use. This is the Acid test I personally think is the most important! A Dom had better be ready to at least try and answer every question you have, and honestly at that! It's literally your ass that's on the line! Never forget this!

Test #6: "It's my way or the highway!" or words to that effect, are the mating cry of the common control freak. Doms can have limits too, but it's your limits that count FIRST. Don't let any would-be "Dom" tell you differently. Don't let any of the wannabe subs tell you differently either. Where Male Dom/fem sub play is concerned, it's always lady's choice!

Test #7: Don't bother with online collars. Don't make decisions about a prospective partner based on his online play style. It's a very simple test if you think about it: Would a real-life Dominant waste much time on cyber sex and cyber domination? Please take my word for it; The answer is no. Forget it, once you've done the real thing, cyber is just too damn dull.

Test #8: Ask your prospect if he's ever made any mistakes during a scene. If he says "no," run for your life! If he says, "very rarely," at least be suspicious. Everyone makes mistakes, even if they are experienced and skilled. Sometimes submissives have limits they don't even know about, and even the most careful and skilled Dom in the world will trip over these occasionally. Remember, according to our good friends of the Christian faith, the last perfect guy to walk this planet got nailed to a tree for his trouble. So expect competence, but not miracles.

Test #9: "I'm a [bank president, captain of industry, combat photographer, self-made millionaire... yadda yadda yadda.]" Wouldn't it be nice to meet a rich Dom too? Sure it would! But use some common sense. How many captains of industry have hours to spend in an AOL chat room? Also, think about this personality profile; If this super successful, always-in-control person is really into BDSM, he's likely a submissive! Worse yet, it could very likely mean he is a control freak. I have met a lot of submissives that fit this ambitious profile, but not one Dom yet!

Test #10: "I'm 33 years old, and I've been a Master for 15 years." Gimme a break! What are the odds? When you ask about a Dom's level of experience (and it's a good idea to do so) remember to do the math as well. 18-year-old boys don't care about the intricacies of BDSM; they want to get laid. Trust me on this one Ladies, I was an 18-year-old boy once! I personally believe that people do become what they are (be it gay, straight, Dom or sub) very early in life, but it takes maturity and training to be a Master. What are the odds a person became a Master when they were still using Clearasil?

Test #11: Ask for references! Especially if he claims to be "very experienced." Talk to the references on the phone. Lots of HNGs have female screen-names set up to act as "references" for them! I notice that a lot of newbies seem to have trouble with this concept. Which is understandable since in the vanilla world it's considered rude to talk to a guy's ex-girlfriend. However, in the BDSM scene it's the opposite; experienced Dominants should accept and accommodate this kind of request gladly.

Test #12: "I have three real-life collared slaves right now, but you can't talk to them." OK, when you consider the ratio and all, this sounds possible. What makes this an acid test failed (and failed miserably at that) is the last part. I have met couples (and even triads) that really were looking for an extra person to add to the mix. This is not uncommon at all in the scene. But these couples were looking together. If a "Dom" has anyone already collared to them, you probably ought to talk to her first!

Test #13: "I don't need safewords." Well of course he doesn't! If he said this he's likely a snert and therefore he's never really been in a scene! Of course he might be a predator too, and then he wouldn't need safewords either. Need I say more?

Test #14: "My slaves trust me to set their limits for them." If you hear a "Dom" say this it's most likely because these slaves only exist in his mind. Or worse still, his "slave" is simply the victim of spousal abuse. Even so-called TPE (Total Power Exchange) and other sorts of 24/7 (i.e. full time) BDSM relationships should involve careful and thorough negotiation.

Test #15: "I'm married, my wife can't know about us" If I have to explain this one to you, you've got problems. I have played with many married submissives in my time, but only with the express permission (and more often than not, participation) of their husbands. Safe BDSM requires complete honesty. You can't build a good scene on lies. There are plenty of people that will be willing to tell you differently; but please note, they will all turn out to be adulterers (and hence, liars) themselves.

Test #16: Insert your own Acid Test here: You will learn much from your mistakes and missteps. If you form an online contact with a "Dom" that falls through, analyze why it fell through. Don't make the same mistakes twice if you can help it.

Step 5: It's Not Just The Men You Have To Screen!

