S&M For Beginners

[Felt Tip]

I used to think a lot about being a sub, although I was never in a S&M relationship.

I've changed a lot recently. Partly I think I've grown in confidence, I feel 'capable' in a way I never used to. But I think there's more, though I can't place exactly what it is...

Anyway, I now find myself interested in the Dom side.
I'll be honest, I don't have much of a clue yet. I'd like to start out gently, and go from there.

What do you consider to be the basics of being a good Dom? Both in guidelines and caring for your sub, and also the general mental attitude and outlook of the Dom.

I think that's a good starting point. I've read a bit about the physical practices etc (a lot of it seems like common sense really), but here I'm more interested in the mindset.



Also, from reading threads and stories here, you guys have incredible imaginations !
How do you think of all this stuff? I guess you wouldn't expect things to be so varied and original in everyday life, but it feels like some of the games and scenarios you guys think of.. wouldn't ever occur to me.

Heh, I guess I have a lot to learn

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... What do you consider to be the basics of being a good Dom? ... also the general mental attitude and outlook of the Dom.

Control ...

• first
• last
• foremost
• hindquarter
• from the gut
• off the top of your head
• and scraped from the bottom of your feet

without control, you're just one more arrogant asshole waiting for the next bigger bully to take you down a notch.

I've read a bit about the physical practices etc (a lot of it seems like common sense really), but here I'm more interested in the mindset.

How do you think of all this stuff?

Heh, I guess I have a lot to learn

Gentle prod to the stickies at the top of the forum.

i'm quite sure the librarian, or another helpful soul will expound, or perhaps give you directions to specific threads.

Oh, and welcome to the deep blue sea ...

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/52/017_PE1127.jpg

 

[Bikewer]

In my varied reading on the subject, one thing that struck most of the researchers was the highly imaginative and creative tendencies of folks who are "into" BDSM.

 

[Netzach]

Anyway, I now find myself interested in the Dom side.
I'll be honest, I don't have much of a clue yet. I'd like to start out gently, and go from there.

What do you consider to be the basics of being a good Dom? Both in guidelines and caring for your sub, and also the general mental attitude and outlook of the Dom.

I think that's a good starting point. I've read a bit about the physical practices etc (a lot of it seems like common sense really), but here I'm more interested in the mindset.

Heh, I guess I have a lot to learn

Decisiveness when it's important
Intuition
A sense of entitlement
Humility to balance that out
A sense of humor
Fearlessness of the human body and it's foibles
Knowing what outcome you want
Being able to enjoy being surprised

 

[Felt Tip]

Thanks everyone.
(Sorry I've not been about for a few days, I've been too busy to get online)

I think that's covered a lot of what I was looking for - Netzach, I think that's exactly the mindset I want to achieve. Maybe with more emphasis on the humility for everyday life, but that's who I want to be.

And then in the relationship, control. Yeah, I can see how that has to be crucial, the difference between a lifestyle and just playing games.

Hmm, I definitely have a way to go yet though.
*Ponders...*

 

[Never]

From my vast experience I've learned that one of the basic necessities of Domhood is a sub of some sort. Now, don't be all a flutter if you don't have a sub, you can use your dog, your neighbor, or your boss. Basically find someone who needs you to tell them what to do and then do it.

Some people talk about self-control or communication as being things you need but that's only I you want to be a good Dom. If you want to be a mediocre to fair Dom just act self assured and make appropriate grunting noises when people talk to you.

 

[Felt Tip]

Practice.. That makes sense, thanks.

I think I'll set my sites on being a mediocre dom for now, don't want to get ahead of myself! Once I've got the basics working then I can think about the harder stuff

 

[Netzach]

None of us LIKE the humility part.

But you'll need it.

Without it, you might as well hang a shingle that says "controlling asshole, inquiries welcome"

 

[Never]

Netzach:
"...you might as well hang a shingle that says "controlling asshole, inquiries welcome"

Couldn't hurt.. might help.

 

[Felt Tip]

Hey, it can't hurt to advertise!


So Netzach, do you think that perhaps if the humility is included slightly reluctantly, a good Dom is actually by nature a 'controlling asshole', just with some humility consciously added ?
In the best possible way of course

Hmm, maybe this isn't exactly what I was aspiring to...
I started off looking to become more confident, self-secure and to feel like a generally competent person (you know, some people you just figure can handle anything, some.. can't).

But I definitely like sides of the Dom thing. Maybe switch is for me...

*Ponders more*