Rybka had a medicine thread out once, I can't find it but

[echoes_s]

Thought for the day
Never hold your farts in.

They travel up your spine, into your brain,
and that's where shitty ideas come from!!!

edit to say, I am not The Fish and cannot guarantee a laugh nor hope to do his jokes justice...

but smile someone

 

[Guest]

Made me smile, e.

Here's mine for the day.

A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation.

One child wrote the following:


We always spend our vacation with Grandma and Grandpa.

They used to live here in a big, brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. At their gate there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.

My grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds.

Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse to go out, so the ones who get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot-luck.

My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded one day, too.

When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.

 

[echoes_s]

Gawd, anyone have a good joke?

I am sure looking...must have a couple!

 

[minsue]

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he
wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are
you down here at this time of night?". The husband looks up from his coffee,
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?"
he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.
"Yes I do" she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband
continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either
you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said......

"I would have gotten out today."

 

[echoes_s]

Haha, that's sweet!

I used to dream about horses, and followed them in my life...
riding is freedom, flowing and fervent.
hugs

 

[minsue]

Glad I could make you smile! Here's another:

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."



I haven't been riding since I was a kid, but I loved it very much.

 

[echoes_s]

my kids tasted this too...god they love it, both.

just no place to ride around here, mostly teach them, they still need a few lessons.
haha, I've been thrown off a horse once, my very first time bareback...
almost thrown over another, but it was beautiful, most natural...

yeah, let's just kill myself
but on a horse
being with nature
natural
instinctive
always aware
of the beauty
of life
that touches
and whispers to each
breath of moment
glowing to a catch
in the back of your throat
and you feel so alive
and free
just yourself
and what you want to see
there is no time to
catch the next whisper
as it tickles
the side of your ear in passing
warmly...

 

[minsue]

Beautifully said.






After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ears.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no!!!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.







"That's me before the surgery."

 

[echoes_s]

Beautifully said.






After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ears.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no!!!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.







"That's me before the surgery."

did you know I had an operation?

 

[echoes_s]

did you know I had an operation?

on my knee!

 

[minsue]

Cracked me up!

 

[echoes_s]

Adult Fairy Tales

CINDERELLA wants to go to the
ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.

As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy
godmother appears,and promised to provide Cinderella
with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only
on two conditions.

"First, you must wear a diaphragm."

Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"

"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."

Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m.

The appointed hour comes andgoes, and Cinderella doesn't show up.

Finally, at 5:00 a.m.Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.

"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother.
"Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"

"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."

The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind
of power! Tell me his name!"

Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, .. Peter, Peter, something or other..."

 

[echoes_s]

PINOCCHIO

...had a human girlfriend who would sometimes
complain about splinters when they were having sex.
Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if
he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

 

[minsue]

PINOCCHIO

...had a human girlfriend who would sometimes
complain about splinters when they were having sex.
Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if
he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/lachen/lachtot.gif

 

[Liar]

PINOCCHIO

...had a human girlfriend who would sometimes
complain about splinters when they were having sex.
Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if
he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

*giggle*

Oh god I'm tired...

 

[echoes_s]

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said,
"Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"

To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic
basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said,

"No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."

 

[minsue]

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said,
"Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"

To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic
basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said,

"No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."

That's one of my favorites! I haven't heard it in years. Thanks, echoes!

 

[echoes_s]

That's one of my favorites! I haven't heard it in years. Thanks, echoes!

glad I made you smile

psst, got more of those....

 

[echoes_s]

Millionaire Blonde

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks
for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe
on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000.

The bank officers says the bank will need some kind of
security for such a loan, so the blonde hands over the
keys to a new Rolls Royce, parked on the street, in
front of the bank.

Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept
the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives
the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks
it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the
$5000, and the interest, which is $15.41.

The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had
your business, and this transaction has worked out
very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you
were away, we checked you out and found that you are a
multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you
bother to borrow $5000?"

The blonde replied, "Where else in New York City can I
park my car for 2 weeks for $15.00?"

 

[Guest]

Let me contribute, please.


Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

He reads the paper and starts laughing.

He hands it back to her and says.... "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

 

[Tathagata]

Let me conribute, please.


Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

He reads the paper and starts laughing.

He hands it back to her and says.... "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

 

[Guest]

I hate it when you quote my spelling mistakes before can edit.

 

[Tathagata]

I hate it when you quote my spelling mistakes before can edit.

I understand
and you should spank me for it

 

[Guest]

I understand
and you should spank me for it

Oh, I will, I will.

 

[Tathagata]

Oh, I will, I will.

~drool~
I mean ummm
oh heavens

( hard baby hard)