Finding some female submissives to be buddies with you on your quest is a very good idea, especially if they are experienced players. They can give you unique perspectives, emotional support, and even references to legitimate Doms to play with. They can also, most importantly, provide a safety net for you during those first meetings with the men you meet. The benefits of teaming up with other women in your search should be obvious!

However, be just as cautious about what you hear from other women online as well. If you are a sub or bottom man (or woman) in search of a Domme for instance, the Acid tests should apply just as well. Be very cautious about the women you meet online that claim to be submissives, too. There are a great number of female HNGs who live their BDSM lifestyle in the vacuum of cyber-space. Their advice and experiences are not only useless in the real world, they can be dangerous. Another class of "female enemy" is even more tragic and dangerous; the Victim.

A victim is just that: a victim of physical and/or mental abuse that uses BDSM as an excuse to continue denying the reality of her tragic situation. These people are disturbingly common as well. They are dangerous to you too! These women are not just full of very dangerous advice, but they are usually very vehement about telling you that their lifestyle is the only "real BDSM." They can fill your head full of doubts faster than one of the male enemy types.

Spare little sympathy, tell them to get help, and stay the heck away from them (in exactly this order). It may seem mercenary, but it is in fact the right thing to do. This is my training as a CASA (Citizens Against Spouse Abuse) volunteer talking. An abuse victim can only save herself, and then only when she is ready to do so. If you let her vent her frustrations and fears on you, she will then go back to her familiar little hell, leaving you emotionally drained and likely scared too. Your quest for safe play partners is going to be tough enough as it is. Avoid victims completely if you can, and if you can't, urge them to get help. It's not your job to save the world, keeping yourself safe and happy is enough work.

In Closing

This all seems like a lot of work. It is. Some of it sounds awfully scary too. It should. So why bother with this quest at all? Why not just stick "cyber only" in your profile and forget real-life BDSM? Why not just drop it all together? I can give you only one good reason: When it is done safely, and it suits your needs, it can be the one of the most profoundly fulfilling experiences in your life! I used to cringe at terms like "sex magic," but now that I know the "spells," I'm an unabashed Wizard! Besides, any first-year student of psychology can tell you that denial has its own dangers, too. The easy roads are not the ones that lead to interesting places. So arm yourself with knowledge, find yourself some trustworthy friends to share the journey, and start walking. Just don't forget to bring your Acid Tests, too!"

 

[monique_minx]

I'm gonna be none too gentle about some of these points...

Test #2: "You'd better call me Sir!" is the mating call of a HNG or control freak. Real Doms don't have to ask for titles, we earn them. Most real Doms will say things like "Please, call me Mike..."

Crap. What do I care if I call a play partner 'Sir' for a few hours and get into scene? It doesn't hurt me to do it.

Test #7: Don't bother with online collars. Don't make decisions about a prospective partner based on his online play style. It's a very simple test if you think about it: Would a real-life Dominant waste much time on cyber sex and cyber domination? Please take my word for it; The answer is no. Forget it, once you've done the real thing, cyber is just too damn dull.

Done the real thing many times over, continue to do so. I don't give up my cyber half because I make real connections with people, especially Leo and FM. If I could see them both IRL, I would.

And if a RL submissive would 'waste' their time with cyber, why wouldn't a Dominant do it? How else do you meet kinksters? They don't wear stickers on their fucking foreheads and advertise it.

This point is just pathetic, stupid and written by an uneducated individual who doesn't know shit about the value of cyber, fantasy and the internet in general.

Test #10: "I'm 33 years old, and I've been a Master for 15 years." Gimme a break! What are the odds? When you ask about a Dom's level of experience (and it's a good idea to do so) remember to do the math as well. 18-year-old boys don't care about the intricacies of BDSM; they want to get laid. Trust me on this one Ladies, I was an 18-year-old boy once! I personally believe that people do become what they are (be it gay, straight, Dom or sub) very early in life, but it takes maturity and training to be a Master. What are the odds a person became a Master when they were still using Clearasil?

Hmmm...uhhh WRONG!

I discovered my inner submissive and started to learn about my sexual desires at 15. I know friends my age IRL (20) who are males and already have some pretty deep fetishes. I also know a Dominant who started out aged 20 so this is just stupid and obviously written by someone who in fact, can't remember being my age at all.

Test #11: Ask for references! Especially if he claims to be "very experienced." Talk to the references on the phone. Lots of HNGs have female screen-names set up to act as "references" for them! I notice that a lot of newbies seem to have trouble with this concept. Which is understandable since in the vanilla world it's considered rude to talk to a guy's ex-girlfriend. However, in the BDSM scene it's the opposite; experienced Dominants should accept and accommodate this kind of request gladly.

I wouldn't, it's not just rude but also uncomfortable and apt to creating jealousy to talk to someone's ex no matter if they're kink friendly or not.

Test #13: "I don't need safewords." Well of course he doesn't! If he said this he's likely a snert and therefore he's never really been in a scene! Of course he might be a predator too, and then he wouldn't need safewords either. Need I say more?

I haven't use a safeword in my scenes with play partners. I simply state from the outset that I'll speak up when something is wrong and have done so twice. We were smart enough to be adult and keep conversing throughout with discussed limits beforehand.

Be very cautious about the women you meet online that claim to be submissives, too. There are a great number of female HNGs who live their BDSM lifestyle in the vacuum of cyber-space. Their advice and experiences are not only useless in the real world, they can be dangerous. Another class of "female enemy" is even more tragic and dangerous; the Victim.

A victim is just that: a victim of physical and/or mental abuse that uses BDSM as an excuse to continue denying the reality of her tragic situation. These people are disturbingly common as well. They are dangerous to you too! These women are not just full of very dangerous advice, but they are usually very vehement about telling you that their lifestyle is the only "real BDSM." They can fill your head full of doubts faster than one of the male enemy types.

Oh great! Now I'm a victim cause I've been raped and I like BDSM?

Gee whiz...oops! Another retarded note from a thinks-he-knows-it-all. This whole things just ends quite tragically really and no, I'm not telling you my lifestyle is the only 'real BDSM' with this but stating my opinion personally and pointing out the greatest flaws in it.

How about a woman can be raped and not be a victim of it, take control of her life and CHOOSE to be a submissive without letting that shit drag her down and ruin her desires?

This is basically saying all raped women into BDSM are victims who lie to themselves, I wanna vomit!

/END RANT

 

[Niriate]

Just another Hint for 'newer' people that I'd like to throw out here, since it's proven pretty darn true for me.

- "Show me how you look" This is an alerting sentance, especially in a pure online relationship with no implications of RL meeting. RL looks should be of no importance, especially not during the first few times of contact
While it can be acceptable to eventually show parts of your body, people who immediately ask for a picture are generally HNG's or fakers.
(Note: This is generally only applicable in a pure online relationship)


- Don't get down by rejected offers or dissapearing potential partners. In 99 of the 100 cases, it would not have been worth your time anyway, as long as you manage to present yourself as honest and truthfully as you can.

 

[Mephistophelily]

Getting back to the first point of the thread...

When looking for SRP partners, if you're username or image isn't exactly presenting of a gender, PLEASE make a note of what you're looking for in other writers. I've seen a number of threads in the Seeking section that caught my eye- Only to realize "Oh, wait. This IS the girl looking, not a guy looking for a girl."

 

[Drunken_Angel]

One of the things I find difficult is finding an appropriate photograph; whether it is for a character portrait, clothing to wear or sexy bedroom furniture.

Yes I know you can Google it, but it would really help if you could post some links to help narrow the search for those of us not adept at this please.

I have two;


www.inmagine.com


www.deviantart.com



Thanks in advance for your help fellow Litsters

Cool Iris.. a firefox addon rocks my world. It has a drop down box with major image searching sites.. like flickr, google images...picassa, etc and you can search for keywords. The images are arranged in an easily and quickly scrollable art gallery style display, like you are looking at paintings on a wall.

You can't download or save the pictures right there, but you can click on the link for the website where the picture is housed and download or link normally.

Its made picture hunting 300 times more enjoyable.

 

[Drunken_Angel]

I'm gonna be none too gentle about some of these points...



Crap. What do I care if I call a play partner 'Sir' for a few hours and get into scene? It doesn't hurt me to do it.



Done the real thing many times over, continue to do so. I don't give up my cyber half because I make real connections with people, especially Leo and FM. If I could see them both IRL, I would.

And if a RL submissive would 'waste' their time with cyber, why wouldn't a Dominant do it? How else do you meet kinksters? They don't wear stickers on their fucking foreheads and advertise it.

This point is just pathetic, stupid and written by an uneducated individual who doesn't know shit about the value of cyber, fantasy and the internet in general.



Hmmm...uhhh WRONG!

I discovered my inner submissive and started to learn about my sexual desires at 15. I know friends my age IRL (20) who are males and already have some pretty deep fetishes. I also know a Dominant who started out aged 20 so this is just stupid and obviously written by someone who in fact, can't remember being my age at all.



I wouldn't, it's not just rude but also uncomfortable and apt to creating jealousy to talk to someone's ex no matter if they're kink friendly or not.



I haven't use a safeword in my scenes with play partners. I simply state from the outset that I'll speak up when something is wrong and have done so twice. We were smart enough to be adult and keep conversing throughout with discussed limits beforehand.



Oh great! Now I'm a victim cause I've been raped and I like BDSM?

Gee whiz...oops! Another retarded note from a thinks-he-knows-it-all. This whole things just ends quite tragically really and no, I'm not telling you my lifestyle is the only 'real BDSM' with this but stating my opinion personally and pointing out the greatest flaws in it.

How about a woman can be raped and not be a victim of it, take control of her life and CHOOSE to be a submissive without letting that shit drag her down and ruin her desires?

This is basically saying all raped women into BDSM are victims who lie to themselves, I wanna vomit!

/END RANT

I'm so glad you pulled these out, Minx, especially the last. This person really need to take his own advice and learn to separate opinion from useful information. As soon as you claim to get into someone's head, you cross a line. When you then try to make that assessment universal.. you just make an ass of your self.

 

[Veroe]

In regards to the acid tests...It sounded like fair advice to bottoms looking for a decent top to me. Though I'm neither a real dom or sub or a 'snert' or 'HNG' or anything close to an officianado, so take my oppinion with the appropriate mountain of salt.

Test #10: "I'm 33 years old, and I've been a Master for 15 years." Gimme a break! What are the odds? When you ask about a Dom's level of experience (and it's a good idea to do so) remember to do the math as well. 18-year-old boys don't care about the intricacies of BDSM; they want to get laid. Trust me on this one Ladies, I was an 18-year-old boy once! I personally believe that people do become what they are (be it gay, straight, Dom or sub) very early in life, but it takes maturity and training to be a Master. What are the odds a person became a Master when they were still using Clearasil?​

I did not like test 10 at all-it just seems to smack of reverse Agism. generalizing an entire age-group of doms just because of their youth seems wrong to me. I too was an 18 year old boy. Sure, I was the cliche, but only at a glance. Under the surface I was much the same as I am now at 31. The hormone driven teenager, that will surprise you with his maturity, his thoughtfulness, his capacity to overcome the limitations of his inexperience and overactive biology.

Also I don't understand Dr.Spankenstein's logic to the example. He says a Dom at 33 isn't one becuase he started practising dominance at 18. So in the fifteen years since he couldn't have matured, grown into the sort of Dom in Spanky's elitist oppinion has the right the priviledge to be bestowed the title of a real Dom.

I am curious as to what age one has to reach In Spanky's oppinion before he can call himself a real dom.

I am also astounded to find out that whether one uses clearasil can have so much of detrimental affect on whether or not that someone realizes they are a dominant. I'd imaging they'd put that in the surgeon general's warning box on the tube that pimple cream came in, yet I never read it when I was 18 and using clearasil. But of course, according to Spanky's oppinion, when I was 18 I was too driven by hormones and addlepated by an overactive sex-drive that apparently I just didn't have the attention span or the maturity to read the surgeon general's warning on the side of my clearasil-a medical product I smear over my face-why would I wish to read the warnings on that.

Oh, but wait, I clearly remember doing that, and look nothing about how Clearasil is by some wonder of medical science kryptonite to anyone desiring dominance in a mature intimate relationship with another person willingly submitting to that dominance.

And since you've asked for it twice, Spanky, I'll tell you the odds, they're steadily going against your bullshit and prejudicial argument here.

 

[dragonrazor]

This is a brilliant idea. And for my two bits, I'll throw in some insights that were shared with me by a few of the partners I've had for my threads this past year.

Point one: The Furry. A difficult type of character for most people to play, but Rayne and a couple of my other former partners hit upon a brilliant suggestion. Watch specials on the specific species you're playing, and then add human elements such as personality quirks to their mannerisms. Take canids for instance (dog-people). A proper greeting from such a person would be one posted by, I believe, ultimate_nerdslut in one of my old threads, where her character walked up to a new person, sniffed all around their head and shoulders, then hugged them, tail wagging the whole time. Or a felinid's purring, with a throaty chuckle thrown in. Bunny nose wiggling, tail twitching, expressive ears. I'm sure you get the idea.

Point Two: Elves. A lot of people I know don't like portraying elves for one simple reason. Everything they've seen of them had them cold and emotionless (Vulcan, as it were). A better portrayal comes in the form of Deedlit from Record of Lodoss War. There are several episodes where you quickly find out that many elves give away their emotions by the position of their ears, much like a cat. They could look calm, but their ears would easily tell you what state of mind they're in (as evidenced by Deedlit's ear alignment when she goes from disappointed to angry in a split second, with her ears going from hanging down at her sides to straight up and bright red)

 

[Light Ice]

In regards to the acid tests...It sounded like fair advice to bottoms looking for a decent top to me. Though I'm neither a real dom or sub or a 'snert' or 'HNG' or anything close to an officianado, so take my oppinion with the appropriate mountain of salt.

A much simpler and less self-indulgent way for the author to help people would have been:

If you find someone that satisfies you and makes you happy. Cheers!

If you find someone that doesn't! Run!

-Fin

 

[Veroe]

Truth, LI, truth

 

[monique_minx]

I'm so glad you pulled these out, Minx, especially the last. This person really need to take his own advice and learn to separate opinion from useful information. As soon as you claim to get into someone's head, you cross a line. When you then try to make that assessment universal.. you just make an ass of your self.

Thanks babe

Glad everyone else noticed how silly that so called 'Doctor' is.

Honestly, if that was all true, you'd never so much as bother talking to another Dom because they're all supposedly 'fake'. Compatibility matters far more than any of that crap and if they fit with you? You know it. Nuff said.

 

[Britwitch]

http://www.behindthename.com

Great resource for character names if you're ever stuck!

 

[Ausus_girl13]

As far as advice for SRP insights... spell check. Spell check, spell check. I can't say it enough.

I will address Dr. Spankenstein's advice, and I will do this succinctly. If that advice was addressed to the vanilla community, we would consider it a misnomer. It wouldn't be important.

The worst part of being a kinkster? We as a community seem to think that we are better than the mundanes. It just isn't true. We aren't.

He hits the nail on the head for the most part, it's good advice for a beginner. I dealt with a few of those characters when I first came onto the scene. I wished I would have known what to look for. I didn't. You live and learn.

And yeah, once you play for real, playing in cyber pales in comparison. Totally. Completely. It's great, it's fun, but it misses that certain sting. I will admit to starting online, building my confidence and then going into the real world and playing. And walking in to my first munch was terrifying. I wasn't comfortable until one domme turned to me and said, "so you're a submissive" It was the first time someone had said that to me out loud, without me knowing them. I also turned beet red, and smiled in a big way.

Getting involved in your community can be a good thing, I promise you that there are others. Find them. Play in RL. Yes, there are a few people here, who know what they are talking about. But most of them don't. The good doctor's advice here? It's for a beginner. Take it with a grain. And if you are going to walk the walk of the lifestyle, then you should be out there playing, talking, and ABOVE ALL asking questions.

/steps off soapbox

 

[monique_minx]

*Smiles and sighs happily*

Oh I love my wife...She's such a smarty

And of course, I agree cause she's never steered me wrong once and she's been great about helping me step out as a submissive and play IRL. And I had the sore ass to prove it!

Nothing in the world like seeing those marks...

*Dreamy look*

Oh right! *Snaps out of it* Thread!

So um yeah, thankfully I didn't start looking til I'd done a lot of research and taken a good long look at myself. In the online world I have Ausus who gave me the push and confidence to try RL play again and now I have Leo who has helped me grow a lot as a submissive in many ways that truly surprised me. I'm indebted to them both.

I have FM whom I adore and love to share with, it's great to discuss with her, she's a real smarty too...even when I kick her

Bsquad may not have been right for me, we were better off as friends and he made me realize a lot of what I like and dislike. Chronie has always been a caring friend of mine and we can discuss a multitude of topics in minutes. FD has supported me through a lot and always been my positive even when he's feeling so negative (love you, you miserable slag fucker!).

UnHolyPimpHand...what can I say about you? Even when you're wrong, somehow you got your heart in the right place. Vail my Pretty, you might prey on me often but whenever I'm down and done for, I can always count on a little somethin' in my box that lets me know you're there for me!

Luna, you are the only one I would ever be comfortable calling Daddi because you are just that to me, always taking care of me and terrifying me...often at the same time!

And that's just a few for starters. So yeah, cyber and the internet definitely have their place, I have a whole host of friends and support to turn to at the click of a button. Why the fuck would I ever give that up?!

I my Lit Family & Friends

 

[fuckmeat]

Aww Minx *hugs her* I adore you too and you're quite the smarty yourself.

As far as resources go, I can try to help people with anything related to medicine, as I'm a nurse IRL. I'm also British, so anything Blighty related I guess. And like Minx, I've also played quite hard and kinky IRL so I can offer insight on that stuff, though every sub's thresholds and responses vary.

 

[yeishia]

I am happy to see so many wonderful and insightful responses so far.

I would like to remind everyone that the articles etc. posted do not represent my personal beliefs they are chosen merely to be thought provoking and nothing else. For instance I have never used this acid test to help chose a Dom past or present nor do I plan to in the future. So please do not shoot the messenger.

I am happy also to see some resources, useful links and story advice coming in too. When I get enough I will catalog them for easy access.

 

[Veroe]

That's a good point to make Yeishia.
I don't blame you for Spanky's article, in fact I'm in agreement with most of it save for test 10.

how to embed or attach images into your posts:
quoted from SweetErika in the FAQ thread

How do I insert an image directly into a post/sig/PM instead of attaching it?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you want an image to appear in a message, sig line, or PM without attaching it, the image must be hosted online somewhere (i.e. NOT just in your computer).

To insert an image that's hosted online directly into your post:
1) Right click on the image in your browser
2) In Firefox, select "Copy Image Location" (Firefox)
In IE, select "Properties" and copy the URL/Address from the box that appears.
3) In your post/sig line/PM, either:
a) Click on the yellow and gray 'Insert Image' icon ( ),paste the url into the dialog box that appears and hit OK.
OR
b) Type: Paste/type the URL of the image here
***If that doesn't work/the image appears as a link, the site may not allow hotlinking. You can check whether or not a site allows hotlinking by going here. If not, you'll either have to find or put it on another site (there are tons of sites that will host your adult images for free and allow hotlinking), or attach it.

To attach images to posts:
1) At the bottom of the post, click on "Manage Attachments"
2) A new window will pop up
3) Click "Browse" and find the image on your computer
4) Click "Upload"
***A window will tell you if the dimensions or file size of the attachment(s) exceed the limit.

Can you use the same attachment more than once? NO.
However, you can: (a)rename and resave the file and attach it to a new post, or (b)create an "index" by posting a link to the attachment. An index is what you see in many AmPics threads that have the links to many attached pics in the first post.
To post the link to the attachment/create an index of attached images in a single post:
1) Go to the original post (the one that contains the attachment(s) you want)
2) Click on the attachment (it's helpful to open this in a new tab or window)
3) When it opens, copy the URL from the address bar
4) Now go to your second post (the one you want the link to the attachment in, or the attachment copied to)
5) Press the icon at the top of the text box
6) Write in the text you want, and press OK
7) Insert/Paste the URL to the attachment that you just copied, and click OK again.

Your code should look like (without the asterisks):
[*URL=http*://www.literotica.com:81/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=539251]Here's Your Attachment from Your Other Post[/URL*]

The result: Here's Your Attachment from Your Other Post


To add an image to your profile
1) Click on User CP
2) Under the Control Panel menu, click the "Edit Profile Picture" link
3) If the image is hosted online, insert the URL of the image. Again, the site must allow hotlinking for this to work. If the site doesn't, try uploading it to an image hosting site.
OR
1) If the image is on your computer instead of a website, click Browse, and upload it as an attachment.

 

[dragonrazor]

http://www.behindthename.com

Great resource for character names if you're ever stuck!

That'll help me. I keep running out of names.